Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[Irish Turtle]

Fatty being given the powers of a reality-bending demigod while still remaining the fat retard he is would be a true horror novel.

In pre-ruined AD&D AC worked in reverse. This was pretty counterintuitive and weird and changing it probably made sense, so at least some changes were good.

If patrick played dnd what would his charecter's class be?

My best guess is he would play a wizard and try to max out all his stats and then would throw a fit when the dm would not allow it.

 

[Meriasek]

If patrick played dnd what would his charecter's class be?

My best guess is he would play a wizard and try to max out all his stats and then would throw a fit when the dm would not allow it.

You know Patirck would be a 100% That Guy who tries to minmax and rule lawyer and never bring any good snacks.
The good thing is that he doesn't have friends so no party is ever in danger of having him with them.

 

[An Sionnach Seang]

EDIT: oh piggy really?

given that he's a white faggot, hating Minor Attracted Persons (christ, I died a bit inside typing that) and not unconditionally accepting their kinks makes him irredeemably 'far right' by default, and by his own standards, a legitimate target for unprovoked violence
oopsie doodles!

 

[smug comporon]

If patrick played dnd what would his charecter's class be?

My best guess is he would play a wizard and try to max out all his stats and then would throw a fit when the dm would not allow it.

No, stalker child. My spell does not fail to cast and I did not roll a 2. Enjoy prison.

 

[AnOminous]

If patrick played dnd what would his charecter's class be?

Level 0 NPC with every stat a dump stat.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

If patrick played dnd what would his charecter's class be?

My best guess is he would play a wizard and try to max out all his stats and then would throw a fit when the dm would not allow it.

He plays Pathfinder 2nd Edition as a Halfling Rogue, least I think he plays a Halfling.

 

[AN/ALR56]

Instead of his obsessive xeeting to try and go viral he would be endlessly running a vietnam era mimeograph in his basement to mass produce his own opinion fliers about how Reagan was literally hitler and whacking off about how gloriously funny and heartwarming the latest interchangeable family sitcom was, all while smugly NOCHILDing anyone who disagrees with him via petulant little postcards dispatched to their home addresses.

You made me remember a guy who live's next town over who was insanely mad about the local mayor he framed his family for the torture and murder of his distant 6 year old cousin, his wife and daughter were raped and tortured by the police.
Without the internet to show his bullshit, a guy like Pat could end up incredibly powerful and able to really fuck someone's life up with the constant false accusations he made.
He's charismatic enough to get in touch with local newspapers, claim he's a sci-fi writer and other industry connections, he'd able to sell himself like Rekieta sells himself like a serious legal expert on the minessota papers.

Spoiler

The boy Evandro was with his mother, Maria Caetano, an employee of a municipal school in Guaratuba, when he disappeared. He told her that he would return home later as he had forgotten his mini-game, but he never came back.

The 1990s were marked by a series of missing children in the region. Fear spread throughout the city and the entire state.

A body was found in a thicket on April 11, 1992. Evandro’s father, Ademir Caetano, stated at the time at the Institute of Legal Medicine (IML) in Paranaguá that he recognized his son through a small birthmark on his back.

Loggers passing through the area found the body after noticing the presence of vultures. According to reports, he was missing his scalp, eyes, facial skin, parts of his toes, and hands. His abdomen was open and without internal organs.

Near the body, the boy’s house keys were found. A few days later, near the location where the body was found, teams found a nearly clean pair of flip-flops, possibly belonging to Evandro. However, one of the flip-flops was lost during evidence collection.

Ademir Caetano was also a public servant in the city, working at the Guaratuba city hall. Maria and Ademir had two other children, Márcio and Júnior. Evandro was the youngest.

The Integrated Tactical Group for Special Repression (Tigre) of the Civil Police of Paraná was sent to Guaratuba.

However, a cousin of Evandro, Diógenes Caetano dos Santos Filho, began conducting parallel investigations. He had worked for one year as a military police officer and ten years as a Civil Police investigator.

