The Retail Horror Thread 2: More Tales to Chill your Bones

[toilet_rainbow]

Oh I'm not criticizing you: it was your only option.

I just don't like when we're not given an option on purpose from the town. The only thing those paper bags are good for is cheap book covers.

Don't worry, I didn't read it that way.

I can get why so many customers were annoyed (I would too), but hearing the same complaint for hours and explaining the same damn thing back to back so many times really ground my gears after awhile. Old people are some of the whiniest bitches, I swear.

The most annoying thing, though, was people throwing them off the scales and then trampling on the bags or throwing away the very few plastic bags on the floor before running them over with the cart. Fuckin' pigs.

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

I can get why so many customers were annoyed (I would too), but hearing the same complaint for hours and explaining the same damn thing back to back so many times really ground my gears after awhile. Old people are some of the whiniest bitches, I swear.

Remind me of my least favorite response to "can I help you with anything?"
"Hurrrrr-durrrrrr the winning lottery numbers, hahahahahahahahahaha"
As if they expect you've never heard that before.

 

[Commander X]

Was remembering one of my side jobs, while reading about closures of a certain kind of specialty shop. Once upon a time I wasn't too picky about where I filled out an application for. In this case, years ago, after working for some time at a bookstore that went under new management that decided to seemingly arbitrarily slash the staff, including me. I ended up taking a job after that at a comic shop that lasted almost two years. If I had a title, it was something like "assistant deputy vice co-sub-manager" or something like that.

Now this wasn't some hole-in-the-wall slum shop, or some joint where you couldn't move for all of the poorly stacked merchandise and comic long boxes everywhere, it was a clean, bright place, mostly an OK place to work but it still attracted some, ah, characters.

For example, there was this one guy who showed up now and then, always wore a backpack and spoke with this Jerry-Lewis-on-helium-voice cranked up to eleven. He was pretty short, and always traveled with this big black dude who never said much. He always gravitated toward the books with female leads and would debate loudly with no one in particular while he stood in the aisles of the store. I remember one day a mother and her son, who looked about ten, entered the store just as Captain Backpack started going into a spiel about the size of Lady Death's tits, and whether or not Lady Death could beat Phantom Lady in a wrestling match. Imagine Jerry Lewis circa 1958 talking loudly through a megaphone and saying (paraphrased roughly): "Man! Lady Death's got the BIGGEST BOOBSH in comicsh! Holy cow! If she and Phantom Lady fought it'd be a total BOOBFEST!" and on and on at top volume. "Oh my GOD! Look at 'em on this page!! Holy D Cups, Batman!" Anyway, after staring at this guy for a minute as he went on his spiel, the mom looked around nervously before pulling her son out of the store.

Now there were some customers, some people who would get very miffed if we didn't have what they want, especially if they drove from miles away to get to the store. Well, one week the distributer made a mistake and sent some copies of some Wildstorm crap or something instead of the copies of the fourth or fifth issue of some Marvel title that was a hot thing at the moment, that we had ordered. The owner/manager got it sorted out and they would send us the issues the following week. For the six days until then I worked dreading having to deal with some of the regular customers who would want that issue 5. Primarily a guy named Zed of all things, that didn't have a job that I knew of but somehow managed to have exactly enough money every week to buy the six comics on his pull list.

He showed up Thursday as always to get his books, we had them all...asides from that certain issue. I gave him his books and thought of a way to tactfully reveal one of them wasn't in. The exchange went something like

ZED: "Where's issue 5 of [title I can't remember]
ME: "We had a little problem with the distributor, and they sent us the wrong-"
ZED: "Bullshit!"
Me: "-book. It'll be here next week."
ZED: "That's fucking bullshit."
ME: "Yeah I know, I know but-"
ZED: "So where is it?"
ME: "What?"
ZED: Where's my book!?!?
ME; "What?"
ZED: "I know you have it, it has to be here, you fucking liar!"
ME: "I just told you there was a mistake and-".
ZED: "COMICS DON'T JUST NOT COME!"
ME: (internally thinking something probably like 'huh?')
ZED: "I've never had a comic not come before. What's your problem with me?"
ME: "I don't have a problem with-"
ZED: "Then give me my comic, I know you have it!"
and it went on and on like that for an interminable length of minutes. Even when the owner/manager came out of the back to explain what happened, Zed was convinced we had stacks of the issue he wanted in the back, or something, and finally left, storming out of the store while calling me a prick.

