Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[Absolutego]

A high school friend just messaged me on Steam to come out as trans.
He's the third to do that in the last three years. We all went different directions after graduating and only occasionally hung out afterwards.
I feel like by the time I'm old enough to attend a class reunion all my friends from back then are going to be wearing wigs to cover their exposed pates and jeans under their skirts. This one leaves behind a wife and three kids.

 

[Forever A Loner]

One of my siblings, formerly a self-proclaimed tomboy, trooned out and became a zippertit. We're estranged now. A few years later I decide to stop getting haircuts and let my hair grow out and my dad had the gall to tell me I look like a tranny. Thing is, I probably hate trannies more than him and he just doesn't know it, but maybe I shouldn't blame him too harshly; he already lost a daughter to troonism.

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

One of my siblings, formerly a self-proclaimed tomboy, trooned out and became a zippertit. We're estranged now. A few years later I decide to stop getting haircuts and let my hair grow out and my dad had the gall to tell me I look like a tranny. Thing is, I probably hate trannies more than him and he just doesn't know it, but maybe I shouldn't blame him too harshly; he already lost a daughter to troonism.

I'd advise you to cut your hair, if for no other reason than to avoid offending your father.

But then again, I'm biased, because my sister-in-law did show a few red flags before she trooned out for real, like the fact that she insisted on cutting her hair short like a man years before it happened.

 

[Fapcop]

One of my siblings, formerly a self-proclaimed tomboy, trooned out and became a zippertit. We're estranged now.

Sucks.
Sometimes good people get groomed by the cult. Sometimes good people just have rotten kids through no fault of their own.
Anyways, feels man.

I'd advise you to cut your hair, if for no other reason than to avoid offending your father.

But then again, I'm biased, because my sister-in-law did show a few red flags before she trooned out for real, like the fact that she insisted on cutting her hair short like a man years before it happened.

I’d advise him to tell his father how much he hates troons. If you can’t be honest about how you feel with your family, who can you tell. Besides other farmers obviously.

Anyways, anyone else get a weird feeling when there are new posts in this thread.

You know the post will likely be interesting, but at the same time you know that there’s yet another farmer who experienced the most horrible kind of betrayal and retardation.

It’s kinda like clicking on one of those videos on krudtplug. You know you’re going to see something horrific.

 

[Kazmada]

Been lurking the Farms for years, but finally made an account when I saw this thread.

I lost my marriage of 11 years when my ex-husband suddenly trooned out. It came out of nowhere. Our relationship was great. He had some anxiety issues but nothing too extreme (and was definitely NOT a narcissist -- he was one of the most empathetic and genuinely good people I've ever met).

Then suddenly it was like a switch flipped, and he became an obsessive, crying, non-functional mess who no longer "identified" as a man. I'd come home and find him having a sobbing meltdown over his facial stubble. This was a guy who, literally THREE WEEKS before, had been growing out his beard because he liked it so much. He spent thousands of dollars on clothes and makeup in just that first month.

I had no idea how to help him. Nothing I tried seemed to reach him. He started seeing a therapist, who of course told him to transition. And I, of course, became the bad guy for begging him to slow down and think about everything. It was SO, SO obvious to me that he was having some sort of intense mental illness / anxiety-related breakdown that (likely due to his media consumption and peer group) had become fixated on his body and gender.

But any suggestion these feelings weren't his Authentic Self was met with another near-suicidal meltdown. It was honestly just terrifying in many ways.

I stuck it out for awhile hoping he'd come back to himself. He didn't. His friends came after me for not being "supportive." Nobody gave a shit that I was watching my entire life collapse because the person I'd married suddenly wanted to dress like a teen schoolgirl and cut his balls off. I was just expected by everyone to stay and cheer him on and pretend I was in a lesbian relationship (I'm straight) while having absolutely no unpleasant feelings or reactions.

