Science I shove batteries into my penis for pleasure — then 3 of them got stuck

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I shove batteries into my penis for pleasure — then 3 of them got stuck​

Call him the Energizer dummy.

A 73-year-old Australian man was positively shocked to need urgent urethra surgery after jamming three button-style batteries into his penis.

The unidentified man, whose medical anomaly is now the source of a revolting medical study in March’s Urology Case Reports, had been fueling his own “sexual gratification” by intentionally shoving batteries into the one-way tunnel.

“To the best of our understanding, this is the first reported case of urethral necrosis with button battery insertion,” the authors wrote.

The patient had reportedly inserted batteries several times before without them getting stuck inside.

He also endured shockwave therapy on his member — he had suffered erectile dysfunction for three years.
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After the septuagenarian waited 24 hours to seek medical attention, doctors moved quickly to remove the foreign objects as their corrosiveness can cause necrosis — the death of body tissue — in just two hours.

They also feared the potentially rare but lethal infection of Fournier’s gangrene.

After several unsuccessful approaches, surgeons resorted to forceps, which finally got out the little buggers.

“All extracted batteries were coated with black tar-like material,” the study gruesomely noted.

That wasn’t the end of it, though. Ten days later, the man returned to the hospital, complaining of swelling and icky discharge, prompting doctors to aggressively operate yet again.

“An incision was made to the penile skin,” researchers noted, adding that “a large amount” of fluids leaked out.

The doctors’ fears that the man developed an “extensive degree of necrosis” were realized — and part of his urethra had to be removed.

“Given the complexity of his injury, it was deemed that formal penile urethral reconstruction would likely require a 3-stage repair,” according to the researchers, who described the complex, six-month procedure of mucous membrane grafts.

After assessing the extremely damaged penis, ultimately doctors “decided that the best option would be for no further penile reconstruction.”
 
Lame, come back to me when it's D size at least or 9V.
Give him a chance, he was working towards it!

Well he was...
After assessing the extremely damaged penis, ultimately doctors “decided that the best option would be for no further penile reconstruction.”
"Sorry, you have coomed your last and will coom no more."
 
I asked myself "How does someone at that age even have the energy to be this cumbrained?", then I re-read the title
I guess it makes sense
You might be surprised how coombrained elderly people can be, don't be misled by their physical state and poor computer skills. Hell, look at the physical state of many lolcows and how coombrained they are.
 
You might be surprised how coombrained elderly people can be, don't be misled by their physical state and poor computer skills. Hell, look at the physical state of many lolcows and how coombrained they are.
It was a joke about him energizing himself by inserting batteries in the penis
But yeah, old pervs do exist
 
“Given the complexity of his injury, it was deemed that formal penile urethral reconstruction would likely require a 3-stage repair,” according to the researchers, who described the complex, six-month procedure of mucous membrane grafts.
There is a pooner named Ashton Williams who got the mucus membrane urethroplasty and now she has a speech impediment from the removal of cheek mucosa tissue and the fake dick keeps failing.
Penis privileges revoked.
Do you think the Hindu Gods say this to someone right before they reincarnate them as a female?
 
It's a bad idea to improvise when you're inserting things into your body. Pencils and knitting needles and screwdrivers, things like that, at least make sense.
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Button batteries are notorious for damaging little kids' throats (archive) (informative, not explicit).

This guy was either trying to have some plausible deniability while he purposely destroyed his penis, or he was really, really dumb and got unlucky with what he pulled from the junk drawer. Regular buttons shoved up his penis would have just ended in another amusing anecdote.
 
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