need support. I was attacked for being transgender.
This happened over the weekend and I'm still feeling like shit about it. i never thought this would happen to me because I transitioned very young (blockers at 12, hrt at 14, bottom surgery at 1
and i am stealth (or at least I thought I was.....) and yet it did happen to me. I've been crying every day since.
My plan, since i was a teenager, was to move to a completely new city after graduating hs, far away from home where no one knew me or knew my history. I would get a part time job, go to college, and live my life like a normal woman, with zero fear of anyone finding out i'm trans.
my plan was delayed a bit due to recovery from bottom surgery taking longer than expected, but it was still going well. I recovered with no complications, and i did move to a new city in a good apartment! I wasn't planning on losing my V card so soon after moving here, but I met the sweetest guy (or I thought he was)...... you guys, he was seriously so nice to me, like never in a million years would u expect a guy like this to end up being so cruel. I still don't understand why he did this to me.
Our chemistry was electric and after flirting heavily for hours he convinced me to go out with him and then go back to his place. i was nervous and initially thought i shouldn't, but he made me feel comfortable and safe, and i have also been dying to try my vagina out and lose my V card. so I though what the hell!! Let's have fun! i didn't tell him I was trans because why should i. Especially since this was just a hookup and i figured i likely may not even see him again after.
Everything went to shit after we started making out, idk he suddenly became stiff and he kept pausing to look at me. Which made me feel so self concious, i asked him, what's wrong, he said nothing and continued. then after we got naked I started to become really nervous, scared it would hurt, so i let him know I'm a virgin. he said he'd be gentle, and he tried to stick it in but was having trouble, then he fingers me and still has trouble.
The next thing i know, he's looking down there, feels around, and suddenly curses. Then he actually SCREAMS at me, saying "I knew you were a tr*nny!" and pushes me off the bed very hard! i'm on the floor dumb struck, wtf is happening? I act confused and say what, he repeats it and tells me to get the fuck out of his house out now!! I try to deny it and say idk what he's talking about but he's not having it, he's so mad, and throws my clothes at me and tells me again to get the fuck out now. i'm crying and trying to get my clothes on as fast as i can all while this sweet and gentle man is suddenly saying the most horrible things to me and yelling and throwing things!
apparently i wasn't getting dressed fast enough to his liking because he then grabbed me hard by the arm and nearly dislocated it, i told him to stop and that i would leave! just let me get dressed! but he threw me forward on the ground after he grabbed me, and then told me to GET OUT NOW, I DON'T CARE!!! i ended up p#ssing myself i was so scared, and i was trying to grab my things and get out even tho I wasn't completely dressed, i just wanted to get away from him!! i stand up and head for the door, but he won't even wait for me to leave on my own, he grabs me again and pushes me out the door so hard i fall and land directly on my knee, and it hurt so much, it still hurts to this day. he calls me a f*ggot and then slams the door shut.
i wish i could say it was over, but no. apparently I left my phone behind in my rush to gtfo. while i was still on the ground crying, trying to get my shoes on and pick up the items that fell out of my purse, i hear him open the door. he proceeds to throws my phone hard on the ground. my screen is completely fucked and phone is unusable.
after i get my shoes on, I ran to a near by gas station and was unsure of what to do. i know i looked crazy, but thankfully a sweet older woman saw me and asked if i was ok. i didn't tell her the real story (FUck that!!). She was so kind to me, she bought me a drink to help me stop crying and then she got me an uber when she found out my phone was busted.
I have been a complete wreck since this happened. i have bruises on my arm from where he grabbed me, my knee is scuffed up and i'm walking with a slight limp. I haven't told anyone about this, my parents already didn't like the idea of me moving almost 1,000 miles away by myself, this would only make them worried. but i don't know what to do now. I don't want to live here anymore. i went to the store today and felt scared and sick to my stomach the whole time, worried i might run into him again. and I'm paranoid that he told people, and now more people will know. i can't really afford to break my lease and move again, but i can't stay here now!!
The worst thing about all of this is i don't know what clocked me and now I'm worried if maybe i'm not stealth like i thought I was. I have never gotten misgendered before. my bottom surgery results look good. I was diligent following my dilation routine all year and spent a lot of money on silicon scar strips and serums to prevent scaring. I'm a little over a year post op, my scars are practically invisible, u can't see them anyway because my pubic hair completely covers them. i have posted my vagina on a different reddit account and no one ever said anything bad about it or that it didn't look cis. so idk.
i hate my life rn and don't know where to go from here or what to do. I'm so scared to go into public now. everything is bad and awful, i feel like all my plans are ruined now.
??" Followed by tardrage when they arent. 
