How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Shadfan666xxx000]

Still no luck on the dating apps. I think I understand things a bit better now though.

First is that most women see being short and/or bald the way most guys see being fat (more or less unacceptable), which I obviously don't think is fair, but that's just the way it is.

Second is that the vast majority of women absolutely love travel and road trips to winery/B&Bs (invariably described as adventure!). And if I'd been married for 20 years, I'm sure that's the sort of thing I'd follow my wife around doing. But I think the equivalent for women is me being in to video games or 40k. I just don't have the will to pursue an average looking women who I share almost no interests with.

I've been watching some MGTOW stuff on youtube, but none of it resonates. I would be happier giving up, but I simply can't. Sharing things is unequivocally more satisfying than experiencing them alone.

It really does seem like I'd be better off going for some blue haired commie chick or pub slut - normies aren't for me.

I second @Harbinger of Kali Yuga. Don't run after commies and BPD types and expect good things. At best, you'll have a clingy booty call that you can abuse for some venting but they'll burn shit down the moment they touch it. Also, stop using dating apps unless you're a natural Chad and don't be too concerned about a woman's hobbies. Dating apps are a meat market for women who are too picky and obnoxious for the guys in their daily lives and hobbies are at most a medium to get in the pants of someone you like. Try starting by just entering a space where both the genders naturally meet. Teaching workshops and stuff like that are a good start.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Today was really polarizing.
On one hand, I got to say nigga around my black coworker with no recourse and we played a scenario of "What would you do if you were black/white?" which had a lot of fun and never devolved to people chimping out. So... really what's not to love?
On the other...
I went out with two coworkers for drinks afterwards, spur the moment. Something happened there that kind of filled me with existential dread. The guy was talking about pseudo-philosophy and new age multidimensional hocus pocus shit... and the girl was completely and totally entranced. Or at the very least digging it.
So I just shut down halfway through and wanted out as soon as possible. We walked back but I just power-walked through them and walked home.
Something about that was so... soul crushing.
I'm not going to go on some full incel rant. But it's just weird more and more how easy I see it is to win women over with complete bullshit. Talking about fate and reincarnation and all the most retarded shit... it's really fucking easy to at least win women over like that.

I'm just at a point where I'm really having an existential crisis. All the shit that I really want from a lot of people is easy to get... if I'm not myself. Talking to women is really easy, if I say some retarded shit I don't believe. I can probably be really fine with women if I talk to them about psuedo-science bullshit and lie to them.
At a certain point, you wonder if people are worth it. I don't want to become some wizard who rejects society and lives in some hut.
But if I really have nothing in common with a lot of women, should I even want them?
Should I want to be around people if I have nothing in common with them?
It's one of those weird cases where I'm not hating on "Stacey" or some shit. I just don't feel a connection with people. All the things I originally wanted romance for what seems to be things that a lot of relationships don't provide anymore. Sex is nice and all, but I just want to feel like I'm not selling a lie for people to love me. I kind of want someone I feel like I can be myself around without having to fit such a rigid mold of what's "acceptable".

Maybe I'm overreading it. I do connect with people still. There are people like me out there. I'm not alone. To be fair, most people don't even seem to like this guy. But a lot of the social world just is empty to me. And it's not because I want to have things just structured towards my interests. I think I've been pretty open to branching out and making room for other people. I think it's just there's so much bullshit out there that any interesting person I meet seems like they're going to kill themselves eventually or just be trampled by the monotony of the world.

I'm sorry if I'm PLing. I'm not saying I can't improve or saying "fuck those whores for not sucking my dick". I just feel like a lot of society is so transactional anymore and it's very goddamn difficult to deal with.

On the other hand, I got to say racist jokes at work and laugh with people. That's more than most people can say. So it really wasn't that bad of a day.

On a sidenote, I notice I really don't feel that much better just with alcohol in my system. I've been in enough "social drinking" situations to realize my drinking doesn't really change my overall happiness, but that it does make everything I'm feeling that much more strong. Maybe it's a sign that I enjoy drinking alone so much more overall. I really don't want to be some dude chilling in his room every night but for right now that seems kind of nice.

