Glad to this this thread again. A lot of pages to catch up on. Looking forward to it. Plus a bunch of Jack content to catch up on since it wasn't as fun without this thread. I've started watching his videos with the playback speed set to 125%. If you haven't tried this give it a go. That playback speed basically erases the last stroke and makes him sound normal by his standards again. He should be doing this manually in the video editor before publishing.
Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
- Thread starter Gentlebastard
- Start date
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2020
I am just going to give my review of half a stroke faces stupid meat slicer video, because to be honest watching this man try to impersonate a cook just irritates me. So the intro with the stupid myfreemp3 guitar riff, with the nonsensical transitions is just completely uncanny to begin with. The highlight dishes are homemade big macs and by far the most processed "carnivor," looking plate imaginable. Presentation with the ingredients as I can already tell came out of a preprocessed frozen bag, I will give it 1 bloody chicken out of 10 for what is supposed to be his highlight dishes. Honest reviews also is baffling because unless he is actively using the thing every day and is familar with the brands, and not just an glorified unboxing video; I give it a half a month old unpackaged kraft single out of 40.
Now moving on with the content of the actual video; Okay so mushmouth can't pronounce the brand correctly, tries to play it off as they have to correct his stroke faced interpretation of the name of the company. The other two products he refers to he doesn't even care to explain or list how he used them, assuming that we know what he is speaking about by default. So he states it is a commercial meat slicer, now as what other posters on here have already stated. No home cook has any type of use for a commercial meat slicer. Also using it to cut pork tenderloin out of all things just shows his lack of any ability to use a tool called a chefs knife to even make appropriate slices of that type of meat. Normally a commercial slicer you would want to use for deli meats, not with pork tenderloin. The fact he doesn't even realize that you can go thinner than 1/2", especially considering you would normally cut a deli meat down to the range of 1/8" to maybe at most a 1/4" just shows he has never used a commercial slicer before.
Now he unpackaged the thing, which the fact he mentioned having to use Kevlar gloves to clean the thing is also stupid. Literally just don't clean the thing like a donkey and use a good rag, the proper sanitizer, and maybe a pair of tongs to get in the creves of the slicer. This is a little pussy one so it should actually be breeze to clean. Now the fact he starts with cutting cheese and then the meat just shows his level of retardation. Unless you are again going to want 1/8" of an inch cuts, which can be accomplished by just conventional wire; Then what is the point of the thing unless you are cutting for a party of 50-60 people. All the work just even for a family less than 10 just a massive waste of time. Also eye balling what you normally want to do, but if anything it is just on your inital two strokes to even it out. If it is a fresh cut and not all mangled, then you should be able to get a fairly consistent cut after 2 or 3 strokes at the most. Now after watching the technique of how they cut the cheese. Now here are the things competely fucked up about how they even cut it.
1) Used one hand
2) You want to do gentle strokes as you are cutting so the surface area is even, so as you continue feeding the slicer; Your product not only stays consistent on the end it is coming out sliced, but also the actual brick or chunk of meat you are cutting. Even with cheese you want to go nice and gentle, also using two hands; You left as your guide, and your second hand as the hand that is the force for the feed.
3) You don't go down from huge decerations, you should have an idea already before slicing how thin you want it to be. A commercial slicer you should never go beyond a 1/4" cut at most.
4) Again, terrible example of starting off talking about a slicer with cheese out of all things. You should have a variety of meats to slice and compare how level the cuts are. More firm the meat, more difficult the cut.
Now seeing the final product you can immediately tell that they fucked up every single brick they cut, from the thickest to the thinnest. The fact he can't use a fucking knife to cut that thin just shows he is a fucking goof. Also I don't want uneven pieces of cheese on my sandwich, that is just plain offensive to not only the guest; But to any professional in the field and with cheese of all fucking things. That brick to me just by eye balling it is way more than an inch so he is a fucking goof and that is even a bit too thick for a pork chop with that type of equipment. The 6 setting is still way too fucking thick for charcuterie cheese. Again, thinner the better, and especially with those cheeses because they are fucking expensive, and you'll be practically giving away the cheese for free at that point. Now the thickness for a sandwich, granted that one is a decent thickness, but again it is mangled to fuck so that is not passable. At that point just get them precut from the local butcher, they'll do it better with no fucked up parts. But again, you can just use wire at that point.