 

[Commander X]

Some more memories of my time in the comics retail trenches, so to speak, some of the "characters" that came into the store. Most of the customers who came into the place were pretty normal, you even had professionally dressed people showing up after work, you had parents and kids, and then you have a small but unforgettable percentage of weirdos, freaks, and possible actual insane persons.

In one case, this human Eeyore who had been a regular at another shop in town, came in and started just hanging around in this shop instead. He would browse, usually with the most hang-dog woe-is-me expression on his face, letting out the occasional melodramatic deep sigh, and occasionally actually buy something, usually like exactly one comic from the quarter bin.

He tried to set up a pull list and then told the owner/manager who was working the register at the time, in this mopey tone of voice that the people at his "old store" knew about all of his serious problems and would let him have his comics without paying. and the owner had had enough of this guy already during this interaction and bluntly told him "Well why don't you go back there, then?" which seemed to shut this guy up.

Another case, a weedy-looking teenager and some guy in his thirties who looked like an adult-sized toddler with a terrible scratchy goatee got into a loud argument with each other over who would win in a fight between Batman & Spiderman, way to torpedo comic book nerd stereotypes, fellows. I had to step in when it went from muttering to them furiously screaming at each other and looked like it could escalate into a (really sad) physical confrontation, with goateed toddler-man screaming something in the teenager's face like: "That's not REAL! Those books DON'T COUNT! Their universes are SEPARATE...BATMAN AND SPIDER-MAN COULD NEVER MEET!"

Another case of a would-be customer who lost her cool was this seemingly normal woman who came in and started browsing the New Releases section, becoming increasingly agitated. As it became obvious that she wasn't finding what she was looking for, I went over and asked her if she needs any help, and she starts going on about how her boyfriend was overseas and wanted her to pick up a couple of issues like 3 and 4 or so for a certain title, and she gave me the title and issue numbers and it was some DC comic, I think but can't be sure. Anyways it was a title that had had some problems, so these particular issues had been delayed. She immediately started panicking and freaking out about how she NEEDS those comics or else her boyfriend will hate her and dump her. I just tried to explain those issues hadn't been published quite yet and instead of calming down she freaked out some more, crying and screaming so loud that her voice was cracking, about how her boyfriend's going to break up with her and it will be all my fault. "Oh, you want him to break up with me, don't YOU?!? ASSHOLE!" and so on and so forth for a bit before stomping out of the store.

 

[AnOminous]

Another case, a weedy-looking teenager and some guy in his thirties who looked like an adult-sized toddler with a terrible scratchy goatee got into a loud argument with each other over who would win in a fight between Batman & Spiderman, way to torpedo comic book nerd stereotypes, fellows.

Well, that's truly pathetic and embarrassing, and by that, I mean anyone thinking Spider-Man would stand a chance.

 

[GloryHole Stalker]

Since this just happened a few hours ago, I figured I'd rant about this here.

I work in the hospitality industry (desk clerk at a hotel... overnights, lol.)

I'm doing my rounds, making sure law and order are being upheld during my shift. I hear loud noises in a room. I check it out. A dude is totally blitzed on booze. Friendly enough, but shout-talking because he's so drunk. I asked him to quiet it down, but I didn't think that would work. About 10 minutes later I get a guest complaint of a loud argument coming from drunk dude's room. The drunk guy's nigger roommate is standing outside the room shrieking about how drunk, drunk guy is. I roll my eyes and head back to the desk to call 911 as I know this will get even uglier.

