Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Haram-Habibi]

Tess, can't you just get some setting powder before you flip on the camera?? I mean, Coty's got a classic one that is dirt cheap and works well.

You're not "dewy", you're "oily AF", and that has NEVER been glam.

 

[RainbowStarlight]

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I'm actually very excited for this. Tess might be able to disable comments or heavily (lol) moderate the "mean" comments but it ain't her channel, TedX probably won't care and the comments will be off the charts.

 

[Gay Mouth]

The unmoderated hate from a new audience will be amusing, but I'm really looking forwards to the talk for 1) the camera angles, 2) she will be standing and gesticulating to a crowd instead of being wedged into a laZboy like she usually is on television, but most importantly 3) Tess is a very unintelligent person. The entire thrust of TED talks is the supposed transcendent brilliance of the speakers and their audience. What the fuck is she going to say for 15-30 minutes? "I AM HAWT! DON LET NOBUDDY TELL YEW UR NAWT HAWT BABE! HEH... UM... FATPHOBIC PATRIARCHY IS BAD, MKAY! LEWK AT ME NAW, AM DOIN MY DREAM!"

Like that shit isn't going to last 5 minutes. It's going to be mostly fluff and repeating herself. I doubt she can stand in any shoe but blown out crocs for more than 5 minutes, and she's going to be sweating bullets under those lights. I bet she asks for questions halfway through her time, despite the fact there's a Q&A panel afterwards with the 6 speakers.

 

[TrainWreckSpotter]

Morbid obesity + Narcissism is the WORST combination.

 

[Trombonista]

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I wish I could rate an Instagram post Late.

Holy shit Lindy West has gotten HUGE. She’s nearly double what she was a few years back. Her husband opening their marriage and bringing in his thin girlfriend appears to have driven her straight into the arms of Duncan Hines.

This was Lindy in 2022 after dropping about 70-100 lbs:
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And now in 2024:
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Oh shit, it's a Cow Crossover! Lindy West's thread needs to be updated.

 

[PigFarm]

I'm a few pages too late and missed the discussion of her lazy parenting, but there's a special place in hell for parents who sleep all day and only exert energy when it is for something THEY want.

It's hard for kids to realize that it's a type of abuse, let alone describe it. A kid isn't going to go to a counselor and be like "mom sleeps in till 5pm and then watches tv with a bag of chips/takes selfies till 1am" out of fear that they'll be blown off or because they don't recognize that as very abnormal.

Unfortunately for the kids that do recognize that mommy isn't mommying, far too many adults will tell the kid that they're fine since they have food in the house and a roof over their head.

I hope both of her kids have no problem cutting her off, since she's done the bare minimum to foster any type of relationship that might keep them sticking around

 

[The Hardest R]

Lindy West is a truly awful person so it’s really funny that she ballooned back up again. She likely lost weight hoping it’d attract her husband but she could never compete with how thin his girlfriend is so at some point, she decided it wasn’t worth it and went back to pigging out. Couldn’t happen to a nicer person.

 

[uwaga! aooga!]

Holy shit Lindy West has gotten HUGE.

Oh my God, I didn't even realise that's who that was. I hadn't seen her since the her / her husband / his side piece video, and I'm reeling here! I don't care what the economists say, inflation is REAL.

 

[Morbo]

The unmoderated hate from a new audience will be amusing, but I'm really looking forwards to the talk for 1) the camera angles

It will be like when she went on the show with Coco and Ice-T 10 years ago, sitting on that high chair was extremely unflattering for her and she was much smaller then. It's always fascinating to see how they really look like when they have no control over the angles, the filters and the editing.

 

[IBrokeBob]

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Look at that dead, blue foot! She can hardly fit in this enormous chair. Her guts are absolutely suffocating under all that abdominal fat. Her ThisAss is hanging out, resting atop her barrel gut, like she thinks that’s some kind of fatty whore dazzle camo for the rest of her.

I agree with the theory that someone close to Ryann staged a failed intervention. You can hear their talking points in her tirade:
1. Appeal to Tess’ love for her children and desire to be there for them and care for them for a long time
2. Reassure Tess that she IS beautiful and that this concern is not stemming from a mean-girl urge to police her looks but from genuine love and concern.

Too bad their big mistake was expecting Tess to respond like an emotionally healthy woman rather than an injured narcissist.

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No bb you is just big boned.

When one is the size of a bloated whale carcass, its best if one doesnt wear a color that is also reminiscent of a dead bloated whale.