I think the thing I keep noticing is that my life is very much a "peaks and valley" kind of thing. Which really doesn't help with the self-image and psychosis. If my life was an album, I wouldn't really be some thoroughly good recording. I'd have a lot of singles and shit that makes you go "Why the fuck is this in here?".
But what I have to remind myself is things can be really nice sometimes. I've had some really damn good moments this week. And just moments of being proud of myself.
But when I have a moment that feels low, especially around other people, goddamn is it the most desolating feeling in the world.
Unironically sometimes I just want some boredom and calm anymore. They might not be anything to talk about, but they really are the best on a personal level. The best moments I've had are when I have a week that was just "decent".
On one hand I want my life to be exciting and full of interesting anecdotes but sometimes it's really great to just say I'm doing fine instead of going through this rollercoaster of emotions.

 

[Humbert Humbert]

I’m feeling absolutely fucking miserable.

I had a lolita for 3 wonderful months. She was the best I’ve ever had in every way, but distant the past week. I learned why yesterday: We can’t be in a relationship anymore, she needs to work on herself and her mental health issues (depression). I feel hurt, blindsided, and most of all devastated. We thought we would be together for a very long time. I thought she may have been the one.

I cannot stop crying. I keep thinking of all the little moments in our wonderful relationship, and even made a list of all of the things I won’t be able to do with her anymore. I’m even more miserable than the last breakup because at least we had talked about it and I knew it was coming. I’m not faulting this Lolita for that though because she was always more on the quieter side.

I know I’ll be okay, but this breakup is hitting me pretty hard. I have told nobody about it either. I am simply not ready for it and I want to grieve this matter privately.

But for now, I’m absolutely heartbroken, miserable, and every other synonym remotely related to the two.

 

[Dustlord]

Life is hard. Life is good. Its about the same as it ever was.

Worked for sixteen days straight with no days off. Its been three days and I still feel like ass. I got depressed the moment I had free time again, as I realized how much I miss out on when I do these work binges. I'm going to stop taking overtime, but I'm always worried about things that could happen and make me wish I had the extra money. I also had a loss a while back that I'm still processing.

In general, though, things are fine. I got some gardening in this weekend. My plants certainly suffered a bit this time, though I did make time for basic maintenance. It is oddly comforting to have such an impact on another life. Another life would notice my absence, even if only because it lost its source of water and care.

Also played some OSRS this weekend. That was nice.

 

[CoolFool]

I was already feeling down about my long term goal to find someone and start a family not panning out. But my brother made me feel even worse, telling me I'm not getting any younger and that if I don't hurry up, one day I'll wake up and be a crazy cat lady. He said I need to find someone while I'm still young enough to bag a guy.

I'm not staying single on purpose though. I have to work, I've got bills to pay. It doesn't leave much time to find a guy, after work I have like 4 hours to do my errands and chores.

I work a female dominated job field, like 80% women. The only guys in my field are old enough to be my dad or grandpa. The very few guys that are my age are either taken or I'm not attracted to them. I've been looking for another job for over a year now and I'm not having any luck. Any job I find either doesn't pay well, the work hours are worse, or it's just another female dominated job. So how am I supposed to find a guy in this situation?

Idk what to do. As a kid I always imagined I would be married and have at least 3 kids by now. Things seem so bleak.

 

[Sissyagamben]

I had a lolita for 3 wonderful months.

Sorry to hear that she got with that boy she has grade 10 Science class with.

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

I work a female dominated job field, like 80% women. The only guys in my field are old enough to be my dad or grandpa. The very few guys that are my age are either taken or I'm not attracted to them. I've been looking for another job for over a year now and I'm not having any luck. Any job I find either doesn't pay well, the work hours are worse, or it's just another female dominated job. So how am I supposed to find a guy in this situation?

Idk what to do. As a kid I always imagined I would be married and have at least 3 kids by now. Things seem so bleak.

Same, but from the male perspective. Though, being a fem, I'd assume the dating app market would be fairly easy for you. Even jobless fatties are able to have guys hound after them it seems.

Though, my new job has some fems in it, one is single and cute...might try and make something happen there. Or, at least make friends and hope for match maker kind of deal.

