Basically let me explain this in a long story. But it has to be explained in order to get the picture here.
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Basically back in 2016 I was finishing up high school and my mom was dating a guy who we will call "B". He seemed very nice at first and my mom would usually take weekends off so she could go up to Pennsylvania to visit him (I live in New Jersey). Little did we know that B had loads of problems that we were completely unaware of.
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Eventually skip forward to 2017 me and my mother decide to move up to Pennsylvania and live in an apartment with B. We thought nothing of the sort honestly. But simply put I will say my mother found out B was a alcoholic a year prior and despite me and my mom knowing B was a drinker, we thought it wouldn't be that bad. AND GOD HOW WE WERE SO DAMN WRONG!
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B is a truck driver and he been delivering goods across the US for 30 years (he told me once) and it basically has been his job since. But at some point long before my mom met him he ended up becoming a alcoholic. Coming back to the story we rented a apartment in the Allentown area, and we assumed that we would be able to afford it.
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But we couldn't in the end, but let's not get there quite yet since I have still more to explain to this story of my horrible life.
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I will gladly admit in full honesty after I graduated high school I pretty much did nothing except for staying in my room and playing on my laptop 24/7. Of course my mom and her boyfriend told me plenty of times to get a job, and eventually I manned up and got myself a job at a car wash in a nearby town. I was able to work there for only a single week, and the problem was that I had is that I never got my driver's license and I still don't know how to drive.
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This was a problem since B basically had a Chevy pickup truck. And a few months after living with him he began drinking his damn ass off with alcohol. He would fail to show up for the job he was assigned for (since he was a truck driver he basically moved from different companies to deliver goods for them across country) which of course would end up screwing up the bills for the apartment we rented with him. As for me since he was being a drunkard it basically resulted in me not being able to continue going to my first job so I had to quit after a week. (And before any of you say "Well your mom could have drove you", that couldn't happen because my mom was always tired and worked long hours at a answering service.)
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So eventually B gets so drunk most of the time that it results in him having to have my mom travel with him across the country JUST SO HE WOULDN'T BE DRUNK DRIVING A HUGE TRACTOR TRAILER! This meant my mom had to quit her job at the answering service she worked for and it resulted in me having to spend my 20th birthday in 2017 alone (December 13th), as a result because of that I was basically lonely and depressed.
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I was able to get a another job at a 7/11 that was a block away from the apartment so I basically was able to walk to there every night since I had night shifts from 9:30 PM to 7:00 AM. It was stressful but it paid a good amount in my opinion. It also had me feel like becoming a responsible adult. But however at the same time I would have to come home daily to a empty apartment with no human presence except myself. My mom's cat and dog were there and I had to constantly take care of them. But often I just couldn't since when I got home at 7:00 AM I was damn exhausted.
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Eventually I ended up discovering a disturbing truth which was we were very VERY behind on rent due to B not contributing to anything. The only thing he ever did was pay my mom's phone bill and his (he was suppose to pay for mine but he never did). So basically I called my mom about it and I told her "You guys are behind on rent, you guys are going to be able to pay?" and she said I don't need to worry since we have the money to pay rent for that month being January 2018.
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But then I get a mail letter saying that basically me, my mom, and her boyfriend B basically are suppose to show up to court since due to us being behind on rent we were at the level of getting evicted. So I called my mom and I told her "You guys better fucking have the money to pay the rent!" and once again she assured me we were fine and that we have the money to afford rent.
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But a day later I discovered that was a complete lie because one by one important bills that were supposed to be paid for was overdue. The internet was shut off, and I reached my limit on cell data, and then cable was turned off. So basically I HAD NO ENTERTAINMENT WHATSOEVER AND I WAS TRULY DAMN ALONE! Not being able to use the Internet to escape the harsh reality of life made me want to die as I remember.
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So the only thing I could do was basically sleep since I had work that night. But a few hours later I was awaken by B slamming the front door. The front door's lock was rotting away in the wood and with him slamming the door so much in what I can assume was rage basically it resulted in the door lock being knocked off. So I come down stairs realizing they are home where I was going to confront them both about the bills.
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Then my mom I remember was like "You didn't take the dog out constantly or fed it constantly" since her dog was basically a bit behind on weight. But however I did try my best at feeding the dog, but what could I do when I work long night shifts and come home exhausted?
