How can I get out of jury duty?

[Night Crawler]

I got a notice in the mail for jury duty the other day. I know, it fucking sucks.

If I told them I post on Kiwi Farms do you think they would tell me to fuck off and don't come back?

I just hope it's a nigger.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

Say you're a bigot.

 

[DOUBLE_WHEEL]

Killing yourself works the best to get out of any commitments.

 

[Joe Swanson]

Tell them you don't believe in the death penalty

 

[GenericEdgelordSupreme]

If you say "I hope it's a nigger" to the people on the phone, I think you'll be all set.

 

[Vecr]

Tell them you don't believe in the death penalty

That won't work, tell them you don't believe in punishment. Google random sophistry and repeat it.

 

[Anti Snigger]

Can't be on jury duty if you're in jail

 

[Absolutego]

The keyword you want to remember is Jury Nullification.
Say you're a fan of it. They'll send you home immediately and blacklist you from getting called up again.

 

[millais]

When they call you in for "voir dire" (the jury selection) and the lawyers on each side start asking questions, raise your hand as frequently as possible and take generically biased positions in your answers, like "I'm biased for/against police/criminals due to such and such previous life experience".

I know someone who shows up for jury selection completely unkempt with a copy of Helter Skelter for reading material, and he says that the courthouse security guards always turn him away so he doesn't even have to sit through the "voir dire".

 

[SentinentCloud]

kill the jury

 

[Vecr]

The keyword you want to remember is Jury Nullification.
Say you're a fan of it. They'll send you home immediately and blacklist you from getting called up again.

I'm not sure that's subtle enough, what I said is more or less the same thing but you have plausible deniability.

 

[Lurker]

don't respond. how can they know if you ever actually physically received the summons?

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Say you're a bigot.

The Simpsons | Homer: "The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."

(serious answer: if you have a disability it can work)

 

[Absolutego]

I'm not sure that's subtle enough, what I said is more or less the same thing but you have plausible deniability.

Do we need plausible deniability when no crime has been committed and the goal is merely to never have to show up for jury duty again?
Because saying you like the idea of yeeting laws you don't agree with really drives a burr up most prosecutors' ass.

 

[TrainWreckWatcher]

Why would you want to get out of it?
its your chance to fuck over the government by voting not guilty on something like tax evasion / guarantee a rapist doesn't get off cause of their skin color / migration status.

 

[Moths]

Call the plaintiff a nigger
Call the defendant a nigger and most importantly

Call the judge a nigger. Ez way to get out of civil commitments

 

[Named User]

What if Miles Edgeworth is the prosecutor? You’d be missing out.

 

[Night Crawler]

Say you're a bigot.

I have heard this works. I might try it.

If you say "I hope it's a nigger" to the people on the phone, I think you'll be all set.

I'm a jury duty n00b. When should I start saying nigger on the phone?

 

[Twinkie]

 

[Moths]

Or you could just infinitely deadlock the jury out of whatever decision they are going to make and make a large crowd of people want to murder you in a small room