Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[Potatis Salad]

Merry Christmas, everyone. I bring you good tidings of great Joe!

Full caption:

Snowy mountain rocky Christmas, wishing all you all a happy one from our omniphilic polysex to yours. reminding you that, whatever those idiots in the liberal press say, you are NOT obliged to be nice to your Trump-supporting family members, and in fact your liberally homophobic father and sloppily misgendering mother can fuck off too. head for the hills, hills for the head, and slurp up all the f*ggy pudding you can get your hands on. “mother’s romantic, la la la / mother’s misguided, la la la / mother’s surviving, la la la / leading the glamorous life”

Full pics:


Is that some distortion on the side of Joe's face or just his usual jowls?

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Colorado Rocky mountain GAHH

John Denver reborn as a sleep paralysis demon.

It really is striking how as the evil takes over their mouths start contorting like this.

 

[Bookwork]

Is that some distortion on the side of Joe's face or just his usual jowls?
View attachment 6788481

Distortion in the center of an image isn't a thing the way it is along the periphery. He's too happy to have an abscess, so it may be that his head is turned a bit toward Mal, hiding part of one jowl from the camera and exposing the other a little more.

But the difference seems kind of a lot for that. Did he sock a mouthful of powerbar figgy pudding to one side for the pic?

 

[monstrous bubo]

Is that some distortion on the side of Joe's face or just his usual jowls?

But the difference seems kind of a lot for that.

Eh, I think this is just a combination of asymmetrical face, hair strand and Lily’s head. We rarely see him face on like this, BTW. There’s always some artful angle or outright concealment of part of his jaw. Here’s an old snap of skinny Joe which demonstrates his facial wonkiness.



And here’s what you get if you mirrored each side of his face. Compare the zones between the left and right mirrors: forehead, eyes, nose, mouth and chin.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

East Lansing to the Denver area: About 17 hours on the road each way with stops for dogs and baby. Breaking the drive in two, if not three, seems likely, giving them four to six days of driving and two to four days in Colorado if that was the endpoint, a reasonable visit with Momma Woodruff.

East Lansing to Berkeley: About 35 hours on the road each way, over the Rockies, in winter. The car would be crammed with their own stuff, stuff for Rocco, and stuff for the dogs, so loading up with stuff from Joe's office would require a U-Haul eastbound, over the Rockies, in winter. The Donner Party Cookbook a possible outcome.

Rocco going to see grandma, which is nice. I feel bad grandma Woodruff has to host her daughter’s boyfriend and his wife. I’d wonder if Mallory gets left at a hotel, just Lilly and Jr go visit granny, or they all pile into grandma’s house for peak weirdness.

Grandma Woodruff would be the only blood family member of the entire trio in the USA, excluding Mallory’s large estranged family who’s live she tried to utterly ruin for Joe’s drama boner.

I don’t believe there is anyone in California that would welcome this trio over the holidays. Any close friends Mallory had in California probably didn’t survive the Joe culling and burning. I’d bet Mallory insists on being a packaged deal with Joe, because well Joe, so that would result in most doors being firmly shut or being politely told they happened to be out of town.

 

[Potatis Salad]

Lily posted a picture tagged "Bear Lake, Colorado"--that's north of Denver inside Rocky Mountain National Park. 18 hour drive from Lansing.


Tard Baby's Instagram, the mere existence of a chainsaw is a photo-worthy event apparently. Clearly not in a national park anymore.


Inside the spoiler, a few selections from the absolute torrent of shite that Joe posts to his Instagram stories daily. These are all from the past 24 hours. Reminder that most of Joe's Instagram stories are not his original creations, merely items that he found droll enough to repost on his own account under his own name.

Spoiler: NSFW

First, our heterosexual edgelord, a father to an infant son with a wife and a girlfriend, pretends to have gay attraction (he does not).


I just love what a true and honest Communist revolutionary Joe is.


Ah yes, so relatable to the power throuple. Just HOW will they make it around to all of their beloved family members' homes on Christmas? So many many many relatives and loved ones to visit, so little time!


A moment of self-awareness? jk that's impossible.