Now with the transition, notice the fucking guy didn't even bother cleaning the blade. You don't use a dirty blade for cutting any type of dairy to any type of raw meat or vice versa. You clean the blade, it is one thing if you are cutting different deli meats, and just do a quick wipe of the crevice's, which granted it isn't the best method. But if you have a ton of different meats to cut and a limited amount of time before service, then fuck it who will know. Again though, you don't go from different products drastically like that without properly sanitizing, you just ruined your meat even before cutting Jack. Now again watching the stoking motion, you can notice that it is getting caught in the blade because he didn't even prime the thing up correctly, and also has no idea the level of force to even give with the strokes. Also again, cutting pork like this and especially at such a thickness is inefficent and you are better off using a knife.
Now just looking at the end result of the pork, all the same problems as the cheese, uneven edges, and uneven surfaces. It will not only fucking be a nightmare to cook, but after it is cooked would barely be editable. Due to the contours of the surface area not being properly flush, the tenderness is completely affected and is mangled. Now the fact he interchanged defrosted with partially frozen just shows his lack of understanding of how even basic lingo goes. Now in a slicer you do not want a frozen block or even better yet even a paritally frozen piece of meat. The ice will literally not only ruin the symetery of your cuts with a slicer, but also again mangle the fuck out of your product. With a conventional knife, yes you would like to have it a little bit frozen to make it a bit easier. But also in my honest opinion at least for me, it is a lot easier, and actually a lot better if you have the piece of meat perfectly defrosted at room temp. With a good sharp knife and a good eye, you should be able to cut something like pork like fucking butter; Which is baffling to me why he would use a commercial slicer for pork out of all things.
Now the fact he seasons in this manner by just dumping it out of the bottle with no measurement, just dumping it on like that again just shows that some pieces will be over seasoned, and others will be underseasoned. Compounding it makes it worse. This is why you want to brine your pork and then season with a nice blend of herbs already premeasured. Then apply it in one swoop, opposed to just dumping bottles of shit all uneven on it. Again, it will cook all fucked up with no brine and it will literally scorch the fuck out of the pork. As well the amount of seasoning he adds which by eye ball for me is at least 3 tbsp is just an insane amount of seasoning even with a blend like that.
Now the laughable part, look at the perfectly seasoned tagline. Fuck no it is not perfectly seasoned, notice this list of problems.
1) Cuts are all fucked up, thickness wise is just a joke; so some are overdone others are underdone.
2) Char marks from the grill are not consistent, because of the way he cut the surface area being inconsistent.
3) Looks to be more seasoning than actual meat, just shows the tenderloin is probably Walmart tier at best; Not from an actual butcher.
4) Some look to be still raw so not cooked completely in typical Jack style.
Now the outro with him not actually giving us a shot of him actually cutting into the meat so we can see whether or not he even grilled the pork chops properly. Now the fact he uses things like jerky, steak, pork, and cheese as examples to buy a deli slicer; He completely misses the intended use and audience for this type of slicer. So here are now my closing statements regarding my first watch through of this as I was typing this.
Jack doesn't know a cut of meat, let alone a slicer from the hole in his ass. As someone that has used these type of slicers for charcuterie predominantly in 5 star restaurants for years, not trying to power level or anything; But honestly this is just from my experience with them. He doesn't have any idea of how to clean, operate, or let alone any understanding of the actual product he is reviewing; Hence the honest reviews tagline is just retarded. This is just completely unnecessary and complete overkill for what he is using it for. Let alone the end product, if what I can accomplish with proper technique, and a fucking chefs knife can give me better results than a in my currency an almost $500.00 slicer. I will stick with spending half of that on top of the line tempered hardened steel set of knives and get to cutting with anything in the world for years. With the perks of portability, efficiency with cleanup, and consistency. These again are basic things that any sophomore culinary student can grasp onto. Cooking is not only an art, but it is a science. The technique is everything and the lack of understanding of any technique just insults me further. Now Chef Tugboat will take his top hats and puzzle pieces with open arms! The man with one working arm that stood up against the professors name was Albert Einstein; Thank you for attending my Ted Talk.
Now moving on with the content of the actual video; Okay so mushmouth can't pronounce the brand correctly, tries to play it off as they have to correct his stroke faced interpretation of the name of the company. The other two products he refers to he doesn't even care to explain or list how he used them, assuming that we know what he is speaking about by default. So he states it is a commercial meat slicer, now as what other posters on here have already stated. No home cook has any type of use for a commercial meat slicer. Also using it to cut pork tenderloin out of all things just shows his lack of any ability to use a tool called a chefs knife to even make appropriate slices of that type of meat. Normally a commercial slicer you would want to use for deli meats, not with pork tenderloin. The fact he doesn't even realize that you can go thinner than 1/2", especially considering you would normally cut a deli meat down to the range of 1/8" to maybe at most a 1/4" just shows he has never used a commercial slicer before.