Sure enough, drunk guy, for whatever reason, leaves his room (probably because nigger roommate wouldn't stop shrieking at him), falls and splits his head open...lots of blood. I call 911 again to send an ambulance. In the meantime, I go back out to the guy to press something on his head to try to stop the bleeding (I'm wearing gloves at this point) As I'm doing this, trying to keep the guy from bleeding all over, and more importantly, keep him on the ground so he doesn't fall again and hurt himself worse, nigger roommate keeps coming by to yell at the dude and just shriek in a typical niggerly fashion. Each time the drunk (now bleeding, likely concussed, and vomiting) guy starts to stir, letting out angry sounding groans along with incoherent mumbling, along with trying to get up. I had to keep chasing nigger roommate away. He comes around one last time, tells me "fuk dat shit u b talking about, ah gots his sista on da fone to talks to him". I muster up every single ounce of patience I have to calmly explain to this incredibly dumb fucking nigger that his "friend" is on the ground, bleeding profusely from a large head wound, is likely concussed, and is also vomiting, he's not in any condition to talk to anyone. Thankfully drunk dude's sister hears this and tells dumb fucking nigger roommate, that I'm right and she hangs up. Finally, at this point, the ambulance and police arrive. They take drunk guy away, and I guess the police talked to dumb fucking nigger roommate. Cleaning up the blood and vomit was not pleasant.

The only mildly "good" thing that happened in all this, was drunk guy, right when the ambulance arrived started groaning out my name repeatedly, then said, "(My Name), you're fucking awesome dude!"...so there's that. I hope drunk guy is okay, and I hope dumb fucking nigger roommate dies in a car fire.

 

[soda pimp]

This isn't really a horror story, but it might be something in that area. When I used to work at a fastfood joint, I was put on window (drive-thru register) a lot. One day this fat black woman came through. She was talking on her phone to her son. As I finished up cashing her out, she screamed hysterically. Her son had gotten into a car crash while she was talking to him on the phone. Instead of asking if she could pick up her food later so she could go to her son immediately, she demanded that she get her food now so that she could go to her son. Her order was pretty big and had chicken, which takes longer to cook. I really wanted to say "Fatass, go to your son first!", but I pussied out and asked the person who was bagging the food of her order was done yet. After a few minutes the order was done and I gave it to her.

 

[JosephStalin]

Needed a couple of things, not enough to justify a commissary trip. Walked to the town's Lucky, or as I call it, Un-Lucky, supermarket. These people tout low prices but they are full of shit. Needed an onion. $1.47 per pound, all the onions were big. Got the smallest I could find, cost $1.42. Walked by the soda section. Soda was $9.99 for a 12-pack. Some brands had various deals, others didn't. With the nickel-a-can deposit, that would make a 12-pack of soda $10.59. Jesus Christ! Looked at eggs, cheapest over $4/dozen. Needed a whole chicken, making soup. Smallest I could get was $11.23, Foster Farms. Walked by the snack cakes area. Noticed a bag of Hostess Donettes, on sale for $2.99, normally $4.99. When i checked out had to pay a dime for a reusable plastic bag. Altogether spent just under $13.

Hmmm...at the commissary get a 3-pound bag of onions for about $2.50. Last soda I bought was about $4 for a 12-pack of Pepsi, on sale, usually maybe $5. Bought a dozen jumbo eggs last week for about $1.97. Usually get a whole chicken, Tyson, for under $6. Hostess Donettes are less than $2.50 a bag, and all the plastic bags are free.

Granted, Lucky needs to make a profit, but those prices seem excessive. What the hell, commissary run tomorrow.

 

[The Un-Clit]

Needed a couple of things, not enough to justify a commissary trip. Walked to the town's Lucky, or as I call it, Un-Lucky, supermarket. These people tout low prices but they are full of shit. Needed an onion. $1.47 per pound, all the onions were big. Got the smallest I could find, cost $1.42. Walked by the soda section. Soda was $9.99 for a 12-pack. Some brands had various deals, others didn't. With the nickel-a-can deposit, that would make a 12-pack of soda $10.59. Jesus Christ! Looked at eggs, cheapest over $4/dozen. Needed a whole chicken, making soup. Smallest I could get was $11.23, Foster Farms. Walked by the snack cakes area. Noticed a bag of Hostess Donettes, on sale for $2.99, normally $4.99. When i checked out had to pay a dime for a reusable plastic bag. Altogether spent just under $13.

