🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit

[Chad Holdenford]

With one foot in the grave, Ralph thinks he is physically fit to box.

He's not even fit for a regular box. The poor coroners gonna have to measure the clump of cancerous cells for a custom-made casket before burying it in an unmarked pauper grave.

 

[Capt. Jean Luc Ritard]

Ralph is going after Vito because Vito is the only fat faggot who is as fat and faggotous as he is. He still wants clout from the others so bends the gunt to them.

 

[buttmunch]

Ralph is going after Vito because Vito is the only fat faggot who is as fat and faggotous as he is. He still wants clout from the others so bends the gunt to them.

please god, i don't ask for much, but please give ralph the stranth needed to beat the shit out of vito the pedo, i know its a tall order, we've seen ralph fight, but please just this once, give the power needed to your shortest warrior

 

[Die For Me!]

Ethan should take Dick and Vito’s advice and just get off the phone.

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>I am going to fix decades of abuse to my GABA neurotransmitters that dates as far back to when I was a child out of pure hatred & spite for my enemies, just like how I beat Xanax if you want to know the truth about it!

 

[GamerGateSurvivor]

please god, i don't ask for much, but please give ralph the stranth needed to beat the shit out of vito the pedo, i know its a tall order, we've seen ralph fight, but please just this once, give the power needed to your shortest warrior

He doesn't even have to kick the shit out of him. All Ralph has to do is get him off his feet and put his gunt in his mouth. The bacteria will do the rest.

 

[buttmunch]

He doesn't even have to kick the shit out of him. All Ralph has to do is get him off his feet and put his gunt in his mouth. The bacteria will do the rest.

i want ralph to one punch vito in his big fat head so hard it explodes into red mist and you see his pedo soul go down to join sandra in hell

 

[AncientPhosphur]

please god, i don't ask for much, but please give ralph the stranth needed to beat the shit out of vito the pedo, i know its a tall order, we've seen ralph fight, but please just this once, give the power needed to your shortest warrior

They are both fat and weak. It’ll be the most lame fight ever as they’re out of breath in seconds

 

[DSP for president 2032]

Having been a bouncer a long time ago, these marks are a classic tell of a guy who was taken to the floor on one side and held down, the victims always try and turn their head to yell at the guy taking them down, and it often causes abrasions on the side of the face against the floor, and this usually happens on concrete surfaces.

That makes so much sense! I thought he got punched, but it's odd how the cut on his nose is deeper than the others. His nose would be the closest to the concrete.

Even if the cuts were there before the alleged bouncer "fight" happened, he probably gets held down by men on the daily.

Of course, not to doubt Ralphs side of the story, this could also be from a left-handed dominant cat. :-)

Yeah, not to call him a liar, but cat scratches are long and thin, and they scratch your forearms and ankles, not your nose.

Tip from a retard: letting your kittens play with your hands is really fun for them, but they will still want to do it when they grow up and their claws are long and sharp.

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

I thought he got punched, but it's odd how the cut on his nose is deeper than the others. His nose would be the closest to the concrete.

The nose scratch, and the one on his forehead, was from the "cat" or whatever caused the lacerations to his face from earlier. To be honest, cats can do that sort of damage and Ralph is the sort of idiot who would forget to have their claws clipped - even though Smoke is an indoor cat so should have no use for them besides destroying furniture and Ralph's face.

The more recent markings around his eye, and the discolouration, are from his recent fight - see, gentle ass whooping - in Tijuana.

 

[deeman]

What does this mean for future visitation, I was always under the impression that fucking up can lead to losing visitation rights entirely - although to be fair to Ralph, he has not managed to fuck up this badly so far...- or until something is sorted out again down the line. Will Ralph be willing to do that again?

I think that's why it was a complete no-show, he woke up ass late, realised he was still wonky and out of his mind, and just blamed some convenient excuses instead of risking getting there like that and loosing visitational rights, it's probably a better look to accidently miss the visitation in the supervisors eyes than coming there looking like a drunk ragepig that got stuck on a barbed wire on his way there.

 

[Truly Rural]

Wake up fat boy! Wake up and begin the bloodletting!

 

[Bill Evans 45]

Will Ralph be willing to do that again?

I guarantee if his visiting privileges are suspended he'll stop paying support. He's exactly the type to treat his kid as pay per view.

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

I think that's why it was a complete no-show, he woke up ass late, realised he was still wonky and out of his mind, and just blamed some convenient excuses instead of risking getting there like that and loosing visitational rights, it's probably a better look to accidently miss the visitation in the supervisors eyes than coming there looking like a drunk ragepig that got stuck on a barbed wire on his way there.

The problem for Ralph though is that he cannot act like this was some sort of mishap, some sort of unavoidable set back. He has posted evidence that everyone can see of how intoxicated he is. Faith could easily use this against him - it really is not fair for Xander to be prepared to go to these meetings when his dad cannot make it - although I am not sure that decision is the easiest to make, it might be worth her not getting involved so that whenever Xander gets to an age he can understand there is no doubt over who is at fault.

Plus, it is not like he has shown himself to be reliable up to this point. When you see deadbeats like Ralph missing appointments you never believe them because there is always an excuse. People who are late to everything and always have an excuse, they are ten-a-penny and social services know for a fact they are full of shit.

 

[Hectic Heckler]

Wake up fat boy! Wake up and begin the bloodletting!

The right ragepig in the wrong place can make all the lulz in the world...

 

[SargonF00t]

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Ralph is in Otay, with ODay.

 

[Dixieland Buckaroo]

I can't wait for Ralph to wake from this xannie-fueled slumber, sometime around 2pm, only to find himself either still at the border, or in some random inland empire studio apartment. Covered in drool, shit, piss, vomit, disoriented, probably having lost his phone and maybe his passport and other ID again. The questions will ring out, "Is Ralph finally dead?" Only for him to stumble out of a Cricket Wireless store with yet another $20 phone to start tweeting again in some of the worst English written by a non-pajeet.

Pity the fool who woke up this morning and realized they allowed ol' piggertits into their car, much less their house.

(But honestly, even odds he didn't get much north of the border.)

 

[not william stenchever]

to start tweeting again in some of the worst English written by a non-pajeet.

It terrifies me that it's possible the only reason we don't have an Indian Ethan Ralph is that their standard phenotype is Ethan Ralph without the gunt.

 

[MadStan]

It’s also worth noting he didn’t pay off the police; he paid off the bouncers. As a bouncer getting hit isn’t a big deal, happens often enough and police are only called for a serious injury. Ethan got hustled by the bouncers for cash and the fool paid up. While he’s bragging no paperwork, the bouncers can’t believe they got him to cough up as much as he did and probably will welcome him back.

The penalty for not paying the bouncers is usually a walk around the back for a free makeover.

 

[AltisticRight]

Speaking of Vito why doesn't Ralph stay at Vito's place and sleep on the floor?

Ethan Ralph has the intelligence of an 8-year-old, so Vaedophile might want to rape him.

 

[Goonbase Alpha]

We'll see him getting wheeled to and from dialysis with a speak-n-spell tweeting about Jewsh before we ever see an obituary.

Hey God, I know I don’t ask you for much these days, but there’s something I really need you to do for me…

EDIT: Just saw that @buttmunch made a post further up the page that starts pretty much the same way, warms my heart to see that Ralph brings out the godliness in all of us through his retarded antics. I guess Christ really is kang after all.