Inactive Shmorky / David Kelly / Daisy Kay / Sandypants / Peaches the Puppy & Ex-Fiance Amanda "Mandy" Mullen - Something Awful throwaway, pedophile sexual predator, abusive tranny schizo chaser; batshit crazy ex-fiancée

[Pickle Inspector]

I wish. Wouldn't that be an amazing crossover? According to Shmorky, blowjob roommate was "A big, gay, hairy, Jewish Bear." Maybe that's how he learned about towel handjobs? Also Shmorky has NO room to talk about being a big, hairy man.



He cried about everything. He would just burst into tears at random claiming he was having "rape flashbacks" or gender dysphoria or was just really depressed. I remember he cried once because his sports bra didn't fit. When Shmork and I were just home alone he would rarely wear a shirt, and just walk around with his sports bra and girdle on with some shorts. There was something really jarring about seeing a man that big and hairy wearing a bra.

Did you ever ask him why he didn't shaved?

 

[polonium]

I imagine it's pretty hard to force someone to give you a blowjob against their will, considering you're putting your dick into their mouth, k'know, where their teeth are.

I mean yes, you might not want to smoke pole in normal circumstances, and the alternative is homelessness so you hold your nose and do it and hate every minute of it, but you're are doing it of your own volition at that point.

 

[Amanda Mullen]

In that cartoon, he says "he was like a giant compared to me."

This has to be utter bullshit.

I also like how "he was careful not to leave a mark on me."

Since fucking when does giving a blowjob leave a mark?

What hyper-dramatic bullshit. I also bet if his uncle beat him up it was because he acted like you describe him acting to anyone else he lives with. I can't imagine why he hasn't had his ass kicked more frankly.

Trigger Warning: Shirtless Shmorky

Shmorky used to be a scrawny little thing in his 20s. Still, they probably would have been the same height. Either way it wouldn't matter because he sucked that bear dick WILLINGLY. Because, you know, the other option was *gasp* getting a job, and such common peasant work was not fit for the soft, pure, genderless hands of the modern day Da Vinci known as David Kelly.

Did you ever ask him why he didn't shaved?

He shaved his face, but that was it. I offered to wax his back and stuff but he complained that his skin was too sensitive and it would just grow right back. He kept telling me that he was planning on having laser removal for all the hair on his body, but much like HRT, looking into that stuff and making doctor's appointments was just too much work so he never bothered.

 

[Overcast]

If that comic was from anyone else, I'd be inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt. I'd imagine sucking dick just so you can stay at someone's place isn't a fun experience. Especially if you have such low self esteem and self worth you feel you can't do anything else.

But this is Shmorky we're talking about.

 

[TiggerNits]

This is the comic you're talking about, he has it as a pinned tweet lol.
http://imgur.com/a/jNhvA

Shmorky.jpg

 

[Amanda Mullen]

Shmorky.jpg

Spoiler alert: He's still failing.

 

[TiggerNits]

Spoiler alert: He's still failing.

I'm sure his barometer for success hasn't been calibrated in quite some time

 

[Megapiss]

Trigger Warning: Shirtless Shmorky

Shmorky used to be a scrawny little thing in his 20s. Still, they probably would have been the same height. Either way it wouldn't matter because he sucked that bear dick WILLINGLY. Because, you know, the other option was *gasp* getting a job, and such common peasant work was not fit for the soft, pure, genderless hands of the modern day Da Vinci known as David Kelly.



He shaved his face, but that was it. I offered to wax his back and stuff but he complained that his skin was too sensitive and it would just grow right back. He kept telling me that he was planning on having laser removal for all the hair on his body, but much like HRT, looking into that stuff and making doctor's appointments was just too much work so he never bothered.

You must have pics of Shmorky's dick. You should post them.

 

[glass_houses]

Spoiler alert: He's still failing.

"failing" implies he's still trying to make something work. "Failed" would be much more accurate.That wanker can live another forty years, but he's not and will never do anything with his life except piss all over himself and argue with the cishet fascists who oppress him by saying, "We fucking work to give you clean water, food to eat and a place to live. Either start paying your own way, or at least shut the fuck up and move somewhere where we can't hear, see, or smell your dirty nappies."

