Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

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How much does Ryann weigh?

  • 300-350lbs (Panda Bear)

    Votes: 26 1.0%
  • 350-400lbs (Bull Caribou)

    Votes: 146 5.5%
  • 400-450lbs (Heart of a Blue Whale)

    Votes: 378 14.2%
  • 450-500lbs (Pigmy Hippo)

    Votes: 545 20.5%
  • 500-550lbs (Domestic Pig)

    Votes: 392 14.7%
  • 550-600lbs (Baby Grand Piano)

    Votes: 318 12.0%
  • 600-650lbs (Vending Machine)

    Votes: 192 7.2%
  • 650+ (A Fucking Planet)

    Votes: 661 24.9%

  • Total voters
    2,658
Tess at Dave and Busters

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Tess has previously mooed about how much she's done for other people who didn't appreciate it, or how she keeps giving and nurturing and caring for others and getting nothing in return. I'm certain that she love-bombs the shit out people she finds desirable or potentially useful, and goes out of her way to do things for them so they will reciprocate and give her what she wants. Her "caring"—like any other Narcissist's—is manipulative and transactional.
I feel you but I’d argue all human relationships are based on give and take whether we like it or not, I mean how long can you keep doing things for someone who does nothing for you? NOW doing things and then using it as a weapon later is fucked and fatty arbuckle seems like the type…‘remember when I’ type shit
Tess is doing the behavior normally attributed to the "nice guy" stereotype where they put in "nice coins" and expect a payout.
Tess puts in "nice coins" into people hoping for a payout, and gets mad when people don't give her what she wants. To a normal person, if you put in the "nice coins" and get nothing out, or less that you're happy with, then you know that's a bad relationship or that other person wants nothing to do with you. Tessy, though, wants her payout.
 
....

I'm sorry, I'm just incredibly annoyed that Tess is proclaiming that she needs to fucking get high to deal with Dave and Busters.

Grown-up Chuck E Cheese where you can drink booze and play ski-ball is 'overstimulating' and she needs to go toke up? While out with her son and one of his school friend's mother? The. Actual. Fuck.
 
Grown-up Chuck E Cheese where you can drink booze and play ski-ball is 'overstimulating' and she needs to go toke up? While out with her son and one of his school friend's mother? The. Actual. Fuck.

And on top of that, it's all about her. She can't possibly connect with another mom, enable her child to have fun, or just be thankful she was invited somewhere and live in that moment. All she can obsess over is how she feels and that she needs something to blank her mind so she doesn't have to experience anything.

Overstimulated at a normal family fun restaurant but not at some gaudy after party with her pod of whale friends.

Edit: fucked up my grammar.
 
“gArDeNeD” she says. Just straight up complaining about the place in front of Bowie and making a plan to sneak off and get high real quick because she can’t even feign enthusiasm for Bowie’s sake.

If I invited another mom from my kid’s class out to Dave & Buster’s because our kids were getting along really well, and I showed up only to find her stinking of weed and behaving like a complete ass, that would be the end of that. We would be too busy forever for any more playdates.

Bowie is going to have no friendships outside school if Tess has anything to say about it.
 
“gArDeNeD” she says. Just straight up complaining about the place in front of Bowie and making a plan to sneak off and get high
Holy shit. That's what that means? At first, I thought Mess was looking for a hookup and regretted not shaving (like the female version of manscaping). I need to brush up on my slang. I'm not sure which is worse tbh.
 
Tubby Tess doesn’t want Bowie to have outside friends because that’s a chance that kid’s parents will get to see Ryann as she really is: a homeless hooker living out of hotel rooms rather than an in-demand supermodel. If that means Bowie can’t have a social life outside of school so Tess won’t look as bad thems the breaks.
 
....

I'm sorry, I'm just incredibly annoyed that Tess is proclaiming that she needs to fucking get high to deal with Dave and Busters.

Grown-up Chuck E Cheese where you can drink booze and play ski-ball is 'overstimulating' and she needs to go toke up? While out with her son and one of his school friend's mother? The. Actual. Fuck.
Look, I know a lot will disagree, but it's not even the idea that makes me mad (I could see wanting to ease anxiety/enhance the experience a bit). It's the fact that she's openly talking about it in front of her kid that makes me mad. Her kid will know what that "code" means. (Which also makes me mad. Have some fucking discretion.) She is trash for complaining about this "stupid thing" she has to do with/for her kid, and how she should've done something very adult before hand - all right in front of said kid. This applies to, like, 95% of SM, but some things should just be kept to yourself. You don't need to make a video about it.

She liked the food, though. You don't say.
 
She’s on the down slope of being forgotten and then ending up on the ‘What ever happened to…’ list. She’ll have a long list of grievances and blame others for not accepting her and bringing her down through a WWW conspiracy against fat acceptance. Here’s the deal, I personally believe in the redemption of anyone who puts in the effort to change and move toward the goals of a better and healthier life.
Who wants to read about a short, huge, angry woman? No one except other women who can’t handle their own failings.
 