His father, Diógenes Caetano dos Santos, was the mayor of Guaratuba from 1973 to 1976 and was a political rival of Aldo Abagge. For a long time, Diógenes was the spokesperson for the Caetano family in the press and was referred to as the boy’s “uncle.”

Two months after the crime, Diógenes Caetano presented a “black magic” dossier to the Public Ministry of Paraná (MP-PR), accusing, among others, the spiritual leader Osvaldo Marcineiro and the then-first lady Celina Abagge.

“What caused all this was Diógenes. He was the one who came up with the story that we killed the child. He took that idea to the MP, which accepted it and sent their police, the P2, to solve the case because they thought the Tigre Group had been bought by the family. We always thought they would find the child alive, and so did the Tigre Group. But, Diógenes, in the first few days, came to my house saying that the child had died, that we had killed him, removed his organs, and trafficked them,” recalled Celina.

At the time, it was believed that the ritual was performed to “open the paths” to fortune and politics for the Abagge family.

Some time later, there was a twist in the story when the accused claimed they had been tortured by the police to confess to the ritual against the boy. Beatriz and Celina recounted that they were taken, hooded, by car to a house.

Celina said she knew the area and, even with a cloth over her head, she noticed that they first traveled on asphalt and then on a dirt road. When the car stopped, she could briefly see that the destination was a wooden house located on a farm.

“From there, it’s difficult. It’s the worst part. (…) We left the courthouse before 9 a.m., and we returned to the courthouse after 4 p.m. I only know because I heard the police officer commenting ‘oh, step on it because it’s already four o’clock.’ It was the worst moment,” she said.

She recounted that they were forced to say what the police officers told them, otherwise they were threatened, violated, and tortured.

“I even asked the police officers ‘kill me, do whatever you want with me, I’ll say whatever you want, but release my daughter, take my daughter back.’ But there was no deal. So you’re listening to your daughter being tortured and, from the screams and the situation, raped. Nine police officers on top of her. You would say you killed Jesus Christ, you say everything they tell you. We never confessed anything, we repeated what the ‘police officers’ said,” Celina recalled in the interview.

The mayor’s daughter at the time, Beatriz, remembered that at a certain point in the place where she was tortured, the police officers told her to take a bath. In an attempt to prove that she had been there, thinking the case would be investigated, she left a pair of panties in the bathroom.

“I have flashes, I don’t remember my entire torture. I tried at every moment to say that I was not guilty, that I was making it up. I didn’t know where I was going, I didn’t know if they were going to kill us, if we were going back to the courthouse. We were tortured all day, my mother and I. Osvaldo and Davi were tortured for much more than 48 hours because they were arrested earlier. De Paula was arrested with us, so it was also 24 hours,” she recounted.

Osvaldo Marceneiro and Davi dos Santos described being tortured at the summer house of Paraguayan dictator Alfredo Stroessner. They also said in their statements that a woman accompanied some torture rituals. They pointed out that it was Judge Anésia Edith Kowalski.

Beatriz recounted that if she got the name of the person or the way they wanted her to speak wrong, she would receive electric shocks.

The story was the subject of the podcast "Projeto Humans", by journalist, professor and writer from Curitiba, Ivan Mizanzuk, who became known throughout the country. He gained access to the court case records. In total, there were 60 volumes and more than 20 thousand pages.

"The Guaratuba case caught my attention because it was a case that haunted me as a child, and I wanted to do a criminal investigation, to tell a documentary, I didn't imagine it would get this far, I just wanted to tell the story and things ended up appearing new".

In March last year, Mizanzuk showed on the program unedited audios of confessions made under torture that could, according to him, help prove the suspects' innocence.

The journalist said that the tapes, obtained from a source who did not want to be identified, were not attached to the case because they show that the accused were fabricating the confession.

In one of the audios, for example, Osvaldo Marcineiro appears panting and, at times, screams in pain.

At other times, the pai de santo says: "Let me sit down for a while, please, let me breathe a little, I'll talk again"; "No, don't do that, please. I'm saying everything. Friend, I'm cooperating."

In another audio, Beatriz is threatened by interrogators. In one of the cuts, it is possible to hear a cry for help.

