Opinion HOW TO DEAL WITH A HUSBAND ADDICTED TO PORN

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HOW TO DEAL WITH A HUSBAND ADDICTED TO PORN​

Pornography is incredibly difficult to quit. It is a very real addiction that rewires the brain. If your husband is open to accountability software, by all means use it. We use covenant eyes. It works on all of our devices. But do not put your trust in software. No software works 100 percent of the time. There is always a way around it.

If your husband is open to Christian counseling, do it. But not marriage counseling, counseling for him. He will need help to learn how to overcome addiction, strategies for rewiring the neuropathways in the brain, and help to see the damage caused by this sin.

Whether or not he is open to the types of help I mentioned, there are three incredibly important things you MUST do:

1. Stop looking. Seriously, do not check up on your husband. Don’t look at his likes or browser history. Men find this very disrespectful. It’s not your job to catch him in sin or convict. Leave that work to the Holy Spirit. The Lord sees everything.

2. Pray for your husband. Pray for him continually. Every time you think of him pray.

3. Be a good wife; obedient to all the commands the Lord gives to wives. You must show him respect and submit to him.

It’s not easy to do these things but remember that your trust is in the Lord. You don’t have to trust your husband, but you must always show him respect and submit to him. Do not bring up the past.

These things are as much for him as they are for you. Knowing if he is doing what is wrong isn’t helping you be a good wife. It isn’t helping you to give to your husband cheerfully. It isn’t helping you to trust in the Lord.

I have walked this road and helped many other women walk it as well. The Lord will help you.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

1 Peter 3:1,2

 

[Sonic]

I don't know, maybe actually fuck him every once in a while instead of going "sorry, I have a headache", you dumb bitch?

Damn I'm sorry your girl does you like that homie. All those years seething online, waiting for some pitty pussy and she can't even keep up with your 7 times daily wank sessions. What a whore.

 

[Day of the Cope]

This whole thread is a fucking tire fire.

Honestly, the whole thing strikes me as "if a man cheats on his wife, he's a scum bag. But if a wife cheats on her husband, it's because he can't give her what she needs".

 

[The Ugly One]

The problem is that porn gets them young. There are 14 year olds addicted to porn.

My gay cousin developed his porn addiction when he was ten (homosexuality is totally natural and has no external causes).

 

[Nate Higgers]

Slight PL/relevant anecdote:

My coworkers (a married couple) were at a show with my fiancée and I this weekend and my PM was talking about how he quit eating meat and became a vegetarian. He was sloshed enough that he was also adding that he quit watching porn, too. Off to the side, his wife/my other coworker drunkenly chimed in “and the sex is way better”. I said “gross” and my other coworkers said “yeah we don’t need to hear about that” and I just segued into the meat/vegetarianism topic out of politeness.

I discussed this with my fiancée after the fact and I was of the opinion that you shouldn’t have to be crankin your bird to porn if you live with your wife/fiancee/gf. My sentiment at that moment when I was in that conversation at the show though was “yeah no fucking shit”. Unless she was trying to imply that not eating meat was what improved their relationship in the bedroom, fucking of course he’ll be better in bed with you after he quits watching porn.

If your husband has been watching porn and expending his sexual energy by himself in front of pornhub then you’re not gonna get a 100% performance from him. It’s just common sense.

 

[grump]

You sound degenerate. You don't have to choose between choking the chicken and living like a monk, there's a healthy middle-ground that billions of men have found throughout history.
Wanking isn't the topic at hand, porn addiction is.

Learn some self control.

What is your middle ground? I said a guy who just looks at porn occasionally (which doesn't disrupt life at all except maybe his wife's hysteria) isn't a big deal and you're acting like its like raping furry parapelgics in a tub of blood or something extreme.

Are you saying a 'normal' man never looks at porn ever? I doubt any but a minority of men that is true and most of those that do either have some impairment to their sex drive or fantasize about women in their imagination which is essentially the same thing. Are you saying a 'normal' man somehow has no feeling at all for anyone but his wife not even in his head ever for his entire life?

Learn some self control.

