I (f21) don't like my transgender friend (ftm 21) anymore post-transition & I want to cut him off.
Tldr: the title
I've known "James" for my entire life. Our families are friends. We were classmates in hs and spent almost every day together. At the time, James identified as a woman. I'm very feminine (I like makeup, skincare, fashion, hanging out with my girls) and back then, so was James. We had that in common and it was a big part of why we got along so well.
When we moved for uni, James came out as trans & started hormones asap. I was very surprised, but supported him fully. I did feel like a lost a friend in a way, but kept my feelings to myself. The problem really started after his transition became noticeable.
- First of all, James became very hostile towards the feminine things he used to enjoy. He says things like "Makeup is for insecure girls", "skincare is such a scam, only dumb people fall for that", "olivia rodrigo? are you 12?" & that REALLY bothers me. We've had several fights about this. It always ends with him using being trans as an excuse to sh*t on femininity. I understand he has a complicated relationship with it, but I can't stand how rude and demeaning he is to me, even if unintentionally.
- Secondly, James & I have always slept in the same bed and cuddled, ever since we were small children. None of the boyfriends we've had ever had a problem with that and we've never been romantic with each other. Still, after James transitioned, I am no longer comfortable with it. I don't want to cuddle a male friend, it makes me feel weird. I can't control my feelings over this. I'd just feel gross. I don't want to feel like this, but I do.
James has a huge problem with this. When he wanted to sleep over a few weeks ago, I set up the guest bedroom. He was extremely offended and went home. We didn't talk for 2 weeks, then he texted me again as if nothing happened.
Those 2 weeks were the most peaceful in the past 2 years. We argue every time we see each other. If I don't make the time to see him, he accusses me of not liking him anymore & abandoning him. The truth is, I DON'T LIKE HIM ANYMORE. I do not like this person. It's not about the fact he's trans, it's about the fact that we have nothing in common anymore and he's constantly rude to me.
I have tried talking about this with him, several times. He is completely unwilling to consider my point of view & thinks he's fully justified in being offensive to femininity and that I should get used to it. I don't want to try anymore. I still love him and don't want to hurt him. How can I cut him off in the least painful way?