Tiffany Skylar Johnston / Zoey Willow / aumiist / emoboyfucker69 / mitsuwah / dollienarc / mitsufan / Splatinist / xKiwifarmjoshx (and many more) - "3rd generation Florida man", Delusional Mitsuba Sousuke spammer, 2edgy4u emo fujoshi, Oversharing autist, Sockpuppet hydra, Grimy worm-infested zoo animal, Crackpot schizo, Genuine Cautionary Tale About Childhood Internet Usage, Objectfucker

[Schizoid Wife]

Did she only now just wake up?

She sleeps at very unusual times and abuses caffeine, so yes.

 

[Éamonn Ceannt]

It's almost 2 pm in the east coast

She sleeps at very unusual times and abuses caffeine, so yes.

She's ngmi

 

[Schizoid Wife]

She's ngmi

She's had a few moments that made me ask "how is she still alive?"

 

[LGTV]

That was a bullshit story to cover up the covid outbreak before it was mainstream news.

I heard about it back in either late 2018 or very early 2019. After that I didn't hear anything new about it.

 

[Bucephalus]

Against my better judgement, I have decided to install Cookie Run: Ovenbreak.

First thing, right off the bat: this game's filesize is fucking enormous? App size is ~2.10 GB, user data is another ~2.48 GB, for a total of ~4.59 GB. This is a phone game about cookies in silly outfits running and collecting jelly beans, and somehow it takes up more storage space than Morrowind with both DLC expansions. I'm sure it's harvesting all of my data and sending it straight to the Koreans who make this game so they can sell it to the Chinese, but whatever. We're doing this for the caaahntent.

Second thing: this game is the electronic equivalent of crack cocaine, and nobody under the age of 21 should play it, because it will absolutely fucking fry their dopamine circuits. There is an endless stream of shit happening on-screen, there's bright colors and flashy animations everywhere, there's like fifty different reward systems so there's this constant sense of non-stop progression, and to top it all off, there's gacha lootbox mechanics that you need to engage with in order to upgrade your cookies/pets/treasures. Now, you can get by just fine as a F2P player just with the rewards you get from doing the various game modes, but there is a certain subset of the population that's going to play this game, get zonked out of their mind from all the features targeting addictive personalities/ADHD/chronic gamblers/young children, and then end up like BMJ.

With that out of the way, it's... alright? Again, if you fall into one of those categories, you shouldn't touch it. But it's fun enough. It's the kind of game that could've been a sleeper hit on the 3DS eShop in 2014. That being said, I have no fucking clue why the fanbase for this game is as rabid as it is, because it's completely innocuous outside of the whole "MKUltra for zoomers" thing.


This is the progress I've made since installing it on Tuesday. 51 cookies, level 75, haven't spent a dime. Which means I think I'm probably qualified enough to evaluate Zoey's leaderboard results now. Probably.



First thing, she's level 325, so she's obviously been playing for a while - but it doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. I think the "Spacecraft" below her name is her guild, and the wiki says that the "End of Eternal Paradise" banner above her name means she's upgraded the Black Sugar Swan Cookie to level 15. For context, that one's a legendary cookie that costs either a fuckton of rainbow candies (F2P option) or gems (premium currency, but also can get them as a F2P) to unlock, and level 15 is the cap.

She's playing the Random Challenge, which I haven't unlocked yet, but that gamemode is entirely RNG-dependent according to the wiki. Your cookies, pets, and treasures are randomized, which is why her lineup isn't stacked with legendaries and epics, but I can pick out a couple that would've been good rolls - Devil Cookie (6th) gets upgraded to max just by doing story mode, and there's a Christmas event going on right now where Red Bean Cookie (8th) got a new costume that buffs his stats.

I'm not sure what to make of her gem count vs mine (3k vs 20k), since she's so much further into the game than I am, but if I had to guess, she probably spends most of her gems during gamba seshes or buying the premium cookies. That's all I've got for now, but if we get more Cookie Run posts from her in the future, I should be able to interpret them.

 

[Schizoid Wife]

New stories, apparently her mother is trying to steal her money?

Against my better judgement, I have decided to install Cookie Run: Ovenbreak.

Godspeed to you for installing a chink gamba game just to evaluate Zoey's skills at this game

 

[Cheesy Beavy]

Against my better judgement, I have decided to install Cookie Run: Ovenbreak.

Good on you sir, I think I’d rather literally kill myself.

New stories, apparently her mother is trying to steal her money?

