:words:
Previous Transgender/Transsexual Megathreads :words:
Thread #1: Ask me about being transsexual! (Christmas Jones, April 07)
Thread #2: Ask me about being Transsexual (Imogen, August 07)
Thread #3: Transgender Megathread II: Enemies of the Gods (HydroSan/Lainlike, January 09) (ignore the incorrect title)
Thread #4: TMT-IV-TR: Transgendered Megathread IV, Text Revision (HydroSan/Lainlike, April 2009)
Thread #5: Transgender Megathread V: Y'all a bunch of cissies (HydroSan/Lainlike, April 2009)
Sister/Brother Threads
GBS thread: GBS rages on the transgendered. (GBS) (closed)
77 year old navy veteran has gender reassignment surgery - GBS flips out (closed)
Transgendered people no longer have a "disorder" (transchat 3.0)
Everybody is welcome to this thread: trans people, cis people, gender-nonconforming people, genderfuck people, drag performers, people of all gender identities and sexual orientations.
The last TMT has gotten pretty big and the information within is rather scattered. We want to create a new thread so we could pool together a lot of the common questions and also gear this thread more towards support than the previous threads have been. While each thread starts off ostensibly as an Ask/Tell thread they quickly become a spot where trans people talk about their experiences and questioning people post about their confusion. Specifically, we want to make this thread more newbie-friendly so that means putting commonly asked questions in the OP and also providing community resources in an easily accessible manner. To that end, the OP is going to consist of three parts. This introduction, a second post with frequently asked questions, and a third post with resources, whether it be literature, websites, local organizations, or members of this community that wish to make themselves available for chat.
If these posts seem horribly, horribly long, it's because it is a collection of all of the main information that was discussed in the last four threads. Unless we want the first 20-30 pages of every new TMT to be about issues we have already discussed, a mega-OP such as this is necessary in order to condense the hundreds of pages of discussion we've gone through.
Here is some backstory on some (but not even close to most) of the contributors to the TMTs. The point is to make sure you realize that our views are subjective and biased. And, perhaps, you might find something that you relate to in our narratives, if you are questioning your gender identity.
Lainlike said:
I am a pansexual trans woman. I have been "full time" for about six months, and on HRT for roughly ten.
I want to focus more on my subjective story as I humbly think that it is somewhat of a success story. Approximately fifteen months ago from this writing, back in April and May of 2008, I was living the life of the suburban basement dweller - and had been for almost four or five years. With a wasted and painful childhood in part due to my emotional instability, compounded by shitty treatment by the psychiatric industry and completely bewilderment by those who claimed to be the "experts" in social work, I attempted to find some stability through isolation. I had no real-life friends - not even one - and only a few online acquaintances I talked to sometimes, and never about myself. I had a girlfriend who I saw rarely. I had my video games, my weed, my psychedelic music, my workouts at the gym, and a steady supply of food, and that's all I cared about. I was convinced I was worthless and would amount to nothing. I grew a goatee, and subconsciously told myself, "I will never be a girl, so why bother living?"
Before this was a long story of angst, depression and "Terrible Teens" that had me jackknifing between different school systems every five or six months. It all sort of started getting bad around grades 2-4, and finally ended up exploding in grade 5 when the school board shipped me off to CAMH's youth clinic (not to be confused with the GIC - this was about behaviour, not gender identity). After a nasty experience there, thoughts and emotions such as "I wish I was a girl" and "I see myself as a girl" continued to flare up, refusing to leave me alone. But the only thing I could do was act normal - if I didn't act normal, they'd never let me out, or so I told myself. They were focused entirely on "fixing" me and making me your average child. At the ages of 11-12, I was on Zoloft and then Prozac for "depression." At that time, I was mostly mad, at myself, at the world, for being so unfair, and making me a boy when I knew I was a girl.
But I couldn't tell them that. And thank christ I didn't.
After I got out and puberty set in, nigh-suicidal depression set in. The only thing that quelled the depression was the internet, and later, cannabis. I messed up the vast majority of my schooling and eventually dropped out.
After a while, and fifteen months ago again, I came out to my girlfriend. She dumped me. At that point, relations with my parents had become more and more disconnected - they barely knew me anymore. I had nobody. Nobody knew me. My life felt like it had ended. And it had - my life as a guy had essentially been annihilated in one fell swoop.
When I hit "ground zero," something snapped and I decided I needed to have a change. For some reason I couldn't prevent it from overtaking my actions, and so I sold all of my things, took all of my money, and moved back to the city I originally had tried to escape. I thought I had solved my problems. Except, the concept of a "female identity," something that had hit me like a brick between the eyes around the ages of 9 or 10, wouldn't go away. I didn't want things to get bad again, so I got back into therapy at Central Toronto Youth Services in the downtown core, with an amazing therapist who pointed me in the right direction. I discovered Sherbourne, met up with other trans and queer people, and eventually came out myself. Things started rolling, and I got back into an alternative high school, finished my credits, got accepted to University of Toronto, and along the way, I became someone different. Now I know many people, some of who are my friends, and I can never be as isolated as I was before.
What can you get from this life story? Maybe some inspiration. As bad as your situation is right now, you can turn it around. My path wasn't easy and there were times I was sure I'd fall off the edge, but I remembered what I was like before I said "I can do this," and I didn't want to go back.
CK04 said:
Well hi folks. I'm CK, and I'm a 23-year-old transman. I've been on testosterone since July 2007, and I really haven't looked back - but for all of you, I'll take a little trip down memory lane.
