Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[MirnaMinkoff]

You (or Joe? I don't remember specifically where this claim has come from) are misunderstanding socialisation. When you're a male, the world sees and treats you as a male, you're categorised as male in society. You are socialised into a bunch of gender roles/stereotypes that aren't necessarily intrinsic to having male biology but are about what role you're expected to play in society. I guess the only way to avoid being socialised as your sex would be transing a newborn.

Especially if Joe went to a boys school it's completely ludicrous to suggest he wasn't socialised male.

Joe, but just because he’s used to bitching at TERFs so the word is thrown around a lot and he’s very imprecise in language for a English professor (or he’s using it purposely due to TERF wars.)

But what he means is actually the great complaint of a swath right wing about a single mom being unable to raise a strong man. Joe just likes proving how correct the hard right is in multiple ways, academia is degenerate liberal trash, MTF is a sexual fetish, boys need strong male father figures, etc…by his very existence.

 

[unrealistic expectations]

(or he’s using it purposely due to TERF wars.)

Yeah this is it. He likes to muddy the linguistic waters so that engaging with him logically is completely impossible.

See also his complete lack of consistency.. e.g. the recent complaining about "Cuntz" being obscene filth when he can say whatever the fuck he wants.

It's why he's one of my favourite lolcows. He's so maliciously disingenuous, but it's also so obvious to anyone who's not a smooth brain twitter moron.

 

[Bookwork]

parenting tips from Kiwi Farms

A stellar concept worth Null's attention.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

I'm just glad they took advice I gave about a month before the kid was born and bought a big pack of newborn receiving blankets like they use in the hospital as a cheaper alternative to muslin burp cloths. I hope they take all their parenting tips from Kiwi Farms, it'll go better for them.

Unlike Bex's baby, this one does seem unusually aware for his age. Good head control. They're going to have a hell of a time keeping this one from realizing what his parents are.

No need to buy them, the hospital will let you take home a big stack. Insurance is paying the hospital like $25k for a no frills, standard natural delivery, then $4k a day for hospital room, they are cool with people taking $15 worth of blankets after charging $20 for a .5 Oz tube for lanolin oil and $40 per OTC pain reliever pill. (Yea, I looked at the itemized bill the hospital submitted to my insurance. )

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

No need to buy them, the hospital will let you take home a big stack. Insurance is paying the hospital like $25k for a no frills, standard natural delivery, then $4k a day for hospital room, they are cool with people taking $15 worth of blankets after charging $20 for a .5 Oz tube for lanolin oil and $40 per OTC pain reliever pill. (Yea, I looked at the itemized bill the hospital submitted to my insurance. )

Hmph! I got no free blankets, just the cute pink & blue stretchy cap....

 

[bei_rav]

Having been in these circles and seen plenty of Mallories in my time (and, admittedly, having had plenty of these kinds of thoughts/affects myself in college), I can definitely say that they do not have a set sense of self. Which sounds ironic, given said rich inner worlds, but hear me out: these kinds of girls want desperately to be changed. They want to find someone to recognize what's lovely and wonderful about them, and then they'll be able to exit the chrysalis

Consider writing about this for a non-Farmer audience. Everything under that spoiler hits hard and I haven't seen it actually discussed. On the theme of Austen, ironic to be using Mary (possibly Caroline Bingley) tactics toward Elizabeth-type goals. Aside from the implosion examples you give, I know one or two young women who grew out of this phase in a lovely way, retaining the best of what that flavour of goofiness can give you, and now I'm trying to think what their common denominator is.

 

[swingbatta]

Consider writing about this for a non-Farmer audience. Everything under that spoiler hits hard and I haven't seen it actually discussed. On the theme of Austen, ironic to be using Mary (possibly Caroline Bingley) tactics toward Elizabeth-type goals. Aside from the implosion examples you give, I know one or two young women who grew out of this phase in a lovely way, retaining the best of what that flavour of goofiness can give you, and now I'm trying to think what their common denominator is.

