Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

To me, a booklet is like a 4-pager on quitting smoking you get at the doctor's office. Like, one step above a brochure, or two steps above one of those paper diner menus with local business ads.
I know Mal writes "mild domestic fiction" but calling it a booklet is just grim. Meanwhile her dinky husband, whose books are also very short, is writing "Top Ten Things that Make My Dick Wiggle" and referring to it as like "tomes" or "novels" or "memoirs" or some shit.
 
Oubliette.

Tardbaby tarding hard:
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‪Danny Lavery‬ ‪@dannymlavery.bsky.social‬
1d
"What I really wish I had was a bank that never let me see how much was in my account, but instead sent a representative to follow me around whenever I tried to buy anything, and who would only say one of three things: 'Go for it,' 'No, you can’t,' and 'Okay, but that’s it for today.'"
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She's quoting herself as presented in her latest Chatner. The public portion:
"Babette's Feast" and the Protestant Envy of Catholicism
Daniel Lavery
Apr 17, 2025

I suppose one always wants the things one can’t have; I find it a source of constant irritation that, having been brought up by evangelical Christians, I will never be a lapsed Catholic.1 I was speaking about this with a friend of mine yesterday, who has the good fortune of being a lapsed Catholic herself. There’s a nice little glamor to it, like being a wealthy divorcée in a 1920s novel. There is no glamor in no longer attending a megachurch, even or especially if you decide to make being “ex-evangelical” a key part of your identity. “Ex-evangelical” sounds embittered; “lapsed Catholic” sounds beautifully drooping, like a wisteria vine, or a debutante with a secret.

Some of this, I’m sure, has to do with the long cultural shadow of Conclave. I am easily swayed by fun movies. I have often emerged from a movie theater wishing desperately that I was a doctor, or a dancer, or whatever profession I have most recently seen depicted onscreen, only for the wish to be replaced by another, equally powerful, as soon as I watch another movie later that week.

I do realize that a Catholic upbringing has very little to do with a world-weary Ralph Fiennes cultivating the friendship of secret cardinals, or conducting ancient procedures with great care and excellent stationery.

But an evangelical upbringing has even less to do with excellent stationery; when I was a child, our church had a food court that served chicken fingers. I liked them at the time, of course, but nevertheless I could not shake a secret conviction that my tastes were not being properly cultivated, as they ought to have been.
Another snip from the paywalled portion of this Chatner:
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“As an eight-year-old I felt about pierced ears the way Oscar Wilde or Anaïs Nin felt about love; I wanted it to happen to me, I wanted it to hurt, and I wanted it to be beautiful.”
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"...I wanted it to hurt..."
 
Joe: Is in so much physical danger from online TERFs that he is forced to hire private security.
Also Joe: Posts identifiable pictures of other people's kids to his public social media.
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Meanwhile, the UK Supreme Court has ruled that troons are men. Joe reacts:
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My primary feeling at the UK Supreme Court decision is unreliable and probably misguided: it is relief. The modern form movement of trans civil rights activism is a movement that, in its modern form, goes back to Compton’s Cafeteria, from there to “Urning” activism of the late nineteenth century, and in more inchoate form can be traced to a set of legal disputes in late eighteenth and early nineteenth century legal battles in the West. There are, of course, indigenous and anti-colonial practices of transition that long predate and prevail against the dominant colonial forms of rights-based articulation, but (without, of course, claiming any particular expertise in any) it isn’t clear to me that they share much legal interest with the dominant, Stonewall-and-HRC-led species of civil rights activism, which is the species that marks another serious defeat this week. It’s easy (and rarely wrong) to blame liberals, though, so let’s set our sights a little higher for a response to this moment, and try to figure out what we can and cannot do.

It is shocking to me—a matter of serious collective failure from a generation of journalists and institutionalized center-leftists—that the gender critical argument has prevailed so completely in British public discourse. It has almost no dissenters who are not themselves trans people or intimately tied into our communities. It is a shockingly stupid argument. The GC argument goes like this: (1) the word “woman” is conventionally used to refer to adult people who are members of the sex class that produces large immotile gametes. (2) With a very small number of exceptions, it is obvious at a glance which individuals’ bodies are members of the sex class that produces large immotile gametes. (3) Ergo, the word “woman” should in all cases be appended to those (and only those) whose bodies appear to be members of the sex class that produces large immotile gametes. Now, as it happens, (1) is false, and its falsity is the basis of feminist thought as such: the term “woman,” feminists argue, has been applied on a prescriptive basis in order to assign social roles to individuals—passive sexual position, and reproductive economic role.

