I started HRT at 16. I've been socially transitioning way before that without my parents' knowledge because they're Trumpies. I'm 21 now.
The fact I had to go through male puberty, and my voice and body is now ruined beyond repair. It's genuinely heartbreaking. I try my best to be positive, and keep trying to fix what testosterone did to my body but there's things that just aren't possible to fix. Especially with my genetics.
I had FFS too mind you. Around 7/8 months ago. I went on the Monkey app the other day for the first time ever.
I thought maybe things would be different for once because IRL I don't get misgendered and people around me claim they wouldn't know if I didn't tell them. I say this because prior to FFS. When I was like 17 years old on Omegle. I always had people saying I look like a man.
I get on the app, and everyone is skipping me. The only people that stopped said these things,
"Are you a shemale?" "You look like a little boy" "What's up brother!". I
even had someone talking to their friend like, "Let's find some baddies " then they saw me and went, "Ew" and instantly skipped.
I'm a 21 year old girl. To look like a man after years of HRT FFS, and SRS. It's devastating. I feel like life isn't worth living most the time because I'll never get to enjoy my youth.
I'll have to keep getting more surgeries in hopes of one day being somewhat pretty. All I've ever wanted in life was to be pretty. I admire women like Megan Fox and constantly want to be that pretty. But my genetics are the worst, and because of how features sit on my large skull. I couldn't ever be pretty like that. I'd always be average at best.
You'd just think that after FFS, years of HRT and having no testosterone in my body. I'd at least look cis passing. I don't even get that.
Sorry for the rant. I'm just tired of being ugly. My whole life I'm ugly. People will lie and say I'm pretty but I feel like I genuinely look deformed. It's just soul crushing as someone who sees how reality works. Pretty privilege is a MAJOR part of society. If you're pretty, life is easier. You get more job opportunities, you can get famous online just for being attractive, you have lots of options in general and it's just something you're born with basically.
If you're not lucky enough to be born genetically attractive to the majority of people. Then you're already living life at a disadvantage. Add looking visibly trans to that along with having larger features due to that. The female beauty standard is a small upper body and a larger lower body. Eyes that are larger are often times the standard as well, and when I say larger eyes. I mean most eyes because I have failed genetics.
My eyes are TINY in comparison to my skull. They look beady and too high up.
I don't even hate being trans. I love the community and there are plenty of beautiful trans women. I just hate that my genetics made it impossible for me to ever be beautiful.
I'm just tired of it all.
((“ And I’ve never even seen women be so upfront like the men were on that thread, and we all know why.