It's been more than four years since our divorce. I've moved on. But I'll be honest, I still miss my ex and the life we had. I know the person I loved is gone. But he was my best friend, and for 10 of our 11 years we were wonderful together -- each other's rock and happy place. We had so many exciting plans for the future. I loved our life so much, and I truly don't think I'll find that quality of companionship again.

I struggle to accept what happened, still. It seems so fucking insane that I lost the love of my life and everything we had built to this bullshit.

Anyway, I just wanted to vent that somewhere, and saw the support thread.

 

[Fapcop]

Been lurking the Farms for years, but finally made an account when I saw this thread.

I lost my marriage of 11 years when my ex-husband suddenly trooned out.

Yeah see, this is what I mean.

Fucking horrific.

Is he still trooned out? I guess once you’re far enough in, sunk cost fallacy takes over.

At least there weren’t kids involved (I hope!)

I’m sorry. Short of your kids trooning out, that has to be the worst.

 

[Kazmada]

Yeah see, this is what I mean.

Fucking horrific.

Is he still trooned out? I guess once you’re far enough in, sunk cost fallacy takes over.

At least there weren’t kids involved (I hope!)

I’m sorry. Short of your kids trooning out, that has to be the worst.

I assume he is, yes. I have no contact with him, but one brief accidental glimpse I got of one of his social media accounts a few months ago, he's still using his new name.

No kids involved, we both were very ambivalent about the idea and decided together not to have any. Which is both good and bad. Very good there were no kids involved in the mess, of course.

But also sad because by the time we broke up, it was really too late for me to have a chance to have kids with someone else. Honestly, I'd never really wanted kids and was 100% content choosing not to have any together, as I was totally happy with our life and nothing felt missing. Now, ehhhh... it's not an intense regret, and I can live with it, but I am sort of sad I won't have a family. Still, nothing I could have done differently with the information I had at the time, so just how it goes.

ETA: I will say, the experience gave me incredible empathy for all the women trying to stick it out with their troon husbands. Every time the dudes post a photo of themselves with their wife and insist they're soooo happy after the transition, I recognize the look in the wife's eyes. I know it, I lived it. I understand how they feel stuck -- it's a shitty position to be in and even worse if you're from progressive social circles because you have literally nobody you can tell your real feelings to, so you just sort of swallow them down.

I was lucky that I managed to carefully suss out that one of my best friends was also gender critical, so she became my rock through the break-up and helped me stay somewhat sane. But a lot of the (soon-to-be) trans widows have nobody at all they can trust to even hint they're unhappy.

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

It came out of nowhere.

Did it really? Were there no red flags in hindsight? There is always tranny shit and mental problems going on in the background before the person decides to troon out. Either he was a degenerate fetishist or he was brainwashed by trannies he was in contact with.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Did it really? Were there no red flags in hindsight? There is always tranny shit and mental problems going on in the background before the person decides to troon out. Either he was a degenerate fetishist or he was brainwashed by trannies he was in contact with.

The "anxiety" piece makes me wonder. Could be a history of childhood abuse that he had never dealt with or maybe even spoken about with anyone, and which suddenly came to a head as he was going through some middle-adulthood shifts in perspective. Couple that with bad porn use habits and a "progressive" social support network, and I could see it manifesting as a bolt from the blue troonout.

 

[GluttonousManSlob]

It's been more than four years since our divorce. I've moved on. But I'll be honest, I still miss my ex and the life we had. I know the person I loved is gone. But he was my best friend, and for 10 of our 11 years we were wonderful together -- each other's rock and happy place. We had so many exciting plans for the future. I loved our life so much, and I truly don't think I'll find that quality of companionship again.

I'm sorry you lost someone so important to you to this fucked up fetish. I'm glad you didn't stay though. Autogynephilia destroys its host's personality. Your husband effectively became a drug addict, except instead of people giving you sympathy for your position, they're instead saying that he needs MORE of his addiction and he needs it NOW.