In another she says: "Oh my God, that's not true! I'm making this up." The interrogator then says: "No! What are you inventing?" And she replies: "No, nothing! Nothing, I'm talking to myself."

After a while, with other responses, the interrogator says: "Look, girl, I think we're going to have to continue our session. You don't want to talk, do you?" And Beatriz replies: "No, I'm talking, I'm talking!"

This is how powerful a spiteful sped can be on a local community, Pat would be 100x worse pre-internet than today.

 

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

He plays Pathfinder 2nd Edition as a Halfling Rogue, least I think he plays a Halfling.

Bottom tier most obvious faggot shit. The small quick guy with a knife. Try springing for a Leshy barbarian next time pig tits.

 

[AprilRains]

Level 0 NPC with every stat a dump stat.

That's if the character creation process was based on the player's provable attributes. If Fatrick generated a character based on his wishes, it'd be some multiclassed munchkin's dream. Probably a Bard, so he can suck up all of the attention in the room.

Not that he'd be playing in a group. He'd be his own DM, and he'd try to regale others with his tales of derring-do. This is a man to avoid at lunch.

 

[HP Lovecraft's Cat's Name]

This is a man to avoid at lunch.

Yeah, he'd eat your potato chips without asking first. Because, as you may not be aware, his physical shape would imply he will eat any available food.

 

[Anonymus Fluhre]

That's if the character creation process was based on the player's provable attributes. If Fatrick generated a character based on his wishes, it'd be some multiclassed munchkin's dream. Probably a Bard, so he can suck up all of the attention in the room.

Not that he'd be playing in a group. He'd be his own DM, and he'd try to regale others with his tales of derring-do. This is a man to avoid at lunch.

We saw in 2023 that he does have a group

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/patric...que-wheeler-realautomanic.65412/post-14149150

Later we'd get photos of his players guide that he bookmarks with sticky tabs

 

[MavisBeaconTeachesSnipin]

booted up gta4 for the first time in ages and this had me laughing, goatee aside.

pat's alleged criminal activity would make for a perfect GTA side character. the comic relief secondary missions where you help some bozo with his schemes and until he eventually self destructs.

 

[Dean Pentel]

thats an extreme understatement describing the pig. The pig is not a normal human he is a being of pure estrogen born from the terror of african american children. Every day 1000 african souls must be burned to keep him alive.

Rick, we know this is you. You're fat and only one person here will have sex with you. I'm unsure if psychadelics need to be involved first.

No one is trying to kill him.

Wrong, child. Someone is. Someone that's a huge faggot. With bitch tits.

but it's clear he's never actually headbutted anyone, because if he had he'd know it was a fucking stupid idea that nine times out of ten hurts you more than the person you're headbutting.

Like any technique, headbutts are effective in the right circumstance and using the best striking surface. I've found in a clinch one can use them to great effect as an opener, executed with a short, quick motion. I also fucked someone up pretty good once with a headbutt that came in low and rammed the top of my head into a guy's face. To be fair, I was wearing a LWH at the time. I don't know how Child did it as a kid. If we're talking similar to the type that is seen in most movies/TV shows, I've seen that work and also very much not work.

Only he isn't Sutter Kane, thank god.

Fatty being given the powers of a reality-bending demigod while still remaining the fat retard he is would be a true horror novel.

Kane actually had a work ethic and a drive to put out more books. Not only did people enjoy what he wrote, they went literally crazy for it. Plus Kane had such a winning personality that actual alien entities incomprehensible to humanity wanted to associate with him. Could you imagine an Old One getting contacted by Pig Tits and getting child-ed in short order?

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

If Fatrick generated a character based on his wishes, it'd be some multiclassed munchkin's dream.

It would be something along the lines of Pun-Pun: a level 1 character who can use every spell and psychic power, who has infinite stats (and therefore infinite health, damage, and so on), who can use all beneficial feats, multiple actions each combat round, immunity to almost all damage, innate regeneration to instantly heal what little damage he does take, immunity to all negative effects and immunity to all spells of 6th level and lower, and so on. If it can be done, Pun-Pun can do it.