I grew up in a liberal-minded Jewish household in Philadelphia, where I still live. My parents adopted me at three days old from a high school girl. They raised me in comfort, and by all signals I was growing up to be a nice Jewish girl. My mom has always been a total fashion whore, and dressed me in the 80s' finest. I didn't mind playing with Barbies and such, I guess, (though they had a tendency to have a lot of sex and get drunk and drive off the sofa) but my real interests were in computers, video games, and comic books. That was OK with my parents, they never tried to keep me from any of that. Things were going well until I hit about sixth grade, when for some reason just getting up and getting dressed in the morning became intolerable. I fought endlessly with my mom about clothing and friends and behavior, though in the opposite direction from most girls that age. I didn't want to dress up, or wear makeup, or even hang out with friends. I had crippling social anxiety, and I was also diagnosed with and treated for depression (which even then I knew was bullshit). I came out to my parents as a lesbian, and they didn't kick me out. I wasn't allowed to change my appearance in any significant way while I was living at home, so at the end of high school I was very grateful to leave for a women's college. The third day there, I had a girl on my hall cut off my hair and help me go shopping for a new male wardrobe. It changed my entire demeanor - I was confident and able to function socially. I thought I was "just" a butch lesbian for a while, but halfway through my freshman year I met my first transguy.
He was the first transperson I had ever met, actually. He was visiting a friend. Up until that point, I guess my only exposure to transgendered people was pretty much drag queens on Jerry Springer. It wasn't in the realm of possibility, sort of like being an astronaut or a movie star. Some people did it, I knew, but it seemed to me to be mostly spectacle. When I met Loren, I realized that trans people were real people, and they led real, regular lives just like the rest of us. A penny dropped, then, and I started looking up everything I could on the topic. There's more about trans issues on the web now than there was even five years ago when this happened, but I found enough to consider myself educated. All through college, transitioning was in the back of my mind, but I still didn't think I could ever do it - what would my family think? My parents were paying for college, if they reacted badly, I'd be out on my ear. My girlfriend of sophomore and junior years was very adamantly lesbian, so that helped me ignore the problem for while longer, but in the middle of my senior year, I realized how unhappy I was with almost everything in my life. I was suicidal, and I felt that there was something wrong with me that had always been wrong, and I wouldn't be able to live like a normal human being unless I figured it out. So, I dumped my girlfriend, left school, got a job, and started going to therapy at a place in the city called the Mazzoni Center. Mazzoni is an LGBT health clinic, and they have a variety of services, including mental health, on a sliding scale. I'm trying to keep this synopsis short, so basically, I came out to my parents, who fortunately still loved and supported me. I got a way better new girlfriend, started taking T, got a new job where they knew me only as a man, and basically got a lot of the shit together that I'd been struggling with for my entire life. I pass 100%, I'm mostly stealth to people I met post-T, and I got top surgery on August 4th of this year.
I can't say that all my problems got fixed because I transitioned. I'm still lazy by nature, for instance. But fuck - if I can go through all this, I can do whatever the fuck I want. It just brought a lot of truths home to me - for example, that I do have willpower when I choose to exert it, and that can't be an excuse anymore for failure. I want to do things for myself now, to improve my life. And I love to reach out to people who aren't as "far along" as me, or who just have interesting stories themselves. I've learned that inspiration isn't always something to be skeptical and jaded about. And I've learned that there really is no "end of the line". There's always, always something you can do to make yourself feel better, even if it's painful or difficult - it'll be worth it in the end. Based on that, you might see me tossing out some harsh words around here or in chat, but I really do believe that if you lay the truth in front of people, they can't help but see it eventually.
Spamdrogyne said:
I'm a twenty-two year old genderqueer-identified FTM. I've been on T for a year and a couple of months, and am fairly open about my history. I am also queer, and am in a long-term, healthy, and overall fabulouuuuus relationship with my partner.
I never really fit in growing up. The cues society expected me to follow as a socially-assigned girl were baffling. I spent most of my childhood disregarding the rules thrown my way. At one point, I was the best player on a boy's baseball team. At other times, I'd wear skirts and fuss with my friends' hair. I wasn't born with a Tonka truck in my hand, but I certainly didn't fit in with my female peers. When adolescence came, I, like many other trans* folk, had to compete with some very heavy depression brought on by the onslaught of new, restrictive rules and my own body betraying me.
I found the words to describe how I was feeling around the age of 16. I began seeing a therapist for external issues, but I also decided to approach the topic of my gender identity with her. She told me that I had "adopted transsexualism as a means of making myself as unappealing to others as possible". This, in conjunction with several other misfired attempts to come out to a select few in my life, convinced me that I'd be living with whatever I was feeling for the rest of my life. I ran back into the closet. In that time, I tried scraping through life with the cues I was taught. I developed a bad substance habit and sustained an eating disorder for several years. My grades suffered, and I had literally no goals for my future. In all honesty, meeting my partner probably saved my life. I began working on my self-image, and with the support of somebody so remarkably non-judgemental, I realized I had to face all of my fears and do what I had to do to survive.
I transfered to a new school, made friends who actually respect me, and began down a path of sanity. Transitioning hasn't made sunshine and puppies rain from the sky, nor has it been easy by any measure. Despite all of that, I am now a healthier, happier, and better person all around. Moral of the story? Screw the haters, you're the one who has to live with yourself.
My AIM is listed on my profile, and I'm usually up for a chat, if you happen to be too shy to post to the megathread.
We hope that with the stories of both trans men and trans women, that at least some of it might make sense to you.
Glossary/Terms You Should Know
- Transgender - term used to describe anyone who transgresses (or wishes to transgress) either through social or medical means the identification of their sex on their gender identity. Often identify simply as "men/women," although some identify primarily as "trans," or as a third-gender, or as no gender, and so on. It is an umbrella term.
- Sex - the state of being physically male, physically female or to some degree of intersexed (genetically, physically)
- Gender and Gender Identity - the socialized roles of men/women based on their male/female sex identification, and the self-identification with those roles.
- Sexual Orientation or Sexual Identity – the ways in which a person sexually expresses themselves, either through their orientation (straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual) or means of expression (dom/sub, stone, etc)
- Cisgender - the state of having your physical self-identity and social gender role "match" (in whatever way cis people feel they do)
- Transsexual - the state of having your physical self-identity and socical gender role "mis-matching." Many transsexual people feel that they need to undergo some sort of physical change in order to be happy with their bodies: such as hormones, surgeries, and so on. Accompanying this most of the time, and overshadowing the physical change for the majority of transsexual people, is the social change, of actualizing who they want and need to be.
