Modern Hiring Processes/Standards - Do the goy dance wage cuck

[CornBogFitz]

Hello, I’m in the process of finding a job. And every time I go through the modern day hiring process it radicalizes beyond measure. I don’t feel like I ask for much. A work life balance, livable wage, and opportunity for advancement. But let’s be honest, as a white American male, I might as well be asking for the moon. My boomer parents don’t understand, they just say shit like “have you tried a firm handshake” I have made this thread to post stories and images of how utterly ridiculous the modern day hiring process is. Please share your ridiculous tales and screenshots of your trouble getting hired. As it will provide catharsis for me and others going through similar struggles.

 

[The Stranger]

What field are you in, OP?

 

[CornBogFitz]

“$13 hr 5am-2pm (previous warehouse experience required)”

Everything requires a certification now. Because when the company wants to trim fat the first thing to go is training. So now the burden of training is outsourced to the potential employee. I couldn’t get a job at a mall selling fucking perfume because I need a “fragrance certificate” same thing for selling wine. (Keep in mind these are jobs that pay either commission only, or <$15 hr



Oh my favorite. “Yes you submitted your resumé, now please go to our website and fill out everything that’s on your resumé.

Oh, now that you filled it out, you have to take these surprise tests before we will even look at it. To see if you’re a fit for the CVS family.



Gee…I wonder what answer they want me to pick.

How about the one that gets you in a zoom call for a pre interview. Makes you talk about yourself with like 10 other people. They tell you NOTHING about the company but buzzwords. you later spend your Friday driving an hour to the office. A sea of blank faceless buildings with nothing but markings like “building D2” you find your place. “Habibi acquisitions” find your going door to door sales. Their literal gambit is that they can find meek retards that can’t say no to peddle their fucking pyramid scheme. (I found this on indeed btw)

And this is the most atrocious I’ve found so far.

This was for an application to a FUCKING WEED AND VAPE SHOP. The interview has you record videos of yourself answering questions. THE VIDEO IS THEN REVIEWED BY ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE!

I would MURDER someone for the opportunity to give a “firm handshake” and a cover letter.

 

[CornBogFitz]

What field are you in, OP?

Laugh at me if you want. But I am in FUCK all. My retard highschool self wanted to “follow dreams” of becoming some 3D modeler. Now that I am out of college and earned the worlds most expensive piece of fire wood my skills were stripped away by for profit software licenses being unaffordable. I am looking for fucking anything. I’m currently in the process of getting on board with a trade union because I know some people on the inside. But because of the process taking so long I’m looking for other options in the mean time just to hold me over. Hell, give me something flipping burgers I can tolerate it for a short time until I get my real union job.

 

[Brenda Holiday]

This made me so happy I went into trade. Pre covid I was applying for my first job, I must've applied to over 50 min wage jobs, each time having to tell them my personal information, do the stupid fucking "personality test", just to either never ever get a call back, or show up for an interview and be told I'll "get a call later" (which never happened). Then I realize I'm getting a bunch of spam calls every day because they sold my fucking phone number. When covid happened and these places were begging for employees I felt so happy and smug. I had even gotten an email from a job where I had went to a sit down interview that never hired me, they were begging me to come work. With trade I just walk in with my paper application, talk to HR, and either get hired or not. Of course they're not ALL like that, but I'll never work for a shithole that makes you do a personality test again.

 

[The Stranger]

Hell, give me something flipping burgers I can tolerate it for a short time until I get my real union job.

Try out automotive maintenance. In my experience, lube techs are legitimate entry-level and managers don't expect you to have experience as long as you can listen and pay attention to details. This was a couple years ago now but I never saw all the bullshit recruiting processes when applying for this field. I filled out their online form and got called by the manager and interviewed with them (in person) within the next couple days. There was even a time where I walked out on one shop and was back to work somewhere else by the end of the week. Good luck with the job hunt.

 

[CEO of Autism]

HR and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race

 

[Nicholas Gur]

I thought in 2020 the job market was just shit because of covid, but I took a year off due to burnout before starting a new job (Through connections I made at the previous one) in 2023 and the state of the job hunt is bleak. I can't speak from the position of a highly skilled or formally educated job seeker so maybe it's okay for them, but for absolute grunt work that should be begging for applicants it feels like expected to do all the work of the employer and yourself for the slim chance of getting an email back written by an actual person turning you down.

In the few cases you get any response you either give a good interview and hear nothing offering no feedback on what/if you can improve, or if you were just passed up for someone with more experience/personal connections, or you waste time only to be told it's a multi round interview process. (These faggots can swallow mercury. Don't waste your time entertaining this bullshit)

It's also well known know that the majority of job listings are fake to either collect private info to sell, used to create an illusion of growth to fool investors, or peace of mind for the overburdened skeleton crew performing multiple positions for a singular wage under the false promise that the company is seeking additional workers.

