Your (multiple) comments of “missing hetero sex” is probably messing with his head… that’s a pretty rude thing to say to a partner, especially one going through transition and surgeries. Bottom surgery leaves someone the most vulnerable they’ll ever probably be, and every little comment can have long lasting effects. It’s not easy to be confident and happy with your body especially after surgery. It’s major, and with all the wound care and pain and recovery it can take a lot of time mentally to be confident or even comfortable using things with a partner. Not to mention the physical effects which take a long time to sort out (sensation, any residual discomfort, etc)
This sounds better suited for couples therapy. You shouldn’t ask us if you should take a break, that’s on you to decide. But I think “taking a break” because you’re not getting sex is pointless, just break up if you’re going to be like that.
You say you “completely understand” but then that you “practically have to beg for sex every day”…that doesn’t sound very understanding to me. I think you need to just masturbate and take care of yourself. It’s not that hard. You make it sound like you’re going to die without sex, and it does sound irrational from this post.
Do you think this is a forever issue? Or do you think you both can overcome it? Again, something to work out with each other and possibly in the setting of couples therapy so you both can talk freely and get to the core of the issues. It sounds like your partner is dealing with a lot and you pushing him to do things he’s not comfortable with isn’t helping the situation.
He's a man, you're a woman, so fyi you
are having hetero sex. Regardless it's pretty rude, especially in this situation, to say you miss the sensation of your previous partners.
He's only had phallo a year ago? How many stages? Is he even finished with surgeries? This is a physically intense surgical procedure and recovery (physical and emotional) can take a while. If you truly need PIV more than your partner is comfortable with currently don't frame it as "a break," just go your separate ways. I remember being 24 and horny but not being up for PIV doesn't mean he doesn't love or desire you. If you don't like begging for sex then don't, either let him initiate (communicating this so the reason for the change is apparent) or decide to move on
Telling a man you, a woman are having sex with that you miss hetero sex is a dick move. You were having hetero sex even if his dick was a prosthetic at the time. He’s still healing, he’s likely still regaining sensation in his penis. I think if you want to salvage this relationship you need to understand that those comments probably deeply hurt him. I’d also suggest couples counseling or having some Sincere communication with him about how He is doing right now. And if he’s not up for PIV right now and that’s a big deal for you? Just end it
I'm sorry but I know I wouldn't be able to move on with my girlfriend if she would have said that she missed heterosex..
This is quite toxic and selfish from you. This path he's going through is a massive life changing experience which needs time to recover from physically and mentally even without a relationships circumstances. He's getting to know a completely new body part from 0. And he had have 1 year of recovery as you said in the comments. Do you actually have any idea how long it takes to grow nerves. Also it's not guaranteed, that he will have a sensation as he wishes for. Like at all. Some transmen are only able to have orgasm with more the mindset as by the sensation alone. Some aren't able to have orgasms at all. If you're not able to deal with that, you should seriously think about breaking up as your act of love you feel for him. Because the things you wrote that you told him, are surely hurting and damaging him in long term. Especially with making the difference between born men and him. In the end you shouldn't make him feel guilty for not being able to give you what you need - a penis - as you said. To hear this would be fatal to me and I deeply hope it isn't for him.
Your post reads as though you view cis and trans men differently. A lot of people are going to take that to mean you are a chaser, because that’s usually the reason why people see them different. See: “I miss the sensation of hetero sex” (which you already are and ALREADY WERE having). The lines blur very easily. This requires an in-depth discussion with you and your boyfriend, and I hope both of you get individual therapy and couple’s counseling.