That’s admittedly a tricky history to grasp, and if one were a certain kind of idiot—a very rich idiot, for example, who made billions of pounds from writing silly books about private school for special wizards—you might not feel like learning any of it, when you can just yell “are you trying to tell actual women what it means to be a woman????” as though the reply bore some resemblance to reality. The affront of the wealthy has been a useful political tool for the GCs. But—but!—there is simply no excuse for the collective failure to call out (2), the falsity of which is immediately apparent on a moment’s contemplation. “We can always tell,” they say, and when one asks for clarification, they ask whether you think Eddie Izzard “looks like [a member of the sex class that produces large immotile gametes]?” Of course not, we can respond—Eddie Izzard is very famous, and we’ve all been very familiar with her body for decades. The question is whether the body of the woman sitting next to you on the bus, or in the bathroom, or at the rape crisis center, looks like it produces large immotile gametes. Go on, check. What’s your confidence interval? Maybe a little too downy on the upper lip? That weight distribution across the torso—is that synthetic? Is the short haircut a giveaway, or a feint? I do not care what you think a woman is. I care that we foster, collectively, enough honesty and dignity to admit that our bodies are not, in fact, immediately transparent to each other, and that neither we as individual citizens, nor (crucially) the state, has any right to administer blood tests or genital inspections every time we are confused by someone’s gait.

The GC movement has established the notion that society should be run according to the routine assessment of bodily sexuation. It’s not going to take long for the sheer unpleasantness of that regime to become apparent, especially to the GCs themselves, who have been made fools by their own bizarre assertion that a person’s body’s class’s gamete size and motility is always (“almost,” they concede, “almost always”) self-evident. I bring my child to school, and introduce her as Mary. She joins the girls’ basketball team, but Joe’s mother thinks she’s a little tall. What now? Must Mary produce papers, submit to blood tests or invasive physical inspections? Should I have tattooed her at birth in order to prevent confusion later on? Will the tattoo be performed by a doctor? These ideas are very silly and it will not get this far, because not even the GCs really believe their own silly premises—they just hate femininity, regret that they were not given the opportunity to transition, and fear their generational obsolescence. All relatable conditions enough—they would have been quite likable if they had not become so cruel.

Hence, relief. Finally, they claim victory, clap each other on the back, and await the fruits of their labors. They will not like the taste of them. In the meantime, we get to ask ourselves how to rebuild—what mistakes did our movement make over the last decade? As we ask this, I would encourage us to really drill down, with courage and self-reflection, on one question: why are so many people who genuinely want to support trans civil rights so terrible at articulating a reason why trans people deserve civil rights? Why have they taken the worst arguments given to them by our opponents, and brandished them as though they were helping? What can we do to arm ourselves and our coalition with stronger tools when we come back—because, as everyone knows, this is a fight we’re going to win in the end. Sooner, I think, than we expect.

I’ve been hanging out with my beautiful baby Rocco today. The people celebrating the UK Supreme Court decision have accused me of having paedophilic designs on him. Because they are monsters. It hurts me, and it makes me angry. I don’t know how it will make him feel when he is old enough to know what strangers said about his family when they posted pictures of him online, when he was a beautiful baby. They’ve committed moral suicide already and their opinions are not worth considering any more. Everyone seeing this photo will know the gamete size and motility of my body; I’ve been extremely open about it over the last decade. But if you look at this image honestly, I think you can admit that, if you didn’t know already, you wouldn’t be sure. You might well suspect—maybe you’d be 80% sure I was a man. Or else, you could tell yourself I’ve face-tuned the image. (I haven’t—-tho sometimes I do.) But you could also act like a human being. Hey, I’m Grace. Let’s talk.

A shirtless Joe, forever obsessed with his moobs, has carefully cropped the image so that only some of his areola is visible. Tasteful. Full image:
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What, my fellow transphobic shitlords, do we think about Joe's assertion that his sex is ambiguous in this photo?
But if you look at this image honestly, I think you can admit that, if you didn’t know already, you wouldn’t be sure. You might well suspect—maybe you’d be 80% sure I was a man. Or else, you could tell yourself I’ve face-tuned the image.
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Yep, this TERF right here has been crying into her chamomile tea for hours, trying to come up with some shred of cope for why Joe looks so stunning and wammanly in this picture. He MUST have Facetuned it, right? Otherwise we would totally be able to tell that it's an obvious man? Right????
 
Oubliette.
I actually found the screenshot (that I can't copy and paste, I guess bc of the format) about wanting a bank rep following her around to be pretty funny.

But I'm offended she conflated Protestantism with evangelicalism, or at least her title did. Excellent stationery is more the cultural-lore province of old-skool WASPs (i.e., not evangelicals) than it is Catholics.
 