Was he abusive towards you after his personality change, or was his anger/frustration directed inward? Did he openly talk about how you weren't doing enough for him during his transition?

 

[Kazmada]

Did it really? Were there no red flags in hindsight? There is always tranny shit and mental problems going on in the background before the person decides to troon out. Either he was a degenerate fetishist or he was brainwashed by trannies he was in contact with.

There truly were no red flags in hindsight, other than the anxiety. Nothing about him was a "degenerate fetishist." I was totally blindsided, and I knew him better than anyone. We were together almost 24/7, shared everything, hid nothing.

In my opinion, it was a mental health crisis caused by a combo of his anxiety, midlife crisis, and yes definitely the social circles he was in. There are a lot more details I don't want to give to avoid anything identifiable, but suffice to say his breakdown came relatively soon after joining a new social circle where half the people identified as something special, and it was a VERY cultish dynamic.

All of that gave his intensely unhappy subconscious a new focus for his misery, I think, and then things spiralled very quickly. It was so clearly some kind of obsessive mental health breakdown.

 

[Kazmada]

I'm sorry you lost someone so important to you to this fucked up fetish. I'm glad you didn't stay though. Autogynephilia destroys its host's personality. Your husband effectively became a drug addict, except instead of people giving you sympathy for your position, they're instead saying that he needs MORE of his addiction and he needs it NOW.

Was he abusive towards you after his personality change, or was his anger/frustration directed inward? Did he openly talk about how you weren't doing enough for him during his transition?

He was never abusive at all, either before or after. (Unless you count the suicidal feelings as an abuse technique, which it can be, but I don't think it was in his case). He was a gentle person and remained that way. Very shy, VERY passive and very non-confrontational. Honestly, a very weak person, in retrospect. But I adored him.

I assume he told his friends I wasn't supportive, because they definitely came after me for it. To me, we had one or two conversations about it, but once I made it clear I thought he was in a mental health crisis and needed to slow down and think about what he was doing to our marriage, he basically gave up talking about it to me and never did again. It was a very weird situation. I didn't even know when he socially changed his name, nobody told me and we were still together almost 24/7 when not at work. I found out when he had some friends over and I used his "dead name." His friends stared daggers at me and corrected me. Apparently he'd been using his new name for like three months at work already.

The enabling from the people around him that you describe was the craziest to watch. Early on it was like... we quite seriously have milk in our fridge older than his "dysphoria," he was clearly having a total breakdown, and yet everyone including his therapist was going "of course this is real and not a mental health crisis! Get on hormones! We're so happy for you! Your wife is toxic, get away from her!"

Everything happened so FAST, and it felt like I was the only one who was standing there like -- guys? My husband basically overnight started having daily crying breakdowns and wanting to die because he has chest hair, and nobody thinks this deserves some careful thought that something is seriously wrong? I felt insane.

 

[Kazmada]

The "anxiety" piece makes me wonder. Could be a history of childhood abuse that he had never dealt with or maybe even spoken about with anyone, and which suddenly came to a head as he was going through some middle-adulthood shifts in perspective. Couple that with bad porn use habits and a "progressive" social support network, and I could see it manifesting as a bolt from the blue troonout.

He'd experienced some childhood bullying for sure, no hint of any abuse that I was ever aware of. But yeah, that's basically the combo. Anxiety, midlife crisis, a feeling of failure at being an adult man, and a very cultish friend group.

He didn't use porn at the time. I know people will insist he must have, but I know with total certainty he did not, for many reasons I won't blather on about.

 

[GluttonousManSlob]

Everything happened so FAST, and it felt like I was the only one who was standing there like -- guys? My husband basically overnight started having daily crying breakdowns and wanting to die because he has chest hair, and nobody thinks this deserves some careful thought that something is seriously wrong? I felt insane.

