How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Shitted Scaredless said:
I hate the world and everything in it. Mom finally got us evicted with all her screaming, and is blaming it on dad and her boyfriend. To be fair they also suck. But she won't take responsibility apart from saying she's sorry and wishes she were dead.

Now, my brother and I will be fine, we can and likely will just move in with our grandparents. We already weekend here so it's just a matter of moving our stuff. Though his fish tank might be an issue as it's salt water. Our cats can come up here too, there's plenty of room for them. More than our house actually.

And I'll be around people who are able to actually motivate me to do shit and start my adult life. (Executive dysfunction and depression have made me rather useless. And yes it's partially my fault, I understand this. Don't lecture me on that right now.)

Mom, though, I don't know where she'll go. I don't even... feel much about it. I'm just numb. I'm not upset, my brain just started thinking about the logistics of what me, my brother, and the cats will do while I listen to mom cry and say she did nothing wrong on the phone. I'm not sad, or particularly angry. I'm just numb.
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I’m not sure how old you are but my home life had some similarities. Getting out (and not just living with other family members) really will make a world of difference. Sheeeit I live in a van that seems hell bent on killing itself and I don’t miss the youth period of my home life.
 
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Magnitude2717 said:
I had a phone call with my team lead and my team manager, they want me to start gathering evidence of him sleeping on the job and shit. He had me write an email and send it to him documenting all the shit this guy has done (that i also do as well lmao) so hes totally on his way out and hes none the wiser. GOD this is going to be fucking hillarious.
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The fucker got fired yesterday LMAO. Fortunately for him an hour later he got a phone call with a job offer in the same exact building for $1000 more so I guess I'm a hero. Also they're cutting the cyber team in half so my plans of trying to transfer is fucked, so I guess I'll enroll into college after I finish this cert and start knocking out my Bachelors. Besides that, I'm pretty happy. They said raises are coming in March, and they've fired like 2 people so far (and likely 1-2 more) so hopefully I get a raise from $60k to $70k since I suck my bosses' cocks and massage their balls but I have the vague feeling we're all about to get 1% increases.

Agares said:
Colonoscopy is a last resort for me. I'd prefer to do more less invasive tests to see wtf is going on in my guts.
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I think theres a camera-pill thing you can swallow, but I would just bite the bullet now. Digestive diseases are no joke, I have 3 of them. I dropped 50lbs over the span of a year and was in constant pain before I was diagnosed and treated. If you have an autoimmune disorder like IBD you need to jump on that shit now because its only going to get worse and medicine is your only chance of halting it/slowing it before you need to start getting portions of your intestines removed and shitbags attached to yourself.
 
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Forsaken Wanderer said:
The 'here comes the sun' video that was pinned on the front page for a while, does anyone else think it's painfully depressing? If so, why are we like this?
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I found it very sad because I happen to follow that channel and know that dog (Maple) is dead.
Most of his covers are kinda melancholy in nature.

I've been messing around with the lobby piano at work and people have been complimenting me. I'd like to actually learn to play, but I find my vision impairment makes sheet music impossible. I know plenty of people learn to play instruments with vision loss or even blind, but I'm just not sure I'm "that guy".

I only know private music teachers as being strict and ruthless, so I'm not sure I could find someone accommodating. I had enough issues when I was younger with teachers giving me shit when I straight-up couldn't see what was going on. I work hard to avoid those sort of misunderstandings as an adult.
 
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Have I ever mentioned how do I despise winters in my area as of lately? Well I fuckin' do.

Haven't even noticed it's February already. And there's no fucking snow at all, nowhere. Neither in my place, nor in town. It just feels like autumn haven't ever ended with December, and there was so little of snow during this whole season I just feel robbed of joy seeing everything in white crusty coat.

That's not the first winter that goes this way, oh lol no. But I'm really tired of this shit. The weather there was an anomaly for last 20 years straight so... Yeah.
 
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Magnitude2717 said:
I think theres a camera-pill thing you can swallow, but I would just bite the bullet now. Digestive diseases are no joke, I have 3 of them. I dropped 50lbs over the span of a year and was in constant pain before I was diagnosed and treated. If you have an autoimmune disorder like IBD you need to jump on that shit now because its only going to get worse and medicine is your only chance of halting it/slowing it before you need to start getting portions of your intestines removed and shitbags attached to yourself.
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Fucking hell, yours was way worse than mine. Even when mine flared up at its worst, I didn't lose that much weight and it never sent me to the hospital. I've got health insurance and can afford all the copays so it won't hurt my finances too much to get treatment.
 
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IKOL said:
Have I ever mentioned how do I despise winters in my area as of lately? Well I fuckin' do.

Haven't even noticed it's February already. And there's no fucking snow at all, nowhere. Neither in my place, nor in town. It just feels like autumn haven't ever ended with December, and there was so little of snow during this whole season I just feel robbed of joy seeing everything in white crusty coat.

That's not the first winter that goes this way, oh lol no. But I'm really tired of this shit. The weather there was an anomaly for last 20 years straight so... Yeah.
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Exactly this, this kind of weather of last 20 years sucks out all the joy of winter months I could possibly get, it's so fucking bleak and hopeless. If only there were at least freezing temperatures and not this eternal slightly above zero shit, so I could go skating in nature. I don't even need the snow to feel happy, I just want some of the old normalcy and it has been taken from me.

Yes, I am well aware of the fact that if this is my main reason to be sad, then I am the one crying in Lambo, but it is what it is, and I want my ice.
 
