Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Pig Cups]

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Jack is shilling his new Etsy store on Twitter. “Dilly Dolphin” doesn’t show much on Google except for some plush toys. Even weirder, there’s absolutely no Jack-themed merch on here.

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step right up, ladies and gentlechristians, form an orderly line, there's enough HUNDRED DOLLAR 32" square digital prints of an ai-generated cheeseburge for everyone. you'll want several, of course, at least one per room-- buy in bulk to save on shipping!

with our "first try" lazily uncanny a.i. nonsense on your walls, your home can be one step closer to looking like an "I'm on Observation Duty" setting. Order quickly, the purveyor could stroke out at any time!

Oh, for fuck's sake...

 

[eatler]

Is the perfect brisket actually something he cooked. Thats something I would want hanging in my house, one of jacks works.

Can I get this one hung up over my kitchen? I need a visual reference of when my chickens cooked perfect.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

I can't imagine what mr. carnivore needs eight dozen sugar-coated marshmallows for. The chick peeps are sold in packages of 5, 10, or 15. The bunnies are sold in packages of 4, 8, or 12.

Each peep is around 0.3 oz or 8.5 grams, some quick napkin math suggests that's 1.8 pounds / 0.8 kg of peeps. That's a fucking lot of peeps.

For perspective, it'd be enough marshmallows for nearly a triple batch of Rice Krispies treats (it calls for one 10 oz. bag of marshmallows).

Never really understood the fascination people have with Peeps. They were fine when you were a kid but after a while the idea of eating sugar coated marshmallow things kinda loses it's flavor as it were.

Is the perfect brisket actually something he cooked. Thats something I would want hanging in my house, one of jacks works.
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Can I get this one hung up over my kitchen? I need a visual reference of when my chickens cooked perfect.

This will never be anything short of horrifying. The fact that he said it was cooked perfectly and juicy shows he doesn't know what he's doing.

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

CATFISH HOUSE (STEAK WARS #1)
(03/13/2024)

Original:

Spoiler: Archive (480p):

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Remember when Jack used to flip the video when he was filming in the truck so it looked like he was the one driving? Also the coleslaw looks dry as fuck and that shrimp cocktail is pathetic.

 

[I am Jack's dead arm]

Never really understood the fascination people have with Peeps. They were fine when you were a kid but after a while the idea of eating sugar coated marshmallow things kinda loses it's flavor as it were.


This will never be anything short of horrifying. The fact that he said it was cooked perfectly and juicy shows he doesn't know what he's doing.

Peeps are fucking vile, so of course Jack loves them.

 

[Crex Crex]

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Jack is shilling his new Etsy store on Twitter. “Dilly Dolphin” doesn’t show much on Google except for some plush toys. Even weirder, there’s absolutely no Jack-themed merch on here.

Looks like there was a carnivore update on Twitter yesterday too.

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Jack should just start selling crayola medallions of his face tbf.

 

[Tiresome]

Oh come on, the "perfect taco" will never, ever have ground-fucking-beef in it. Jack, you pathetic, lazy trash with no tastebuds.

 

[lindsayfan]

CATFISH HOUSE (STEAK WARS #1)
(03/13/2024)

what a return to form. the intro, the drum track, the sussy sides... that's a proper jotg.

lol that jack's "favorite steak" was a menu item from a chain restaurant a step above ponderosa. quelle gourmand! you can't tell me tennessee doesn't have actual good steakhouses, especially with nashville having gone yuppie-- i'm sure there's plenty of places you can pay 50 bucks for a grass-fed ribeye raised on ted turner's ranch or whatever.

lately jack's going out of his way to be courteous to tamagotchi on-camera, like when he asked her to flip his menu over for him (because he's a one-armed cripple). also notice that his steak is pre-cut up into little bites for him (because he's a one-armed cripple).

unless tam-o'shanter is gonna eat TWO bowls of white beans, TWO shitty-looking biscuits, TWO orders of okra and TWO mountains of white-bucket cole slaw along with her catfish entree and bonus sirloin steak, why wouldn't they just ask the server to hold the sides? maybe they take the leftovers to go, and when they get home they dump them all in the food processor with some G Fuel for junior to slurp down during his call of duty subathons.

also lol at the defrosted shrimp swimming in sugary red cocktail sauce.

 

[FatJacksFatAssTongue]

Move over Wendy's Dubbel Beggin Burpin' Cheeze Booger, this one REALLY has Jagoff's fat bowling ball gut written all over it

Spoiler

 

[Aunt Carol]

You could kind of make Carnivore Peeps with an absolute ton of gelatin and a sturdy electric mixer, I think. They wouldn't taste anything like a Peep, but they could occupy the same space.

He'd have to have someone help him pipe them into shape, but he could sprinkle spice rub on the outside for color. Or he could make a sheet of whipped unsweetened gelatin in a pan, then use cookie cutters to cut shapes like the Peep rabbits/eggs/ghosts.

To reiterate: this isn't a good idea, but it would probably be possible.

eta: gelatin and egg whites, if egg whites are carnivore.

 

[Adamska]

what a return to form. the intro, the drum track, the sussy sides... that's a proper jotg.

lol that jack's "favorite steak" was a menu item from a chain restaurant a step above ponderosa. quelle gourmand! you can't tell me tennessee doesn't have actual good steakhouses, especially with nashville having gone yuppie-- i'm sure there's plenty of places you can pay 50 bucks for a grass-fed ribeye raised on ted turner's ranch or whatever.

lately jack's going out of his way to be courteous to tamagotchi on-camera, like when he asked her to flip his menu over for him (because he's a one-armed cripple). also notice that his steak is pre-cut up into little bites for him (because he's a one-armed cripple).

unless tam-o'shanter is gonna eat TWO bowls of white beans, TWO shitty-looking biscuits, TWO orders of okra and TWO mountains of white-bucket cole slaw along with her catfish entree and bonus sirloin steak, why wouldn't they just ask the server to hold the sides? maybe they take the leftovers to go, and when they get home they dump them all in the food processor with some G Fuel for junior to slurp down during his call of duty subathons.

also lol at the defrosted shrimp swimming in sugary red cocktail sauce.