I'm sure browsing Stinkditch has convinced you, but I want you to know that you're sane. You did nothing wrong in this situation. If there was a lack of abusive behaviour, I think what happened was your husband got sucked in by the groomer cultists around him. Either they planted the troon seed in his head or they caught him in a particularly vulnerable moment in his life. These evil cunts enjoy dragging people into the abyss with them.

I don't want to keep prodding you with questions about your personal life, but as far as I can tell, your husband doesn't have the classic markers of AGP like the hyper-sexuality, the narcissism or the erotic fixation on womanhood. I think he's a genuine victim of these subhumans.

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

his breakdown came relatively soon after joining a new social circle where half the people identified as something special, and it was a VERY cultish dynamic.

Did you learn about this social circle when he joined or only after he revealed to you that he became a troon? Joining a cultish "idenity" circle is a major red flag. But there was no way for you to prevent it so you don't need to feel guilty. Cults seek out vulnerable people and the trans cult is especially heinous. I'd say it's the worst modern cult.

 

[Kazmada]

Did you learn about this social circle when he joined or only after he revealed to you that he became a troon? Joining a cultish "idenity" circle is a major red flag. But there was no way for you to prevent it so you don't need to feel guilty. Cults seek out vulnerable people and the trans cult is especially heinous. I'd say it's the worst modern cult.

I actually encouraged him to join this social circle as he really needed to make friends and a social life outside of me, and it was an activity group dedicated to one of his few really passionate interests. I didn't know the people in it except I figured they'd have stuff in common and it would be good for him to get out of the house.

Before the troon stuff, there were some bizarre dynamics that showed up pretty quick. I recall some weird drama within the group, and telling him it was disturbing to be involved in that sort of thing at our ages, and also that I really didn't like how his new friends treated me -- like an obvious outsider. But he was super invested already.

Believe me, I regret it now. But at the time it was like "hey, here's this cool thing you should check out."

 

[Kazmada]

I'm sure browsing Stinkditch has convinced you, but I want you to know that you're sane. You did nothing wrong in this situation. If there was a lack of abusive behaviour, I think what happened was your husband got sucked in by the groomer cultists around him. Either they planted the troon seed in his head or they caught him in a particularly vulnerable moment in his life. These evil cunts enjoy dragging people into the abyss with them.

I don't want to keep prodding you with questions about your personal life, but as far as I can tell, your husband doesn't have the classic markers of AGP like the hyper-sexuality, the narcissism or the erotic fixation on womanhood. I think he's a genuine victim of these subhumans.

I think so too. A bit of the sexual element showed up after his breakdown, but it was mild compared to the coomer AGPs that are all over this thread. And he was never hyper-sexual or narcissistic, even then.

His breakdown peaked me quick, and got me into actually looking at gender ideology and seeing how insane, misogynistic and nonsensical it was. Before, I was passively supportive of trans stuff, but only because I hadn't given the concept much thought and my only firsthand exposure was two very delicate HSTS. It was just like "of course people should be able to dress how they want and express themselves, teehee." I wasn't aware of how much farther it went.

But early during his breakdown he asked me to "educate myself" about trans people, so I did. My conclusions were not what he wanted, that's for sure. And there was no way to watch what happened and think it was anything other than a mental illness.

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

I stuck it out for awhile hoping he'd come back to himself. He didn't. His friends came after me for not being "supportive." Nobody gave a shit that I was watching my entire life collapse because the person I'd married suddenly wanted to dress like a teen schoolgirl and cut his balls off. I was just expected by everyone to stay and cheer him on and pretend I was in a lesbian relationship (I'm straight) while having absolutely no unpleasant feelings or reactions.

This honestly is the most terrifying and infuriating part of the whole thing. How peer groups reinforce such insanity, and how most everyone you know IRL is suddenly celebrating such insane shit. Even the therapist, the person you trust to help others with their mental health, is on board with it.

And you're alone. All alone. You may be questioning your own sanity because of this strange, frightening predicament you're in.