Have you told your friends that you're looking? What you're looking for? Imo, if they're good friends, they'll be on the look out. I've learned that as of late, good friends will do that, people who say they're friends / family but aren't, won't. "We found the perfect girl for you, but she lives in another state so we didn't bother to connect you two and won't".

Over in the woman hate thread (men's lounge), dating has been a topic of discussion, and the importance of improving yourself, whether it be literally or just mentally, can't be over-stated. Along with the importance of friends and "networking".

She was the best I’ve ever had in every way, but distant the past week. I learned why yesterday: We can’t be in a relationship anymore, she needs to work on herself and her mental health issues (depression).

In my experience, this is just code for she wants to find someone else, or has already. Not to be a doomsayer. I hope and pray that you two reconnect and what she says is true. I've gone through similar.

 

[Betonhaus]

Now that I'm walking more i need to start trying to find work. I doubt I'll have much success just before Christmas but I have to try as i'll be broke otherwise.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

It's weird just how bleak things are anymore. Sometimes I wonder if suicide is really that illogical for most people right now.
Not suggesting that for people here. But there's just a point where you realize life isn't getting prospectively better for you and you notice the sands of time dwindling down for potential and you wonder if you should partake in the "sunk cost" fallacy.
Again, not saying suicide is the right idea. But my heart goes out to the people here.
I get really scared because I've only been with a couple of women now in my mid-20s and accomplished only so much and daily anymore I think "Do I really want to see how things shake out?"
I'll be honest though. I feel like people's biological need for approval and love usually costs them so much productivity. I feel at the end that's the real main difference between some really productive scientists and artists and the rest of the populace. That inherent need for love really does make everything a lot trickier and more convoluted sometimes.
If I could, I would absolutely have made it to where I never desired connections with other people. The cost-to-gain ration has been really against me. Honestly if I could go back I think I'd just rather write and watch films all day. Or at the least work on potential projects more than worry about romance or bonds, of which I have almost none of now.
Yeah, one of those nights I guess. I wish I had some more beer right now.

 

[twisted cycle path]

I was already feeling down about my long term goal to find someone and start a family not panning out. But my brother made me feel even worse, telling me I'm not getting any younger and that if I don't hurry up, one day I'll wake up and be a crazy cat lady. He said I need to find someone while I'm still young enough to bag a guy.

I'm not staying single on purpose though. I have to work, I've got bills to pay. It doesn't leave much time to find a guy, after work I have like 4 hours to do my errands and chores.

I work a female dominated job field, like 80% women. The only guys in my field are old enough to be my dad or grandpa. The very few guys that are my age are either taken or I'm not attracted to them. I've been looking for another job for over a year now and I'm not having any luck. Any job I find either doesn't pay well, the work hours are worse, or it's just another female dominated job. So how am I supposed to find a guy in this situation?

Idk what to do. As a kid I always imagined I would be married and have at least 3 kids by now. Things seem so bleak.

I feel you on this. Most of my coworkers that are my age are married, most of the ones that aren't are younger and going to be married in a few years anyways. It's like I got left behind.

It's weird just how bleak things are anymore. Sometimes I wonder if suicide is really that illogical for most people right now.
Not suggesting that for people here. But there's just a point where you realize life isn't getting prospectively better for you and you notice the sands of time dwindling down for potential and you wonder if you should partake in the "sunk cost" fallacy.
Again, not saying suicide is the right idea. But my heart goes out to the people here.
I get really scared because I've only been with a couple of women now in my mid-20s and accomplished so much and daily anymore I think "Do I really want to see how things shake out?"
I'll be honest though. I feel like people's biological need for approval and love usually costs them so much productivity. I feel at the end that's the real main difference between some really productive scientists and artists and the rest of the populace. That inherent need for love really does make everything a lot trickier and more convoluted sometimes.
If I could, I would absolutely have made it to where I never desired connections with other people. The cost-to-gain ration has been really against me. Honestly if I could go back I think I'd just rather write and watch films all day. Or at the least work on potential projects more than worry about romance or bonds, of which I have almost none of now.
Yeah, one of those nights I guess. I wish I had some more beer right now.

