Yesterday I dropped my daughter off at a college located four hours away. After being extremely close for almost 19 years, it is time for me to see, from four hours away, where God is taking her next.
My daughter surprised me with a new water cup for my office (so now we have matching ones) and a special canvas picture she took over the summer. The effort she is putting into making sure I am okay with her leaving is priceless and means the world to me.
Like all other kids, she has grown up with many challenges. She’s battled cancer, received a bone marrow transplant, lived through a painful divorce, lost all four of her maternal grandparents, and grown up in eastern North Carolina while unable to tolerate sun exposure (due to the transplant).
Domestic Violence and Faith
As I sit here and reflect on her life, one important theme appears:
God has used my children to show case His love, mercy, and grace more than any other facet in my life. My anxious, stressed out state of being a single mom didn’t always allow me to feel this though.
During those dark years in and out of the hospital, she relied on me to interrupt her symptoms, translate them to the medical team, and monitor the situation to ensure what she was trying to tell me was what I was hearing. She was battling for her life between the ages of two and four; she didn’t have big words to describe what she was feeling. For almost a year, her life revolved around upwards of a dozen doses of medicine a day. We were inseparable at so many levels.
Until I dropped her off at her kindergarten class. God blessed us with a wonderful, caring teacher who wiped down door handles, light switches, and tables way before this kind of thing was thought about. I struggled, but I let go of my little girl a little.
Every year thereafter, when I dropped her off on her first day of school, I had to trust that she would make smart decisions about the sun during gym class and recess, germs in the cafeteria, and writing down assignment information. Each year I trusted her abilities to make smart decisions and watched as she embraced God into her heart.
As I learned to let go of her a little bit every year, I learned to give more and more of her over to God. My prayers for her became more specific. Our conversations about life, faith, relationships, and behaviors became more emphasized with my actions versus just talking.
I learned that it was more important for me to be there for her versus criticizing her, questioning her, and second guessing her. Often times, my opinion really wasn’t what she needed; what she needed was an unbiased ear, a caring hug, or a silent “it’s going to be okay”. It was through her that I learned just being there is often the best way to represent God and His calming, loving nature.
Throughout this all, I’ve had to learn to trust God so much more than I’d imagine I ever would have if she hadn’t been sick earlier in her life. So many medical components were totally out of my control; I had to lean in hard to trust that God’s will included my daughter staying with me. To this day, I realize I am no match in her battle against a relapse. But, over her lifetime I have learned to trust God who’s given me this time with her.
And now I trust He’ll keep her safe as she embarks on this new and exciting adventure,
Blessings to all,
Sue
