Pick-me women / #NotLikeTheOtherGirls General

I've heard far more women bitch about pick-me-ism than men, usually due to the fact that the women face stiffer competition and have to be more pliant because of it. So whats the problem of pick-mes to men?

Seems to me that a woman who has so little personality that she's willing to sculpt herself to appeal to certain men, or at the very least put on a facade of being into <manly hobbies/attributes> is better than a pointlessly obstinant woman who, while in a relationship she consented to, begins to pick fights over the things she knew the man did prior to making it official.

Granted, they are potentially neurotic, but who isn't nowadays?
 
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SanicBlackMagic said:
I've heard far more women bitch about pick-me-ism than men, usually due to the fact that the women face stiffer competition and have to be more pliant because of it. So whats the problem of pick-mes to men?

Seems to me that a woman who has so little personality that she's willing to sculpt herself to appeal to certain men, or at the very least put on a facade of being into <manly hobbies/attributes> is better than a pointlessly obstinant woman who, while in a relationship she consented to, begins to pick fights over the things she knew the man did prior to making it official.

Granted, they are potentially neurotic, but who isn't nowadays?
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Why would men (generally speaking) care? Pickmes are aiming toward male acceptance. The POINT is male approval, whether that means being a doormat unhealthily accommodating, or whether it means "my fellow women are so trivial/girly/angry," or whether it means , "my interests are so coincidentally just like yours," the point of pickme is to pull men/male interest....the point is to stand out as "uniquely" interesting to men, often by criticizing (honestly or disingenuously) other women. If that didn't work to win male approval, no one would attempt it. So....men (generally) are pleased by the pickme, at least to a degree. And when men are flattered, they are happy. So no, shouldn't expect a (generally speaking) man either to see it as a calculated move or to object to it. That's the point.

And it's "obstinate."

But weird you seem to think that the two choices are a) pandering or b) impossible to deal with. I sense a lack of real-world, real-life experience with actual humans.

And as far as "you knew what he was," I hope you remember that when your woman gets on your nerves going on about or doing the exact same shit she went on about or did while you were trying to get in her pants, and understand that under this construct you've created, you've got no license to bitch or react in any way negatively.

In truth, as you get to know someone more deeply, you may learn that what seemed like charming quirks or "excusable" bad behavior is not necessarily something you want - and if not outweighed by other factors isn't something you have to endure forever if it is soul-killing or dysfunctiona. And that applies to all people, men and women.
 
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JambledUpWords said:
Boy moms are another version of pick me. Not moms that happen to have boys, moms that make having boys a personality
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Unfortunately on the internet if you happen to have a boy you are automatically treated like a boymom. Why yes, I do care about my son more than I care about other people. That doesn't mean he's destined to be a rapist. Some of the weird ass DMs id get in pregnancy forums back in the day...
I swear the internet has made everyone autistic. No, just because there is a phenomena doesn't mean that those who tick some of the same boxes also are part of the phenomena.
 
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@Friend of Dorothy Parker - couldnt quote your post, so here's my response:

Thanks for the correction, glad I could get my point across regardless.

The first paragraph still doesnt outline what the problem of the pick-me is to men. The man gets what he (thinks he) wants, with the exception of the truly psychotic pick-me who invests herself fully in seducing her mark for ulterior motives, whatever those may be. My question was how does a baseline level of pickmeism among women hurt men?

It would be absurd to think that there are only two personality traits in women, let alone men. My point was that of the two types mentioned, to a man an "unhealthily accomodating" woman is still preferable to an obstinate one (subjective definitions of healthy and unhealthy aside). What I will say, is that with the proliferation of pickmeism in social media (shoe0nhead being an archetypical example though any other "trad-wife" grifter could easily be substituted) and girl-power in classic media (movies, tv shows, etc), more and more women are being influenced into these behavioral patterns. Surely you've noticed this? The consequences of the former increases cohesion between the sexes, the consequences of the latter breeds hostility. Depending on your outlook on the importance of maintaining a reasonably healthy, functional society, one or the other is preferable and I know which one I prefer.

As far as my experience with "actual humans", I wont powerlevel too much but I will say that of the women I've dated I've never run across one fully commited to either behavior. People aren't that simple. As I've said, its an absurd binary, one to make a simple point; for the two sexest to coexist, some level of give and take is required. A pickme may be all give no take, but is still preferable to the anti-pickme.

Let us for the time being ignore that for most (younger, unwisened) people, biological drive and partner romanticization takes precedence over realistic expectations; I believe we're in full accord on your last point. People getting into a relationship need to be honest with themselves and one another and accept that there will be shit that drives you up the wall with your partner, using that to determine whether or not a relationship will work out before attempting to get into each other's pants. As a corollary, expecting the other person to change their ingrained behaviors in any significant way after getting into a relationship is foolish and more likely to cause the relationship to fail than not. However, reality shows that most people, here I'm willing to concede men especially, do not pick their flings/relationships based on compatibility, much to the chagrin of both sexes.
 