 

[Sayer of the N-Word]

I was in an interview once where I could almost physically feel the shitty entry level job being yanked back because I asked how much it paid, and an 8-4:30 position slipped away because I said that I couldn't work after 6 pm on Mondays. They want you psychologically comitted to the job before bringing you on and revealing how awful it is, and any kind of conditions are treated as a red flag if you're below a certain level.

Everything requires a certification now. Because when the company wants to trim fat the first thing to go is training. So now the burden of training is outsourced to the potential employee. I couldn’t get a job at a mall selling fucking perfume because I need a “fragrance certificate” same thing for selling wine. (Keep in mind these are jobs that pay either commission only, or <$15 hr

Have you considered lying about a certification? The worst that can happen is that you don't get hired, and the second worst is that you collect one or two paychecks while looking for a "real" job. You're going to get some very basic training no matter how much they cut. Just take notes, watch a few Youtube tutorials, and tell your coworkers that this system is a little different from what you're used to. They might piece things together after you drive a forklift into the wall, but at least you can cover the rent for another month.

How about the one that gets you in a zoom call for a pre interview. Makes you talk about yourself with like 10 other people.

Never bother with an employer doing group interviews online. It only makes sense to interview that many people at once if they expecting most of them to walk out/disconnect early, which is only going to happen if the job is really shitty or an obvious scam.

 

[MrTroll]

I'm too busy to read your post so I apologize if you mentioned this, but have you tried a firm handshake?

 

[Sayer of the N-Word]

I'm too busy to read your post so I apologize if you mentioned this, but have you tried a firm handshake?

Remember to make eye contact as well.

 

[Oliver Onions]

I'm in the process of applying for new jobs and I'm struggling to even get rejection letters. I have several years experience in my field and meet all the criteria listed in the job ad but I don't even merit a template e-mail to say 'thanks but no thanks'.

I think at this point I'm going to scrap my boring corporate CV and go back to the shitpost one; that at least got me interviews just because people wanted to see what idiot wrote it.

 

[0 0]

Not entirely from a job search, but I recently was offered a position as a manager at an Amazon warehouse for some reason.

It was decent pay but with fun stipulations like:

1. I have absolutely zero say in my work schedule, which is assigned according to whimsy
2. I have absolutely zero control over what actual warehouse I work at, including whether or not I even stay at the same warehouse
3. I have absolutely zero compensation if said warehouse is in an entirely far removed city besides a whopping one-time bonus of $200 for my trouble

And that's on top of the delightful treatment Amazon gives its workers, already.

I'm certain there's other jobs where what I described is pretty much commonplace, but I've never had a job offer be so open and direct about how horrid it is as a position.

 

[obliviousbeard]

Remember to make eye contact as well.

Yes, and be humble and knock thrice when you go to boss's office above the factory floor, and take your hate off.

 

[AbyssGazer]

That CVS-question... It's as if it's only purpose is to root out anyone who doesn't know how to spew corpo bullshit.

"I don't want a high salary saaar. I only want to be responsible. Please let me be responsible for you saaaaar."

 

[CEO of Autism]

Nepotism is the only thing that works.

 

[NoReturn]

HR and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race

View attachment 7258110

I pointed this out in the conspiracy theories thread, but I feel like everyone should be aware that HR also fits the "Shit that changed in 1971" timeline.


https://www.visier.com/blog/the-100-year-history-human-resources-department/

 

[CornBogFitz]

And that's on top of the delightful treatment Amazon gives its workers, already.

I'm certain there's other jobs where what I described is pretty much commonplace, but I've never had a job offer be so open and direct about how horrid it is as a position.

Found out Amazon is starting a door dash option for package delivery. So you can choose your own hours make half the pay, take away jobs form real delivery drivers and put wear and tear on your car

That CVS-question... It's as if it's only purpose is to root out anyone who doesn't know how to spew corpo bullshit.

"I don't want a high salary saaar. I only want to be responsible. Please let me be responsible for you saaaaar."

Yeah they make you do a goy dance they repeat the question multiple times to tuely stomp on your soul

If only there were some form of Sabatoge we could do to make these methods not work. I got another one of those zoom calls interviews. Might legitimately crash out just so I can just tell the person to go fuck themselves. But these niggers that obsess over “hustle culture” is what they want anyway

 

[Lovely Kin]

I bitched about this on the How Are You Doing? thread, but I went to a group interview where we had to choose what color we are and did some stupid personality test. We got told the "meaning" of our color or some stupid shit like that, and a long lecture. I contacted a few people who were in my group interview and I don't think anyone got hired. Must be nice to be a recruiter, paid to waste everyone's time.

 

[BiggestKai]

What's a Fragrance Certification? Do you need a cert to say that you don't stink or something?