Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Falcon Sebben]

look at that fat fuck with his belly. Makes me sick.

Hammy Jr was kinda cute before she really got involved with the Scalfatties but she's just truly adopted the "eat anything" attitude they all seem to have.

View attachment 5824219
Didn’t Jr say they eat nothing but fast food? It isn’t a surprise

Five years. This is what living with the Scalfatties has done to this poor girl.

Sure she was probably never going to amount to much but she could have so much better than Jr.

I wonder how much of that "Only fast food" claim comes from Jack making cooking appear like some eldritch incomprehensible thing that will output poison beyond compare when you fuck it up. He's been gaslit his entire life into thinking that his dads cooking is 'normal'. Faced with that perception of reality, I'd be subsisting off taco bell and mcdicks too

I think it's also because Jr is a lazy bastard like his Dad and Hammy Jr never really learned to cook.

 

[Marc]

look at that fat fuck with his belly. Makes me sick.

The way his withered arm curves into it makes him resemble an elephant tea pot.

 

[p1138]

You are right I just typed it poorly last night because I was tired it was 2,400 I’m simply retarded. Thank you for correcting that.

My joke still stands that it’s a waste of cash. I’d imagine he’s not going to even try to use it for his carnivore diet. I’m sure he could freeze dry meats if he wanted to try something different, especially if he’s not scared to spend the money.

He's done that multiple times now. This first was his grand experiment where he was going to be trying it and reporting back to us about the taste every month or whatever. Not only did he never do that, he left huge fatty sections that likely went rancid and he had to throw the shit out.

This time he admits he was lazy about testing the chicken(didn't actually say he threw it out but... come on, we saw what that chicken looked like), this was part of his horrible freeze fried thanksgiving away from home that he supposedly shipped to some poor deployed soldier to have to eat his crap

This is the one time he actually re-hydrates and eats the meat(basically the next day after it was done) that I recall seeing, and it looks as vile as most other things he's made.

Five years. This is what living with the Scalfatties has done to this poor girl.

Sure she was probably never going to amount to much but she could have so much better than Jr.

He's one of them fancy californian types, and his daddy is a youtube star! or probably some dumb shit like that is what was going through her head.

I think it's also because Jr is a lazy bastard like his Dad and Hammy Jr never really learned to cook.

Considering how uncomfortable she looks handling anything in the kitchen the few times she's done any mixing or whatever in an episode, I'd suspect that to be the case. If she actually knew how to cook, the show practically could have been Cooking with Bri for the past year(and it likely would have improved).

 

[Shiki Ouji]

look at that fat fuck with his belly. Makes me sick.

That's not fat...it's the wendigo spawning...

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Jack wearing his cap backwards still annoys the hell out of me.

 

[eatler]

Jack wearing his cap backwards still annoys the hell out of me.

Dude it’s like 90s hip yo, get with it. That will be like the 90 year old geriatric thing is seeing a bunch of old guys at a retirement home with backwards ball caps.

 

[Super Hans v2]

Jack wearing his cap backwards still annoys the hell out of me.

Jack could at least wear his bucket hat as part of a post-ironic fashion getup, but he insists on wearing a cap backwards and still with the sticker on it. He's nothing but a Grade A nigger.

Or he could just get over being bald, but fat chance of that happening 20 years afterward.

 

[Sonic T]

I'm getting my own stroke trying to read this new mug of his.

 

[eatler]

View attachment 5826968
I'm getting my own stroke trying to read this new mug of his.

You have to read it like jack would.

Everytime I see these handprint
*takes a breath*
Memories of my child
*adjust stance take an even more deep and exhausted breath, adjust eyes and tilt head*
Warm my cup

 

[AltisticRight]

View attachment 5826968
I'm getting my own stroke trying to read this new mug of his.

There's 2 prints, Jack.
It's plural.
Handprints.
The opposite of the amount of food you should be eating which is singular.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

this was part of his horrible freeze fried thanksgiving away from home that he supposedly shipped to some poor deployed soldier to have to eat his crap

Which didn't make sense because soldiers, on base, are well fed and taken care of. And Thanksgiving is a big deal meaning he had freshly roasted turkey with all the trimmings. Why the fuck would he want some of Fatty's freeze dried shit?

Jack wearing his cap backwards still annoys the hell out of me.

Just wearing the hat indoors all the time bothers me.

You walk into a home you take off your damn hat.

There's 2 prints, Jack.
It's plural.
Handprints.
The opposite of the amount of food you should be eating which is singular.

You knew what he meant MOM!

But Fatty is like those kids on social media who insist that proper spelling doesn't matter on the internet which is stupid. All you're doing is being lazy when you do that and that leads to bad habits.

 

[Super Hans v2]

View attachment 5826968
I'm getting my own stroke trying to read this new mug of his.

That absolute cunt TamHam was so thorough in damnatio memoriae'ing Garrett that Jack forgot his firstborn.

 

[eatler]

Which didn't make sense because soldiers, on base, are well fed and taken care of. And Thanksgiving is a big deal meaning he had freshly roasted turkey with all the trimmings. Why the fuck would he want some of Fatty's freeze dried shit?

The CIA actually hired jack to make freeze dried turkey because he’s the best at making it a war crime and they need it for interrogation purposes. Remember this is the military they don’t care about how much they have to spend as long as you suffer.

 

[a terminal posture]

Guess who’s making beer courtesy of @SpikeBrewing

'I'm going to brew beer and not drink it and bake cookies and not eat them and order fried okra and not eat it, MOM'

 

[eatler]

Guess who’s making beer courtesy of @SpikeBrewing

'I'm going to brew beer and not drink it and bake cookies and not eat them and order fried okra and not eat it, MOM'

don't forget freeze dry foods, I don't think he really ate anything besides the tacos and maybe the peeps if he snuck it past us.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Guess who’s making beer courtesy of @SpikeBrewing

'I'm going to brew beer and not drink it and bake cookies and not eat them and order fried okra and not eat it, MOM'

A guy that doesn't drink... is making beer. And of course Spike Brewing "sent" him these things to test out.

What the hell is going to do? Make the beer, bottle it, condition and age it, then not taste it and say, "it's gud"?

 

[Sonic T]

Let me guess, even fucking beer is carnivore now?? Thanks MOM!

Can we agree that this is the first thing Jack has ever been right about?

Edit: I was technically late on this

 

[AltisticRight]

View attachment 5828467
Let me guess, even fucking beer is carnivore now?? Thanks MOM!

View attachment 5828469
Can we agree that this is the first thing Jack has ever been right about?

Edit: I was technically late on this

This just illustrates how disconnected some of these brands are with reality. They see Jack as one of the OG "YouTube chefs" and sends him free stuff. He doesn't care about the product and often fails to even read the manual. They're all suckers sending him free toys that he'll use once and stash away forever.

 

[Dead Air]

Ohhhhh no. Jack brewing beer is a recipe for disaster. A process that requires clean, sanitized equipment and no cross contamination or else you get skunky and/or poison is going to be disastrous. Not to mention the patience required in brewing in general. I hope they have a retard proof kit. Maybe that's why they sent it to him - for retard testing.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

What kind of bizarre sanitary tub moonshine will he come up with? Bratwurst-basted beer?