This is wrong. Nothing about this is right. You'd have to have an IQ in the negatives to think it's at all OK. You know with every fiber of your being that it's wrong. Why is no one else using their common sense? Why are they cheering this deeply disturbed human being on?

.....

WHY IS EVERYONE ELSE OK WITH THIS?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYBODY?!

It makes you wonder, who the hell brainwashed all of your friends into playing along with such an obviously insane, destructive phenomenon? How the hell did you end up being the only person you know who isn't fucking retarded or insane? It's like if your friends all decided to start worshipping Molech or Slaanesh, and are bewildered and hurt when you refuse to join them.

You know in your heart that it's wrong, you can't help but cry out in protest, and yet most everyone else you know has swallowed the koolaid and thinks you're the villain for not being OK with it.

The transgender craze, especially how much it's spread on the internet, is comparable to the toaster fucker phenomenon, but even worse:

The toaster fucker problem involves the toaster fetishist either stumbling across or actively searching for online communities that will affirm him in his degeneracy. Of course, the assumption is that most everyone he knows IRL would consider such behavior idiotic at best, degenerate at worst. Thus the guy with the proclivity towards fucking toasters, without that online affirmation, would be much less inclined to indulge in his fetish, if for no other reason than to avoid invoking the scorn of those around him.

However, with transgenderism, it's fucking everywhere, you can't even escape it by going offline, you have to actively search for peer groups that aren't pozzed with the mind virus. Troons go out of their way to turn EVERYTHING into their personal support group.

It's like that one book by Miriam Grossman, Unprotected, where she describes going to an APA meeting in 1997 where the movie Ma Vie en Rose was shown, and the discussion afterward was about how society was wrong for persecuting the boy's family, that they should have indulged him in his delusions and be OK with the troonout. She was tempted to raise her hand and offer the alternative (and correct) view that it was the boy that was disordered, not society, but ultimately did not out of fear of being dogpiled.

The whole thing is so disturbing, and disgusting on a visceral level I can't even describe. Willful stupidity and moral cowardice on a level beyond any decent person's comprehension. The madness can easily stop if society collectively grew a pair and told the troons to knock it off and unfuck themselves, and yet they deliberately choose not to.

If humanity still exists centuries later, doubtless people will look back on this period of time with scorn and horror. I hope they hate us. I hope they mock and ridicule this generation as being superstitious retards and naval-gazing, sex-obsessed narcissists.

 

[Kazmada]

In regards to the people around them cheering it on, like @Aero the Alcoholic Bat noted, what I observed was that it was largely because it doesn't impact them. The troon ones feel important, because of course they had arrived at their "true selves" first and could now give advice and feel superior to this "baby trans." The non-troon ones could start using his new pronouns, his new name, tell him how brave he was, and feel smug about themselves for being a Good Ally.

But none of them have to actually deal with it. They have zero investment in the outcome. As with my ex: they didn't share bank accounts, property, family, a retirement plan and a whole life with this person. They liked his Instagram posts, told him how wonderful it was he'd Found Himself and that was that, while I was sitting there in the wreckage of what had been a pretty great life. They could see me as the bad one because everything we had built understandably didn't matter to them, so seeing it destroyed was irrelevant to what made them feel good about themselves.

I can't really be angrier at them than him, because ultimately it was his choice. But no question, the delusion is fuelled by people who have no actual investment in the person. And it's the ones that actually do love the person who are usually trying to help them find a way out, and being shut out as a result.

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

and I truly don't think I'll find that quality of companionship again.

Your ex-husband certainly won't. But you have a much better life than him. Your body is intact, you aren't in a terrible, insane mutilation cult, you can think for yourself, you aren't as vulnerable and so on. His loss is far greater because he lost you and also himself. You can still have a great relationship with someone. Your ex-husband can't. His mental illness destroyed his mind and he is surrounded by crazy people. It's normal to be sad but you can also consider yourself lucky.