Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[monstrous bubo]

Our Midwest yummy mummy might have unshaven armpits, slob around in trackpants and a t-shirt (the French vulgarity doesn’t elevate it), and take photos with distinctly uncurated backgrounds, but he is working on at least one element of self-improvement


link | archive | archive

Nice fat girl angle there.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

I wonder how many of her Smith classmates are they/thems now. Transgender ideology must be a scourge among the Seven Sisters.

Oh, it’s been a plague there far longer than other higher education institutions due to it the higher wealth and status among the student body, and therefore the greater desire to be ultra unique, part of a “special” community on their own and snag some oppression and struggle points after a life of extreme privilege. The fact that lesbians were drawn to the schools like moths to a flame also vastly inflated the numbers.

Yes, of course, Lala and Dada will pay for Mama's training and licensure plus room and board throughout while he abuses their ever-forgiving trust with online psychoanalytical outbursts ripened in his hotbed of autochthonic impulses.

I think Joe has convinced both these women that he’s some sort of special genius that they must help nurture, support and ofc suffer indignities to show their love.

A woman sacrificing herself to help further the artistic or political life of a man is an extremely common trope among women, think the wives of Picasso, Eugene O’Neil or Hemingway. It’s absolutely pathetic when you consider they are sacrificing for Joe. It’s akin to sacrificing your life to ensure Pauley Shore can do more cameos in films.

The one thing that is crystal clear about Mallory is she was absolutely unprepared for life, and the people, outside of the upper-middle class, educated, bubble and started idealizing anyone outside the privileged bubble. A nominally intelligent woman learns to spot a creepy, manipulative fraud like Joe by age 25, even if the academic credentials could throw them off at first.

I try to have some sympathy for Mallory. Smart people with BPD can be incredibly fun and exhilarating to be around at first, esp with the love bombing. It’s recognizing the other side of the coin in time. I think Mallory was in way too deep before she sensed the trap. Now she’s the “everything is fine” meme as she lives as an indentured servant to her husband’s new family.

Mallory wanted a replacement for Nicole, but unfortunately Joe didn’t come with the husband’s Daddy Warbucks bank account. I’d love to know how things went when Joe and Nicole met. He would have absolutely loathed her yet absolutely coveted her wealth. I’m sure it went South very quickly.

 

[Hermaphroditic Bookworm]

Edit:
Wait. FIVE YEARS of grad school? For English?????

Quick Google tells me 5-6 years for a Ph.D is expected (Missouri, 5 yrs; UVa, 6 yrs; Johns Hopkins, 5 yrs; Michigan, 6 yrs; Cornell, 6 yrs; Vanderbilt, 6 yrs; Columbia, 6 yrs), could be 7 if teaching as well; looks like up to 10 is a common cap.

Yeah, I'm a dumbass, for some reason I was thinking grad school = getting a graduate degree (M.A) and not a Ph.D., although I know people refer to it that way. M.A./M.S. degrees usually take 2-3, maybe 4 years if you're going slowly.

 

[Bookwork]

Cooking with Joe:

Kind of surprised this late-summer idea came off: lamb neck with anchovies, rutabaga, and lamb and yeast praline. Rutabaga was adapted from the 11 Madison Park cookbook: quick-pickled half the rutabaga with rice vinegar and yellow mustard seeds, braised the other half in vegetable stock, and mashed them lightly together. Lamb chop was sautéed in anchovy butter, the juice of which was added to the blitzed hazelnuts to make the savory praline, which I finished with a little fermented yeast and salt. Then parsley. We had a couple of bottles of the elderflower kombucha left so we drank that. I really thought this was going to be a disaster but it worked out beautifully (please do not ask follow-ups about my experiences hot-smoking mango flesh).

Really knows how to set a table, too.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Cooking with Joe:

Really knows how to set a table, too.
View attachment 6327283

Joe’s IG foodie content is as lazy as his trans-scholar Twitter content.

