Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%
  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%
  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 18 1.3%
  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.4%
  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.7%
  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 3.2%
  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 18.6%
  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 196 14.1%
  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 790 56.9%

  • Total voters
    1,389
He didn't even use soy sauce, he poured a "liddlebit" of it in, meaning damn near 2 cups worth and then has to spend a full 20 seconds trying to choke down a piece of GUD MEET without making a face on camera because of the fucking taste while speaking with his mouth full and proclaiming "IT WERK RYE WAY, IT WERK REALLY GUD".

edit: forgot to mention what it was instead of soy sauce. It was fucking fish sauce.

Right, it was two huge glugs of fish sauce into a hot pan. This video all but confirms for me that the Jan 2024 stroke took out Jack's senses of taste and/or smell. The plume of fishy steam that would have risen up and filled the room got no comment, nor the actual flavor of the meat (which he had to chew like 30 times before swallowing, btw). Maybe he is just faking as always, the skeleton crew of neurons that remain are going through the motions, but from this point on I'm going to assume that Jack's sensory experience of eating has been all but wiped out.

Maybe there is a little justice in the world.
 
Tuned into the livestream today called "ARE AIR FRYERS ALL THE RAGE" and hopped around randomly. (Gotta love a title in all caps, missing its question mark, and about a topic no one cares about and that was barely discussed in the stream anyway.) Here are some things I caught:

Jack: A lot of boyfriends and girlfriends watch the show.
Where is he getting this intel?

Jack talks about his grandparents. Paternal grandma and grandpa always ate dinner with half a raw onion on the plate, which they would bite into like an apple. (I think paternal because he differentiates them from the grandparents in New York, where his mom [and long-lost half-sister] are from.)
I asked ChatGPT if there are certain communities known for eating raw onions like apples, and it said this is common "and respected" in the Middle East and in Georgia (as in the country near Turkey and Azerbaijan). Lol.

By the way, if you're from New Jersey, it ain't "new" anymore. You just call it Jersey, OK? If you're not from New Jersey, you always use the word "new." Go figure.
A statement aborted halfway between dumb comedy bit and worthless observation.

I have to tell you the best pizzas I've ever had were not from chains at all. The best is from a Ma & Pa place!
Jack Scalfani with precious gems of rare insight.

Those are the best. Hand-tossed. There isn't a part of your pizza that's missing cheese. There's not a big dough bubble. I don't want DOUGH.
My pizza science certification isn't complete yet, I grant you that, but dough bubbles mainly form because yeast makes gas as it ferments. This is natural. The gas gets trapped in the dough and it expands when when heated (i.e., when the dough is put in the oven), which causes the bubbles. That's pizza science, and mom and pop shops are not immune to it, nor would they want to be -- because, again, it's expected and natural. For certain kinds of authentic Italian pizza, those bubbles are adored.

But I guess because bubbles push off the sauce, meat and cheese from that square inch, they are bad.

Cauliflower pizza crust has potato in it as a binder, which completely makes it not healthy.
This will shock you, but Jack is an idiot and wrong: probably obsessed with Evil Carbs and only thinking of potatoes as unevolved french fries. Per the Mayo Clinic:

In addition to carbohydrates — a needed energy source for your body and brain — potatoes contain a wealth of micronutrients. They're a good source of vitamins, minerals and fiber. As a bonus, potatoes are low in calories, contain no fat or cholesterol, and are sodium-free. They're high in vitamin C and potassium and are a good source of vitamin B6. A medium potato, about 5.5 ounces, contains only 145 calories.

I think whoever nails the best healthy crust will be the winner. I think it can be done!
Cauliflowers are healthy. Potatoes are healthy. And fucking bread -- you know, the original pizza crust -- is healthy. This is why you are morbidly obese.

Jack says, "America is not the police of the world" and the U.S. should "let them fight" when it comes to Russia/Ukraine and Palestine/Israel. He thinks it's so funny when someone compares it to watching Godzilla and Mothra knock over buildings.

Someone in the chat chides him: "Can we keep the stream about food, family and fun, please?"
Based commenter.

