Right I mentioned I was going to autopsy the
nightmarish take on Mac n Cheese Jack made, so
let's do it.
1. Jack's changed his intro again, this time it's a generic rock string as he shows off all of the terrible series he's had.
1b. Biggest ones to laugh at were the Recipe Roulette due to how terrible his logo for it was, or the idea he's ever honest with product reviews.
2. After the AI child narration he does for no logical reason at all, we open to him looking irked and constipated while slapping some cheese balls.
3. Recipe wise I already rate this a massive fucking F, since it's just cheese balls and elbow mac. This is going to suck.
3b. Not that it matters, since this bloated narc will just gurgle gud no matter what he shits out.
4. "Jack Skullfony here" ~ slurring with Jack
5. Fatty doodoo is so childishly happy about making poison disguised as booze he's flexing it right now in front of us. Cool, I'll autopsy that too since it's going to be terrible.
6. Jack openly admits he's copying a video. Not only that but even he thinks this is absolutely stupid.
6b. It's telling that this recipe is so absolutely horrible that even Jack, who loves his ribs raw and crunchy, thinks the recipe is dogshit.
7. "I wanna see if it works" ~ Jack literally right after telling us he thinks it's dumb and he knows the tiktoker hated it
8. "if it taste gud" Motherfucker you saw the reaction to the guy who made this. You think it looks like shit. Nothing about this is obvious it's going to be good.
9. Anyways, after the fat retarded pathological liar who sucks at even that lies about the possibility he'll rate this as bad when you know his ego can't handle failure, we finally begin the massacre.
10. So there is a logic to the gastronomy here, cheese balls do have a decent chunk of the components needed for a cheese sauce. It has oils, whey, and a grain to blend with the oil. That hypothetically can create the roux and cheese blend.
10b. The problem is that this is going to be shit because you can't actually regulate how much you need of each ingredient since you don't control portions by that alone. Also corn meal does not replace flour, properties are too different.
11. Jack is confused and angery on why you can't boil the cheese balls into "mailk", but honestly this is retarded no matter what.
11b. Also in my experience you can have too much richness. I learned that the hard way with a chicken and noodle dish I used cream of mushroom as a sauce for. Final product was too rich due to using too much milk and not enough stock.
12. Again, hypothetically this might work, it's just you're going to get a terrible product. Just make mac n cheese, the sauce is so simple I'll actually list what I do for my own.
13. Jack actually on some level thinks that he has enough pull to influence every family in America. He mentions that when he tries to distance the blow to his ego by calling it an experiment.
14. So we have two pots, which point. You do want one for each, though since the pasta takes less time you can wait on it.
15. Jack calls spaghetti a macaroni... hahaha so much for that Eyetie DNA huh.
16. Jack spends some time trying to explain the process of boiling pasta in water. He opens by talking about why some people put salt in the water. He is correct in saying that it does enhance flavor, but salt also aids in preventing gelification and sticking.
16b. Jack then points out that some people put oil into their water. Don't ever do this; it does nothing. Just get that water salty like the sea and you're fine.
16c. And Jack is again correct on stirring your noodles, it does prevent sticking and clumping. I'd actually give him points for this little segment, since while he fell for an old lie, that's a very common one a lot of home chefs make.
17. And Jack's fucking up by cooking the mac first. Not a good plan IMO, I find the cheese sauce takes longer.
18. Jack admits he's never stirred cheese balls into water before. Yeah no shit, no human would think of that.
18b. So to try and maybe make this a bit less shit; you probably should grind them into a powder to aid in dissolution. I really don't think this will succeed, but it'd give it more of a chance.
19. Jack had to spend a lot more time than the tiktoker or whoever he stole this abominable recipe from, which actually reminds me: you should use some of your pasta water in the sauce unlike this moron. It adds back some salt and helps the sauce stick to your pasta.
20. Jack struggles to spoon whatever abomination lurks in the other pot into the mac pot. Even he finds his failure funny.
20b. Also no you really should just spoon out your stuff into a bowl to help prevent the stuff from getting gluey.
21. Oh god that "cheese sauce" is just orange water. Absolutely fucking disgusting.
22. "looks gud" NO IT DOES NOT JACK
22b. Gotta love that defense to the ego. He openly admits it's not his recipe but he either is unable to tell if something looks like shit or he just can't accept ever making a failure.
22c. Either way it's pathetic.
23. You can use the stirring noises from the pot for an alien horror movie, it's that repulsive.
24. "Doesn't look that bad" It seriously does, since there's effectively no coating to this horrid slop.
25. Tammy contemplates suicide as Jack cheerfully and with chest fluids drowning him cheers "are you ready" with the same energy as a cuckold watching his lover get railed by another man.
26. Jack visibly flushes in anger as Tammy mixes up her bowl to maximize what potential this garbage has to stick. He's loud talking and likely came close to a hypertensive crisis again.
26b. But don't worry guiz, heart gud, lung gud *death gurgles*, beepee gud *flatlines for a second*
27. Jack goes powerbottom commander and tries to control Tammy's eating habits. It's pornographic and I'd actually have never released this video just because of how fucking embarrassing this is.
28. Tammy admits that Jack snuck in red pepper again, and Jack, stroked out and retarded as he is, misses it. She also says "it's kinda cheesy". Not good. Not good at all.
29. Jack is desperately fishing for a gud from Tammy, but she's mostly just saying it's only edible, and maybe if the "sauce" was reduced more it could be better.
29. It's actually amazing to see him craving validation in real time.
30. Jack visibly gets pissed when Tammy rates this pile of horseshit a B. What a baby; it's not even your recipe dude.
31. Tammy damningly compares this to the kraft variety. That's a massive failure then, because that shit was why I hated this dish for years until I had some more homemade stuff.
32. Jack goes full on soy smile at being compared to the stuff, and says "It can't be a failure then" with smug glee. It's one of his more puncheable moments tbh.
33. And Jack ends this video with the threat of releasing more awful "lazy man" ideas.
So yeah, it was repulsive. Let's palate cleanse with my own take on mac n cheese.
So I tend to prefer shells, corkscrews, or ridged elbows. From there I make a simple sauce. Roux, milk, a bit of pasta water for salting and stickage, and then my cheese blends. I tend to prefer using three: American to emulsify, sharp cheddar for flavor, and mozzie for a bit of stretch. I also add in my spices, which are just pepper and garlic powder. Then reduce until homogenous, and drizzle onto the damp noodles. It's pretty darn gud if done right.