I also have friends (and a cousin I adore) who ARE the Britbox-watching, whimsy-adoring types who have steered clear of the gender menace and are just enjoying their cozy existence with hobbies, friends, and family.

With a few, it's because they were just ahead of the internet boom, and so they didn't have the social media poison to tell them that the best way to be themselves was to kill everything about who they were via transitioning. With the others, I think it's that sense of self--whether they found it themselves or through a one-in-a-million good match, they were able to be like "Actually, I enjoy being me and I'm going to just keep doing that, and everyone around me can go fuck themselves if they hate it." Honestly, it's the one's who actually embrace being the witchy spinster aunt rather than the quirky ingenue as they age.

 

[Potatis Salad]

Lily posts: "Born to stare"





Joe, ever committed to posting the most unflattering pics of Mallory ever, posts: "The future's / made of / virtual insanity"

"That's OK, my marrow's just low."

 

[monstrous bubo]

„Hot dads are the hottest” is a true statement, but why it was added to a picture of skinhead Tard Baby playing pretendsies with Bobby Joe is a mystery.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Looks like she's getting one last visit with the nephew before being admitted to the AIDS hospice.

What is that tat on her arm? Anyone had a better look at it? I would have thought she would be a little more creative than just a basic pentagram as shock fodder, but that's what it looks like.

 

[monstrous bubo]

What is that tat on her arm? Anyone had a better look at it? I would have thought she would be a little more creative than just a basic pentagram as shock fodder, but that's what it looks like.

I couldn’t find a better picture alas, but did find this old tweet in which a man marks his girlfriend with a tattoo to show ownership a girl picks a cute tatt for her hunk o’ the month


link | archive

As a palate cleanser, here they are still relatively freshfaced and unmarked


link | archive

 

[Mellorine]

It's a plain pentagram with "unhappiness" in Spanish written around it.

No idea what the upside down tree thing on the other arm is. All her tattoos look like they were done in somebody's kitchen with a machine bought off eBay. All that money for designer rags, but none for a competent tattoo artist.

I'm sure the hand is taken from some Christian icon or similar, but it looks like a banana peel stuck to a botched and unfinished Captain America shield.

Edit to add: The hand thing is literally one of the very first results if you Google Image Search "hand of God." Maybe Mal was all about obscure Spanish church frescos, but I'm guessing she did much the same and cribbed it straight off of Wikipedia.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

It's a plain pentagram with "unhappiness" in Spanish written around it.

Damn what a literal fucking curse to brand into your own flesh.

 

[monstrous bubo]

It's a plain pentagram with "unhappiness" in Spanish written around it.

Damn what a literal fucking curse to brand into your own flesh.

Mystery solved. Her Instagram post revealing the tatt teased that there was an Ivanhoe reference. In Ivanhoe, Wilfred of Ivanhoe appears at a tournament in the guise of a mysterious Spanish knight called "Desdichado". The other knights interpret it as disinherited.


link

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

I couldn’t find a better picture alas, but did find this old tweet in which a man marks his girlfriend with a tattoo to show ownership a girl picks a cute tatt for her hunk o’ the month

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link | archive

As a palate cleanser, here they are still relatively freshfaced and unmarked

View attachment 5946492
link | archive

Wow. I had missed that tattoo and story.

Was it a submission test? A demonstration of absolute trust? Ownership? Testing how much shit she would eat and still smile and post it on IG?

Maybe the poor fool thought Joe has such superior taste, and loves her so much, he would pick out a perfect tattoo for her. It was going to be so romantic, and symbolize her new liberated, devil-may-care, bohemian life with Joe. So Joe picked out a giant tattoo that looks like it came from grandma’s fancy Xmas decoration box for shits and giggles. It really does encapsulate their relationship. Joe takes a large, stinky shit on Mallory and she smiles publicly and gives a big thumbs up.

He really does loathe her. This was only her second tattoo? He chose a giant, ugly angel she would have never selected in a million years. Maybe he even told her it’s because she’s his very own angel.

