As a result, the very first exposure I had to sex as a concept was at the tender age of 11, through this HTML-only website I clicked on when looking for horror stories called "BOILED ALIVE!", featuring several fun pixel gifs of flames and people cooking a big cauldron over a fire. It turned out to be a gore fetish website about cooking and eating people, filled with stories, illustrations, and Photoshop jobs to the effect. It was the first sexual material I ever came across on the web, and it did something wrong and fucked to my brain. I was so intrigued at this visceral thing, read it all, and looked for more, moving on to stuff like the Necrobabes gore porn stories where people describe literal painful dismemberment and organ removal hand in hand with sex acts. I had barely started puberty and had never even spoken with my friends at (my rural Catholic) school about sex. I had never seen normal porn. I had never seen a penis or a diagram of a penis in my life (I'm a woman).
Obviously this made me extremely troubled sexually for my entire life and basically gave me extreme paraphilias surrounding gore and violence. I've been in therapy for it since I was 18, but it has essentially not worked, and I have been battling an addiction to this stuff my entire life. I have gotten involved with violent, unstable, dangerous men because of my inability to kick this early childhood sexual desire to be killed/maimed/eaten/etc, and as a result I have been raped multiple times in my life, and I'm in my early-mid 20s. It's this ridiculous neural drug urge that overpowers my higher thinking and has fucked up my sex life irreparably.