Guidance and advice when your partner rejects transitioning
nsfw
I hope this is the right place for this,
So, I am 32 and a sissy I know in my heart I always will be, my goal even as a keep getting older is to transition with hormones and implants but to retain my male genitalia. Hopefully in a smaller limp form after the hormones.
I have felt like this since I was 6 (obviously not to this degree but if I had to pick a pint it started it is around this age).
Before I got married to my wife, she found my kit and so I told her about my desire to transition and my past, she did not take it bad but she did not take it well either she kind of just shut the conversation down and said we can talk about it later. I should have ended it then but I had hoped we could talk more about it. I tried to talk about it again but she shut it down again and I ended up marring her, I guess I thought we would still talk about it and she would come around. I know she knows I still dress as a woman when she is not home to this day. We have a baby girl now and I am in so deep, we barely have sex maybe 5 or 6 times a year we always have excuses.
I don’t know what to do anymore, I will never stop thinking about transitioning and suppressing it is affecting my mental health, I have battled depression, anxiety and constant and unrelenting suicidal thoughts. I however know I will never leave her while we have children together and I have come to the realisation she will not accept me ever as transgendered/sissy.
I even dream that she gets in a car accident, so that I am free… and I feel even worse about myself after, that I could dream of that.
I know the answer is to leave her but I don’t know how and I don’t think I could. Either she will have to leave me or… I don’t know. I was in a highly emotionally abusive relationship before this one and I guess I am afraid to leave this one as she is so kind and caring in all other aspects, I know she loves me dearly but she is just not good at dealing with things outside her world view.
Any advice or guidance would be appreciated.