- Trans Woman - anyone who is of trans identity and identifies with the feminine gender spectrum. Pronouns (usually): she, her, hers, Miss
- Trans Man - anyone who is of trans identity and identifies with the masculine gender spectrum. Pronouns (usually): he, him, his, Mister
- Genderqueer - anyone who identifies as without or beyond the gender-binary spectrum of masculine/feminine. Pronouns (sometimes): they, their, xe/hir, ze/hir, and so on. (if you're having trouble conjugating those pronouns, it would go like this, "he walked to the park with his dog" -> "ze walked to the park with hir dog")
- Genderfuck – anyone whose gender presentation seeks to give extreme contrast masculine and feminine norms at the same time. An example of this is a person having a beard (either grown or false) and large (either grown or false) breasts. It is seen as both a form of activism and caricaturization of and against masculine and feminine physical and socialized gender traits.
- Blending: Blending is an alternative word for “passing,” which has racist connotations. It essentially is “blending in” with society and not standing out, by conforming to a particular set of gendered expectations in physical appearance, mannerisms, and so on. It doesn’t mean that every MtF must act like a stereotypical cissexual, straight woman and buy overly-effeminate clothing. It also doesn’t mean that every FtM must suddenly begin wearing business suits or do weightlifting. It is essentially the difference between being read as cisgendered or being read as transgendered.
What does “transgender” mean? Who is considered trans?
The exact meanings of the terms like “transgendered” and “transsexual” are hotly debated with constantly shifting goalposts based off of politics and ideologies. For the purposes of this thread, all gender-nonconforming people can and should be allowed to participate with the obvious caveat that, for example, a cisgendered drag performer not claim to speak for the experiences of transgendered people or vice versa.
CK07 said:
Personally, I hate the word "transsexual" - I think it has too many instinctively negative connotations to reclaim at this point in time. I usually call myself just trans, or transgendered, but I almost never let that stand alone as a description - for those in the know, it's too broad a term, and for those who aren't, that word often doesn't mean anything at all. But since I love talking about myself so much, I don't mind explaining.
When I started transition, I really didn't get people who were "genderqueer". I sneered at folks who identified "outside the binary". I didn't understand how people could go without hormones and expect to be called by their desired pronouns, and I rolled my eyes when they talked about how hard it was for them - didn't they get that they were doing it to themselves, and if they could just pick a fucking side it would be worlds easier? But then it occurred to me (as it probably has to you as well by now) how utterly stupid and hypocritical that sounded echoing through my head. Me, some tranny nerd, looking down on people for living in a manner they believed necessary? I find my mind ever expanding to new dimensions of acceptance - a cisperson cannot imagine what it is like for me, a transman, because our experiences and the way our very minds work are different. How could I have expected that anyone else's mind and expression should fit into any of my own patterns? I'm embarrassed, these days, at the way I felt about folks who have it just as hard as - if not harder than - me.
The last thing I want to say about "who's trans" is fuck labels. I'm me, a man, a son, a lover, a friend, and identifying myself beyond that is really unnecessary for me. I've done with my life and my body what was important to get myself functioning and happy, and I did it for myself. Nobody's ever asked me to rattle off a list of words describing who I am, so I don't see a point in maintaining one.
Spamdrogyne said:
I have a markedly different perspective on gender than a lot of people do. First and foremost, I should state the following: I don't view gender as merely a spectrum, but a whole constellation. Experience can influence identity and identity can form through external constraints. So, there needs to be a system of understanding gender identity, gendered experience (as it can vary over the course of an individual's life), and socially-gendered physicality (ie: being assigned a role at birth). Imagine a sphere broken into four quadrants. We have male, female, feminine, and masculine. Male and female refer to physicality - the gendered meanings assigned to biological processes. Masculine and feminine encompass expression/experience/identity. Outside of the sphere, we have another constellation we can map people on - non-binary expressions could fit here, for example.
"Transgender", to me, is really a term encompassing a whole boatload of expressions, identities, etc. that basically bend the binary imperative in one way or another. Clearly, there are distinctions between the manymanymany sub-groups within the transgender "umbrella", but "transgender" is a nice, easy term to describe a complex group of people who otherwise may have nothing else in common but this singular transgression. So, while you might have stars all over your constellation of gender, the people who are not strictly male-born-male-identified or female-born-female-identified have at least this one word in common to describe at least, a verrrrry general commonality of experience.
Really, I think it can be as simple as that!
Lainlike said:
To me, there is transgendered, the umbrella term for anyone who bends the “gender binary” of cisgendered behaviour, and then different groups under them. Genderqueers, two-spiirts, bigenders, crossdressers, and the group I identify with, transsexuals, all fall under this term.
As far as I am concerned, a person has a right to self-identify without a “psychological evaluation” of how “trans” they are. I do not agree with the psychological definition of a “transsexual,” or any of the other pathologizations of trans people. Much like how homosexuality was delisted as a “mental condition” in the 80’s, so too will “trans” be delisted in the future.
Some people don’t like the word “transsexual.” I prefer to reclaim it. I don’t think a TS-identified person has to have the same body dysphoria as other TS-identified people. I don’t think a TS person must desire gender reassignment surgery to be TS. I do think, however, than a transsexual-identified person should have some form of body dysphoria that causes them emotional pain. A transgendered person may feel oppressed about their expression, much like a TS person, but I believe the body-based pain is a must to be TS-identified.
Now that you know who we are and where we stand, we will begin the define some more complex ideas and terms. If you're still interested, read on.
---------
Before you read this post, a lot of it will be filled with the nitty gritty of HRT. So if you're one to get squeamish when there's a lot of TMI, then you might want to skip to the last post.
Rules for Civil Conduct
Ask me, or any other willing transperson (of which there are many, open and hidden) on SA questions about trans.
Just please be respectful and understand that the stereotypes you know of transpeople are as bullshit as those applied to any other minority group out there, from Muslims being terrorists, to gay men being pedophiles. I'm a very open person and I'll be civil if you'll be civil. Linking crap like a Mormon "Family Values" site to prove transgendered people are heathens will make me become uncivil.