 

[Anasa Tristis]

Tard Baby's Instagram, the mere existence of a chainsaw is a photo-worthy event apparently. Clearly not in a national park anymore.

That's a virtuous electric chainsaw. No wonder Mal approves. They're totally fake and gay. It looks like they're at a roadside Xmas tree joint. And don't look now, but genetically engineered for gender nonconformity and iconoclastic greatness Bambini Rocco LaWoodruff is showing some undesirable gendered interest in it there. Rut roh!

Reminder that most of Joe's Instagram stories are not his original creations, merely items that he found droll enough to repost on his own account under his own name.

Such nice pater familias material there: foul degeneracy, violent revolutionary posturing, and a big steaming pile of wishful thinking. That last lesbian bar one with its odd honesty appears to be a Freudian slip. But it's more likely a very conscious thumb of the nose at his adoring fans. Joyful Joe and his traveing lesbian entourage! He is a high status and enviable man, donchaknow. Who can't resist slyly nipping at the hand that feeds.

Joe must be in high spirits after showing off his throuple mates and the fruit of his loins to some hapless normies they encountered hiking at Bear Lake. Or from Grandma Woodruff's stiff and wary smile at the door. Tsk tsk there, Joe. He should have severed LaLa's family ties before producing Rocco. He's going to have a tough battle alienating and extracting LaLa from her family with that cute grand baby squirming in her arms.

 

[Bookwork]

Woodruff's a popular name around those edges of Colorado, Wyoming, and Utah that touch. All sorts of things get named Woodruff, from a country store and streets to a town and a creek.

If you happen to Google Woodruff LDS because you've previously noticed something about repeating names in that region, you get the resolute visage of Wilford Woodruff Sr., 1807-1898, fourth president of the Church of LDS.

He wouldn't have blushed at a throuple, having 10 wives himself, who included a daughter of Brigham Young, and 34 children. Thus were many Woodruffs launched upon the land with things getting named after them as they proliferated.

I'm too lazy to go over to familysearch.org to see if I can connect the dots between Wilford and Lily, though if those dots exist, energetic LDS family historians will have carried the dots all the way back to Adam and Eve.

 

[No Thank You v 2.0]

Woodruff's a popular name around those edges of Colorado, Wyoming, and Utah that touch. All sorts of things get named Woodruff, from a country store and streets to a town and a creek.

If you happen to Google Woodruff LDS because you've previously noticed something about repeating names in that region, you get the resolute visage of Wilford Woodruff Sr., 1807-1898, fourth president of the Church of LDS.
View attachment 6790535
He wouldn't have blushed at a throuple, having 10 wives himself, who included a daughter of Brigham Young, and 34 children. Thus were many Woodruffs launched upon the land with things getting named after them as they proliferated.

I'm too lazy to go over to familysearch.org to see if I can connect the dots between Wilford and Lily, though if those dots exist, energetic LDS family historians will have carried the dots all the way back to Adam and Eve.

If I’m not mistaken, this is the same Woodruff that traded polygamy for Mormons for statehood for Utah. Polygamous families were allowed to remain intact, but in order for Utah to become a state, the LDS had to give up plural marriages (on paper).

 

[Free the Pedos]

If I’m not mistaken, this is the same Woodruff that traded polygamy for Mormons for statehood for Utah. Polygamous families were allowed to remain intact, but in order for Utah to become a state, the LDS had to give up plural marriages (on paper).

There’s a joke in there somewhere about how polygamy is OK if the husband is a “woman.”

 

[Dick Johnson]

A Joe missive isn't complete until he's made several references to abnormal sexuality, particularly if he can somehow link it to anything that can be considered wholesome. Family togetherness for the holidays? Better work in a pretentious phrase like 'omniphilic polysex'. No one's gasping, Joe, everyone's rolling their eyes.

Though on that note - furry arc incoming? It seems like an odd thing to start doing in middle age, and he's never shown any sign previously, but reposting a horny furry and then some furry art? One of those, I'd consider plausible as naturally coming up for someone 'omniphilic'. Both together seems like a lesser chance of being just a coincidence. Either he's starting to develop an interest in furry stuff, or he was just browsing and came across a few furry things and figured it was an avenue of fetish he hadn't yet claimed any affinity to so there'd be some fresher stuff to try and shock the normies with.