Now he unpackaged the thing, which the fact he mentioned having to use Kevlar gloves to clean the thing is also stupid. Literally just don't clean the thing like a donkey and use a good rag, the proper sanitizer, and maybe a pair of tongs to get in the creves of the slicer. This is a little pussy one so it should actually be breeze to clean. Now the fact he starts with cutting cheese and then the meat just shows his level of retardation. Unless you are again going to want 1/8" of an inch cuts, which can be accomplished by just conventional wire; Then what is the point of the thing unless you are cutting for a party of 50-60 people. All the work just even for a family less than 10 just a massive waste of time. Also eye balling what you normally want to do, but if anything it is just on your inital two strokes to even it out. If it is a fresh cut and not all mangled, then you should be able to get a fairly consistent cut after 2 or 3 strokes at the most. Now after watching the technique of how they cut the cheese. Now here are the things competely fucked up about how they even cut it.
1) Used one hand
2) You want to do gentle strokes as you are cutting so the surface area is even, so as you continue feeding the slicer; Your product not only stays consistent on the end it is coming out sliced, but also the actual brick or chunk of meat you are cutting. Even with cheese you want to go nice and gentle, also using two hands; You left as your guide, and your second hand as the hand that is the force for the feed.
3) You don't go down from huge decerations, you should have an idea already before slicing how thin you want it to be. A commercial slicer you should never go beyond a 1/4" cut at most.
4) Again, terrible example of starting off talking about a slicer with cheese out of all things. You should have a variety of meats to slice and compare how level the cuts are. More firm the meat, more difficult the cut.
Now seeing the final product you can immediately tell that they fucked up every single brick they cut, from the thickest to the thinnest. The fact he can't use a fucking knife to cut that thin just shows he is a fucking goof. Also I don't want uneven pieces of cheese on my sandwich, that is just plain offensive to not only the guest; But to any professional in the field and with cheese of all fucking things. That brick to me just by eye balling it is way more than an inch so he is a fucking goof and that is even a bit too thick for a pork chop with that type of equipment. The 6 setting is still way too fucking thick for charcuterie cheese. Again, thinner the better, and especially with those cheeses because they are fucking expensive, and you'll be practically giving away the cheese for free at that point. Now the thickness for a sandwich, granted that one is a decent thickness, but again it is mangled to fuck so that is not passable. At that point just get them precut from the local butcher, they'll do it better with no fucked up parts. But again, you can just use wire at that point.
Now with the transition, notice the fucking guy didn't even bother cleaning the blade. You don't use a dirty blade for cutting any type of dairy to any type of raw meat or vice versa. You clean the blade, it is one thing if you are cutting different deli meats, and just do a quick wipe of the crevice's, which granted it isn't the best method. But if you have a ton of different meats to cut and a limited amount of time before service, then fuck it who will know. Again though, you don't go from different products drastically like that without properly sanitizing, you just ruined your meat even before cutting Jack. Now again watching the stoking motion, you can notice that it is getting caught in the blade because he didn't even prime the thing up correctly, and also has no idea the level of force to even give with the strokes. Also again, cutting pork like this and especially at such a thickness is inefficent and you are better off using a knife.
Now just looking at the end result of the pork, all the same problems as the cheese, uneven edges, and uneven surfaces. It will not only fucking be a nightmare to cook, but after it is cooked would barely be editable. Due to the contours of the surface area not being properly flush, the tenderness is completely affected and is mangled. Now the fact he interchanged defrosted with partially frozen just shows his lack of understanding of how even basic lingo goes. Now in a slicer you do not want a frozen block or even better yet even a paritally frozen piece of meat. The ice will literally not only ruin the symetery of your cuts with a slicer, but also again mangle the fuck out of your product. With a conventional knife, yes you would like to have it a little bit frozen to make it a bit easier. But also in my honest opinion at least for me, it is a lot easier, and actually a lot better if you have the piece of meat perfectly defrosted at room temp. With a good sharp knife and a good eye, you should be able to cut something like pork like fucking butter; Which is baffling to me why he would use a commercial slicer for pork out of all things.
Now the fact he seasons in this manner by just dumping it out of the bottle with no measurement, just dumping it on like that again just shows that some pieces will be over seasoned, and others will be underseasoned. Compounding it makes it worse. This is why you want to brine your pork and then season with a nice blend of herbs already premeasured. Then apply it in one swoop, opposed to just dumping bottles of shit all uneven on it. Again, it will cook all fucked up with no brine and it will literally scorch the fuck out of the pork. As well the amount of seasoning he adds which by eye ball for me is at least 3 tbsp is just an insane amount of seasoning even with a blend like that.
