Maybe it'd help if I first ask, what do you like about men (gender wise)? I'm a straight trans woman and I adore femininity, and I realized I like guys. Oftentimes tho guys I meet don't seem as fulfilled by being themselves as some gal pals r with being girls. But that's just anecdotal. The point is to say, that I understand how confusing it can be to look back sometimes. But one thing I like seeing from guys, to bounce off of that, is confidence, self comfort, yet motivated.
And yeah the form of guys is cool. Is that normal to say lol? Like obviously the shape. Some ladies here like big bodied and hairy men that give feelings of warmth. I like men who are athletic, in good shape, firm (stubble is cool too. Stylish men's hairstyles. Suits. Tight jeans). Stoicism is great imo. There's an appeal in how as woman, I now feel soft, physically, and a man can feel, rigid but in a comforting way. Strong. For the record I think strong women r so cool I just personally dont want to be one after having an expectation of strength my whole life I want to be soft lol.
And then you have to ask yourself how much of the mental and emotional aspect is drawn by conventional perceptions of gender binary. I think you'll find that a lot of us in this demographic (not all, but a lot), would like to be a more traditional woman who is soft, supportive, and nurturing; whereas, a man can be strong, secure, dependable, providing. But that is because a lot of us have had expectations of that placed on us so the opposite is quite appealing. But there are many relationship expectations, especially considering we are still technically in the queer community. So don't let that be your only expectation. It's just hard to define the mental aspect without comparing to your own experiences or societal expectations.
To attempt to turn this all into a salient point, I'll say what I consider to be sound general advice. You should be strive to be comfortable with yourself first, before looking to others expectations of you, because that is less important. Once you are confident of what you have to offer and what that is, you can look for someone who appreciates that and you for being you.
{Thank you for your advice. There's loads here to work with and it really means a lot that you typed all this out
Thinking about what I like about men — as a man — is interesting. It honestly never occurred to me to think of it that way.
I'd say my favourite thing about men is how supportive we can be. It's not the same kind of support that women often offer — the listening, the comforting, etc. It's more light hearted. Bigging each other up. Making each other feel strong. The back pats. Making each other feel good about ourselves. Sincere complements.
I guess it's partly the strength — but also how it's used. Men who use their strength to tear other men down, I don't really like. Men who use their strength to build each other up are great.
About myself, I like that I'm caring and moral. When I feel confident I can be quite charming. I will also go to lengths to protect women (and men) and I like that about myself.
I think what I can struggle with is... seeing things from the woman's perspective. I overcorrect I think. Like there's this woman at work and I think she likes me cos she remembers a lot of small details about me. Logically, I see that. But instinctively, I struggle to see how it's possible. I guess she likes how I look and maybe sees me as tall or strong or some shit? But I see myself as a sacred boy hahaha.}
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