Since no DM in their right mind would ever allow a player to actually build Pun-Pun, let alone run him, Patrick would probably make the character himself and run it in a solo game. Then when someone talks about what their character did on Xitter, he'd smugly say, "Sweet baby child, that's fine for a beginner like you, but MY level 1 kobold solos gods on his off days."

 

[Markorian]

You know Patirck would be a 100% That Guy who tries to minmax and rule lawyer and never bring any good snacks.
The good thing is that he doesn't have friends so no party is ever in danger of having him with them.

Minor correction, he'd rules lawyer over rules he clearly doesn't understand, and would fudge all his rolls, while fucking over the party at every turn "because it's what his character would do".

 

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

Minor correction, he'd rules lawyer over rules he clearly doesn't understand, and would fudge all his rolls, while fucking over the party at every turn "because it's what his character would do".

In the same way Acerthorn was a ruthless prick in Fallout NV (he blows Boone's head off for being told he fucked up in One For My Baby) Patrick definitely does not roleplay as anyone but himself; someone who deserves the most and believes he can accomplish any task. Actually he probably took rogue simply because they get the most skills and he wants to be the one to do every single check without anyone else getting a chance in order to show how good he is.

 

[John_Smith]

Piggy's character sheet a halfling ranger named Wrenmalik,who has a "pealing" knife. I'd guess he was inspired to play such a character by that comic, Order of the Stick.

Armor class in the original game was from rules for naval combat. Best armor on a ship was class 1, then class 2, etc. . Gygax never thought to change it from what Arneson had done. It seems obvious now, but IIRC they did not start out using the d20, so not so obvious then.

Speaking of D&D, from the infamous city encounters entry for "Harlot" ,which best describes Nikki? Slovenly Trull, Brazen Strumpet, Cheap Trollop, Typical Streetwalker, Saucy Tart, Wanton Wench, Expensive Doxy ( nope), Haughty Courtesan, Aged Madam, Wealthy Procuress (nope), Sly Pimp or Rich Panderer (nope). I'm thinking slovenly trull, but cheap trollop might also fit. Incidently, Rekieta's women could be described by a few of these labels too, judging at the very least on how they dressed for court. Ho's gonna ho.

 

[Schizoid Wife]

EDIT: oh piggy really?

 

[Thé au lait]

Piggy's character sheet a halfling ranger named Wrenmalik,who has a "pealing" knife. I'd guess he was inspired to play such a character by that comic, Order of the Stick.

Armor class in the original game was from rules for naval combat. Best armor on a ship was class 1, then class 2, etc. . Gygax never thought to change it from what Arneson had done. It seems obvious now, but IIRC they did not start out using the d20, so not so obvious then.

Speaking of D&D, from the infamous city encounters entry for "Harlot" ,which best describes Nikki? Slovenly Trull, Brazen Strumpet, Cheap Trollop, Typical Streetwalker, Saucy Tart, Wanton Wench, Expensive Doxy ( nope), Haughty Courtesan, Aged Madam, Wealthy Procuress (nope), Sly Pimp or Rich Panderer (nope). I'm thinking slovenly trull, but cheap trollop might also fit. Incidently, Rekieta's women could be described by a few of these labels too, judging at the very least on how they dressed for court. Ho's gonna ho.

Brazen Strumpet, it's the closest to describing the trumpets that get blasted into her

 

[Welf Welf]

Speaking of D&D, from the infamous city encounters entry for "Harlot" ,which best describes Nikki? Slovenly Trull, Brazen Strumpet, Cheap Trollop, Typical Streetwalker, Saucy Tart, Wanton Wench, Expensive Doxy ( nope), Haughty Courtesan, Aged Madam, Wealthy Procuress (nope), Sly Pimp or Rich Panderer (nope).

Definitely slovenly trull + aged madam, with a pinch of cheap trollop should there be any melanin-enriched natural gas deposits in the vicinity. A shame there's no encounter for Large-Eared Cryptid.