Jack says that Tammy was a waitress, his first wife was a waitress, Charles was a waiter, and Jimmy was waiter.

Also he is shocked that Tammy got higher tips when she took her wedding ring off.
I think this timeline is bullshit. My guess is Jack once heard about the "ring off, better tips" phenomenon, was fascinated by it, and -- in typical weirdo narcissist fashion -- just lied so he could weave that neat little curio into his own life story.

Tammy graduated from business school in 1997 (according to the CWJ wiki, which looked at her LinkedIn profile). She and Jack married in 1998. So she was working waitress jobs with a business degree? During one of those most prosperous eras in the U.S. jobs market? When the "finance, insurance and real estate" sector, in particular, was booming? An only child, from money, who already had accounting experience by that point? Nope. Don't buy it.

I'm a home cook. I'm not a trained chef. Do not call me chef. I've said that for years.
As if for years there's been this gaggle of adoring fans on YouTube and Twitter, fawning over Jack and shouting, "Chef! Chef! Chef!" Forcing him to dutifully -- nay, graciously -- remind people he is but a simple egg-pickler.

Before we go, I know a lot of you are gonna go back to watching the NFL Draft, which I think Round 4 begins now. Yeah, I'm not watching. I haven't watched any of it I think some really good acquisitions were done. I think there were some good people.
Jack Scalfani, Knower of Sports!

Clean your grill. This is a great weekend. Sunny, not pouring rain. Get your grill ready because barbecue season's any day gonna kick off.
Doesn't he have like one or two dozen grills, which @rubytintedchix was tracking and someone here said could be seen rotting in his backyard via satellite?
 
Last edited:
1745706853598.webp
 
Doesn't he have like one or two dozen grills, which @rubytintedchix was tracking and someone here said could be seen rotting in his backyard via satellite?
Yes, he had dozens of grills and smokers at the old house rotting on the back patio that could be seen on google maps. He only took a few of them as far as anyone could tell to the new house, and proceeded to start buying more once there. I can only guess he moved a few to his new new house, and left a few at Jr's place.

Also, him talking about cleaning grills is hilarious because he never does, and it even led to him failing to review a product properly(it was some grill grate thing) because there was so much fucking sludge everywhere that kept igniting.
 
Also, him talking about cleaning grills is hilarious because he never does, and it even led to him failing to review a product properly(it was some grill grate thing) because there was so much fucking sludge everywhere that kept igniting.
You mean this gem? This is one of the pinnacles of Jack content because it features examples of all of his major incompetencies. Jack burns his meat because he literally never cleans his grill and the rancid fat catches on fire. He also bitches to the company because he doesn't understand he's the problem here. Also features Jack leaving his phone in the raw meat tray.

 
You mean this gem? This is one of the pinnacles of Jack content because it features examples of all of his major incompetencies. Jack burns his meat because he literally never cleans his grill and the rancid fat catches on fire. He also bitches to the company because he doesn't understand he's the problem here. Also features Jack leaving his phone in the raw meat tray.

That would be the main incident but I'm pretty sure I recall smaller stuff happening before. Fucking retard had a full on grease fire happening in his damned BBQ because at best he understood to at least poke the shit off the regular grates with the spatula or something but didn't have the sense to actually clean the fucking thing. And he also had 2 working arms, so no excuse.

It also shows that while he loves GUD MEAT he doesn't grasp anything about operating a fucking grill, because while we can't see the swamp that was the bottom of that thing from the camera angle, I bet anyone able to see inside before he lit it would have assumed it would go up like a torch. Hell, he even admits he didn't read the fucking directions that came with the product... yet it wasn't even the side of the grill with the product that became a fucking inferno.
 
Doesn't he have like one or two dozen grills, which @rubytintedchix was tracking and someone here said could be seen rotting in his backyard via satellite?
It’s been a while since I posted here, but yes. He’s had at least 20 grills. I’m going to have to update the list and repost it. Like everything else in his life, they are disposable.
 
That's pizza science, and mom and pop shops are not immune to it, nor would they want to be -- because, again, it's expected and natural. For certain kinds of authentic Italian pizza, those bubbles are adored.

