Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[Hubelublub]

Your moid hate is shining through again.

Just you. You are irredeemable.

Your girlfriend deserves better,

 

[The Feline Solution]

Just you. You are irredeemable.

Your girlfriend deserves better,

kek, weak.

 

[Hubelublub]

kek, weak.

No.

 

[pork and beans]

And how does a person who had never done this, and doesn't have the tools to do it, go ahead and, you know, do it?

It's a bit like swimming. Once you know how to swim, it's almost automatic to not drown. But for someone who never learnt to swim, standing at the poolside and telling them to swim as they desperately gasp for oxygen isn't going to do shit for them.

That's what we have going on here.

My post was directed more so in general in regards to the topic and not so much the posters.

i agree that therapy can help those without those tools, however my point was that I dislike the recent rise in popularity or recommending therapy specifically because a lot of people already have those tools, and the healthcare system is filled to the brim with mediocre proffesionals underequipped to deal with more complex issues, at least from my own biased perspective.

of course, someone must get the basics down. If for example, I hate my life, what could be the factors that contribute to this? To which extent am I in control of these factors and my outlook on life? How can I ensure I change what I can, to develop as a person and be happier with both myself and others? How does my outlook affect my actions, how do my actions impact my outlook, and how are others affected by me and viceversa? Can I improve that? Why do I act the way I do and where does it come from? Yes, therapy can help you and help you with those questions and help you give you strategies. But some people have those basics down and still want to end it,

I agree with your that therapy is not necessary for everyone. Many people can simply heed a bit of advice and take it on board without much hassle.
But for the individual involved here, I think if you read over the posts, it's very clear that there will be a lot of work involved to get this person to a place where they are happy and fulfilled and have the tools to respond to hardships.

They can't do it themselves, they don't have friends willing to do it, who else do you suggest?

When I wrote my message I was honestly thinking of stuff like handling depression on your own rather than improving mindset or interpersonal relationships, but I agree that counseling can be helpful in those cases where one doesn't have friends or other people to lean on.

 

[Hubelublub]

I dislike the recent rise in popularity or recommending therapy specifically because a lot of people already have those tools

And this utter retardation where normal personality and aptitude variations are being labelled as mental health disorders. Anyone saying they have ADHD or ODD or OCD or whatever the fuck else is almost certainly going to be a helpless moron with an external locus of control.
People can't just be themselves and enjoy life. They have to have some gay label they can show others, like anyone else gives a shit.
Psychology and the DSM-V has fucked up a lot of society.

handling depression on your own rather than improving mindset

Are these not very similar, if not the same, things?

 

[fitty tucker]

Hey ladies, question for you.

I'm attending a memorial service for a friend whose dad just passed, it'll be three or four hours long. I won't know anyone there other than my friend. She'll probably get pulled away to talk with friends and family a bit. I'm just there to support her.

Any ideas on something I could bring to do to keep myself busy when I'm sitting alone? I'm fine staring at a wall for a few hours, but if there was a small, inoffensive activity I could do to pass the time, it would be nice. Would bringing a small book be rude? Maybe Stiff, by Mary Roach?

 

[pork and beans]

Are these not very similar, if not the same, things?

I would say sometimes, yes, but not necessarily and not always.

You can be a person with good habits, a good life, good friends, fulfilling hobbies and passions, and still get depressed and passively suicidal even though nothing has changed or there is no event you can pinpoint and go "AHA!".
Neither the cause or the solution for this issue have anything to do with mindset; you can logically be aware of the good things in your life and be (or have been) an overall positive, cheerful or social person and have depression and not want to live.
Many doctors would push pills here. In my opinion, this is not the only way to go on, although I'm aware many will reasonably disagree.

I would say that is very different from someone who needs to improve their mindset because they are stuck in negative thoughts that keep them in a loop of contempt and resentment. Here, improving mindset IS a solution. And here, counseling can be very helpful, as the problem is that the person LACKS the awareness or knowledge to improveby themselves.

 

[Hubelublub]

and still get depressed and passively suicidal

Horrifying. Depression is so alien to me I can't even begin to comprehend how a person doesn't simply cheer up and see all the good there is. Or get busy doing exciting things or working on a fun project or do the millions of other things the world has to offer.

Maybe Stiff, by Mary Roach

This is on my reading list. Is it any good?

 

[Meursault's gun]

Any ideas on something I could bring to do to keep myself busy when I'm sitting alone? I'm fine staring at a wall for a few hours, but if there was a small, inoffensive activity I could do to pass the time, it would be nice. Would bringing a small book be rude?

My first thought was a crossword puzzle or something like that, because you would remain around cognitively rather than getting lost in a book.

 

[pork and beans]

Depression is so alien to me I can't even begin to comprehend how a person doesn't simply cheer up and see all the good there is

i completely get what you mean. For the longest time i thought the same way. Life has so much good to offer and life is beautiful. It is a wonder we get to live, at all. And yet.



honestly, depression is really misrepresented. It is not the dramatic anguish portrayed in movies. It is agonizing, yes, but most of all it is very boring and empty, just mind-numbing and unoriginal, bleak hopelessness. You can power through it for months without realizing it until one day you start to wonder why do you wake up in the morning, and you realise that's a question you had not been allowing to ask yourself until now, because truth is that you don't want to wake up or do much at all. Time blends together no matter what you do, and you find that you are in a constant state of waiting for it to pass, or end, or anything. You feel disconnected to the world around you and yourself.

it is really noticeable when that is no longer the case. Feeling grounded and in synergy with your surroundings is a joy we take for granted,

In regards to the hobbies: when you partake in a hobby when depressed, you still feel just as depressed, you just do so while doing a hobby. Which is more productive than not doing anything, sure, and its better to keep doing it than dropping it, but... it doesnt do much. That said, there are probably a lot of depressed people that feel that way specifically because they've never had hobbies and feel empty. Everybody should have a physical a creative and an intellectual hobby, but if you already had those prior, it won't cut it, imo.