Hmmm...at the commissary get a 3-pound bag of onions for about $2.50. Last soda I bought was about $4 for a 12-pack of Pepsi, on sale, usually maybe $5. Bought a dozen jumbo eggs last week for about $1.97. Usually get a whole chicken, Tyson, for under $6. Hostess Donettes are less than $2.50 a bag, and all the plastic bags are free.

Granted, Lucky needs to make a profit, but those prices seem excessive. What the hell, commissary run tomorrow.

JFC, that's worse then Canadian grocery store prices! I honestly feel bad for everyone in that town shopping there.

 

[Goofy Logic]

This one sounds so cliché but I swear it's true.

One weird quirk about this town is there is no public toilet available. Even the gas stations don't have one available because the owners don't feel like keeping one available for people to just shit the fuck up. The nearest ones available are the outhouses on the highway rest stops, so we have to direct the often irritated travellers to those.

Mom runs a rural post office beside one of those gas stations and one day a biker barged into the back of the post office with his fly undone.

"Where's your toilet?"
"I don't have one. You are not supposed to be back here"
He scoffs "what are going to do, call 911?"

With that Mom grabbed the length of rebar that she uses to bar the wicket door closed

"We don't call 911 in (town)"

Luckily with that, the guy quickly turned around to exit. He forgot which way the door opened, so mom got to watch bemused as he scrambles to get out, only to run into the door, fumble with the doorknob, jump on his bike, and speed away.

Mom was a bit shaken by this, but at the same time couldn't help but laugh at the humor of that interaction.

 

[AnOminous]

Even the gas stations don't have one available because the owners don't feel like keeping one available for people to just shit the fuck up.

Some insurance companies jack up your liability insurance rates if you have a bathroom available to the public.

 

[Dysnomia]

I was in Giant a few days ago and I went to the muffin case. I saw a muffin with part of the top torn off and there were no crumbs anywhere. I figured it was just a stocking accident. So I went around the other side and low and behold, more mutilated muffins. Every one that was mutilated was on the lowest shelf too. Part of the tops just gone. It looked like a finger dug them out and not like they crumbled themselves. Besides, the missing muffin tops were nowhere to be found

I'm thinking some poorly supervised kid did it since it was only the lowest muffins in the case. I hope it wasn't an adult. That would be even worse. That Giant is going downhill. So much stuff is locked down. The bathroom is electronically locked and you have to get customer service to open the door. The theft alarm is always going off. It used to be a nice area too. They're trying to fix it up. But no matter what you do with the shopping center you can't do anything about who is shopping there.

 

[The Un-Clit]

Even in Canada it's happening in the bigger metro areas. At the grocery stores outside of any Skytrain station in Greater Vancouver, even the fucking TOOTHPASTE is locked down behind cabinets now. It's fucking insulting.

 

[Assassin’s Sneed]

apologies for necroing this thread, but i’ve been greatly entertained/horrified by all of your experiences, and have a few of my own to add. (i’ve only worked retail a few times, but in my mind food service is also retail so)

Spoiler: Exploding Burger

when I was but a teen Assassin, my first job was at a KFC here in Bongland. one of the assistant managers there was a bit of a “lad” - basically a dickhead who thrived off “banter” but would change his attitude in an instant, so you never knew where you stood with him (i’ll call him AM). to set the scene, i’m in the very back of the place, next to the cook, and i’m prepping sides. minding my own business, trying to clean up bean sauce that had spilled onto the counter. suddenly, the cook and i got hit by pieces of *something* - we later figured it was pieces of flying hash brown.

