It's something I've thought about, in fact I almost made this thread a couple of times. Different people may have different views of what "pathetic" means. For me, it is a combination of laziness, total dependence on other people and a failure to function as an adult human being despite theoretically being able to. My definition would therefore exclude people like Fatrick, the guy has too much energy and owns a house and a car. That puts him streets ahead of the real human detritus, such as:
James "Peetz" Lucas
If I was asked this two years ago, Chantal's ex-boyfriend Peetz would probably have my vote. Never mind the only person he has had sex with, Chantal is literally his only irl friend. Chantal used him as an unpaid domestic servant while she ate mountains of food, took enough drugs to prop up the economy of a medium-sized South American country and noisily fucked a series of men who were not him. His attempts at becoming a streamer were utterly embarrassing, he was often too stupid to get the technology to work, and when it did he would spend his streams raging at his own chat every time they out-smarted him, which was pretty much all the time. Then there was his zero-effort troon-out as "Ramona", his addiction to lesbian porn, and of course his legendary
PlentyOfFish Profile (top quote: "I want to work in a library and also be a woman"). As of a year ago he did in fact move out of Chantal's place when she moved to Kuwait and got a work-from-home job, thus dragging himself just about out of the bottom tier of human beings, but he's still a moronic pornsick AGP with no future who lives in his mum's friend's spare room.
Lou Gagliardi
Lougags is something special. A quite astonishingly stupid 40-year-old, 400lb manchild whose entire employment history was court-mandated bellringing for the Salvation Army after he assaulted a woman during one of his infamous tard rages, Lou has a severe shopping addiction for cheap electronics that he finances by e-begging and grifting. His sexuality is so severely warped by 20+ years of daily furry porn consumption that he no longer appears to be sexually interested in human beings at all, commissioning and consuming the most warped, extreme pornography of 6-armed tiger-women or hyper-dick muscle werewolves. He spends his time insulting people on a number of ever-shifting disqus accounts whilst e-begging and calling for social justice on his ever-changing Twitter and Bluesky accounts while screaming slurs in the comments of news articles under his other persona. He lives with his mother Denise, a violent alcoholic with a long criminal record who is rumoured locally to have had sex with a horse, his dying stepfather and his special-needs nephew who he is not allowed around unsupervised after the kid complained that Lou touched him "like a stranger". Lou has never had sex, never had a job, has been abandoned by all but the most dysfunctional of his friends and was thrown out of college for plaigarism. Has finally started wearing dresses after 7 whole years of claiming to be trans, thus making more progress with his diabetes in this time than he has with his troon-out.
Jake Alley
The original and inimitable, Jake has been mentioned several times here already. A fat, lazy manchild with no social skills, Jake is completely dysfunctional in almost every way. He deposited himself in his mother's attic and took years to be prised out, only to move to a nearby apartment that his mother pays for. She even visits regularly to deliver him tendies because he doesn't even seem capable of shopping for or feeding himself (which even LouGags can manage). He glommed onto the anti-GG movement in the mistaken belief that its leaders were his friends, whereas of course they ditched him as soon as they found out that he didn't even bother to shave his massive gnome beard and that he was gross and creepy. (Jake has since appeared at least once in full troon getup). Infamously, he once attended a family wedding (that he wasn't even invited to) where a relative was marrying a Japanese woman, so he decided that a Chinese coolie hat and jeans was appropriate attire. Jake just sits in his gnome attic, typing out long, nigh-incomprehensible screeds of paranoid nonsense or patronising "guides" on topics that he doesn't understand, to an audience of nobody. Jake thinks this makes him a journalist. What's notable about Jake is that he has more intellect about him than the others on this list, and did once design and release a board game. Whilst it was a total failure, it is more than the others on this list have managed. Jake is not a total idiot like Lou or Peetz, instead he is sheltered, isolated and increasingly paranoid and delusional, and thus never goes outside. His chronic inaction led to a number of industry opportunities falling from his grasp. Jake is the Mount Everest of laziness.
Shane Nokes
Unlike the other three on this list, Shane is not a pornsick AGP manchild. Shane is something truly unique, a specimen worthy of study by internet anthropologists. The ultimate Microsoft fanboy, the pinnacle of Shane's life was a stint as an XBox Live support rep and a retail clerk in an MS store. When he was fired from this, his mind snapped and he fell into a bizarre fantasy life. Shane is an internet fossil, he hasn't changed his ways AT ALL since 2002 and still thinks that the Matrix is the pinnacle of cool. His weird internet tough guy routine, where he pretends that he is an elite super-hacker who worked at the highest level at MS, is used in a very obvious and transparent attempt to bully people who disagree with him. The weird thing is that he has been doing this for over 20 years (there's an Urban Dictionary entry for one of his old usernames dating from 2003 citing the same thing) and it has never worked, ever. He has no idea how obvious his "My Uncle works for Nintendo" schtick is and is mocked and banned everywhere he goes. He is morbidly obese and sits at home on disability pretending to be a hacker, and decided to pick a fight with Kiwifarms which ended disastrously for him. He dragged his girlfriend, a giant hambeast who was even fatter than he was, into this argument, attempting an "information overload" attack by claiming that she was a sex worker in a bizarre attempt at an own. One day, Shane vanished entirely from the internet, and when he emerged months later she was gone, having presumably objected to being humiliated in front of thousands of hooting Kiwis in order to prop up her boyfriend's fantasy ego. Shane is truly one of a kind.
I’m gay
” at troons half his age. Toothless, bald and obese. And now he’s dead.