What money? She has no job right? Where the fuck is she getting money? Much less enough worth stealing

 

[Xev]

Good on you sir, I think I’d rather literally kill myself.

What money? She has no job right? Where the fuck is she getting money? Much less enough worth stealing

Didn't she also get denied ssdi recently or was that a different retard?

 

[Schizoid Wife]

Didn't she also get denied ssdi recently or was that a different retard?

Yes, that was her.

What money? She has no job right? Where the fuck is she getting money? Much less enough worth stealing

Considering she once accused us of being a human trafficking website, it's safe to say that rational thought does not come naturally to her.

and the wiki says that the "End of Eternal Paradise" banner above her name means she's upgraded the Black Sugar Swan Cookie to level 15.

Hey, isn't that the character she threw a fit over because it didn't win some event? Lol. Lmao even.

 

[stupid fufu]

Zoey getting completely felted by a game that isn't danganronpa is poetry.

 

[Racist Parrot]

I kinda want to download it just to be better than her on it because it'd be really, really funny. But then again that sounds like work and that's gay.

 

[Weapons Grade Autism]

Against my better judgement, I have decided to install Cookie Run: Ovenbreak.

Ah, yes. The dedicated A-logging in game coverage now thanks to you. Godspeed, brother.

Hey, isn't that the character she threw a fit over because it didn't win some event? Lol. Lmao even.
View attachment 6769702

C U C K E D BY THE DEVS, Zoe-Zilla. Welcome to the club. My game (that i spent countless autistic hours) had its last update in 2012 and was taken offline Nov of this year.
Life moves on and you simply replace where you spend your time.

 

[Bucephalus]

A tragedy in five parts.

 

[Schizoid Wife]

>You can't go live for 365 days

No more hurricane livestreams

 

[Cheesy Beavy]

Zoella! Stop speaking on violence you dipshit!! My life is going to be a heck of a lot less entertaining without you! Use emojis or fucking spam text or something, idk. But stop getting your accounts restricted like a dum dum.

Whoever the fuck is reporting her, fuck you. You’re pissing me off.

Could she get around this live stream restriction by just making another account? (Again, idk instagram so idk if they’d still restrict her or if she’s too attached to her name to do so)

 

[Ultrapenguin]

Zoediac killer is more like it.

Lives in a city, hears traffic; it must be all the guys coming to pester me because I'm so cool and desirable. Violence, rawr XD.

Whoever the fuck is reporting her, fuck you. You’re pissing me off.

For all we know it could be someone like that Talbott retard. I choose to believe it isn't any of the handful of kiwis here.

 

[Schizoid Wife]

Whoever the fuck is reporting her, fuck you. You’re pissing me off.

Hopefully it isn't someone on here, since that would be cowtipping which is against the rules. You're not supposed to interfere with a cow off-platform except in unique circumstances (i.e. Dansburst Studios (known pedophile) getting reported on Ponytown, a game populated by terminally online teenagers).

For all we know it could be someone like that Talbott retard. I choose to believe it isn't any of the handful of kiwis here.

She's made a ton of enemies on different platforms, so it could be anyone. I wouldn't be surprised if any friends of the other people Zoey frequently mentions in her stories were reporting her accounts too. Either that, or she just tripped a filter and no human being is to blame other than Zoey wishing violence on people for the hundredth time.

 

[Xev]

Hopefully it isn't someone on here, since that would be cowtipping which is against the rules. You're not supposed to interfere with a cow off-platform except in unique circumstances (i.e. Dansburst Studios (known pedophile) getting reported on Ponytown, a game populated by terminally online teenagers).

It's probably some jilted sperg like Colton

 

[Cheesy Beavy]

Hopefully it isn't someone on here, since that would be cowtipping which is against the rules.

So even reporting things against a platforms TOS is considered cow tipping? I find that a bit odd but it makes sense I suppose. Don’t want milk to dry up.

And to clarify, I don’t think it is a kiwi. We’ve ALL said MULTIPLE times “I wish Zoey would get her life together. She has a chance to not ruin it”. I just assume whoever is also visits here.

Edit : I was just MATI saying that.

 

[Schizoid Wife]

So even reporting things against a platforms TOS is considered cow tipping? I find that a bit odd but it makes sense I suppose. Don’t want milk to dry up.

It depends on the situation, In Dansburst's thread, people there seem to be given lenience for reporting his accounts on children's games because Timmy is an active danger to any child he tries to contact. Zoey isn't endangering anyone, she's just a schizo who makes AMVs and word vomits about whatever she's angry about at any given moment.