Do not cite South Park. Do not ask us if we want surgery unless it comes up in the thread as a topic of discussion. Do not ask us if we "look anything remotely male/female." Do not ask us about conditions that do not directly relate to transgenderism, like demanding to know what we think about self-amputation. Just use some tact. Jesus christ.
Another thing - this is not a rule, but a kind suggestion: please do yourself a favor and put
MisterAndrew on ignore. Your cooperation would be much appreciated.
![:\](/styles/custom/emotes/svg/chris-confused.svg "Confused :\")
Frequently Asked Questions/Concerns
This post will perpetually be a work in progress. If you have a question that you feel should be here, feel free to ask one of us to add it to this post. If somebody has a question and you want to answer it and you or we think it should go in this post, we will add the question here and quote or link (depending on length) your post as an answer. If you think a particular answer is inaccurate or only applicable to some people, please feel free to dispute it and we will either edit it, remove it, or put both answers up.
:mario:
Transgender Sexuality :mario:
In a nutshell, a transgendered or transsexual-identified person can be any sexual orientation under LGB and beyond. Straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual – you name it.
Sexual identity is different from
gender identity. A trans woman may identify as lesbian and be interested in other women (either trans, cis or both). A trans man may identify as gay and be interested in other men (either trans, cis, or both). They may also identify as straight (trans men interested in women, trans women interested in men), or bisexual, or pansexual (loving someone beyond their gender or physical identity), or asexual (not desiring anyone sexually regardless of gender).
It is important to remember that identified gender always comes into play with sexual orientation identity. A lesbian trans woman would not identify as a “straight man,” nor would she identify as a “gay man” if she were into men – she would then be a straight woman. The same applies to any identity along the spectrum of the binary and transsexual people, unless their physical identities and mental identities do not match, which is rare but possible.
For everybody:
-Why should we use “cis”?
“Cis” is the functional opposite to “trans.” While trans means across from or on the other side of, cis means on the same side as. It refers to people whose gender and sexual identities match up, and it’s in practical usage quite simply a more elegant way of saying “not-transgendered” that doesn’t rely on othering or reducing transgendered people (compared to “normal” for example). Usage goes as follows: cis man, cis woman, cisgendered man, cisgendered woman, cissexual man, cissexual woman. It is only necessary to add the “cis” modifier when it needs to be stated that a man or woman is cisgendered. Similarly, it is only necessary to add the “trans” modifier when it needs to be stated that a man or woman is transgendered.
Something that we need to stress: “cis” is not a slur, it is merely practical clarifying language that helps to set trans and cis on linguistically even ground.
-Is there a “right” way to be trans?
In a word, no. There is no “right way” to be trans. There are certainly a lot of common narratives among certain groups of trans people.
Because of the highly politicized nature of transness and because it involves a lot of feelings and emotions that run very hot, it's quite controversial. But I ultimately take the view that there is no one "right" way and indeed, many trans people will mix and match these depending on context. Because the factors in each of our lives are so different, because we ultimately are different people with different desires and needs, it's wrong-headed to decry people for adopting any particular course of action along these lines. No, out activists aren't the one making things worse for trans people by refusing to be silent and refusing to "be normal." Both narratives, that trans people are *supposed* to either be outspoken and angry, or mousy gender-conformers, are not only false, but they are the products of oppression.
More than that, though, there is no single trans experience. People come to their transness different ways, at different times, and at different levels of acceptance/understanding/knowing.
However, there are a few things that you should consider:
CK07 said:
I'm going against the grain here to say yes, there is a right way. That way is with lots of each of the following: support, self-care, consideration, open-mindedness, patience, introspection, blood tests, myspace angles, breakdowns, and jokes. If any of the regular posters in here see you going about your transition without those things, we're more than happy to help out.
Lainlike said:
Support support support. You will need support. You will need to go outside, meet people, and start living. Continuing to be a shut-in or isolating yourself because your current group of friends decided to be dicks isn't a good idea, as much as it hurts. You also need a therapist who knows what they're doing, even if you're self-medding. Don't let being trans take over your life.
If you've dropped out of school, try to go back and finish it. If you're out of school and need a job, try to find work. If you need to find people to hang out with, go to LGBT centres and see if there's any cool people lurking around. Keep yourself motivated and don't fall into the trap of letting depression or your issues command your life.
-Disclosure
Disclosure is a tricky subject. The stereotypical situation is going bar-hopping and getting hit on by someone, usually a trans woman by a cis man. Disclosure is when the trans woman will say, "I am a trans woman." The reactions of the cis men can be different, from "it's cool whatever," to "OH GOD YOU TURNED ME GAY." More importantly, disclosure can result in violence, oppression, and emotional harm.
When do you do it? How do you minimize the chances of rejection or violence? Some trans women decide somewhere along the line that it isn't worth it to them, and continue to go
stealth in these situations, trying to brush the guy off if he is clearly not the type of person to take it well. Some exchange some formalities and then drop the line early on to ensure there is no miscommunication regarding it.
Disclosing in these situations is difficult, as a lot can go right, but a whole lot more could go wrong. Typically feelings of "betrayal" will fly around if one waits too long, although some cis men feel betrayed from the moment they lay eyes on you, because you're "deceiving" them.
These same rules apply, although to a much lesser extent, to straight trans guys.
-Passing/blending/out/stealth?
The definitions are as follows:
-Passing/Blending: The act of not being read as a trans-person, and instead “blending” as a cis person.
-Out: The act of being out about one's identity to friends, family, and work
-Stealth: The act of not being out about one's identity to friends, work, and sometimes even family.
There are arguments both for and against being “out” or “stealth.”
Arguments against being out include increased risk of violence, higher risk of unemployment, estrangement from peers or the workplace, and being questioned about ones identity frequently. Arguments for being out include the possible creation of safe and positive spaces for other trans people, of forcing a company or workplace to adopt anti-discrimination policies, and dispelling myths about transgendered people, so that other may understand it more.