MCM knock-off flatware from Crate & Barrel paired with giant Japanese slicing knife (in case Mallory tries to touch his piece of meat). Two glasses of swill? I’m curious because Joe (and Moe) claim to be teetotalers yet that looks like cider or beer. Random pile of rolled up rustic napkins. All off kilter, off center and with beaded hope mirror? laying in the corner.

Food itself looks fine but take an ounce of pride in your plating, flatware and composition if you’re going to photograph and post it for asspats. It’s one thing if your SM is private for friends and family, but for Joe it’s always public spectacle for an audience.

The fact he thought this very normal, informal dinner at home was worthy of a SM post makes me wonder what a typical dinner is like.

 

[Constellationzero]

Cooking with Joe:

Really knows how to set a table, too.
View attachment 6327283

Wow... I've heard gas station rambling bum word salad tastier than this.

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

Everything's always got to be fermented and pickled. Fermented yeast. It's "elderflower kombucha" in the glass.

His cooking is like his life: spending an inordinate amount on unusual ingredients that he deliberately ruins, then puts it together in a tableau that looks almost normal if you don't dig in.

 

[Thomas Eugene Paris]

Cooking with Joe:

Really knows how to set a table, too.
View attachment 6327283

Far be it from a rube like me to malign the gustatory sensibilities of our favorite bicoastal iconoclast, but none of those flavors go together and that meal sounds fucking disgusting.

It would be amazing to watch Joe locked in a futile battle of wills with a preschooler who is perfectly willing to go hungry rather than eat something he doesn't like. Alas, I don't expect Joe to still be in the picture once Rocco is old enough to express his own food preferences. It's too bad that Joe will never experience the ultimate affirmation of womanhood: spending several hours preparing dinner, only to have his child flatly refuse to let a single morsel cross his lips. Bonus points are awarded if said child insults the food by comparing it unfavorably to "doo-doo" or makes vomiting noises when gently encouraged to take a bite. Just one bite! A TINY one. Come on, bud, just a bite and then you may be excused.

I wonder if anyone actually ate it. Food waste seems very much in character for this bunch, but I could also see Joe sulking if Lily (and what's her his face, I guess) aren't sufficiently fawning over his culinary skills. It might just be easier to choke it down than deal with his passive-aggressive moping for the remainder of the evening.

Anchovies and hazelnuts, I swear to God.

 

[Potatis Salad]

Random pile of rolled up rustic napkins.

A major upgrade from his usual unfolded paper towel plopped unceremoniously in the vicinity of the plate.

Anchovies and hazelnuts, I swear to God.

Bitch what about the "quick pickled" (aka raw) rutabaga "mashed together" with cooked rutabaga! Raw rutabagas are just as firm as potatoes, so this would be the textural experience of the world's lumpiest mashed potatoes. Incredible.


He puts a dollop of sauce on the plate like he's Heston Blumenthal and then just plops a mangled piece of dry lettuce on top. C'est magnifique!

 

[Aunt Carol]

Everything's always got to be fermented and pickled. Fermented yeast. It's "elderflower kombucha" in the glass.

Read the subtext: this is all Joe's brag that nobody in his house is on MAOI drugs. Or linezolid.

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

He sauteed lamb neck in anchovy butter. There is literally no way that didn't come out tough as hell. That's almost always a braising cut, the only way not to braise is to do a pan fry, which you don't do by scorching a bunch of compound butter to cook it in, though you might baste a bit with it at the end. You saute chopped up pieces of stuff, not whole cuts.

I would guess a lot of this stuff is barely edible, and the girls cook most of the time but it's pedestrian fare anyone could eat so it's not worthy of Joe's social media attention.

 

[The Hoh Rainforest]

There is some grown-up big boy shit that Joe is desperately trying to avoid with this procrastination strategy foodie obsession. Maybe the emails from Berkley are getting more terse.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

He sauteed lamb neck in anchovy butter. There is literally no way that didn't come out tough as hell. That's almost always a braising cut, the only way not to braise is to do a pan fry, which you don't do by scorching a bunch of compound butter to cook it in, though you might baste a bit with it at the end. You saute chopped up pieces of stuff, not whole cuts.