Due to a modest lull in my personal dramas (and the Farms being down all morning), I decided that instead of dooming and panicking and wondering when the next axe will fall on me, I would finally start on a long-neglected jigsaw puzzle. The lighting in this room is shit, and a bunch of the pieces turned out not to have separated properly in the cutting so I had to be That Guy and painstakingly pull them all apart while searching for edge pieces, but this is giving me some much-needed quietness of mind. I don't know if there are any other puzzle Kiwis, but I definitely recommend trying one if you have the space to do so and you're stressing out.

sunset puzzle IMG_7724.JPG
 
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Shitted Scaredless said:
I hate the world and everything in it. Mom finally got us evicted with all her screaming, and is blaming it on dad and her boyfriend. To be fair they also suck. But she won't take responsibility apart from saying she's sorry and wishes she were dead.

Now, my brother and I will be fine, we can and likely will just move in with our grandparents. We already weekend here so it's just a matter of moving our stuff. Though his fish tank might be an issue as it's salt water. Our cats can come up here too, there's plenty of room for them. More than our house actually.

And I'll be around people who are able to actually motivate me to do shit and start my adult life. (Executive dysfunction and depression have made me rather useless. And yes it's partially my fault, I understand this. Don't lecture me on that right now.)

Mom, though, I don't know where she'll go. I don't even... feel much about it. I'm just numb. I'm not upset, my brain just started thinking about the logistics of what me, my brother, and the cats will do while I listen to mom cry and say she did nothing wrong on the phone. I'm not sad, or particularly angry. I'm just numb.
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FALSE ALARM!!! APPARENTLY????

APPARENTLY it was just the neighbors threatening us, and mom decided to make it sound official because??? On one hand I'm relieved. On the other I'm pissed even more at her for outright saying we were being kicked out. That's a whole new low for her, and I don't know what to think or say other than apologize to all of you for being dramatic!

Gonna go bash my head in (not really)
 
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BABANGUIDE64 said:
I feel like in purgatory, I feel like I'm nothing.
When I go outside, when I walk around, I feel like I'm something featureless occupying time and space.
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Sounds like depersonalisation. I know how much it sucks. Reconnecting with oneself through memories and mindfulness might help.
 
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Shitted Scaredless said:
FALSE ALARM!!! APPARENTLY????

APPARENTLY it was just the neighbors threatening us, and mom decided to make it sound official because??? On one hand I'm relieved. On the other I'm pissed even more at her for outright saying we were being kicked out. That's a whole new low for her, and I don't know what to think or say other than apologize to all of you for being dramatic!

Gonna go bash my head in (not really)
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You don't need to apologise. I thought it would have been better for you with your Grand Parents.

You don't need people like your Mum in your life. It's too much drama, hardship and it will burn you out. It's very similar to being in a warzone!

Are you going to ask your Grand Parents if you can move in anyways? If not I would strongly suggest you start putting money aside so you can get your own place away from the madness.
 
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Repeatedly people tell me I'm wasting my skills at my current job, as if that's any kind of reassurance. "Oh so we agree I shouldn't be here but my inability to find better underlines I'm a failure?". I genuinely wonder how much better I would've done in life if I had 4-5 years of employment before and during university, not even of relevance to my degree. Just, those 5 years of "they know how to meet on time".

I really need to stop talking about work all the time. I see people in these local discords be like "I'm 32 and have a dogshit job and no education or aspirations" and my immediate reaction is "oh okay, but what about hobbies?". Money and career don't matter shit to me; I think I'm more envious of people having found a job they like so much they get a promotion and keep pursuing it than what they actually make. Obviously if you're Career Criminal Level 5 you're sticking to it. If you're level 1 in any job, who knows. Happenstance.

We got a lot of drama going on at my workplace so my ability to go home and not let it drag me down is pretty comfy. I know I can steel myself and shrug things off unlike many others. I am, at the very least, an average human. :)
 
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Odd day today at work. So I hop on the boss, go there and head to the building.

The door is locked.

Okay so I wait half an hour and no one shows up. I call my boss aaaaaaand it turns out my boss is sick and didn't notify me because he forgot. Joy.

My boss is a rather "energetic" kind of guy. I make internal jokes about him being on coke because he's always running around the place, phone calls, meetings, sniffing his nose, shit like that. He's very extroverted and very talkative. His time management isn't that perfect either but he's alright. So that he forgot to tell me and just had me standing out there in the cold for an hour because I live and work in the realm of "public transit is bipolar and unstable" is just expected I guess.

For some reason, I was exhausted as shit when I got home.

Also it's February but all my fellow irl blacks are being annoying now. God help me.
 
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Few days ago when I was taking a shower I reached my left had up to wash my other shoulder. There was a pain in my upper arm when I did that, felt like I pulled something but it eventually went away.
Couple days later I found a hard lump in my arm in the same spot. It’s not big and I can’t see it on the outside. I don’t think it hurts. What could it be? Doesn’t seem like it’s a problem but idk. Should I get it checked out? Yes 👍 or No 👎

missnaptime said:
I'm scared about the thought of God taking away people that I care about and love. It's slightly petrifying
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Thinking about God in general scares me. The thought that we are forever connected to this incomprehensible thing that created us scares me. Thinking about eternity scares me. Eternity is terrifying but also is non existence. Existing in general is just kind of terrifying if I think to much about it.

2mm and 99 others said:
Exactly this, this kind of weather of last 20 years sucks out all the joy of winter months I could possibly get, it's so fucking bleak and hopeless. If only there were at least freezing temperatures and not this eternal slightly above zero shit, so I could go skating in nature. I don't even need the snow to feel happy, I just want some of the old normalcy and it has been taken from me.

Yes, I am well aware of the fact that if this is my main reason to be sad, then I am the one crying in Lambo, but it is what it is, and I want my ice.
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I think all the snow ended up where I live. I’ve lived in this area my whole life and never seen snow here. Then about 2 weeks ago we got snow the whole day.
 
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