Arguments against being stealth include higher risk of violence upon accidental discovery of “past life,” constant fear of ones past (and the need to invent an entirely new one), higher demands on “blendability,” including expensive facial feminization surgery for most MtFs, and estrangement from a community that understands you the most. Arguments for being stealth include a lack of trans-specific discrimination, integration into more “mainstream” society, next to no questioning about the integrity of one’s gender identity, and less ghettoization.
Is there a right way? No. Just be sure that whatever path you choose is filled with support and the love of those who are close to you.
For male-to-female transsexual women:
-What kinds of hormones are involved?
Typically, hormones for male-to-female transsexuals involve the following:
- Anti-androgens (
Cyproterone acetate (Androcur),
Spironolactone)
- Estadiol (
Estrace (synthetic),
Premarin (“organic”
)
- Progesterone (
Provera) (this one is dubious as many health care practitioners don't see any benefit in progesterone for trans women)
Anti-androgens suppress the male hormone
testosterone and cease masculinization of the body. Spironolactone specifically also has the effect of being a form of anti-acne medication (and is actually marketed as such for cis women). Estradiol is the main female sex hormone, which is in all regiments of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for trans women. Progesterone has dubious advantages and disadvantages. As of this posting, the Sherbourne Health Centre's HRT Protocol does not include progesterone as a viable component of HRT.
The main reason why anti-androgens are used is because it allows estrogen to feminize the body more easily, without having to fight testosterone for the same amount of space and function. Without anti-androgens, high amounts of estrogens must be prescribed. High amounts of oral estrogens can cause blood clotting, cancers, and so on. While AA's aren't perfect, their side effects and potential damaging effects are far less than overloading on estrogens. And on the plus side, AA's also bring testosterone levels to normal female amounts.
Typically, the following dosages are used.
- Spironolactone 100-200mg (typically 50mg or 100mg twice daily) OR Androcur 50mg-100mg.
- Estradiol 2-4mg (once daily) or Premarin 4-5mg (once daily)
- Progesterone 100mg (once daily) (optional/not recommended)
Generics for these drugs are typically fine outside of the United States. Inside the United States, using generics is ill-advised: go for brand-name equivalents. The FDA are morons and don't regulate US generics like they should, and things like Androcur aren't even approved so they cannot be prescribed. In places like Canada, however, generics are as good as the real thing. (Sorry, yanks.)
Hormones such as this are typically taken in pill form, although estrogen can also be taken as an injection into the muscles of the butt or leg every seven to ten days.
If one has not undergone the "wrong" puberty, or wishes to shut down a currently-ongoing puberty, drugs such as Lupron can be taken (again, injection) to essentially shut off the hormone-regulating functions of the brain, therefore ceasing puberty before more damage can be done. “Puberty blockers” as they're known are generally not useful for any trans person over the age of 18 or 19, and instead anti-androgens should be used for trans women.
-What can I expect out of hormones?
It depends on the person. Some of the most noticeable (and nigh-universal) effects of female sex hormones and anti-androgens on male-bodied persons are:
- Much softer skin texture
- Decrease and eventual elimination of male sex drive and the development of a female sex drive
- Slower-growing (although not disappearing) body hair
- Reduction in acne
Depending on age, build, and genetics, the following may also happen:
- Breast growth (final size and shape dependent heavily on genetics, body fat index, body shape)
- Lactation (got milk)
- Puffier cheeks
- Redistribution of fat to chest, hips, thighs, face and arms
- Greatly reduced muscle mass/enhanced female-type muscle tone
- Reduced penile tissue (it's gonna get smaller)
- Reduced gonadal function (nothings gonna come out anymore, also sterility (although estrogen is NOT birth control - some girls never get completely sterile before an orchi or SRS; please have safe sex))
What WILL NOT happen is the following:
- Bone structure will not change unless started through puberty (hips, face, frame, etc. do not change)* (note below)
- Voice will not go higher (it will need to be trained)
- You will still have to shave (and undergo Laser or Electrolysis to epilate the hairs permanently)
- Your genetics will not convert from XY to XX
- Your testicles and penis will not fall off
- You will not grow ovaries and/or a vagina
Some of the bad effects:
- Spironolactone is a diuretic, which means you will pee a lot more than usual.
- Salt intake will also be a bit fucked with Spiro, and will most likely require you to eat more salty things.
- Potassium may spike with Spiro.
- Occasional mood swings on Estrogen, although no where near as bad as if you were on Progesterone as well.
- Water retention levels will go up and down even while on Spiro because of E. Welcome to being a woman!
- Your breasts will hurt. A lot.
- Your testicles may or may not be in occasional pain. This is either hit or miss for most people: some get it, some don't.
* While bone structure may not change, fat and muscle redistribution over time may make the hips, chest, face, etc. take on a more feminine shape, especially if one has started in their late teens through to their mid-to-late 20's. Hips may appear more girly, you might start developing the right curves, and so on, over the course of a year or two. While these possible effects go down over time, you'll only start facing real problems if you begin over the age of 35-36.
And here is a subjective story:
Lainlike said:
I started for two and a half months on Spironolactone. First month at 100mg, and 200mg for the last month and a half, before getting on estrogen. My weight dropped about ten pounds upon getting on Spiro within a week - all from water loss. I was going to the washroom like mad as Spiro began tanking my T levels. My acne also started going down almost immediately.
My estrogen was stepped up very, very slowly. I had really bad acne near the beginning despite the reductions of Spiro, but after two months of 0.5mg of Estrogen, a lot of that had gone away. I began 0.5mg in January of 2009, 1mg in mid-March of 2009, 2mg in at the end of April 2009, 3mg in the end of May 2009, and finally 4mg near the end of June 2009. There was no real breast growth until I got on 2mg, but a week after getting on 2mg, my boobs began to hurt a lot. It was a very nice feeling.
Upon getting on 4mg of Estrace (synthetic Estradiol), the change in skin texture and the amount of breast tissue I began to develop was astounding. I had A-cup man-boobs before beginning HRT, that had been a major body issue for me as a "man." The A-cups inevitably developed into C-cups, which just about floored me. I'm assuming that the E just acted on the fat already present in the chest area.