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SanicBlackMagic said:
People aren't that simple.
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Yes. Internet - for various reasons - sends people to poles, but real people are different (and I hold out hope that even "internet people" are more nuanced than they might project for views).

SanicBlackMagic said:
My question was how does a baseline level of pickmeism among women hurt men?
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It doesn't, except to the extent that men think that that is appealing or expected and either demand or fall prey to fantasy, rather than recognizing women's humanity. Devaluing people's humanity or reducing them to parodic "types" is absolutely corrosive. (And also just stupid.). If a person believes everyone is or should be or can be slotted purely as a type, or turns themselves into one/seeking one, then yes, they are harmed - intellectually, morally, and as a sentient and theoretically complex human being. Short version: it's better to be, and see people as, dimensional. Anything else is lazy, and laziness is corrosive.

SanicBlackMagic said:
People getting into a relationship need to be honest with themselves and one another and accept that there will be shit that drives you up the wall with your partner
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Agree

SanicBlackMagic said:
using that to determine whether or not a relationship will work out before attempting to get into each other's pants.
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Or at least after. Even if you wait on sex for six months, a year, whatever, and think, yes, I love that person, see a future, this works - it is still ill-advised to say, "OK, after this point, I'm stuck with whatever happens, no matter how bad."

Not everyone believes sex = forever. And whichever way you fall, sex should should never mean living in a debased or abusive situation, no matter your feelings or morals.

SanicBlackMagic said:
As a corollary, expecting the other person to change their ingrained behaviors in any significant way after getting into a relationship is foolish and more likely to cause the relationship to fail than not.
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Yes, but there are two sides to that: 1) "I'll fix all that" is no way to enter into a serious or formal undertaking, agree. But 2) people do need to hone and heed their gut instincts and to develop appropriate boundaries; oftentimes it's not the blind-in-love dummy that "causes" a relationship to fail eventually, but rather the person with bad indicators or behavior that the "innocent" person failed to acknowledge and recognize as deal-breakers/serious red flags. Meaning - if one person is awful, they are still the reason for things to go bad or fail, but it is also up to the not-awful person to have the insight and courage to end it before it is serious/ formalized. Bad is bad, but everyone else owes it to themselves not to be foolish. Still, bad person is the bad person.

We may be addressing different things - in this comment I'm really talking about severely bad or even abusive fundamental behaviors/ orientations that are often ignored until they can't be; if you're just talking about using "omg, she has to have the damn white noise machine on to get to sleep at night," or"he holds his fork like a club" as a "reason" to destroy a relationship, when you knew and put it in the "I'll fix that once I've locked this down" bucket, then I agree that the "I'll fix that" person is "at fault" if that becomes the reason things fail.
 
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Andrea Yates would like a word
 
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Merton J. Dingle said:
I swear to God... The people who say things like this might have the most warped, oversimplified understanding of human nature.
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The Transformed Wife has a brain tumor and openly admits to beating her kids so you aren't wrong.

It's interesting how these women insist they're happy yet can't even begin to hide their crab mentality.
 
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The worst Pick-me I ever encountered was a female Protoss player named Tigerlily. If you played SC2 at all and were even slightly not-terrible she'd happily send you nudes and talk about how much she'd suck your dick.

I ignored her and three months later she started dating Destiny and shortly after that got knocked up by another Starcraft player.
 
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Plantation Barbie said:
Someone need sto tell that girl that sunscreen is also used as a moisturizer.
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They think sunscreen causes cancer or gives you AIDS or something. Not kidding, there's some weird tradtard conspiracy against sunscreen. That combined with the carnivore diet bullshit they like makes me very interested in how many of them end up with cancer in a decade or two.

I'm surprised none of the homebirth woo ones have ended up with a Luna yet.
 
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Android raptor said:
I think I said earlier but I get the impression these moms would shit all over a boyish daughter.
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A friend of mine is the youngest daughter to three brothers and she is very masculine (naturally and from growing up in a predominately male household). Growing up, her mother berated her constantly for not being ladylike and forced her into dresses and other "girly" things. She would also accuse her of wanting to be like her brothers for attention (lord knows what that's supposed to mean). Nowadays this kind of story would likely end in the daughter trooning out but she stayed normal and tomboyish.
 
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Android raptor said:
Then why do tradthots always look more like the girls in pink than the one with chickens (just replace the miniskirts with shein sundresses)
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The goal isn't to be functional, it's to be fuckable. These are the same type of women who look at fashion photos, Hollywood movies and advertising featuring housewives from the 50s and think every woman back then must have looked like a dainty model while also working hard to serve her husband.

Android raptor said:
Not surprised. Boymoms drink the gender role kool-aid hard and don't like being reminded having sons doesn't make them a special snowflake.

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The greatest fulfillment in life is being able to scatter frozen croissants, sliced bologna, kraft singles and Ritz crackers around on a table. Especially when you get fancy and make the Buddig into little roses. Maybe if she got a job she could afford decent charcuterie.

Also, here's a guy who male pickme'd so hard he trooned out:

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