 

[Amanda Mullen]

You must have pics of Shmorky's dick. You should post them.

I truly wish I did, but Shmorky was not a man to send dick pics, since he wanted to pretend like his dick didn't exist, hence why he tucked it behind his legs so often. If you're curious about what Shmork's dick looks like - it's about 5 inches, cut, and often wrapped in a towel. The closest thing I have to a Shmorky dick pic is him in this sheer stockings. Shmork always said he "had legs that just needed to be shown off."

 

[TiggerNits]

@Mandarys_Milan you could probably write one hell of an art house horror flick based on these experiences, for whatever it's worth. Shmorky is way scarier than slender man

 

[Amanda Mullen]

Oh wow, I found a rare photo of Shmorky.

 

[HG 400]

@Mandarys_Milan you could probably write one hell of an art house horror flick based on these experiences, for whatever it's worth. Shmorky is way scarier than slender man

It would be good for a Misery type thing where the protagonist gets physically crippled or helpless or w/e and ends up really vulnerable and in Shmorky's control, otherwise the audience wouldn't be able to empathise with anybody who voluntarily stays near Shmorky instead of just curbstomping him.

 

[TiggerNits]

It would be good for a Misery type thing where the protagonist gets physically crippled or helpless or w/e and ends up really vulnerable and in Shmorky's control, otherwise the audience wouldn't be able to empathise with anybody who voluntarily stays near Shmorky instead of just curbstomping him.

For sure, just a movie showing him as the awful creature he is and all the emotional and mental abuse he throws at his victims making them feel trapped and subservient. The yarn wig and creepy voice would add a lot to it, too. Plus a towel jerk-off scene in a dirty, poorly lit room would probably be one of the most enduring horror scenes of the decade

 

[Amanda Mullen]

It would be good for a Misery type thing where the protagonist gets physically crippled or helpless or w/e and ends up really vulnerable and in Shmorky's control, otherwise the audience wouldn't be able to empathise with anybody who voluntarily stays near Shmorky instead of just curbstomping him.

A paraplegic or double amputee would be the perfect girlfriend for Shmorky. A handicap transportation bus takes a wrong turn in Mineral Virginia and somehow she falls out near his trailer. He takes her in from the road and says "I'll take care of you my sweet bee, but I must warn you, my desires are...unconventional." To which he rolls her in to a damp, concrete floored bedroom full of spiders and naked, pissing and shitting klurf drawings covering every surface of every wall, a layer of crumpled up armpit paper towels dusting the floor like a soiled, city dog-pissed-in snowfall. The centerpiece of the room is a fisher price training toilet, encircled by fresh diapers and baby powder...Shmorky's hulking, lipstick and yarn wig'd figure looms over his victim and in a menacing castrato speaks "Welcome to Klurftown...now who needs a diapey change?"

 

[Big Nasty]

Nice!

A few questions:

What is your opinion about the fact that everyone assumed you were a troon when they first heard of you?

What's up with Shmorky's turtlenecks?

WTF is "Erotic Hypnosis"?

Stay frosty Mandy, and don't Halal yourself.

 

[Piss Clam]

A paraplegic or double amputee would be the perfect girlfriend for Shmorky. A handicap transportation bus takes a wrong turn in Mineral Virginia and somehow she falls out near his trailer. He takes her in from the road and says "I'll take care of you my sweet bee, but I must warn you, my desires are...unconventional." To which he rolls her in to a damp, concrete floored bedroom full of spiders and naked, pissing and shitting klurf drawings covering every surface of every wall, a layer of crumpled up armpit paper towels dusting the floor like a soiled, city dog-pissed-in snowfall. The centerpiece of the room is a fisher price training toilet, encircled by fresh diapers and baby powder...Shmorky's hulking, lipstick and yarn wig'd figure looms over his victim and in a menacing castrato speaks "Welcome to Klurftown...now who needs a diapey change?"

John Waters could direct this. Too bad Divine is not around to play shmorky.