Mood swings and such haven't been too extreme. In fact, I'd say E has made me calmer. Estrogen hasn't made me "more" emotional, so much as it has just amplified what was already there. If you're in an emotionally unstable situation, it might set you off a little harder. Make sure you keep close friends, a therapist, and don't let yourself fall into any traps of isolation. Talk to people and keep yourself sane, and you'll make it through without any problems.
-Sex drive?
The female sex drive is very different than the male sex drive. As opposed to it being “always on,” it takes more time to work up to a full erection or to be aroused in general. Sex is often less “rushed” and the orgasm doesn't become the centre-piece of the sexual act. Orgasm becomes something of a full-body experience, ranging from slightly more intense than a male orgasm to extremely intense and mind-blowing, depending on how well the body takes to it and how well the body was stimulated before hand.
You most likely will still be able to get erections with a female sex drive, and your interests generally won't change too dramatically. The #1 sex organ is the brain. Estrogen might make you like certain things more than you thought possible (smelling the scent off of a boy will be very interesting the first time you do it, especially if you consider yourself to be lesbian).
-Tucking?
Tucking is essentially cramming your junk downwards and wearing two pairs of elasticated panties over them. It can be very difficult for those of us who are well-endowed, but it gets easier over time. There are hyper-advanced methods of tucking, but essentially the easiest way to do it is to simply get panties with elasticated crotch areas and just shove it all down and towards the back. You might have to adjust it through the day, but it beats the shit out of wearing a gaff or taping/gluing ( :gonk: ) your junk.
-My voice is horrible I want to rip out my vocal chords aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
:siren:
Read this post from the old thread :siren:
-MTF fashion tips
The problem with writing universal women's fashion tips for anyone is that it is 100% subjective. Some trans women like being butch, or butch-y, or androgynously butch, or straight-up androgynous, or androgynously femme, or femme-y, or femme, and so on and so on. To go for any “universal” look is nigh-impossible. There are, however, some basic guidelines.
Don't be afraid to show skin. Start shaving your body parts like your arms, and show them off. Don't hide your body shape even if it isn't particularly feminine – female clothing can and will accentuate the feminine aspects of your body shape, even if you're convinced you have none. Masculine and feminine body shapes aren't a binary dichotomy, so don't be extremely concerned with that – many cis women have narrow hips and broad shoulders and they get by just fine.
Don't hardline to an ultra-conservative matron. It's a common practice for trans women to want to wear tons of layers and long skirts or baggy pants to hide their bodies. A lot of this has to do with our innate body dysphoria. Try to ease off of that and show more skin, and more importantly, dress more like other girls around you. If you're a 20-something girl living in a big city, you'll typically see girls wearing t-shirts or blouses during the summer that show off their arms. Don't start loafing around in a giant fucking turtleneck sweater during the middle of July. It looks silly and brings attention to yourself.
You're not ugly. Shut the fuck up. While experimenting with stuff, you might find looks that kinda-sorta work, but not really. But go with it. Every trans girl has horrible wardrobe mistakes in their pasts that they look back on and proceed to place their hands over their faces for. Don't worry about it. You're practically growing up again so just have fun and learn from the mistakes.
At the end of the day, you'll get better advice posting a picture here and going under the gaze of other trans women than you will reading a guide. Either post a picture here, or contact one of the SUPERFRIENDS to get some fashion advice.
Because these sections are huge, the FTM section is in Post 3.
-------
Spamdrogyne said:
:siren: POST 3 :siren:
For female-to-male transsexual men:
-What kinds of hormones are involved?
Testosterone, and only testosterone. Testosterone is the main male sex hormone. There are several methods of administration for testosterone:
- Intramuscular injection: stabbing yourself (or having someone stab you, you pussy) in the leg, butt, or shoulder muscle and filling you full of man juice.
- Subcutaneous injection: stabbing yourself in the butt or belly fat with a much smaller needle and filling you full of man juice. (NOTE: Still fairly experimental)
- Dermal absorption: rubbing on a cream or wearing a patch full of man juice.
-What can I expect out of hormones?
As with estrogen, testosterone depends partially on the person - if you're Asian or Native American, you probably shouldn't expect much body hair, but Italians can break out the gold chains to nestle into your new fur sweater! But here's an overview of some effects that will definitely happen:
- Clitoral growth - some have reported penetrative ability, though most will achieve no more than an inch or two at maximum*
- Increased aggression
- Increased muscle mass and ability to build muscle
- Facial and body hair growth*
- Lengthening of vocal cords - your voice will drop*
- Fat redistribution away from hips, thighs, face, and other areas to belly
- Increased sex drive
- Cessation of menstruation HELL YEAH
00lbert:
- Decreased vaginal lubrication
And here are a few things that MIGHT happen:
- Male pattern baldness! If your mom's brothers are balding, you might want to get an early start on the Rogaine.*
- Acne! This is basically a second puberty, including greasiness. If you had it bad the first time around, you'll probably get a repeat, unfortunately.
- Increased blood pressure, cholesterol, and/or chance of heart disease
- Sterility - this is not well-studied, and T is NOT birth control! Please have safe sex!
- Increased incidence of ovarian or uterine cysts or cancer, if you've still got those bits
- Decreased good cholesterol, increased bad cholesterol
- Different-smelling body odor
- Appearance of adam's apple (confirm/deny?)
- Reduced appearance of aging
The items above marked with an asterisk are permanent effects and will not go away if you stop taking T.
Finally, a few things that will NOT happen:
- Growth of penis and/or testicles
- Disappearance of breast tissue
- Foot or hand size increase
- Genetic switch from XX to XY
- Sudden interest in or knowledge of sports, tools, NASCAR, beer, guns, engines, or World War II
-Binding?