Why? If it doesn't bother or harm you in any way other than some outside silly people getting their pants in a knot about it. Whats wrong with looking at some nice tits? Maybe you can't handle looking at some new pair of tits without becoming a psychological wreck or you have some harpy that wants to control you. But otherwise its as random as saying 'stop eating ice cream' or 'stop hiking in nature parks'

- I'm not, watching porn when I'm in a relationship with a woman I want to fuck the life out of 24/7, is the last thing on my mind. If you're in a relationship and still jerking it, either you don't find your partner attractive and are a coward for not leaving, or you're a closet fag.

I'm happy that if you're someone whos discipline is high enough or sex drive is low enough that you absolutely do not have any thoughts that aren't laser focused on your partner 24/7 for the rest of your life and the most shapely beautiful woman in the world wouldn't make your head turn even a single millimeter. But most men are different. And to be honest it kind of sounds like a prison.

So in your world, because you can't rape women and children all day (Which is what Khan did) the alternative is to be a succesful man with a hot wife who still watches porn? Do yourself a favour, touch grass and lift.

When I was less busy I went through a minor phase doing lifts. It was nice and I might go back to it but it certainly didn't magically transform me into an asexual for everybody in the world except one random woman.

 

[Day of the Cope]

If you're in a relationship and still jerking it, either you don't find your partner attractive and are a coward for not leaving, or you're a closet fag.

This is actually fucking hilarious to me. This is the kind of emotionally stunted shit I hear from someone under supreme arrested development.
I know it's hard to believe, but two people can love and be married to each other but not have the exact same interests and hobbies.
There's a word for people who can't accept that someone can find someone else physically attractive without wanting to date them: insecure.

 

[Whoopsie Daisy]

And if an unattractive, short, or awkward guy goes to the gym he's still unattractive, short or awkward even after getting some sick gains.

You're creating this image of some average frustrated chump who decides to go to the gym, live healthier, then becomes Chad.

>Picks an extreme example
>Says no u because extreme example

The duality of autism in one post.

Autistic, shut-in, porn-addicted lefty cumstaimed coombrained ramblings

Touch grass you fucking faggot.

This is actually fucking hilarious to me. This is the kind of emotionally stunted shit I hear from someone under supreme arrested development.
I know it's hard to believe, but two people can love and be married to each other but not have the exact same interests and hobbies.
There's a word for people who can't accept that someone can find someone else physically attractive without wanting to date them: insecure.

Are you saying i have arrested development for having that world view? If you are, KYS, faggot.
If you're not, porn addiction isn't a hobby. If you think it is, KYS faggot.
If you think it isn't, kindly rephrase so I can agree with you.

 

[Drag-on Knight 91873]

Pornography really should be a couples activity. You're just not going to prevent him from watching porn; that's like preventing gravity from happening, so getting mad isn't going to help.

 

[Suel Forrester]

>Plastic tits
>Face-lift
>Make up
>Be demure and submissive
>Always be patient
>Be a good housekeeper
>Be a whore in bed but a nun in public

You're right. Women have no expectations from them at all.

why aren't women smart?

Seriously, SERIOUSLY, do they think men care about any of this? Who is telling women these things?

 

[OrionBalls]

Having read many of her other articles, Lori's idea of "porn addiction" is probably him occasionally looking at co-eds in lingerie. Also, Covenant Eyes didn't work for the Duggars, lady.

 

[Bugman's Burden]

>Picks an extreme example
>Says no u because extreme example

The duality of autism in one post.

You're too much of a retarded troll to argue with about this, so:

> Constantly calls other guys closeted fags out of nowhere
> Has a keystone hobby where he watches men's sweaty bodies as they lifts weights + vocally admires the muscles they've built.

 

[Whoopsie Daisy]

You're too much of a retarded troll to argue with about this, so:

Just because I called out your retarded argument doesn't make me retarded

> Constantly calls other guys closeted fags out of nowhere
> Has a keystone hobby where he watches men's sweaty bodies as they lifts weights + vocally admires the muscles they've built.

>Mentions closet fags
>Describes sweaty men and admiring muscles.