Mallory claims to hate cliches so make her permanently sport a giant one on her chest. If Mallory did like her new chest Joe wanted to ruin it. I’ve never seen her topless in photos and most pooners love going topless after a double mastectomy.

All the tattoos Mallory has covered her body with since seem to have clean modern line designs, a contemporary aesthetic that reference either deeply personal issues and/or obscure literary references. The type of tattoos she could bore you for ten minutes plus explaining if someone asked.

I can only wonder what super cool, special tattoo she envisioned Joe selecting for her and that’s what she got instead. At least all testosterone probably prevented her from loudly sobbing in the tattoo shop when she saw it.

Did Mallory get to pick out a tattoo for Joe? Hmmm. I’m going to bet no. Judging from the ugly complex arty tattoos Joe has on his own body he would never be caught dead with that angel tattoo.

If Mallory had any sanity she would have ended the relationship after that tattoo. I’m sure Mallory thought of it as a honor to entrust the selection of a tattoo over her heart to Joe. He sure showed her.

At least Mallory has one tattoo Christian evangelicals would think was awesome. Joe should have added a “WWJD” on the banner.

 

[Paul Enwerdhoeven]

It's a plain pentagram with "unhappiness" in Spanish written around it.

Mystery solved. Her Instagram post revealing the tatt teased that there was an Ivanhoe reference. In Ivanhoe, Wilfred of Ivanhoe appears at a tournament in the guise of a mysterious Spanish knight called "Desdichado". The other knights interpret it as disinherited.

2024 NYC is full of Hispanic people that would read that as the Spanish word and not think twice about it. At least desdichado is a very apt word for Mallory.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

2024 NYC is full of Hispanic people that would read that as the Spanish word and not think twice about it. At least desdichado is a very apt word for Mallory.
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The last six years Mallory has made her body a canvas with imagery depicting unhappiness, god and anger...and a tree I guess. I can't decide if she was one of those pooners who thought transition would cure all her negative emotions or if she wants everyone to think behind the whimsy and jokes there is a deep, very dark side.

I have noticed that she stays away from going into any emotional or personal depth in her writing, she strives so hard to charm and amuse I find it unreadable after awhile. She does mention anxiety quite a bit, but never depression.

The book she wrote about becoming a pooner she goes to great lengths to stress how she doesn't relate to MEN but to "other trans people". I wonder why she didn't go with the nonbinary "they/them" thing.

So going by her tattoos she hates her dad, is unhappy, and likes god and gaudy angels in flowing robes. One might jump to the conclusion that her radical trans-life in the polycule has not had a positive effect on her mental health. I'm sure caring for her husband's girlfriend's baby will rectify that problem.

Edit to add: The hand thing is literally one of the very first results if you Google Image Search "hand of God." Maybe Mal was all about obscure Spanish church frescos, but I'm guessing she did much the same and cribbed it straight off of Wikipedia.

It's from ancient church in Catalonia, but it's from the oldest church in the "Valley of the Boi" lol but it looks like utter shit compared to the actual mural icon. I know my Spanish iconography, and murals from that church, and totally didn't recognize it until you called it "the hand of god" and I looked really closely. She really needs to find a decent tattoo artist if she's determined to cover her body in them.

 

[Potatis Salad]

She really needs to find a decent tattoo artist if she's determined to cover her body in them.

Agreed. Since Joe and Mallory got almost all of their tattoos during the course of their relationship, I wonder how/why it is that Joe managed to get quality work and Mallory didn't?

Went over to Instagram to grab a pic of Joe's tattoos as an example, and lo, there's a new post. Good lord this fucking dude is repulsive.



Never seen dark circles quite like this, they're brown and go all the way up to his eyebrows and halfway down his cheeks. Reminder that he has gout.


And one from Lily:

At least Mallory doesn't look like she's actively considering suicide in this one!

Nice neckbeard.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Looks like a Pepperpot from a reboot of Monty Python where everyone is a heroin addict living in an anarchist house.

 

[Aunt Carol]

No idea what the upside down tree thing on the other arm is.

Napa cabbage? Maybe bok choy?