Binding is the practice of flattening and hiding one's breasts to create the appearance of a flat chest. In short, it hurts and is really uncomfortable. While it won't do you any permanent or seriously hurtful damage, it can leave marks that take a while to disappear, and over time your breast tissue will degrade and become saggier. If you're planning to get top surgery, that's obviously not a problem, but if you're unsure, you might not want to bind every day or too tightly. There are several methods of binding, some more effective than others, but the size of your chest is the real limiting factor. Some guys can just wear a sports bra and be passing as a 12-year-old in no time, and some guys can wear two commercial binders and still not convince anyone. Let's go through some possibilites:
- Tape of any kind: No. Do not pass go, do not rip off your nipples.
- Ace bandages: Not great. Tend to fall down a lot if you're bigger than an A, and you can't get it that tightly wound by yourself. Also very difficult to fix effectively if it does slip. That said, this is likely the most widely accessible option due to price and availability. Furthermore, Ace bandages are meant to immobilize joints, so the Ace bandage will get progressively tighter if it doesn't slip. I have heard stories of rib injuries.
- Frog bra: Some kind of super-sports-bra, this is supposedly great for smaller guys.
- Neooprene back braces: These are those squishy blue things you see in the pharmacy. You can velcro it around your chest instead of around your lower back and it works pretty well, but it WILL make you sweat, since neoprene doesn't breathe at all. Powder will minimize risk of heat rash if you go this route.
- Compression vests: There are two main companies that make these things - T-Kingdom and Underworks. They're basically sleeveless vests that you wear under your clothes that crush your manboobs as close to your body as possible. They are quite powerful, but also quite expensive. T-Kingdom has a good guide to buying these, but at Underworks you'll probably want either this or this (or both, if you're really big or anal retentive).
Those are the most typical ways. For more in-depth exploration of binding, go to
http://www.ftmguide.org/binding.html and you'll find a whole lot of info.
The main tip for binding well is to always push them down and out, towards your armpits. This will help them look more like pecs and less like horrible deformities.
Finally, there is a program called
Big Brothers that allows trans guys, post-top surgery, to pass their old binders along to other guys who can't necessarily afford new ones. There's a small cost, but it's much cheaper than buying new. CK07 has passed along some of his old binders specifically to goons as well, and may find more as time goes on - watch the thread for updates!
-FTM fashion tips
CK07 said:
My style is generic, youngish, and casual, so here are my tips on looking like Dude #4 from the latest Judd Apatow movie.
1. Layer. If you're binding, layering will help hide what's there, plus it can help hide any curves you might have. By layering, I mean wear a solid-colored t-shirt under a button-front shirt of a complementary color and/or pattern. This is a very simple way to dress your top half, and it's extremely adaptable to different situations. By that I mean you can change the number of buttons buttoned, tuck or untuck the shirt, roll or unroll the sleeves, or change what pants you have on (jeans/shorts/khakis). Polo shirts are also good for the summer, though you'll probably want ones of slightly heavier material - they hang better. Make sure to wear an undershirt.
2. Size up. Men's clothing is not supposed to fit like women's clothing, and I know that when I started out I was still carrying around the fear of having to buy a bigger size. But when I realized how baggy things were supposed to be, and that nobody cared whether I was a 36 or a 38, I started to actually enjoy dressing myself. Fit is complicated, but your pants (CASUAL ONLY, office and formalwear should sit higher) shouldn't be held up by the top of your hipbones like girlpants. They should fit comfortably around the middle of your hip, and probably should slide a little if you jump without a belt.
3. Shoes! Subtract 2 from your women's size to get your men's size, and good luck. Target and big chain places usually carry down to a men's 6.
That's all I can think of right now, if we come up with more questions and answers in the thread, I'll ask Lainlike to add them here.
Spamdrogyne said:
My style can be kind of loud, just like me. However, my tips are mostly for the scrawny, short guys out there like me.
a.) Since I have no gut to minimize the appearance of my chesticles, I tend to wear overshirts (hoodies, sweaters, etc.) with v-necks. That "v" cut will make your shoulders look bigger and minimize any emphasis on your chest.
b.) Even a gentleman must know how to accessorize. I have a thick, chunky watch I use to minimize my skinny wrists, and I tend to wear longer necklaces with eye-catching charms so when I meet somebody, they're checking out my bling and not my bewbs.
c.) If you can't wear baggy clothes (I look approximately 6 years old when I do), you may have to hunt for the perfect jeans. I tend to go with straight-leg, form-fitting-but-not-squeezing-my-booty jeans in a men's cut. Then, they hang nicely off of the middle of my hips.
d.) I wear shirts that fit at the shoulders and hips, and long enough so the sides of my shirt never bunch around my waist. Like CK07 says, wear heavier materials that hang well.
e.) Don't be afraid of shopping in whatever section you can find clothes in. I shop in literally every department because of my size. If it looks good and conveys the aesthetic you're going for, just go for it. You'll be shocked at what you can rock.
f.) Don't be a neckbeard. No, really.
For the questioning:
-I think I might be trans but I’m not so sure about hormones/surgery/transition/etc. Does that mean anything?
Medical transitioning is only a small part of transitioning. Transitioning is mostly a psychological endeavour to figure out who you are, what makes you happy, and to deal with any pain associated with what you perceive to be "lost" experiences. You don't necessarily need hormones to be trans. A lot of trans people don't feel they have the body dysphoria that would make them desire hormones. Many people who DO take hormones don't necessarily want to get something like sex reassignment surgery.
It doesn't mean anything. Don't worry about medical transitioning or transitioning at all. Explore yourself until you find something that you think fits you well enough to go with. And don't worry about where you're going - the journey is the point of transitioning.
-Are you ever SURE?
If you're ever 100% sure of anything, you're probably not thinking about it. The fact you are unsure is probably a good indicator that you are thinking about it long and hard. Keep experimenting unless you are at least certain that your experiences make enough sense to you to warrant modifying your body.
Don't make it about being “right” or “wrong,” simply try to improve your own quality of life, whatever path that may be. Never be ashamed of who you are.
Resources
The Sherbourne Transgender-HRT Protocols - by
The Sherbourne Health Centre. The "protocols" are a published medical document that is written to inform physicians or clinics outside of the Sherbourne Health Centre who have trans patients of their potential healthcare needs. It is designed to educate physicians about the need for autonomy in the trans minority, and how to care for them in the form of Hormone Replacement Therapy. It is one of the best tools a trans person has about bypassing potentially discriminatory treatment by the psychiatric industry. (Some form of therapy is still mandatory, however, but it doesn't have to be a psychologist and no diagnosis is required.)