I love that she looks so uncomfortable and like she is about to explode.

I do like this desperate era where she is twice the size she was and denying it, broke, no jobs, reduced to trying to be relevant on social media and failing bigly.

And still no man wants to be seen in public with her. Despite being oh so queer, not one single woman is interested in her either.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

She got a new tattoo on her hand of the friend who killed herself a couple of years ago. And her upcoming merch has a blanket with her hoovering cereal on it.

 

[TheMeanOne]

Just wait til they strip down to their underwear.
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Lindy West was the worst thing about old school Jezebel so this honestly makes me happy. The only thing I don't understand is why the hot girlfriend wants any part of this mess, an attractive man with no baggage would love to be with her.

Have you noticed that people who were the loudest third-wave "feminists" are also the ones most easily duped by men? "It's empowering to be part of my harem, babe. Like WOO sock it to the patriarchy of cishet squares! Your dad will be soooo mad babe that's how you can tell it's progressive!"

How stupid and desperate do you have to be to accept this kind of arrangement?

 

[Gay Mouth]

She got a new tattoo on her hand of the friend who killed herself a couple of years ago.

I get irrationally mad about this because it was her friend Jolene's sister who killed herself. She felt so alone she killed herself, and Tess's relationship to her is that Tess crashed in her sister Jolene's one bed apartment and relied on Jolene for free nanny services and friend-broke-up with Jolene when Jolene got a boyfriend and asked her to move (and stop being a free babysitter for her >5 year old son). She barely associated with the woman who killed herself. But if anything, Tess can milk a tragedy and make it her own trauma for sympathy and character. What a soulless pig.

 

[The Hardest R]

Just a reminder that despite being supposedly her BFF, Tess never mentioned Jolene’s sister once until after she died. But she did a bunch of things for Tess and that’s all that matters. Even though Jolene still comments on Ryann’s posts on occasion, I’m sure she’s glad she’s ten hours away from Tess. This is just Tess milking a tragedy, which is utterly appalling but completely unsurprising.

 

[Alpaca Autopsy Expert]

Just a reminder that despite being supposedly her BFF, Tess never mentioned Jolene’s sister once until after she died. But she did a bunch of things for Tess and that’s all that matters. Even though Jolene still comments on Ryann’s posts on occasion, I’m sure she’s glad she’s ten hours away from Tess. This is just Tess milking a tragedy, which is utterly appalling but completely unsurprising.

Maybe her TardTalk will touch on the struggles of being a survivor of suicide? She can focus on how much *she* has suffered since losing her “bff”.
The other 10 minutes will cover her issues with anorexia and also parenting her kid with 2 queer randos.

 

[Constellationzero]

I'm a few pages too late and missed the discussion of her lazy parenting, but there's a special place in hell for parents who sleep all day and only exert energy when it is for something THEY want.

It's hard for kids to realize that it's a type of abuse, let alone describe it. A kid isn't going to go to a counselor and be like "mom sleeps in till 5pm and then watches tv with a bag of chips/takes selfies till 1am" out of fear that they'll be blown off or because they don't recognize that as very abnormal.

Unfortunately for the kids that do recognize that mommy isn't mommying, far too many adults will tell the kid that they're fine since they have food in the house and a roof over their head.

I hope both of her kids have no problem cutting her off, since she's done the bare minimum to foster any type of relationship that might keep them sticking around

I bet when it's tattoo time, ol' Hooves is Johnny on the Spot.

 

[Clotso Coof]

Have you noticed that people who were the loudest third-wave "feminists" are also the ones most easily duped by men? "It's empowering to be part of my harem, babe. Like WOO sock it to the patriarchy of cishet squares! Your dad will be soooo mad babe that's how you can tell it's progressive!"

Yes, it's been that way for a couple generations.

If you've joined one self-destructive cult, why not keep falling for other ones too? Most militant insufferable vegans were also dedicated to some other culty shit before they found that movement.

 

[NoReturn]

More politessing in the carpool lane.

Yellow building with bricks in the background.

 

[Barbarella]

How about if you are a double-wide fat slob don’t tell people what to do, Ryan. A white chick with dreds has as much right to speak as a box dye obese redhead, and I won’t listen to either.

 

[lamp shade]

Getting a tattoo on your hand when you’re broke and jobless is not the best decision she could’ve made. But she’s still expecting the modeling contracts to come back any day now, so I suppose it’s fine.