Are you a Lolcow? Take the quiz!

  • 🐕 I am attempting to get the site runnning as fast as possible. If you are experiencing slow page load times, please report it.
If there were a single person who embodied the common traits of lolcows, this "super lolcow" would:

- be male
- be from the Eastern USA
- be white
- be fat
- have brown hair
- be going bald
- have an odd-shaped head
- wear "pedo glasses"
- have an autism spectrum disorder
- have a poor theory of mind and project all the time
- be relatively young -- in their 30s at most
- act like a child
- get banned from places for acting like a child
- watch too much TV
- be really obsessed with cartoons primarily marketed to children
- be a furry or brony
- look older than their age
- live with their parent(s) in a house or at least not on their own
- rarely go outside
- be unmarried with no children
- be sex-deprived if not virgin
- have no friends IRL
- always put themselves first
- be obsessed with their name (like always using their full name)
- have an unhealthy view of women
- have a small dick
- post pic(s) of said dick
- have odd or freakish sex-related issues
- have poor hygiene
- fail at potty training
- have issues with feces
- fail at learning to ride a bike
- fail to understand TL;DR
- be on the dole
- have poor college education if any
- be very gullible
- think they're intellectually superior despite evidence to the contrary
- have at least 1 smartphone with service despite lack of social life
- be active on social media
- constantly e-beg for donations and suck at managing money
- have a Youtube account
- have a deviantART account
- make and post unprofessional art while thinking it's professional
- want to make a career of said art
- believe they're already self-employed artists
- "chimp out" all the time, especially at criticism of said art
- make up a fantasy land to cope with reality
- have an odd hodgepodge of religious beliefs
- attempt to curse people with magic
- have a laughable arsenal of things like mace and crappy knives
- fail to possess a gun
- believe that letters can fix anything
- come out as trans but make little or no effort to pass
- want to stump the Trump
- hate Kiwi Farms
- take pot shots at the Farms from another site
- love cheese

I've posted this list before, but I wanted to update it.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Elwood P. Dowd, Sargent PoopyFace and demeter
42, though I did add 7 for being part of the Undertale fandom. (I figured it was more on-par with Homestuck than SU; no one tried to commit suicide over it, at least.)
 
Total score: 50--laughing stock. Not too noteworthy, but enjoyable to point and laugh at.

I think being a conservative, shipping yaoi, living with my parents and being unemployed did me in.

Well...go on. Point and laugh.
 
Last edited:
  • Autistic
Reactions: cowisnow
40-55: Laughing stock. Not too noteworthy, but enjoyable to point and laugh at.

At least I'm not a lolcow.
 
51. What kinda didn't help was how I ship pretty much any kind of partner combination (still never understood ship wars and crazy shippers, though) and how I tend to curse a lot IRL. Not quite the way the most extreme option is phrased here, but I'm pretty liberal with my cursing.
 
Score = 31.

Wait. How the fuck is "living alone" more lol-cow points than "living with others besides your parents"? Living alone at least suggests you are functional enough to rent an apartment by yourself.

Edit: And shitpisscuntfuckmotherfuckertits. Even at work I curse so much I'd make a drunk sailor blush.
 
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: ToroidalBoat and TiredConlanger
The funny thing is that if I was arrogant and thought my art was good (which it isn't) I'd have scored lower, while I could have in full honesty given myself a couple extra lolcow points by rating my own art as "terrible" instead of "mediocre".
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Silvana and TiredConlanger
39, because (:powerlevel: here) I'm an unemployed autistic libertarian that still lives with his parents and who's highest level of education completed is a high school diploma (still working on obtaining my bachelor's).