Now the laughable part, look at the perfectly seasoned tagline. Fuck no it is not perfectly seasoned, notice this list of problems.
1) Cuts are all fucked up, thickness wise is just a joke; so some are overdone others are underdone.
2) Char marks from the grill are not consistent, because of the way he cut the surface area being inconsistent.
3) Looks to be more seasoning than actual meat, just shows the tenderloin is probably Walmart tier at best; Not from an actual butcher.
4) Some look to be still raw so not cooked completely in typical Jack style.
Now the outro with him not actually giving us a shot of him actually cutting into the meat so we can see whether or not he even grilled the pork chops properly. Now the fact he uses things like jerky, steak, pork, and cheese as examples to buy a deli slicer; He completely misses the intended use and audience for this type of slicer. So here are now my closing statements regarding my first watch through of this as I was typing this.
Jack doesn't know a cut of meat, let alone a slicer from the hole in his ass. As someone that has used these type of slicers for charcuterie predominantly in 5 star restaurants for years, not trying to power level or anything; But honestly this is just from my experience with them. He doesn't have any idea of how to clean, operate, or let alone any understanding of the actual product he is reviewing; Hence the honest reviews tagline is just retarded. This is just completely unnecessary and complete overkill for what he is using it for. Let alone the end product, if what I can accomplish with proper technique, and a fucking chefs knife can give me better results than a in my currency an almost $500.00 slicer. I will stick with spending half of that on top of the line tempered hardened steel set of knives and get to cutting with anything in the world for years. With the perks of portability, efficiency with cleanup, and consistency. These again are basic things that any sophomore culinary student can grasp onto. Cooking is not only an art, but it is a science. The technique is everything and the lack of understanding of any technique just insults me further. Now Chef Tugboat will take his top hats and puzzle pieces with open arms! The man with one working arm that stood up against the professors name was Albert Einstein; Thank you for attending my Ted Talk.
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2015
Fuck this fat faggot has a slicer? LOL!! Both basso's folks have done a lot more time in kitchens than myself. I don't want to say much because PL/dox but Momma Basso is a rare goy woman who was allowed to cut lox.
Every story I heard from them and anyone else in food service, you get hurt cleaning. Because you want to get home rushing. Jack is lazy and has his retard help. Jack can't work these tools. Wide Load Bri, Tam Ham etc Gay JR someone will lose a finger to this... ok they will return it and scam but this is such a silly thing.
Now I have mentioned it before perhaps here or maybe in the food sub form, I really like small slices, I have a madonlin, it's a tool many joke it's dangerous and can be. Well, time to PL, I scuba dive, I got joked a shark glove. It's like a knight chain mail. I give ZERO fucks working on mine. I'll have radio on or watching tv, feel little snag go back. Now to you avg person thats an nice open cut.
Every story I heard from them and anyone else in food service, you get hurt cleaning. Because you want to get home rushing. Jack is lazy and has his retard help. Jack can't work these tools. Wide Load Bri, Tam Ham etc Gay JR someone will lose a finger to this... ok they will return it and scam but this is such a silly thing.
Now I have mentioned it before perhaps here or maybe in the food sub form, I really like small slices, I have a madonlin, it's a tool many joke it's dangerous and can be. Well, time to PL, I scuba dive, I got joked a shark glove. It's like a knight chain mail. I give ZERO fucks working on mine. I'll have radio on or watching tv, feel little snag go back. Now to you avg person thats an nice open cut.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Dude you wrote an entire novel. Who did you think would read this?
Bagging sandwich meat and sandwich cheese is a union job.
I loved paying my dues that would be given to the farm workers without citizenship.
UFCW
U fucking cant win.
The mesh glove is meant for when you are operating the slicer, and despite literally being a rule in your contract, few people wear it.
To clean it I believe we just sprayed it down with a sanitizer solution and then wiped the blade down with paper towel. It was surprisingly time consuming to take the machine "down", and you had to do it every time your dumb fuck coworker ran meat through the cheese slicer or cheese through the meat slicer to "save time".
Like it's literally a law that you do not do that, ever. But at least once a week some dumb fuck would take that shortcut.
And I'd still take the dumbfuck over General Tug Boat. "gentle gentle" fuck off with that shit. You push down the guide and you run the log against the blade at the number the customer asked for. You ain't fly fishing. 5 star my fucking ass, it's an entry level job in a supermarket.
