The Julays Ninth Annual Lolcow Awards 2023 - Which lolcow will claim the throne?

[Chris_Stuckmann]

Featuring Nick's gay paypig at the last possible moment was a cyber op to rig the election. BossmanJack is Lolcow of the Year, don't let Null or his campaign strategists trick you.

 

[Feefee81093]

Best Main Forum: Josh Saunders
Breaker of Scales: Ashton!
Internet Famous:JFG

 

[Shlomosexual]

Finally Ol' wine bottle ass Nicky Rackets getting the recognition he deserves for being a degenerate drunkard, a closeted homosexual, a seething asshurt sexual deviant and a cuckold.

 

[Third World Aristocrat]

Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Anisa Jomha
Breaker of Scales: Chantal Sarault / Chantal al-Refae / Foodie Beauty
Best Internet Famous and Grift Wars Lolcow: Jean-Francois Gariepy / JFG

 

[ForTheHoard]

I still can't believe that after all he's done for you rats that not a single one of you were willing to lift a fucking finger to help him...


Either way, give credit where credit is due. Bossmanjack fans clearly know how to handle a loss. The Fatrick fans seem to be taking this one personally. I still believe Rekieta's catfish dox was held back for the purpose of election night meddling and I will not be convinced otherwise.

 

[Captain Manning]

Fresh Meat: Drexel.

That's really the only other thing I care about this year. I already voted for Rekieta in the poll.

Happy New Year!

 

[Boopims]

LOTY: Patrick S. Tomlinson
The balldo catfish revelation is blatant election fraud, RECOUNT NOW!
Stop the steal, patbros.

Breaker of Scales: Chantal Sarault / Chantal al-Refae / Foodie Beauty
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: David Stay / Mandarr / Stayte of Mind - gone too soon
Best Internet Famous and Grift Wars Lolcow: Jean-Francois Gariepy / JFG

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @Itsnatsutalbott
Best Lolcow Media: Dream vs Nicolas Cantu

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jack Scalfani / Cooking With Jack
Queen of the Beauty Parlour: SSSniperWolf
Breaker of Scales: Chantal Sarault / Chantal al-Refae / Foodie Beauty
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Fredrik Knudson/Down the Rabbit Hole
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Steven Jason Williams / Boogie2988

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @thegooddoctor
Best Lolcow Media: Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime Resurrected and Returned

 

[Yandex Captcha Solver]

Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Gonzalo Lira / Coach Red Pill
Fresh Meat: Drexel Johnson-Yarbrough / Drex

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @Itsnatsutalbott
Best Lolcow Media: NSFW Goonclowning

 

[TORtlEMUStRaNSUS]

Best Animal Control Lolcow: Fredrik Knudsen / Down the Rabbit Hole
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Steven Jason Williams / Boogie2988
Fresh Meat: Nicholas C. Beigler / Music Biz Marty
Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @samhydepedo
Best Lolcow Media: Dream vs Nicolas Cantu

 

[11apocalyptic11]

Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Clayton Ray Huff / Dream

Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Anthony "Erin" Reed / ErinInTheMorn

Fresh Meat: Aella Martin / Rachael Antier Slick

Best Lolcow Media: Dream vs Nicolas Cantu

 

[AnthonyLoggerhead]

Lolcow of the year: Elliot William Fong just edges out keffals. Just barely.

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jim Sterling

Queen of the Beauty Parlour: SSsniperwolf for live doxxing

Breaker of Scales: Anna o Brien

Best Animal Control Lolcow: caden wayne scholeck, purely for just how fast his life went to shit.

Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: boogie2978, duh

Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: goonclown, can he also get a horrorcow nomination too?

Fresh Meat: Jackie Singh

Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: Bubba ‘I Can’t’ Copeland

 

[Piggle Rick]

Gotta love how retards claim we exist to bully “minorities”, meanwhile the podium contains only white men who claim to be straight. It’s almost as though the retards have no idea what goes on here!

 

[Eyesore City]

My autism curiosity got the best of me and wanted to quantify the interest in lolcows by the total number of posts this year*. Back of the envelope math, in 2023:

Lolcow	Posts in 2023​	Average posts per day​
Dylan Mulvaney	5,790​	16​
Patrick Tomlinson	23,089​	63​
Austin "BossmanJack" Peterson**	8,805​	67​
Nick Rekieta	35,719​	99​
Liz Fong Jones	7,768​	21​
Cyrax	12,528​	34​
Keffals	10,624​	29​

*I didn't know how to quantify Ralph since he has an entire board.
**BossmanJack's thread started in August so the posts per day was increased.

And because I enjoy him so thoroughly, KingCobraJFS had 9,248 (~25 ppd).

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

I take it the LOTY vote is first-past-the-post and we will not have a runoff election if Rekieta gets less than 50% total votes?

 

[Hamplanet Fitness]

I take it the LOTY vote is first-past-the-post and we will not have a runoff election if Rekieta gets less than 50% total votes?

Correct.

Also, the first three pages of votes have been counted so far, as have all inbox votes. The count continues. Full results will be released January 8.

 

[male pattern malding]

Lolcow of the Year: Patrick Tomlinson

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jim Sterling
Best Internet Famous and Grift Wars Lolcow: Linus Tech Tips
Fresh Meat: Eliza Bleu

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: thegooddoctor

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

The balldo catfish revelation is blatant election fraud, RECOUNT NOW!
Stop the steal, patbros.

No Stalker Child, you are the one going to jail for fraud.

 

[JelloJerk]

How is Rekeita winning this hard? Did I miss something?

 

[Parasma]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Daniel Larson. Continues to ship content on a at least weekly basis.
Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Anisa Jomha for buttersnake tattoo
Breaker of Scales: Ashton Joel Parks/PPP because he is a truckless faggot
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Frederick Knudsen for making retarded 9 hour video about EVE
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Jean Francois Gariepy for making, possible worst selfreport of a murder
Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Orion Grant Passmore. Anotha #ShartyClassic
Fresh Meat: Drexel "IT WASN'T GROOMING I JUST WANTED TO MAKE HER BDSM EXPERIENCE SAFE" Johnson-Yarborough
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: Audrey "Aiden" Hale (still waiting for manifesto)
Best media would be Cyraxx vs Music Biz Marty