But an evangelical upbringing has even less to do with excellent stationery; when I was a child, our church had a food court that served chicken fingers. I liked them at the time, of course, but nevertheless I could not shake a secret conviction that my tastes were not being properly cultivated, as they ought to have been.

It was not the church's primary mission to "cultivate your tastes." And it was very kind of them to fill your little insufferable brat stomach for free, saving your parents- and more importantly, the less financially comfortable parents of the parish- the trouble of having to do so after wrangling you all morning in church.
 
"What I really wish I had was a bank that never let me see how much was in my account, but instead sent a representative to follow me around whenever I tried to buy anything, and who would only say one of three things: 'Go for it,' 'No, you can’t,' and 'Okay, but that’s it for today.'"
This is a Flork of Cows from a few years ago but it's nigh-impossible to search the flork archive so if anyone smarter than me can find the image please post it.
 
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Her banking haplessness reminds me of how John Mulaney gave his accountant orders to put a lock on his accounts so he couldn't use them to buy drugs during the worst of his addiction. And then he would try to figure out how to squirrel around it. Except Mal has no vices or excuses for her brain being broken, she's just that terrible at being an adult.



I bring my child to school, and introduce her as Mary. She joins the girls’ basketball team, but Joe’s mother thinks she’s a little tall. What now? Must Mary produce papers, submit to blood tests or invasive physical inspections? Should I have tattooed her at birth in order to prevent confusion later on? Will the tattoo be performed by a doctor? These ideas are very silly and it will not get this far
Every student athlete has to be cleared in a physical at a doctor's office to join the team, Joe. The only reason anyone is allowed to join the wrong-sex team now is because people just avert their eyes on purpose from what is already recorded and available information. But nooooo it's too haaaaard to knoooooooow.
 
It was not the church's primary mission to "cultivate your tastes." And it was very kind of them to fill your little insufferable brat stomach for free, saving your parents- and more importantly, the less financially comfortable parents of the parish- the trouble of having to do so after wrangling you all morning in church.
I would be surprised if these were gratis chicken fingers. Private pastoral jets don’t buy themselves.
 
Must Mary produce papers, submit to blood tests or invasive physical inspections?
Beyond the already stated rule that students usually need a physical to even participate in school athletics, why do men like Joe always insist some kind of intrusive gynecological exam is being forced upon girls and “girls” to establish their sex? Have none of them ever watched a network procedural and know a cheek swab will suffice?
 
In all of Joe’s matronly expostulations, this bit jumped out

These ideas are very silly and it will not get this far, because not even the GCs really believe their own silly premises—they just hate femininity, regret that they were not given the opportunity to transition, and fear their generational obsolescence.

TL;DR JK Rowling is just jealous she can’t be Tard Baby.

In all seriousness, a large part of his rhetorical practice (and a large weakness) is his refusal to steel man his opponents or even treat them honestly. If he even says anything worth serious consideration, it gets lost in the hysterical gish-gallop and bad faith. That none of this has impeded his academic career is an indictment of the humanities.
 
Alright so having given myself the length of short tram ride to scan through Joe's Instagram post I will now spend the rest of my day brushing straw off my new jeans. God only knows how the terfs ever got anywhere with such stupid small brained arguments but i guess those 70k £ JK Rowling donated to Women Scotland went a loooong way.

In all honesty his failure to except that there are degrees and subtleties and permeations and that not being able to clock every tranny from across the yard in a heavy fog is somehow a massive own ( or that it has any bearing on the uk equalities act ) that transphobes can never recover from is the equivalent of keeping your head in the sand, and the dumb hope that you can win a national argument by not engaging in it. Also the hyperbole of pretending that any judgment of a persons gender is a one way street to the Gulags and the gas chambers is too blatantly and transparently silly.

You've kinda sorta had your way for like 5 years and are now pretending that there is no alternative. HOW WILL WE MANAGE? Will the cops force genital inspections on random punters in the street? Will Rocco have his gender forcefully tatooed on his forarm ? MY GOD!

Just,lol, clam down.
 
Will Rocco have his gender forcefully tatooed on his forarm ?
In actual fact, Mama, Dada, and Lala routinely and publicly gender Rocco - even with the choice of name. The baby is a he, a him, a boy, a little man, a son.

Why are they so cruelly forcing this on a baby? Have they done all the appropriate blankie tests at the appropriate intervals?

The pink and blue blankies aren't enough. The baby could be enbie, queer, ummmm, all the other 379 genders (did I forget to count any?). So intellectually elevated parents use an LGBTQ+++++ flag for touch tests instead of blankies.

They're making it seem like they think sexual identity is just a pervert's game to play instead of an actual biological reality! Fie, I say. Fie!
 
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