EDIT: That was the original quiz, here's the revised one:

1. What is your age range?
-A: 12-16 (5)
-B: 17-27 (2)
-C: 28+ (5)

2. What is your gender?
-A: Male (2)
-B: Female (0)
-C: Other (5)

3. What fandoms do you belong to? Add all that apply.
-Sonic the Hedgehog (15)
-My Little Pony (10)
-Naruto (5)
-Superwholock (7)
-Final Fantasy (5)
-Pokemon (5)
-Homestuck (7)
-Avatar/Korra (5)
-Other anime (5)
-Other games (5)
-Star Trek (4)
-Steven Universe (15)

4. What is your sexuality?
-A: Heterosexual (1)
-B: Homosexual (3)
-C: Bisexual (2) (figured out that I'm most likely bisexual)
-D: Asexual (2)
-E: Other (6)

5. What is your relationship status?
-A: Single/Divorced (5)
-B: Married/Taken (0)

6. Do you have any sexual fetishes?
- A: No, and if I did I wouldn't tell you (0)
- B: Yes, and I will tell them to you in great detail (7) (yes I was autistic enough to actually reveal my fetishes at one point and I still am at times)

7. What is your level of artistic skill?
-A: I don't do art. (0)
-B: Terrible, and I know it (3)
-C: Good, but others see it as terrible (7)
-D: Actually good (1)

8. Are you outspoken in your religious beliefs (including atheism)?
-A: Yes (5)
-B: No (0)

9. Where are you on the political spectrum?
-A: I don't give a shit. (0)
-B: Mainstream (1)
-C: I see myself as mainstream, but others on the end of the political spectrum see me as extreme (3)
-D: Everyone considers me an extremist, or just crazy (7)

10. Are you a furry?
-A: Yes (10)
-B: No (0)

11. Are you otherkin?
-A: Yes (6)
-B: No (0)

12. How prone are you to become angry?
-A: I have a hair trigger (10)
-B: I frustrate easily (6)
-C: I sometimes get annoyed (3)
-D: I'm fairly mellow (0)

13. Do you show this on the Internet?
-A: I try not to (-3) (but I sometimes let my emotions get the better of me)
-B: All the time! (0)

14. Do you use strong language?
-A: FUCKPISSSHITCUNTCOCKSUCKERMOTHERFUCKERTITS (10)
-B: Damn straight! (5)
-C: No (0)

15. Are you a virgin?
-A: Yes (5)
-B: No (0)

16. If you answered "Yes" to the above, are you ashamed/misogynistic due to that?
-A: Yes (3)
-B: No (0)
-C: I answered "B" (0)

17. Are you autistic or do you have a diagnosed mental disorder?
-A: Yes (5)
-B: No (0)

18. What is your housing situation?
-A: Living with parents (5)
-B: Living with others besides parents (2)
-C: Living alone (3)
-D: Homeless and bumming off Wifi (5)

19. What is your employment status?
-A: Unemployed (7)
-B: Part-time (5)
-C: Full-time (1)
-D: Student (0)

20. What is the highest level of education you completed?
-A: High school dropout (10)
-B: High school diploma (5)
-C: Bachelor's degree (2)
-D: Master's degree or higher (0)

21. Did you score fairly high on 18 and 19 because you're still looking for a job and will try to clear those problems as soon as possible?
-A: Yes (-10)
-B: No (0)

22: Do you have an article dedicated to you on Encyclopedia Dramatica?
-A: Yes (10)
-B: No (0)


Add your scores and see where you rank:

6-20: NORP. Normal, ordinary, reasonable person. Decidedly NOT a lolcow.
21-39: Eccentric. Kind of an oddball, but okay in spite of (or maybe because of) your weirdness.
40-55: Laughing stock. Not too noteworthy, but enjoyable to point and laugh at.
56-132: Lolcow. You will be mocked, and you will deserve it.
132-190: BITCH, ARE YOU FOR REAL?! Time for you to have a wiki dedicated to you!

I got a 31 this time.
 
Last edited:
I scored a 29. Surprised that MLP isn't on the fandom list because that would have boosted me to over 40, I believe.

What did help was my Master's Degree, a steady full-time job and living alone.

I also assume the fandom question applies to really extreme cases and not just 'Hey, FFXV looks like good fun. I'll see if it's any good these days'
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back