Tess at Dave and Busters
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Tess is doing the behavior normally attributed to the "nice guy" stereotype where they put in "nice coins" and expect a payout.
Tess puts in "nice coins" into people hoping for a payout, and gets mad when people don't give her what she wants. To a normal person, if you put in the "nice coins" and get nothing out, or less that you're happy with, then you know that's a bad relationship or that other person wants nothing to do with you. Tessy, though, wants her payout.
Lmao at her being picky about where people work when she's gonna have no choice but to either answer the phone all day at a call center that gives her 8 minutes a day of bathroom time while being screamed at, or attempt to reach her pussy with a wiping stick to open it on cam.

Also, she couldn't look any greasier if she tried. What's she using as moisturizer, lard? If that's what her face looks like that she knows the whole world is gonna see, imagine the state of her vulva.
 
Holy shit. That's what that means? At first, I thought Mess was looking for a hookup and regretted not shaving (like the female version of manscaping). I need to brush up on my slang. I'm not sure which is worse tbh.

I thought she meant she needed to clear her mind with a peaceful and productive hobby.

I’m naive and stupid.
 
Real plus size model Ashley Graham is at the Golden Globes looking hot. Tess went to Dave and Busters and got high. One of those things is not like the other.
If you'll all allow me a moment to go a little off-topic, here she is tonight:
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And here is some of her recent content that we can contrast directly with what Tess has been putting out.
e.g. Sponcon (with caption included so you can see the format)

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"Casual content"


And a modeling job


Keep in mind this woman is 37 to Tess' 39, so it's not like she's from a different modeling "generation".
 
I love this all for Ashley Graham. Tess has been mad jealous of her (and of model Robyn Lawly) for ages.

The thing Ashley (aged 37, height 5'10") and Robyn (aged 35, height 6'2") always had going for them was that they are the height of normal runway models, and never sniffed three hundred pounds despite both being nearly a foot taller than Ryann.

Even more infuriating, Robyn lost a good bit of weight and got down to "runway plus" dimensions of a size 6-8 at her great height. Ashley has definitely leaned into the "plus" of plus modeling, but she'd probably drown in the smallest size Eloqui dress available.

Meanwhile, Tess is at least two hundred pounds too heavy, fifteen years too old, and eight inches too short to get back into even something like niche rockabilly modeling. Despite having been booked for dozens and dozens of chat show appearances, her personality is both brash AND dull at the same time, so there's no exit plan there. She's too physically unfit to take on training as a hairdresser, makeup artist, photographer, or stylist (and her old career as an office receptionist is also a physical no-go.)

So it's time to really dig into OnlyHams and the feedee lifestyle. It's her only road if she doesn't turn her life over to Dr. Now for a year and do a heel twist as a reformed fatty turned fitness influencer.
 
Meanwhile, Tess is at least two hundred pounds too heavy, fifteen years too old, and eight inches too short to get back into even something like niche rockabilly modeling.
Is the rockabilly/pinup scene still even a viable thing? I get that it still exists—thanks to the internet, no fashion subculture ever truly dies out anymore—but I almost never see it these days unless I stumble upon a '50s classic car show/rally. There's "niche fashion," and then there's "those last middle-aged holdouts still wearing a niche style that was cool 15+ years ago."

At any rate, you forgot that Tess was absolute shit as a model, even at her peak, and never learned how to be any better at it (because she never thought she had to, because she's TESS HOLLIDAY, damn it). Even if she'd stayed at a size 22, her career would still be over because all she could ever do was stand stolidly in one spot to give the camera one of her two poses combined with one of her two faces.
 
Is the rockabilly/pinup scene still even a viable thing? I get that it still exists—thanks to the internet, no fashion subculture ever truly dies out anymore—but I almost never see it these days unless I stumble upon a '50s classic car show/rally. There's "niche fashion," and then there's "those last middle-aged holdouts still wearing a niche style that was cool 15+ years ago."

At any rate, you forgot that Tess was absolute shit as a model, even at her peak, and never learned how to be any better at it (because she never thought she had to, because she's TESS HOLLIDAY, damn it). Even if she'd stayed at a size 22, her career would still be over because all she could ever do was stand stolidly in one spot to give the camera one of her two poses combined with one of her two faces.
Oh it's still around. But making a living doing just rockabilly modeling? Nah, she'd need a sidehustle.

Ashley is and has everything Tess wishes she had. A husband, a lucrative career and a body that isn't a Lovecraftian nightmare.
 
Ashley and Robyn still look human but Tess looks like ten pounds of Crisco in a five pound bag. The best way to describe Tess, besides “fucking fat,” is fetish-sized. She has no target market, she’s successfully outfatted them all. All she is is a fetish to someone, which is unsurprising given the work she has likely taken on these last few years.
 
The thing Ashley (aged 37, height 5'10") and Robyn (aged 35, height 6'2") always had going for them was that they are the height of normal runway models, and never sniffed three hundred pounds despite both being nearly a foot taller than Ryann.
Both Ashley and Robyn seem dedicated to actually working out (and not just flopping around on a yoga mat) and keeping proper measurements for a model. Even if there was some sort of market for Tess, the fact that she can't keep a stable figure and will on top of it blatantly lie about her size means it's a nightmare for the wardrobe department on any set she steps foot on. Tess is however too narcissistic to understand this, because she can't see the point of view of those dressing her, just that it's incredibly fatphobic that they don't have tent-sized dresses just laying around just incase she's increased another ten dress sizes.
 
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