Nashville alone has Oak, Bourbon, and Carne Mare, all of which would blow the slop Jack tends to scootypuff to out of the water. Even Hendersonville has the Chop House and Old Hickory, so yeah, this is a complete joke of a video.

Doubly so since he again is dumb enough to lie about what he ordered for himself. If you want to sell a lie, maybe fucking hide the second orders and/or actually just buy more meat dishes.

 

[topshrek]

Oh come on, the "perfect taco" will never, ever have ground-fucking-beef in it. Jack, you pathetic, lazy trash with no tastebuds.

It never ceases to amaze me that Jack, a guy that grew up in Southern California and lived there for ~40 years, somehow manages to be less knowledgeable of Mexican food than the average Midwestern housewife. The amount of JOTG videos where he stumbles into a generic strip mall Mexican joint and acts completely bewildered at the sight of guacamole or menus that have dish names written in Spanish would make you think that this guy was raised on a farm in Minnesota and not in Orange fucking County

 

[Super Hans v2]

It never ceases to amaze me that Jack, a guy that grew up in Southern California and lived there for ~40 years, somehow manages to be less knowledgeable of Mexican food than the average Midwestern housewife. The amount of JOTG videos where he stumbles into a generic strip mall Mexican joint and acts completely bewildered at the sight of guacamole or menus that have dish names written in Spanish would make you think that this guy was raised on a farm in Minnesota and not in Orange fucking County

Don't be talking shit about my Bumpkin Belt bros, Jack's just flat-out retarded. Even those shitty Tex-Mex restaurants that have a half-life of six months basics like guac and menus mostly in Spanish. It's part of the aesthetic.

 

[I am Jack's dead arm]

It never ceases to amaze me that Jack, a guy that grew up in Southern California and lived there for ~40 years, somehow manages to be less knowledgeable of Mexican food than the average Midwestern housewife. The amount of JOTG videos where he stumbles into a generic strip mall Mexican joint and acts completely bewildered at the sight of guacamole or menus that have dish names written in Spanish would make you think that this guy was raised on a farm in Minnesota and not in Orange fucking County

PL a bit, I live in MN and there are plenty of authentic Mexican places, even in smaller cities. My last place I lived at had dozens of Mexican shops, restaurants, carnercias, etc. within walking distance. Jack would never go into one because God forbid they don't speak English or drown everything in shreddy cheese and Sysco "spicy" enchilada sauce from a gallon can. But for like $8-10 you can get a huge ass burrito, chips and guac, and a tall Modelo or chelada.

 

[A Bit Concerning]

Oh come on, the "perfect taco" will never, ever have ground-fucking-beef in it. Jack, you pathetic, lazy trash with no tastebuds.

I like to imagine Jack salivating for hours over the shitty looking Taco Bell taco that the ai made for him.

 

[Aeritalia F-104S-ASA]

CATFISH HOUSE (STEAK WARS #1)
(03/13/2024)

Original:

Spoiler: Archive (480p):

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Great... Another episode with the fucking drum roll over everything. Also, what is that yellow smear on the right side of his lips?? Disgusting.

 

[Kosher Salt]

You could kind of make Carnivore Peeps with an absolute ton of gelatin and a sturdy electric mixer, I think. They wouldn't taste anything like a Peep, but they could occupy the same space.

He'd have to have someone help him pipe them into shape, but he could sprinkle spice rub on the outside for color. Or he could make a sheet of whipped unsweetened gelatin in a pan, then use cookie cutters to cut shapes like the Peep rabbits/eggs/ghosts.

To reiterate: this isn't a good idea, but it would probably be possible.

eta: gelatin and egg whites, if egg whites are carnivore.

The ingredients in peeps are sugar, corn syrup, gelatin, and trace amounts of whatever it is that makes them taste like peeps instead of marshmallows.

Basically the only thing that isn't carnivore about them is the sugar, except that they're basically entirely sugar.

 

[eatler]

Great... Another episode with the fucking drum roll over everything. Also, what is that yellow smear on the right side of his lips?? Disgusting.

It’s the start of the metamorphosis for a lazy person. By the end he should become a fully lazy uncle from red dead redemption. Maybe he should start blaming things on his lumbago.

 

[Aunt Carol]

The ingredients in peeps are sugar, corn syrup, gelatin, and trace amounts of whatever it is that makes them taste like peeps instead of marshmallows.

Basically the only thing that isn't carnivore about them is the sugar, except that they're basically entirely sugar.

I looked at keto "marshmallow" recipes and they use fake sugar plus a ton of gelatin, or they make essentially a meringue with a ton of gelatin in it, so it's possible without the sugar for structure.

Regardless, it seems weird for Jack to do episodes about things he categorically can't eat. Decorative Peep on the table while he inhales a ham: makes sense. How to make legal carnivore Peeps: makes sense. Peeps on their own makes as much sense as a kosher cooking channel doing a bacon episode, no gimmicks or tricks.

 

[Kosher Salt]

I looked at keto "marshmallow" recipes and they use fake sugar plus a ton of gelatin, or they make essentially a meringue with a ton of gelatin in it, so it's possible without the sugar for structure.

Those were clearly normal peeps though, and the fat fuck had EIGHT FUCKING DOZEN OF THEM. You don't need multiple dozens of the real thing to tell whether you've nailed an imitation recipe.