So, I posted a couple of weeks ago about feeling like it was time to tell my gf about this, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I told her on weds as we've had the second half of the week off together, and it's been horrific.
At first, she was just really quiet, like stunned, which I expected. Then she asked me I guess pretty regular questions: how long have you felt this way/is it anything I've done or not done/who else knows about it...I answered them as best I could. Then she asked how far I was going with it, like was I dressing up alone at home or was I going out dressed as a woman in secret, and was I planning to transition. I told her I'd been wearing my clothes for a while secretly, but hadn't tried going out as a woman yet, but that I was finally planning on transitioning fully because I am so so unhappy. I just can't keep living this lie anymore, it's literally killing me.
She asked if she could see my clothes, so I showed her. She had been quite quiet up until this point, just asking questions and taking it in. When she saw my hidden 'girl stuff' it was like a switch flipped. She started saying awful stuff that I won't go into in detail here, too upsetting. But basically saying I was a pervert, and that I had been using money I should have been putting into our shared life on this perversion. She started throwing the clothes at me and screaming, then she broke down and cried and cried, it was awful. She said she was sure that this was the year I would propose (we've been together a few years).
Basically, according to her I'm a sick twisted predator who has ruined her life and lied to her, stolen years she could have spent with a normal man having a family. I moved out Thursday night to sofa-surf with two suitcases for a week as she needs space. I think I'm in shock and I don't know what to do. My best friend I'm staying with doesn't know the details of course, he just knows we've had a serious row and I've agreed to leave for a week to give her some time.
I feel like I'm reeling in a fallout zone. I have the weekend to decide if I should take the next week off work, I can't eat or think. I'm terrified she's going to out me to everyone. I'm playing the part of myself to my friend but I can tell he'd really worried about me because I'm like a zombie.
