Tricked into sex by a guy pretending to be bi. What do I do? self.ftm
submitted 7 hours ago by
Dizzy-Bobcat-9674
TW: mentioning and discussion of SA
I feel like a massive idiot.
I met this guy who promised he was bi. His friend told me he was straight but I thought that was just his friend being weird, I didn't want to doubt his sexuality like that. We went home together and had sex, but I was pretty clear I didn't sleep with straight guys because I'M A MAN.
Anyway, this was a few months ago. Last week, his friend messaged me saying he'd lied about being bi, he was straight, and had been calling me a girl behind my back. This information was just a side comment because they'd been having an argument and wanted me to clear it up, so it was totally unnecessary to even tell me that. Then, after he'd basically told me I'd been tricked into sex, he asked me to 'not make this a bigger thing than it needs to be'.
While I was sobbing into my pillow.
I felt really fucking disgusted and used. I'd been thinking of that sex as the only properly consensual sex I'd had, where he hadn't secretly removed the condom or purposely got me high or suddenly stuck his dick in my ass without talking about it or even warning me. I thought it was a nice, normal hookup. The kind that normal guys get to have.
I wish I could go back and say no to him, because I never would've slept with him if I'd known he saw me as a woman. If I'd known he'd been touching my body like he would a woman's body, leering at me like I was just another girl he'd gotten with. I feel sick with myself. I keep looking in the mirror and telling myself it's no wonder, with the way I dress, with the way my body looks. I don't want to give up my sense of personal style, but I never want this to happen again. I barely feel comfortable going shirtless during sex, this has just made it 100 times worse. I feel stupid for believing anyone would see me as a man while having sex with me like that. I know all these thoughts are irrational but they haunt me now.
His other friend also messaged me the other day. Said he didn't think his friend was transphobic for it, he was just trying to 'justify getting with you by calling you a girl', and that 'he's just like a lot of straight guys and will go for anything with a hole'. I feel worse now. The other option, in this guy's mind, is his friend objectified me so heavily he didn't give a shit about my identity or general person? And that it's not transphobic if I'm just, like, a fucking part of the puzzle of his identity crisis.
I just want to know if there are any resources for when things like this happen? Are there any places that cater to these kinds of issues? I don't even know if it counts as a hate crime, to lie about that to get me to sleep with them. I'm not sure where to turn. I'm from the UK if that helps. I know the therapy waitlist is pretty long and I don't have the money for private.