 

[monstrous bubo]

Though on that note - furry arc incoming?

His fursona would be some insufferable animal, no doubt, but the lack of Dries van Noten fursuits might put him off.

 

[Dick Johnson]

On the other hand, fursuits are expensive and as visually unappealing as Joe's typical outfits. He just needs to find some way to show everyone how much he paid for the...pangolin suit? Would his fursona be the animal that he's had appended to his name for his social media handle?

On the one hand, it would be hilarious if Joe was coming out of the closet as a furry. But on the other hand he has a child to provide for and his spending habits are bad enough without adding in cons and NSFW art commissions.

 

[Paul Enwerdhoeven]

Did he just encourage suicide?

I'm pretty sure Joe is misinterpreting that quote as referring to ~praxis~ rather than suicide. It's the millionth example of Joe trying to seem smart but actually revealing himself as a poseur. At a certain point you have to think that Mallory and Lily must not be that smart if they haven't noticed that Joe is constantly talking out of his ass.

 

[Anasa Tristis]

furry arc incoming?

That would not surprise me. Fur faggotry is even more delightfully radical and offensive than Joe's current state of debauched being. Promoting it as an individual right and riding that arc to who knows where could be better'n food blogging. Much more tingly in all the right places. As an added bonus, LaLa's and Mal's unconditional loyalty and support would be tested too. That's always tingly for Pater Joe, testing the links for weakness.

He (and the BPT as a whole) has been sinking down into bourgeois conventionality way too much lately. Ignoble downsizing. Babies and book publishing. Trips to Grandma's. Joe's not getting enough of his own spotlight either. Furrydom (and in the wings, zoophilia! Oooo!) could be a big brand upgrade.

 

[Bookwork]

A Duke Weaselton costume would def up Joe's sex appeal.

Though I guess he'd want to be Fru Fru instead.

Zero-sum gain with that.

 

[Potatis Salad]

Throuple in Utah.

Tard Baby said on Dec 23rd that they were "five days into a ten day road trip." According to that timeline, the trip ended today, so Lily is probably not posting these fresh from the camera roll.

All the pics below are from Lily's latest Instagram post (I omitted a couple that are just Rocco with nothing interesting in the background):


Joe looking like an absolute fucking fool mincing around the sandstone of Arches National Park in $4000 worth of ugly designer shit.

"Ninny" does not even scratch the surface.
Cute baby though:


They're clearly staying with someone, this is not a hotel:


The pill bottles strewn around in the background. Rocco is playing with a printed selfie of Joe's performative ecstasy holding his newborn???????


Reminder in case you would like to vomit today:


This is old, I opened it by accident while downloading the above pics from Instagram. I had to see it again so you do too:

 

[monstrous bubo]

The pill bottles strewn around in the background.

Between the pill bottles and pickled botulism Bobby Joe already is facing more risks than is fair for a baby.

 

[Potatis Salad]

0w0 what's this?

Joe is teaching two classes in person in Spring 2025: "Trash Genres" and "Kafka/Dickens" (hope the lazy fuck enjoys that 8:00am start time!):


At Michigan, Lily is teaching two classes too:


But both of them are "Online Asynchronous":


Classes at Berkeley don't start until Jan 21. But I wonder if the "ten day road trip" was one-way and they're setting up camp there for the semester?

 

[monstrous bubo]

But I wonder if the "ten day road trip" was one-way and they're setting up camp there for the semester?

As was observed above, they’d need more time and a u-haul for that, plus for a few months (Jan-May) she’d need to source a pediatrician, baby safe rental, and other baby support stuff. My guess: Joe will commute as he did in the old days, and Lily will guest lecture online for Berkeley until her mat leave ends, and in that time she’ll try to get a permanent gig at Berkeley. If only one of the throuple had a house in the area… His classes are Tuesday/Thursday, so he can presumably cram office hours on those days.