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So I basically had it and I decided to stand up for myself. I remember clearly saying "You know what fuck you both, I work my ass off from 9:30 AM to 7:00 AM and this is the shit I get in return!?". So I marched up to my room and B decided to follow me. He then told me how "you need to respect your elders" bullshit/adult entitlement. I of course being sick of his bullshit said "Oh really? Then maybe if you weren't a fucking drunkard maybe I would have respect for you!"
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Next thing I remember he grabs me by the throat and throws me onto the bed and goes back downstairs. Me having enough of this shit I call the police (surprisingly the home phone bill wasn't behind in payment so I was able to call 9-1-1). The police show up and I explain what was going on and unfortunately they didn't arrest B, but they did tell me and my mom that if B does anything like that again then I need to call them ASAP.
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After the police left, B being now pissed that I called the cops on his ass, was then like "You know what I want you out of this place by next month! I'm not going to feed you or do anything for you anymore!" and my mom at that point was like "Well I'm still going to feed him". So he then leaves a day later for his job where if I remember correctly he had to deliver something to Tennessee or Kentucky.
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But for two weeks I had no TV, Internet, or cell data. And skip forward the court date happens and since B is still at his job in Tennessee he couldn't show up, so only me and my mom did. So the judge tells us that we are going to be evicted within 30 days unless a "miracle" happens. But no such miracle happens. Later my mom discovers that B was cheating on her with another woman and that he also trashed her bank account and ruined her credit score.
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So my mom breaks up with him and I end up having to stay in a motel for 2 weeks with my mom in a shared room which was horrible since there was no privacy. Also had to quit my night shift job at 7/11. Eventually after that one of my aunts who we will call Aunt T decided to take us in.
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So everything felt okay, the only little problem (well it was at first a "little problem") was Aunt T was also finding a new place to live since she was living in a apartment that was now owned by the bank (although she still was able to pay for cable, internet, etc. But she couldn't pay for rent however). So as if things were looking better, the unexpected happened.
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Aunt T drops dead on the ground from cardiac arrest at age 65. And worst of all I saw it with my own eyes since I was the only one home at the time.
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Skip forward again we have a funeral and my cousin Jessica is devastated since she and her boyfriend were thinking of getting married in the near future (they been together since college) and she was hoping for her mom to come to her future wedding in Iceland. But that will never be. Meanwhile back to me and my mom we were now once again screwed.
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Aunt T was now "evicted" from life and without her around basically we have no chance at finding a place to live. Although my mom managed to work up her credit score to a normal rate, her job still doesn't pay enough for most places to rent to us. And due to not having completely paid off the rent for the apartment we lived with B in Pennsylvania, it basically is preventing her from getting a place for me and her to live due to us having to still need to pay it off. B refuses to pay the rent and plus he doesn't have money anyway since he no longer a truck driver and is living with his mother.
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So once again we get evicted and are forced to stay within a extended-stay hotel with shit WiFi and no privacy between us both. My other aunt, we'll call her Aunt Z refuses to help us saying that my mom is a burden. I had a job again working at a local Taco Bell, and it was located in the town where Aunt Z lived so I tried asking her if I could stay with her so I can still continue working at my job, but she refused saying it my problem. What is horrible is Aunt Z helped raised me when I was a baby and having this done to me by her is complete betrayal. BETRAYAL!
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Nobody in our family is going to help me and my mom. Eventually we will not be able to stay in this shit hotel and will have be living on the streets.
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I am getting so fucking sick of this shit. This all fucking happened because my mom had to stay with that evil man who ruined me and my mom. Not only do I absolutely hate B but I also now completely hate my mother for putting me through this complete trainwreck that has been now 2 years of my life.
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I feel like I won't be able to control my sanity much longer, I might snap and go on a rampage in public. I might end up being recruited in a cult or by some white supremacist organization! I might even murder my own mother, the woman whose given birth to me!
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I am becoming more and more and more shattered every day I wake up. I know for fact that I am going to snap and it too late for me! If there is anything I can do to get myself out of this fucking evil unfair situation then I need all the answers now from everyone reading this.
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Because I really do not want to fucking snap. I really don't!