I only said lift and go to the gym. That your mind went to sweaty muscly men means you are indeed, a fucking faggot.

 

[Tragon Dirtle]

/r/loveafterporn is my current favorite sub. The women are all psycho. Their men are all gaslighting coomer assholes. It's glorious. One of the guys tried to kill himself and ended up in the icu because he couldn't exorcise the jerkoff demons.

is there a thread for that or can you link it?

 

[grump]

Some people here are starting to remind me of DSP. He also is big into recoiling like sissy vampire over the slightest sexualized media (of women) and flipping out over a dirty talking fridge because IM MARRIED ST00PID! And waving around his WAIF and his supposedly exclusive devotion to her as some sort of sign of superiority.

 

[Happy Fish]

The article was too long to say "get in shape and get in bed with him," so I am going to assume it was horse shit.

 

[eggy_bunts]

1. Stop looking. Seriously, do not check up on your husband. Don’t look at his likes or browser history. Men find this very disrespectful. It’s not your job to catch him in sin or convict. Leave that work to the Holy Spirit. The Lord sees everything.

There's no way that's not Nick Mullen.

 

[PhoBingas]

There's nowhere near enough information here to really know who is "at fault" here.

Surrendered wife types tend to never say no, but there's plenty of them (especially Catholic) who are "Sex is purely for procreation". In which case, I'm not remotely sympathetic to her anguish that he might be looking at porn.

Hard to tell, I agree. "addicted to porn" might mean like beating it once or twice a month to some loopy Christian fundie wife, or he could be a full blown SomethingAwful goon hooking himself and the family dog up to some shop vac contraption.

This whole thread is a fucking tire fire.

Honestly, the whole thing strikes me as "if a man cheats on his wife, he's a scum bag. But if a wife cheats on her husband, it's because he can't give her what she needs".

10 CoachCoins says this bitch asks to open the marriage in 6 months because she saw an instagram post.

 

[Day of the Cope]

Are you saying i have arrested development for having that world view? If you are, KYS, faggot.
If you're not, porn addiction isn't a hobby. If you think it is, KYS faggot.
If you think it isn't, kindly rephrase so I can agree with you.

>claims not to be emotional stunted
>proceeds to sperg out
You're cooked.

 

[Übertroon]

Some people here are starting to remind me of DSP. He also is big into recoiling like sissy vampire over the slightest sexualized media (of women) and flipping out over a dirty talking fridge because IM MARRIED ST00PID! And waving around his WAIF and his supposedly exclusive devotion to her as some sort of sign of superiority.



View attachment 6351593

Interesting considering DSP became infamous because he couldn't stop himself from jerking off to porn right after a stream he forgot to end

 

[Otterly]

What is your middle ground? I said a guy who just looks at porn occasionally (which doesn't disrupt life at all except maybe his wife's hysteria) isn't a big deal and you're acting like its like raping furry parapelgics in a tub of blood or something extreme.

The usual definition for behavioural addiction is if it’s impacting your life negatively. Some bloke having a quick one to the lingerie catalogue when the wife is out of town is probably no big deal. If it’s impacting a couples life, then it is.
I know a few GPs and they tell me they see a LOT of men who can no longer get it up at all to normal stimuli. That impacts the men, and it impacts the wife/gf and the relationship. They effectively have erectile dysfunction and can’t have sex with their wives unless porn is involved, and the stimulus needed escalates. That’s not healthy at all.

Porn has a habit of escalating, just due to the nature of it - visual stimulus reinforced by orgasm is an extremely powerful training route.
There’s also the communication thing. A couple may both be happy using porn, and if so whatever. Or they may really dislike it and have discussed this with each other and committed to not using it. Would a guy be happy if he found his wife could only ever get off to a specific male image set? Probably not. Or specific acts he didn’t like at all? Again probably not.
An addiction is harmful. Men are hardwired more visually and I think most women understand that. But the bulk of porn these days isn’t 1970s lingerie catalogue stuff, it’s usually violent and extreme. That’s also a problem.

They need to talk about it, and find out where their boundaries lie and then commit to sticking to them.