turns out, one of AM’s friends had come in with a girl he had just started seeing. (wow, what a wonderful first date place, a KFC /sneed) AM, being the utter cunt he was, decided to make his friends burger himself, and emptied two full sachets of salt onto the chicken. (idk how familiar y’all are with the salt that KFC gives out in those little packets but jfc it is intense. it’s not pleasant at all) AM’s friend came charging up to the counter, furious that AM had embarrassed him in front of this girl, and launched the burger at him in his fury. it hit one of the order screens, and instead of just flopping back onto the counter, he threw it with that much force the burger exploded all over the restaurant and into back of house.
AM was eventually sacked for a myriad of reasons, including but not limited to using the store’s address for delivery of his personal parcels. he was a cunt.

i have a few more to add, probably, and this is pretty tame compared to some of the bullshit you lot have had to suffer, but as a 16 year old I was baffled by the sheer amount of force needed to make a burger explode.

semper fi, fellow wagies

 

[Dysnomia]

I was in Wawa (convenience store chain in on the US east coast) and I had to use the ladies' room. So as I'm going in someone is coming out of the righthand stall. It's a man. Not a tranny. A man. He creeps back into the stall as soon as he sees me. I realise it's a junkie so in all likelihood he's too fucked up to bother me or be a perv. He was a very skinny blonde guy of indeterminate age due to the ravages of drugs. He could have been 20. He could have been 50. He was just frozen in junkie time. I literally could not wait to pee and the Dunkin across the street has the worst bathroom I've ever seen. Literally toxic. So I pee fast and notice there's TP with little dots of blood on it lasting on the floor. He's shooting up in there and probably too high/dain bramaged to know what bathroom he's in.

Because I'm in the stall he comes out to wash up then quickly goes back in. I left and looked for the guard but I didn't see her. There were a lot of people in a fairly small Wawa and by the time I noticed her getting coffee I didn't know if the guy was still in the bathroom. Looking back I should have said something. But I'm sure it happens all the time. I would not be surprised if they start locking their bathrooms soon. They already have a rampant theft problem and restrict the amount of customers or just straight up close for two hours after school lets out.

 

[Scream Aim Fire]

Necro post here:

Worked at a retail place for several years, so I have a few stories. I had two incidents where I delt with overage guys creeping on teenagers in our store, so... that was a thing. Dealt with a grown-ass man riding around in a shopping cart; he wasn't disabled or anything, just a weirdo. Old lady tried to bite me once because I was "being rude", that was a weird night, fairly certain she was tweaking. A (now former) manager of mine was a bit of a tyrant, had a tendency to snap and swear at employees in front of customers; she did get fired for bad behavior, I think she got hit with some drug charges as well.

Dealt with a tranny employee who insisted that he was "non-binary" and had that his "real name" was this ridiculously edgy handle that sounded like it came from DA. Had a dangerhair chick as my manager, she was friendly enough, but she would get pissy because talking to her too loudly would "trigger" her... and she was also hard of hearing, meaning that you would have to speak up just to deal with her. Also dealt with old people repeatedly insisting that "retail is a nice and quiet job" and that anyone complaining about it is "entitled"; this one old woman insisted that she worked retail when she was a kid and that the job had "always been easy". Can't help but think she was lying through whatever teeth were left in her head.

 

[Scream Aim Fire]

Double-post, and probably going to be getting some top hats or puzzle pieces, but... I find retail positions do a damn fine job of creating misanthropy. Because dear lord the amount of assholes and idiots you have to deal with on a daily basis would piss anyone off.

 

[Scream Aim Fire]

Triple-post here, but; I just got done with a seasonal position at another retail place, so I figured I could share some more stories here.

I will say that this place was a bit nicer than my prior employer, though that's not the highest bar to clear. Still had some issues though, big one was the main boss; he was very... stoic, impossible to get a read on him in general, and he was easy to piss off. Half the time he'd get mad because you weren't doing what he wanted you to do... except he never told you what he wanted you to do in the first place. On top of that, he also had a tendency to screw up the weekly schedules; kept changing them at the last minute, meaning that you'd have to either be constantly paying attention or potentially come in late. He wouldn't let you know, either; had to go in multiple times on my days off just to make sure he didn't change everything.