I've had a really uncomfortable thought relating to this for a few months now. Maybe my difficulties in connecting with people and talking to women aren't a fault of mine, but rather a conflict between what I assumed was/wanted for my role and what I really was meant to do. Maybe I bought the lie that I can be whatever I want to be but really I'm supposed to be a monk, or a professional executioner.

All things are defined by their opposites and balance must be found between them. If you keep trying to be the ying in the world and it doesn't work out, maybe you're the yang and your true calling is to be alone and crazy so everyone can point to you as an anti-example. I hope I'm wrong

 

[Dustlord]

It's weird just how bleak things are anymore. Sometimes I wonder if suicide is really that illogical for most people right now.
Not suggesting that for people here. But there's just a point where you realize life isn't getting prospectively better for you and you notice the sands of time dwindling down for potential and you wonder if you should partake in the "sunk cost" fallacy.
Again, not saying suicide is the right idea. But my heart goes out to the people here.
I get really scared because I've only been with a couple of women now in my mid-20s and accomplished so much and daily anymore I think "Do I really want to see how things shake out?"
I'll be honest though. I feel like people's biological need for approval and love usually costs them so much productivity. I feel at the end that's the real main difference between some really productive scientists and artists and the rest of the populace. That inherent need for love really does make everything a lot trickier and more convoluted sometimes.
If I could, I would absolutely have made it to where I never desired connections with other people. The cost-to-gain ration has been really against me. Honestly if I could go back I think I'd just rather write and watch films all day. Or at the least work on potential projects more than worry about romance or bonds, of which I have almost none of now.
Yeah, one of those nights I guess. I wish I had some more beer right now.

I'm on the other side. I wish I had a stronger desire for connection. I've always struggled to maintain relationships, and I rarely feel attached to people. Despite this, when I let that side of myself win, I notice a huge void in my life. A void which I inevitably fill with unimportant, temporary nonsense. As I've grown up, I've realized how nice human connection is, even if it doesn't come naturally to me always.

 

[Betonhaus]

It's weird just how bleak things are anymore. Sometimes I wonder if suicide is really that illogical for most people right now.
Not suggesting that for people here. But there's just a point where you realize life isn't getting prospectively better for you and you notice the sands of time dwindling down for potential and you wonder if you should partake in the "sunk cost" fallacy.
Again, not saying suicide is the right idea. But my heart goes out to the people here.
I get really scared because I've only been with a couple of women now in my mid-20s and accomplished only so much and daily anymore I think "Do I really want to see how things shake out?"
I'll be honest though. I feel like people's biological need for approval and love usually costs them so much productivity. I feel at the end that's the real main difference between some really productive scientists and artists and the rest of the populace. That inherent need for love really does make everything a lot trickier and more convoluted sometimes.
If I could, I would absolutely have made it to where I never desired connections with other people. The cost-to-gain ration has been really against me. Honestly if I could go back I think I'd just rather write and watch films all day. Or at the least work on potential projects more than worry about romance or bonds, of which I have almost none of now.
Yeah, one of those nights I guess. I wish I had some more beer right now.

For me, it's morbid curiosity that keeps me going. I have no idea how my life will end, and i have no intention of ruining the surprise.
I used to have a different life. i had a well paying job with a career and future, my own nice apartment, a brand new car, had a good handle on my debt, and had lost a lot of weight and was looking into a fitness trainer. Now i'm not working and haven't been for over a year, have too many red flags to get work in my former field even if i wanted to, have shared accommodations that I can barely afford, gained bac all of the weight i lost, and a 30 year old car that i can't drive because i can't afford to replace it's bald tires (that are NOT safe for winter) or pay for it's insurance. I very nearly had an out with a career path for a job that I'd love and paid well enough, only for me to break my leg on the third day of work. My life has changed a LOT. But my life could easily become much much worse, and only maybe get better. That used to scare me and make me cry myself to sleep, but now it's just a morbid fascination of how much my life has changed, and how much it may continue to change. Giving up and killing myself just takes away for that possible change for the better, and even if it changes for the worse i may find myself in more interesting situations.

 

[anustart76]

I was already feeling down about my long term goal to find someone and start a family not panning out. But my brother made me feel even worse, telling me I'm not getting any younger and that if I don't hurry up, one day I'll wake up and be a crazy cat lady. He said I need to find someone while I'm still young enough to bag a guy.