I think it's one of these things that you think you understand them because you can read about them in theory, but then you feel them, and you realise how off you were. It is truly a feeling outside the normal spectrum of human emotion, in my opinon.

I find the theory that is very accurate and informative is the Interpersonal Psychological Theory of Suicidal Behavior.


Again I have to say I do not think Psychology or Psychiatry are bad. Quite honestly I am more critical of the pitfalls that can go on in a therapist-patient relationship than therapy itself. I personally love reading research on psychology.

 

[Red flag]

i've been with my girlfriend for 16 years now,

Having a good, no-nonsense woman at my side helped tremendously.

No-nonsense means she would have dumped you a decade ago. Why are you stringing this poor woman along?

 

[The Feline Solution]

No-nonsense means she would have dumped you a decade ago. Why are you stringing this poor woman along?

I PL a lot but i'm not gonna be PLing about this. Just leaving it at she's an italian immigrant, i'm part wop, you can put things yourself together from that. There's no stringing along, it is simply impossible for us to get married if we want to continue to lead a peaceful live.

 

[Absolutego]

Women of Kiwifarms, I need you to tell me the best romantic comedy that's out there.
I've got a woman who's precious to me coming over tomorrow night, I'm making her my Clam Linguine, but I can't settle on what movie to play while we bask in post-meal bliss together.
I'm leaning towards Under the Tuscan Sun, but I'm not sure. Maybe Mona Lisa Smile?

 

[fitty tucker]

This is on my reading list. Is it any good?

I read it years ago but I remides. really liking it. I like science writing and the niche that book sits in.

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm leaning toward the crossword puzzle idea.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Women of Kiwifarms, I need you to tell me the best romantic comedy that's out there.
I've got a woman who's precious to me coming over tomorrow night, I'm making her my Clam Linguine, but I can't settle on what movie to play while we bask in post-meal bliss together.
I'm leaning towards Under the Tuscan Sun, but I'm not sure. Maybe Mona Lisa Smile?

Does she like romantic comedies?

 

[Thé au lait]

Maybe I'll just fucking cave in and try to see a therapist again. I'm just so fucking demoralized from literally seeing several and all of them ending up being complete idiots.

Genuinely, I won't go into this too much, but I had some bad shit happen to me when I was a little kid that still fucks with my head. So I mention this to the therapist and they have the fucking nerve to tell me "It's not so bad bro". Legit just stormed out and left. That was the last time I tried to get any counseling because that was incredibly fucking rude, offensive and unprofessional.

You could see why I have trust issues I guess.

It is really hard to try and open up to someone just to have them stab a knife in your stomach.

I'm with you on this, if it's what I'm thinking then that should instantly earn the equivalent of being disbarred.

So much fucking unpaid emotional labor in this thread, for a conclusion @Rekeita's Kidneys could have easily come to pages ago. And he still thinks he's the smartest one here


The other women here are a lot more patient than me, lol

I guess he's not really good at picking up on things the first time, sometimes you find people who need it repeated over and over to get through to them.

Women of Kiwifarms, I need you to tell me the best romantic comedy that's out there.
I've got a woman who's precious to me coming over tomorrow night, I'm making her my Clam Linguine, but I can't settle on what movie to play while we bask in post-meal bliss together.
I'm leaning towards Under the Tuscan Sun, but I'm not sure. Maybe Mona Lisa Smile?

Serendipity is a decent one, even if it's a little bland

 

[Absolutego]

Does she like romantic comedies?

She loves them. Say Anything is her favorite movie
I'm trying to outflank her finding something she either hasn't watched or only watched once.
I thought about going with Must Love Dogs just for another John Cusack movie, but I've seen that so many times and probably can't take another viewing.

 

[NoReturn]

CBT, for example, might be really helpful in one context (anxiety) and unhelpful, or with inconclusive results in another (OCD, Anorexia. Those seem to be helped more by Family Therapy. But the disorder itself is ofren caused, or exacerbated, by a history of family mental illness mental illness or unstable family dynamics...! So getting that type of therapy to happen depends on considerations often out of the patient's control....and other skills like DBT can be learnt at home.)

Therapy for those (and similar ones) can also be upsetting and stressful. Things like exposure therapy, for example.
If you're scared of the grocery store, going in person under safe circumstances (or even building up from something like a video game version) may be more helpful than 1000 hours of "but WHY are you scared of the store?"
It's like, if you fall out of a tree and break your arm, identifying which branches you hit on the way down doesn't magically fix the injury.

 

[Thé au lait]

She loves them. Say Anything is her favorite movie
I'm trying to outflank her finding something she either hasn't watched or only watched once.
I thought about going with Must Love Dogs just for another John Cusack movie, but I've seen that so many times and probably can't take another viewing.

I can suggest one if you're okay with foreign stuff, although it's a bit much of an "I can fix him" fantasy

 

[Absolutego]

I can suggest one if you're okay with foreign stuff, although it's a bit much of an "I can fix him" fantasy

Consider my interest piqued, she's fine with subtitles