Didn't help that he kept giving me my checks a bit late; almost didn't even get my last one. Granted, he was apparently busy on that end, but still...

Co-workers weren't always the best either; most of them were old ladies that weren't exactly the most professional. Mostly just gossip, but one old woman started screeching at me that I wasn't doing enough work... when half my co-workers were playing on their phones, and I had no idea where everything was supposed to go. Also didn't help that I was the only one cleaning the shelves half the fucking time; one night we had an entire basket full of stuff that got left out because no one else was working on it, so I had to stay a bit late. To say nothing of the trash, half-eaten food, or broken products getting left out everywhere.

Didn't help that a lot of them kept taking off; had to go in a few times on my days off/stay late sometimes, including one day after my seasonal contract expired, because my boss apparently "couldn't ask anyone else". Also didn't help that they didn't inform me when my contract was supposed to actually end in the first place; wound up out of a job and didn't even know it until I came in for work.

Customers were pretty annoying as well; it wasn't uncommon for people to ask for my help finding something that was literally in front of their face. Had to deal with multiple people demanding that I do their shopping for them - which is very much against the rules, mind - and you'd be surprised at the amount of people that couldn't read signs telling them where the bathroom is, assuming that they even try to look around in the first place. Hell, most of them felt like Skyrim NPCs; you'd be in the middle of trying to move a heavy object and they'd walk right up to you and demand that they help you find something, like a certain type of paper or markers. Didn't help that, again, my co-workers weren't the most helpful; found most of them sitting on their asses in the break room more than once.

 

[The Un-Clit]

One of the best threads on the Farms, it cannot lie stagnant.

I made a new fun discovery in a downtown Safeway when I was caught short and had to use their washroom: I opened the door and was hit with this garish yet dim deep blue almost black light. Not the florescent kind, but almost the opposite, it made everything seem dark and hard to see. From wall to wall I was in a dim blue/violet and black shadow crapper.

If I may make a geeky reference it's what I imagine 'voidlight' from Sanderson's Cosmere books would look like. It was completely surreal taking a piss into this black pit of a toilet and washing up at the dark sink with invisible water.

I asked an employee after wtf was up with the bathroom lighting, and was told that they had such a plague of junkies shooting up in their bathroom and either tying it up for ages as they nodded out inside, or else ODing on the fentanyl sold as heroin (called "down" now in Vancouver) and causing a whole big scene that they installed this new special lighting that made it impossible to see the veins on your skin and shoot up properly. Yeah.

I don't know how effective this would be, but apparently it's helped.

 

[Goofy Logic]

One of the best threads on the Farms, it cannot lie stagnant.

I made a new fun discovery in a downtown Safeway when I was caught short and had to use their washroom: I opened the door and was hit with this garish yet dim deep blue almost black light. Not the florescent kind, but almost the opposite, it made everything seem dark and hard to see. From wall to wall I was in a dim blue/violet and black shadow crapper.

If I may make a geeky reference it's what I imagine 'voidlight' from Sanderson's Cosmere books would look like. It was completely surreal taking a piss into this black pit of a toilet and washing up at the dark sink with invisible water.

I asked an employee after wtf was up with the bathroom lighting, and was told that they had such a plague of junkies shooting up in their bathroom and either tying it up for ages as they nodded out inside, or else ODing on the fentanyl sold as heroin (called "down" now in Vancouver) and causing a whole big scene that they installed this new special lighting that made it impossible to see the veins on your skin and shoot up properly. Yeah.

I don't know how effective this would be, but apparently it's helped.

I've heard of that. I figured its also why a lot of public bathrooms are now using brown or dark grey tiling as well. It reduces the light levels so it's harder to see veins to shoot up.

ETA: Found a little more info in a CBC Article about a Tim Hortons in Ontario doing the dark blue lighting that The Un-Clit is talking about - it has the expected whining from drug advocates in there as well.