Recommended Literature
Families In Transition - by
Central Toronto Youth Services. It's essentially meant as a primer for parents of trans people/children who have come out as trans and who wish to transition. It's a very good book, professionally done, and can be downloaded freely (PDF on site) or a hard-copy can be bought for $10. I have a hard-copy and it's really well made, a good investment for anyone who gives a damn.
Transpeople - by
Christopher A. Shelley. Sociological primer on trans issues and intersectionality. It's not that hard of a read: if you've got a decent head on your shoulders and any interest in trans issues, this book will be a fast and good read.
Whipping Girl - by
Julia Serano. Essentially a book by a transsexual woman feminist, who takes a look at a variety of issues, not the least of which including the repudiation and objectification of trans women. Written by someone who knows what she's talking about, and recommended to me by a whole horde of people.
Transsexual Brain Study - by
The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism. An awesome medical journal article (concerning both MTF/FTM's, don't let the title trick you) about the brain structures of male-to-female and female-to-male transsexuals and how their brains are wired almost exactly the same as cisgendered people, for their perceived gender identity (MtF -> female brain type, FtM -> male brain type).
Local Resources/Organizations
Toronto, Canada
The Sherbourne Health Centre – a trans-focused health centre. Offers informed consent treatment of trans people including HRT – they do not require a GID diagnosis for hormones.
Supporting Our Youth (SOY) – a queer social support program including many different groups, for both gender and sexual identities (and their intersecting minorities or social groups).
Central Toronto Youth Services (CTYS) – an organization that focuses on therapy for youth 26 and under. They offer many social supports for LGBQ and T youth, including counseling services for worried parents and family members. They also do many activist-y things, such as producing trans-positive literature.
Philadelphia, USA
The Mazzoni Center - This is an LGBT clinic with a variety of services, including mental health, on a sliding scale. They handle basically every trans person in Philadelphia and a three-hour radius around it, and offer informed consent treatment. There are also a number of support groups run through Mazzoni, as well as the yearly
Philadelphia Trans Health Conference.
New York City, USA (NYC-area trans*goons are welcome to IM Spamdrogyne for resources/information/whatever, if this list isn't comprehensive enough.)
The LGBT Center of NYC - An all-inclusive community center. There are some support/discussion groups here, and free or sliding-scale therapy.
Callen-Lorde - An LGBT healthcare center. I've heard mixed reviews - some people rave about it, and others absolutely hate it. They seem to be pretty unfriendly to people who are low-income/sans-insurance. They have two trans-related programs, one for people over the age of 24 (informed consent, I believe) and one for under 24 (minimum of 3 months of therapy).
Bronx Community Healthcare Network - Low-cost/sliding-scale clinic with a trans program. Recently changed policies from informed-consent to required therapy, and also raised cost of services to those without insurance. They do, however, take virtually every type of insurance.
Dr. Martinez at the Bronx-Lebanon Hospital - A friend of mine has strongly recommended her to everybody he knows, but I can't find an official website. The link is to her contact information.
Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund's Name Change Project - These fine folk can appoint you a pro-bono lawyer to guide you through the name change process for free.
NYC Healthcare Resources, Courtesy of the Gender Identity Project of the NYC LGBT Center
Virginia, USA
*PDF Warning!* - This is a transgender resource list for VA.
Fan Free Clinic - A free clinic based in Richmond VA. They accept all transgendered and questioning patients and will arrange psychological evaluations for entry into the program. If accepted nearly all treatment for HRT is provided free of charge. This includes all blood work and access to a nurse practitioner for prescriptions. It is up to the patient to pay for hormones.
BLACKLIST
-
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) – the guy who runs the CAMH GIC is a kind old man. If you take your small child, who has recently come out as trans, he will make them better and not trans anymore! And, if you are an older trans person over the age of 18 and no longer under the death grip of your parents, he will make you jump through hoops to even get a diagnosis of GID, let alone any form of HRT. Don't go to CAMH. Go to Sherbourne. If you are going to CAMH right now and you think they're helping you, trust me, they aren't, and any path they take you down is a cul-de-sac. Escape while you still can, even if they've started dangling the carrot of hormone blockers over your head.
-
Transsexual.org - at first this seems like a mundane website run by somebody with no design sense but ultimately trying to be helpful. Then you realize that she's got no clue what she's talking about, she lives vicariously through a webcomic, and the COGIATI test is little more than a way of testing how you conform to her notion of what an MTF is (ie, traditional femininity). Because clearly, if you like math you couldn't possibly be an MTF. (Also she ran HappyPuppy.com back in the 90's and took the massive fortune she got from that and pumped it into anime DVD's and wall scrolls so now she's poor again but :ssh: )
-
Anything related to Harry Benjamin Syndrome (HBS) HBSers believe that they have an intersex condition rather than transness. They believe that any kind of trans identity is fraudulent. If you don't blend perfectly, you're fraudulent. If you don't like men, you're fraudulent. If you didn't KNOW that you were (HBS)/trans from birth, you're fraudulent. If you don't conform to perfect 1950s woman's roles you're fraudulent. FTMs are not part of the HBS equation.
:gooncamp:
Something Awful Community Resources :gooncamp:
IRC
Server:
irc.synirc.net (port 6667)
Room:
#transgoons
Rules:
No trolling, no personal attacks, no being extremely emo unless it’s warranted, I don’t care if you dislike Person X but they have has much of a right to be there as you do
Livejournal
Group:
Transgoons
Rules:
You must PM Lainlike to gain access. If you aren’t recognizable, you probably won’t be added, but we will give most the benefit of the doubt.
IM List, a.k.a: The Superfriends
People in this list will help give you someone to talk to, but don’t get into extreme personal detail on the first day. That would burn out the majority of the list too fast. Get to know people first.
455-0730 Comcast