It's about as technically involved as running a copy machine. Aside from the spinning blade it's about as retard proof as possible.
You're not a professional if you do this. You'll make rent, gas, and beer money if you're lucky.
Unsurprisingly, Jack managed to fuck it up.
I loved paying my dues that would be given to the farm workers without citizenship.
UFCW
U fucking cant win.
The mesh glove is meant for when you are operating the slicer, and despite literally being a rule in your contract, few people wear it.
To clean it I believe we just sprayed it down with a sanitizer solution and then wiped the blade down with paper towel. It was surprisingly time consuming to take the machine "down", and you had to do it every time your dumb fuck coworker ran meat through the cheese slicer or cheese through the meat slicer to "save time".
Like it's literally a law that you do not do that, ever. But at least once a week some dumb fuck would take that shortcut.
And I'd still take the dumbfuck over General Tug Boat. "gentle gentle" fuck off with that shit. You push down the guide and you run the log against the blade at the number the customer asked for. You ain't fly fishing. 5 star my fucking ass, it's an entry level job in a supermarket.
It's about as technically involved as running a copy machine. Aside from the spinning blade it's about as retard proof as possible.
You're not a professional if you do this. You'll make rent, gas, and beer money if you're lucky.
Unsurprisingly, Jack managed to fuck it up.
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2022
You know what irritates me? When people write a fucking novel like this.
Tone down the autism my dude.
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2015
Books R gay - Jack sfinding out Anais Nin didn't cover enough frat glory holes.
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2022
manbaby gives children's movie an A blus, "best movie I've seen all year"
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2018
He says literally nothing but say its the best movie ever
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Every time I think I've read the most disgustingly corpo thing ever I get hit in the orbital bones with something worse, ofc Jackoff would compare his gud meat machine to that.
Considering this is a children's movie he watched(I guess being a fan of Blues Clues, it's in his wheelhouse as tiny as that may be), it just shows he'd utterly fail at a 3rd grade book report. Can't describe the basic story, can't say why it's a blus gud, can't describe the visuals(can't see them), can't describe the audio... nothing. But somehow it's the best movie of the year.
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2023
I like how he managed to miss two big spots opposite each other surrounded by two piles of seasoning.
The reviews really don't like this film, but leave it to Jack to think it's the greatest thing ever. It doesn't take much for him. I think the bright colors of the characters combined with all his snacks really helped give him a fun, special day out.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
He just looks more and more retarded. At this point I think you could tell he's special needs from 100 yards away from his vacant, brain-dead expression and googly tard eyes that don't even point the same direction any more.
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2018
I won't be surprised if Jack thinks its the best for not having violence, nudity, cursing, or "political agendas"
indomitable snowman
Can't stop, won't stop (unless it gets above 32°F)
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2022
Is there a move he has seen that he doesn't like? Every review is: movie fun gud go see it.
As long as you give him XL tub of popcorn and a coke he would rate some avant garde art film the same.
As long as you give him XL tub of popcorn and a coke he would rate some avant garde art film the same.
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2018
Marc
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 10, 2022
Jack's stroked-out faces inspire many silly thoughts:
saralovesjuicyfruit
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2019
They made over half a million from the sale of the Hendersonville house, according to public records. I think it's a combination of: 1.) Tammy makes good money, 2.) Tammy had some kind of inheritance, 3.) Jack Jr. and Brianna likely make more than you think.
I know everyone jokes about Jack Jr. cleaning the toilets at 7-11 or whatever but with whatever he's doing now I strongly suspect there's no way he's making less than, say, $15/hr, which although isn't a lot, if you don't have student loan debt and credit card debt, and your parents share some portion of your basic living expenses, you could manage to save up some kind of cushion. As far as I know, none of us know what Brianna does, but she was in higher education of some kind so presumably it requires a modicum of skill, so it's reasonable to assume she is earning somewhere in the ballpark of at least $20/hr. Still not a ton, but between two people who don't seem to live a particularly extravagant lifestyle, I can believe that they were able to put up 5% down on a starter home themselves, and probably have some kind of arrangement with Jack and Tammy as far as sharing expenses that works out in everyone's favor. They did pay for their own (very modest) wedding too. I think the kids are probably more frugal with money than Jack and Tammy, despite having less of it to work with.
Not to powerlevel but I work for a financial institution and the way some people manage money would probably defy most of your expectations. It's a very broad spectrum.
Puggers
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2024
Jack's a BLACKED kinda guy. How about everyone else?
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