🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit

[Muppetstudios]

I think Ralph may be considering a move to Tijuana. Since Faith and Xander are in Sandy Eggo it would give him easier access to the kid, and he would get to be closer to his best friend Dax. That’s why he’s going through Tijuana on this visit, he’s scoping out potential new accommodations.

Congratulations prognosticator

 

[Vibralldo]

Ethan "Wetback" Ralph had to pay the cartels to sneak him back into the country his daddy gave him!

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Sad! PATHETIC!

Reminder that it's Vickers's fault that this drunk fatso that gets regularly thrown off planes is now a recurring presence in his grandson's life

 

[Obnoxious Asshole]

Daddy Dax waited till piggy was wheels up before putting out the call

Daxipad could wear the medallion but can’t tell Ralph no? No wonder he has to wear a cow costume while getting fucked in the ass by a woman wearing a plastic penis. Dax is the quintessential LA pussy.

 

[NaggotFigger]

Daxipad could wear the medallion but can’t tell Ralph no? No wonder he has to wear a cow costume while getting fucked in the ass by a woman wearing a plastic penis. Dax is the quintessential LA pussy.

Juju is bound to be cursed by Magi-chan and Sonichu, and that alone was a big accomplishment to live through being cursed everyday. Juju is secretly a faggot alone by wanting to get pegged in the ass by a dildo. Cursed cow bussy is absolutely horrifying, and no way one should try to risk interacting with the curse.

Ralph is still alive?

He was, but being the real Ralphamale he is, he would just holler and run away like a pig when a tough challenge he claims he would willingly do to prove himself. What a true and honest badass, I wonder if he even come close to the cartels all alone with the cum cartel on the trip.

TJ would make more sense logistically. Its a easy drive to the USA and Dicks house. Also there are likely alot more people who speak english there as well as Americans partying.

Anyone who moves to Tijuana is a real manly man, and a pure badass alone. Ralph is not. He is a fat piggy, and he would squirm a lot trying to sit on the seat with a seatbelt on.

But, he wont move to TJ. He is to much of a pussy. Its all pilltalk.

Pilltalking was the only way for Piggy to cope. He would not do it because he does not have the balls to come here and get hot whores in Baja California. He assumes it was similar to Sinaloa, Tamaulipas or Michoacan, so he would just pillpig about going to Tijuana as a lie because he has no balls to go out of Mexico City or Merida and thinking the rest is full of other cartels looking for his quad titties.

Tijuana is where they film movies and cool music videos.

Its got world famous whore houses and strip clubs.
No one has even heard of Merida while Everyone has heard of Tijuana. You say you live in Tijuana and everyone knows your a badass.

Ralph is not, because he alone is just a tourist, and he only knows about Yucatan and the other big cities but not even got the balls to even live in Tijuana to prove he is the true and honest Ralphamale badass that he daydreams and dreams everynight. Tijuana is safe as fuck, this is not Culiacan Piggy

Ralph is just going to bitch out and run back to his tin shack and keep hiding from the world. Only real Chads can live in places like Tijuana. Ralph just isn't up to it.

He only knows how to squeal, holler, grunt and snort whilst hiding in that tin shack and isolate himself after that beatup in Portugal. He does not have the real volition like the gigachads with balls of steel living the life in Tijuana throwing pesos and getting chicks for days. He would think he would be beaten up into a pulp again like he was in Lisbon. Come to Tijuana and prove you are the true Ralphamale, Piggy! 100% there would be nobody beat you into a tub of lard

 

[Pale Empress]

Ralph's renewed interest in Xander and his cosideration to move to Tijuana could have been a suggestion from his lawyer (the one representing him in his case with the Morris family, not the plumber/landlord/cable guy). He's hoping that as long as he appears to be making an effort to upend his life for the sake of one of his kids, it'll be favourable optics for his case.

He'll talk about it a lot, but I dont think he'll actually do it, the cost of relocating and the higher cost of living in TJ are too daunting.

 

[AltisticRight]

You're right, he wants to harass Faith, this is his new pinned tweet, replaced his tweet with the signature under the lawyer contract.

He's lovebombing her like a 15-year-old with BPD.
Wait for the piggy to have another episode, then it's The Trollop Slattern again.