 

[HG 400]

A paraplegic or double amputee would be the perfect girlfriend for Shmorky. A handicap transportation bus takes a wrong turn in Mineral Virginia and somehow she falls out near his trailer. He takes her in from the road and says "I'll take care of you my sweet bee, but I must warn you, my desires are...unconventional." To which he rolls her in to a damp, concrete floored bedroom full of spiders and naked, pissing and shitting klurf drawings covering every surface of every wall, a layer of crumpled up armpit paper towels dusting the floor like a soiled, city dog-pissed-in snowfall. The centerpiece of the room is a fisher price training toilet, encircled by fresh diapers and baby powder...Shmorky's hulking, lipstick and yarn wig'd figure looms over his victim and in a menacing castrato speaks "Welcome to Klurftown...now who needs a diapey change?"

Honestly I think you would have to tone it down from reality or nobody would take it seriously.

OwO What's This?: i want to be one of shmorky's diaper girls

It can't be overemphasised that no matter how worthless and disgusting and perverted you are, you can still find somebody into you on the ol' Kiwi Farms.

 

[Amanda Mullen]

Nice!

A few questions:

What is your opinion about the fact that everyone assumed you were a troon when they first heard of you?

What's up with Shmorky's turtlenecks?

WTF is "Erotic Hypnosis"?

Stay frosty Mandy, and don't Halal yourself.

It wouldn't have been the first time someone thought I was troon. When I wear certain shirts it looks like I have broad shoulders. Still though, I'm 5' 1" so it's hard to make that confusion. My voice kind of has a weird, deep-ish quality to it, so on recordings I may come across that way. Also I have "SJW hair" (I've had dyed hair about a decade before Tumblr was even invented, fuck them for appropriating my culture), so I can see where people would assume things. I also don't think people expected Shmorky to be with a cis girl, so again they just assumed I was a troon. Some people also thought I was an Female-to-male as well because I occasionally get really obsessed with weight lifting and say things like "look at my man muscles!" and people took that as I was literally transitioning to being a man. That was something Shmorky actually pushed on me though, because he said "I have more guy interests and a guy attitude" so I should think about becoming a guy. I thought about it for a couple days and then just thought "why does it even matter?" Gender is just something that's ultimately cosmetic and skin deep, plus I'm heterosexual, so why would I want to be a man if I like men? But anyway, I'm not a troon, so it doesn't bother me at all. It would be like accusing me of having 3 noses, it's something completely untrue so it doesn't phase me when people think it.

About the turtlenecks, Shmorky had this weird belief that the turtlenecks would prevent him from aging. Like, if he wore a turtleneck 24/7 it would keep the muscles in his neck and chin taut. I tried to tell him that I don't think skin works that way, but he insisted that the turtlenecks would preserve a "youthful" appearance on him. It wasn't just turtlenecks either, he would wear these weird balaclava ski hood things (he had this exact one) over his head and face a lot. He would often take long walks at night wearing this thing over his face and was stopped by cops a few times because they thought he was trying to rob shit. Whenever I managed to drag him out of the house without makeup on (which was almost never) he would be wearing it over his face. This got him a lot of weird stares...but then again Shmorky always got weird stares. Now that I think about it, I don't think we ever left the house without him covering up EVERY INCH of his skin. Even if it was 100 degrees outside, he would be wearing a turtleneck. This is again why I think he did something, or something fucked up happened in his past, and that's why he went to such great lengths to hide his real name, real age, and identity from people. He claimed that part of it was because he had rabid fans that had "stalked" him in the past, one even going so far as to track down where he lived and show up at his door. I can assure you that in all the time I lived with him, nobody "stalked" him.

Erotic hypnosis is just like any other hypnosis, but it nets you a lot more money. I do actually know hypnosis and have gotten people to stop smoking, lose weight and shit like that, and done stage shows, but the reality is you make money a lot faster with the erotic stuff. I don't want to turn this into a powerlevel post, so if you PM I'll get more into detail and show you my youtube channel.

It's not something I really liked doing, but when you're living with this bozo who thinks $639 a month on Patreon is "making it in life" you do what you have to do to not be homeless. https://www.patreon.com/shmorky

I think it's very telling that just about every single one of Shmorky's comics is tagged with "Depression."

 

[Big Nasty]

From what I remember, Big Ones was pretty funny. Was that site archived somewhere? Shmorky was definitely more lucid some 10-12 years ago. I think that around that time, he seriously tried to ditch his perversions and and straighten his life out. He failed and became worse than he had ever been before.