I'm not staying single on purpose though. I have to work, I've got bills to pay. It doesn't leave much time to find a guy, after work I have like 4 hours to do my errands and chores.

I work a female dominated job field, like 80% women. The only guys in my field are old enough to be my dad or grandpa. The very few guys that are my age are either taken or I'm not attracted to them. I've been looking for another job for over a year now and I'm not having any luck. Any job I find either doesn't pay well, the work hours are worse, or it's just another female dominated job. So how am I supposed to find a guy in this situation?

Idk what to do. As a kid I always imagined I would be married and have at least 3 kids by now. Things seem so bleak.

It's funny, you sound like me but a girl. My parents are telling me the same kinds of things, and I have no idea what the hell I'm even supposed to do. Dating apps get me nothing. My parents were already married by the time my dad was my age, I figured I'd have the whole "married with kids" thing figured out by now.

 

[Betonhaus]

I was already feeling down about my long term goal to find someone and start a family not panning out. But my brother made me feel even worse, telling me I'm not getting any younger and that if I don't hurry up, one day I'll wake up and be a crazy cat lady. He said I need to find someone while I'm still young enough to bag a guy.

I'm not staying single on purpose though. I have to work, I've got bills to pay. It doesn't leave much time to find a guy, after work I have like 4 hours to do my errands and chores.

I work a female dominated job field, like 80% women. The only guys in my field are old enough to be my dad or grandpa. The very few guys that are my age are either taken or I'm not attracted to them. I've been looking for another job for over a year now and I'm not having any luck. Any job I find either doesn't pay well, the work hours are worse, or it's just another female dominated job. So how am I supposed to find a guy in this situation?

Idk what to do. As a kid I always imagined I would be married and have at least 3 kids by now. Things seem so bleak.

It's funny, you sound like me but a girl. My parents are telling me the same kinds of things, and I have no idea what the hell I'm even supposed to do. Dating apps get me nothing. My parents were already married by the time my dad was my age, I figured I'd have the whole "married with kids" thing figured out by now.

...

is there anything stopping you two from being anonymous pen pals and seeing where that goes?

 

[LonesomeDud]

I put up Christmas lights for the first time and bought some gifts. Spent time with family and friends.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

I've placed all my chips on a really risky bet, let alone in a game where I barely know how to play. It's not like I have much left anyway. If I go radio silent for a month or so, we'll, it's the end then. Thank you for everything and take care.

 

[Betonhaus]

I've placed all my chips on a really risky bet, let alone in a game where I barely know how to play. It's not like I have much left anyway. If I go radio silent for a month or so, we'll, it's the end then. Thank you for everything and take care.

Good luck, as you climb the ranks of the mafia you start doing really well

 

[The Feline Solution]

The guy was talking about pseudo-philosophy and new age multidimensional hocus pocus shit... and the girl was completely and totally entranced. Or at the very least digging it.

Dude, she was into it because she was into him. Reading your stuff ITT i feel you are beating yourself up too much about stuff that isn't worth it, too. You also seem to overthink stuff like a motherfucker, as someone who also does that i can only tell you to find a way to stop that, it's exhausting and, again, not worth it most of the time. I know, easier said than done.

I'm sorry if I'm PLing

This is the unofficial Powerleveling thread, always has been.

I've placed all my chips on a really risky bet, let alone in a game where I barely know how to play. It's not like I have much left anyway. If I go radio silent for a month or so, we'll, it's the end then. Thank you for everything and take care.

Try to hold up a piece of paper with your username on it in the cartel video.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

Try to hold up a piece of paper with your username on it in the cartel video

I will make sure to scream JULAY when a chainsaw will touch my neck.

Good luck, as you climb the ranks of the mafia you start doing really well

"I feel like I joined at the end of things"

 

[Blamo2000]

Sorry for sperging last time, "doing the needful" got on my nerves.

The weekend is going mostly nice, I just beat Half-Life 1, still a fun game. I guess I will mess around with the expansion packs as well. I will try to stop drinking a Monster everyday. It's not the healthiest of habits.