 

[NaggotFigger]

He's lovebombing her like a 15-year-old with BPD.
Wait for the piggy to have another episode, then it's The Trollop Slattern again.

Piggy is never going to get Faith, in the end, he would not have the balls to get out of Mexico and meet Faith IRL. Harassing Faith is not going to be the gateway to true love, piggy.

 

[AltisticRight]

Piggy is never going to get Faith, in the end, he would not have the balls to get out of Mexico and meet Faith IRL. Harassing Faith is not going to be the gateway to true love, piggy.

He has no faith and he has no Faith.
Sad piggy. I bet he misses the California club sandwich. All he eats are gross tortas washed down with unsanitary tap water.

 

[Nate Higgers]

And too-big baseball hat and tshirt (though the brown is nice) has got to go. He's worn some kind of cabana shirt before, right? Put it with a straw/woven pork pie/cuban fedora

If he’s living in the Yucatán, he should invest in guayabera shirts. That’s basically the “fat middle aged/old alcoholic” uniform down south.

 

[Capt. Jean Luc Ritard]

Thank you to his mother, Faith, who, despite having a loose pussy, waited around while I fed my son saltines through a slot in the plexiglass.

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

Tijuana is where they film movies and cool music videos.

Also birthplace of the Ceasar salad. Word has it Ralph has his own variation on the classic recipe

 

[Accidental Protege]

More hard-boiled fiction from Ethan Ralph, PI (pig idiot):

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Archive

"I stopped smoking by the building like the security guard told me to, and then he walked away like a pussy bish. Diddler Dax would be proud."

I wonder what the difference is between a "flashlight cop" and a "FLESHLIGHT COP"

 

[GaryGray]

Adowulf fears for the well-being of his pigmaster

Ralph soon to get a hard lesson in economics. Merida is far away from the boarder so not much competition for renting outside of snowbirds. Tijuana is a weekend get away for people in Sandy Eggo. Doubt there are going to be a surplus of Air BnB he can rent by the day or week that will be in his price range in his desired part of town. Either he is going to pay way more than he wants or he will end up in a slum. Most likely case is he will not plan ahead and when a busy weekend comes around he will start hollarin about getting ripped off by his landlord who will spike rate by four or more times. Right now he is looking at $30-$40 a night. This small little place rents for $1k/month. With the upside of no smoke or carbon monoxide alarms. The downside no AC.

 

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

the hell is this pigdog complaining about? is he planning on walking? it's a fucking minor commute!

 

[Dixieland Buckaroo]

Ralph soon to get a hard lesson in economics

Spot on. Merida is, on average, cheaper than Tijuana, and Ralph can barely afford to live in Merida. (Renting out a granny flat or tin shack isn't really living it up.) Tijuana has pressures because it's near the US, and a lot of money flowing back from the states. No way in hell Ralph can afford a place anywhere near TJ.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Spot on. Merida is, on average, cheaper than Tijuana, and Ralph can barely afford to live in Merida. (Renting out a granny flat or tin shack isn't really living it up.) Tijuana has pressures because it's near the US, and a lot of money flowing back from the states. No way in hell Ralph can afford a place anywhere near TJ.

Ralph lives in rental shack in a city catering to American retirees living off social security for a reason. Ralph even lived there year round while the old folks gtfo during the summer.

If he wasn’t poor he’d live in Cancun. Ralph can only scope out areas suited for pensioners, not the vacation and resort areas. He’s too scared and stupid to live in lower cost areas actual Mexicans live in.

 

[AltisticRight]

When was the last time we saw his gay red eyesore truck?
It's probably been repossessed or sold to a scrapyard.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

Spot on. Merida is, on average, cheaper than Tijuana, and Ralph can barely afford to live in Merida. (Renting out a granny flat or tin shack isn't really living it up.) Tijuana has pressures because it's near the US, and a lot of money flowing back from the states. No way in hell Ralph can afford a place anywhere near TJ.

He's going have to move south if he wants to keep the lights on.

 

[Blarmed&Dangerous]

He's going have to move south if he wants to keep the lights on.

Ralph living in a straw hut in El Salvador when?

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

Once again his insatiable need to own the A-logs will drive him further into financial ruin.