But I guess because bubbles push off the sauce, meat and cheese from that square inch, they are bad.
Jack is a brain damaged fucking idiot. When I was a kid we'd fight over the bubble.
 
Jack’s bizarre fixation on getting the most food for his money makes me wonder why he doesn’t just live on plain pasta and beans.

Oh yeah because he’s a fat fuck who loves eating more than anything else in life.

But still, gotta wonder what happened in his childhood to inculcate in him such extreme concern of maximum food for spend. Even my Depression-era immigrant grandparents, who almost literally starved to death in the former USSR, weren’t like this.
 
Jack’s bizarre fixation on getting the most food for his money makes me wonder why he doesn’t just live on plain pasta and beans.

Oh yeah because he’s a fat fuck who loves eating more than anything else in life.

But still, gotta wonder what happened in his childhood to inculcate in him such extreme concern of maximum food for spend. Even my Depression-era immigrant grandparents, who almost literally starved to death in the former USSR, weren’t like this.
Pasta and beans don't qualify as food in Fatty's brain. Only meat and cheese. Anything else is either a side dish, garnish, or "filler" for him. Just watch his videos when he cooks pasta, the only reason the pasta will even be in the recipe is to act as a vessel for the meat and cheese slop that he puts it in. The fact that he even puts pasta in his meat and cheese slop rather than putting a sauce on pasta would be an indicator of how he thinks about it.
 
Back when his tastebuds worked, he only saw things like pasta and bread as tasteless, and only ever cared about the meat n cheese because that's where all the salts and fats went. He still operates at that level, even though he can't taste for shit. Some of that is likely due to how fucked his food security was, since his idiot brother is also obsessed with meat too, so I think he just got fucking pissed and couldn't handle spaghetti night anymore as soon as he could dictate what he wants.

Reminder, turkey necks were a treat for him to gnaw on.
 
I make sense of Jack's delusions and egregious entitlements by regarding him as an elderly, infirm, special needs child who is just smart enough to recognize that he has wasted his life in a way which has resulted in no one being happy to hear from him, and that he has no remaining options or chances but to spend all his remaining time eating and antagonizing others - a terminal cow in the final stage(s) of his bovine pathology.

I once had a restaurant lunch with a family whose autistic kid resulting from a geriatric failure to pull out threw a high decibel tantrum because "his" pizza wasn't on the menu: The only version of pizza he was willing to eat was some frozen Walmart pepperoni thing in which he meticulously pulled each of the pepperonis off and ate the cheese pizza with a layer of rendered pepperoni grease - It was explained to me that he utterly refused to consume the "cheese" variety of the same frozen pizza. Also, he was addicted to his grandmother's cranberry urinary tract health gummies; which the family would use to bargain for good behavior.

Jack acts exactly like that kid did the instant his unreasonable demands weren't met, and his family reacted with the same silent resignation and thinly veiled resentment for their life having been ruined by this big baby that I see Tammy and the bystanders of Jack's videos demonstrate. Also, they both constantly make disruptive pig noises.
 
Jack acts exactly like that kid did the instant his unreasonable demands weren't met
I have an older (75) relative like this. He and his wife once visited us in Manhattan and he would snap into tantrums on a dime when we were showing them around the city. We just steered our group in the direction of the nearest bakery or pizza place for a calorific snack (what would be a meal for most people) and he’d immediately calm down. His poor wife was a mess of nerves because she never knew when he was going to snap.

It’s not just being hangry but more about having a very firm idea of how every experience is supposed to unfold and melting down when it doesn’t conform to his exact expectations. Ultimately these are people who have zero ability to roll with the punches and take it deeply personally when they have to go through anything even slightly unpleasant. The same relative gets deeply offended every time a cashier says “There you go” instead of “thank you” and will nastily snarl, “YOU’RE WELCOME” at them. He thinks he’s taking a brave stand and setting the world to rights when he’s just being an obnoxious old man and causing himself agitation over nothing.

Both are very cautionary tales reminding us that everyone in the history of the world has had to go through discomfort and inconvenience and we are the assholes if we take it personally.
 
Back