I would guess a lot of this stuff is barely edible, and the girls cook most of the time but it's pedestrian fare anyone could eat so it's not worthy of Joe's social media attention.

Disgusting. I’m glad I didn’t inquire further to what type of meat/food concoction he was serving.

Between the gross fermentation experiments and this abomination I now believe food is his new sadism to inflict on Mallory and Lilly. The one who gags (or doesn’t praise his concoction) are simply unrefined and uncultured, so they both have to pretend he’s gifted in the culinary arts while choking down his experiments. Given Joe’s UK palette, and waistline, I’m sure he could eat rancid mince pie with a smile.

 

[Thomas Eugene Paris]

He sauteed lamb neck in anchovy butter.

The common hallway in their building probably smelled fantastic, and I'm sure the neighbors appreciate Joe's bringing a bit of Sunset Park to Carroll Gardens.

 

[behindyourightnow]

There is some grown-up big boy shit that Joe is desperately trying to avoid with this procrastination strategy foodie obsession. Maybe the emails from Berkley are getting more terse.

Joe speaks and acts like someone with untreated ADHD (the real version, not the version everyone got diagnosed with during lockdown for some reason). Or if you don't believe ADHD is real, read that as "an impulsive person who is terrible at organizing and prioritizing their thoughts and actions, has poor concentration, and has trouble being motivated by the idea of consequences"

So in other words 1) I think you are right about the emails from Berkeley and 2) Joe is absolutely the last person you want to be fermenting and pickling foods, because that is an area where failure to perform boring diligence is going to give you botulism

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

The common hallway in their building probably smelled fantastic, and I'm sure the neighbors appreciate Joe's bringing a bit of Sunset Park to Carroll Gardens.

The one nice thing about moving to the middle of nowhere is that the reesome threesome no longer shares walls with anybody.

Imagine the joy of their Brooklyn neighbors when they saw the moving van taking away Joe's fermentation supplies. They should tip the landlord for raising the Laverys' rent.

 

[Bookwork]

I'm more inclined to believe Berkeley doesn't want him back and gets in touch as rarely as possible.

Once they can lock the gates forever - whether by dint of some investigation they may have had running when he got the urge to flee or by dint of his blowing the mandatory return from sabbatical deadline - they can see about recovering some of the $90k+ he owes them.

 

[Bibendum]

Cooking with Joe:
View attachment 6327283

That gauche parsley garnish is more 70s Howard Johnson than Eleven Madison Park.

 

[Bookwork]

Once again trying to staple himself to Rowling's coat tail, failtroll tries biting ankles as always when no one notices.


Eventually, he draws two whole responses.

Spoiler: Text

Grace Lavery
@graceelavery
15h
question for any terfs who still follow me: do you think that when you claim someone who presents as a woman, "is a man," are you stating a fact or offering an opinion? asking for a friend (JK Rowling)
3:28 PM · Aug 20, 2024 2,691 Views [37 likes, 1 retweet]

Grace Lavery
@graceelavery
15h
you can construe "someone who presents as a woman" however suits you best: someone competing in a "woman's" class in a sporting competition; someone you think is a man in the women's toilets; a trans woman who discloses herself as such and asserts that trans women are women, etc.
[11 likes, 1 retweet]

Grace Lavery
@graceelavery
15h
nobody? cowards. let's spell it out.

if "fact," then Rowling is open to a libel suit, as is anyone else who makes such a claim falsely.

if "opinion," then you are acknowledging that sex is not, as you always claim, self-evident; that you cannot, in fact, always tell.
[18 likes, no retweets]

annikusrex
@annikusrex
14h
i think they think it is a factual claim (=male bc a sex word). but they know other people differ on this usage. so it is mixed fact and opinion. did rowling really say this re khelif?

Jan Kuitenbrouwer
@kuitenbrouwer
14h
Oh, girl, boy, whatever. Get A Life.

 

[behindyourightnow]

Once again trying to staple himself to Rowling's coat tail, failtroll tries biting ankles as always when no one notices.
View attachment 6331137View attachment 6331138

Eventually, he draws two whole responses.