I can’t do this anymore. I’m a hopeless romantic at heart, I’ve craved a relationship for a good while now, but I’m having to accept that I will never be in a relationship again.
For two years, every attempt I’ve made at dating has ended with me being disrespected and thrown away. It doesn’t matter if I’m flaky and give them too much or if I’m confident and stand my ground, it doesn’t matter if they give me the biggest green flags, if they’re also queer or if they’re the biggest, most open minded allies, they all end up being turned off by the fact that I’m trans
And even if I just wanted sex, im dealing with an eating disorder. Im not skinny
If men already treat fat women as subhuman, being trans and fat has left me incapable of finding any man who doesn’t eventually start to see me as a pariah and a disgusting stain left before them
I have friends who love me. I have low self esteem and body image issues but I do everything I can to be kind. People tell me I’m funny when they know me. I’ve had plenty of lesbians interested in me, being so kind and respectful. But I can’t be loved because no matter my interests, my qualities and my flaws, all that matters to men is that I’m fat and trans
I’m so sick and tired of being on the receiving end of abuse. Of being called slurs. Of being loved bombed to get blocked by the end of the week.
I always end up thinkin I can’t keep getting so brutally rejected without the problem being men but every time I ask, the only thing I get is that it’s because I’m trans
That’s when they’re not just insulting my gender and body
I don’t have any hope anymore. I have plenty else to live for so I’ll keep fighting but I’m doomed to being single. I can’t do this anymore. Being single so long gets painful but every time I try to get back in, I’m punched and kicked back into isolation
I know I CAN be loved. But I won’t be because no man is willing to look past my body and my gender
I feel so broken up inside. I’m working on my art and I’m doing all I can to make my dreams come true. But this dream feels like it’s over
What do I do?
I’m taking a break from dating no worries and Ill put all my focus on self love and improving my confidence
But at the end of the day it feels so painful knowing that my number one adolescent nightmare has come true.