My niece. Didn’t know about her until the last year and a half. Turns out my shitty brother in law had a teenage indiscretion, the mom got pregnant at 17 and never told him.
And damn, it’s sad because, let’s call her A, grew up very poor as a result. Stayed with my spouse and I for nearly a week, saw some sights as she’s barely been able to afford to leave her home state.
Was small fat until a year ago, hurt her back at a store stocking job, now a 26/3XL because she can’t be as active and it’s obviously shitty to lose your job and apartment and move back with mom due to injury.
Couple of annoying things in common with others in this thread: don’t know if it’s lack of GAF or ability to really deeply clean, but her clothes and bags have a weird damp smell.
I’ll credit A for not complaining about the fact we don’t drink soda or sweetened beverages at home (except in small amounts as alcohol mixers), but we went out with a larger group as a family to a favorite restaurant and she must have had four full sugar sodas in two hours! I’ve had a lot of dental problems and have lost weight before from my highest, so it made me wince and feel disgusted about all that sugar.
Also went to a place that mostly serves alcohol but has somewhat expensive tapas style food too. Had to get another dish more than we usually would get because she was still hungry and wouldn’t/couldn’t wait for something else at home.
She also really likes shopping, just has a lot of thrifts stuff. Like a cheap Anna O’Brien.
I think a lot of people growing up in my IL’s family don’t have much chance. Not a lot of money, so they use EBT. Fine, I’m on board with helping people. But they have often eaten badly, so it’s what they’re used to. Also, it’s harder to store fresh stuff, or so they think. Spouse actually got yelled at for buying fresh produce as a teen, because it would go bad too fast and wasn’t what people were used to, so stick with processed stuff. Ofc turned it around now, we’re really crunchy.
I’m just sad. A is a genuine, sweet, and caring young woman in her 20s who’s had a shit hand. Doesn’t have the entitlement and aggression of some of those here with their own threads. We like a lot of the same nerd and true crime shit, and she’s fun to talk to, super good and helpful with our elderly and sometimes grumpy cat. Wants to retrain as a vet tech.
I really do want to do what I can, and explained she can get a better wage, better living conditions, and be able to actually have insurance in our very blue state (her red state didn’t take the Medicaid expansion to spite Obama). PL but based on my spouse, she’d also do better to get away from the dramatic, toxic, and fat family.
But I DON’T want to live with her, because the habits that lead to weight are a bit gross as someone seeing it from having changed myself, and I’m also worried she would get herself into situations where she’d need bailing out. Not able to do that.
Again, it’s sad. My state isn’t the skinniest, but we are good at keeping up with exercise. Even if A only got back down to small fat, there are lots of those here. Not ideal, but my state and similar tend to be the “healthy fat” stats that mess up studies, because over half of people exercise regularly, a smaller percentage at least do some purposeful exercise every week/month, and we have good medical systems. Lots of weekend warriors and somewhat bigger people still doing fun stuff, and I notice at that lower end, we do tend to have older and healthier chubby people.
Ofc don’t do high impact stuff and wreck joints, but fucking moving and losing a comparatively small amount of weight staves the worst off surprisingly well.
I hope A will visit again when we receive our weekly agricultural share box. Fresh, local produce really makes a difference vs. canned or frozen and has really got me liking it more.