Culture So 100 men think they can take on a gorilla… - Can 100 men beat Harambe?

Link (Archive)

So 100 men think they can take on a gorilla…​

Men really do overestimate their strength. This time, that means thinking that they can take on a gorilla. Literally why would anyone think they can take on a gorilla? What next, 1,000 men try a hippo?

One user on X posed a simple thought: If 100 men were dedicated to the cause, they could take on 1 gorilla. Now, the post did not say if these men were armed or what the situation was but for the sake of conversation, let’s say 100 men with no weapons. Just the willpower to take on a gorilla with their bare hands. Frankly, I think that gorilla would take them out without a second thought but the prompt has given us a pretty funny new meme.

One silverback gorilla is rumored to have the strength of 9 men and can literally rip a crocodile in two. But sure, 100 regular dudes can take on a gorilla.

There are, of course, men who do think that they can succeed in this situation. Which has made the jokes that much funnier. It is a gorilla. In what world do you think a gorilla cannot take a group of men out? Have you seen one!?

What I do like about the jokes is that there are some self-aware men in this world who do understand that they would be picked off one by one. Even if they’re hiding in the bushes trying to keep everyone updated on how the gorilla vs. 100 men fight is going.

Whether you think any number of men can take on a gorilla bare handed (they most definitely cannot), I do think it is fun that so much of the internet has instantly taken the side of the gorilla in this fight.

So, if you want to be 1 of the 100, be my guest. But I will happily bask in the knowledge that given the chance, a gorilla could easily take out 100 men. No questions asked.

 

[blue gopher snakes]

I love these questions because I love how animated guys get about them. You aren’t living unless you’re asking your man to explain how he’d successfully fight some random animal on a long drive, because the answers are uniformly going to be animated and hilarious.

 

[Capsaicin Addict]

Why the gorilla though? Despite their size, gorillas aren't near as aggressive as some primates. It's like beating up a capybara.

 

[oldTireWater]

The only retort The Mary Sue deserves:

Spoiler: Fuck You Gorilla

 

[Otterly]

This is definitely a man thing. I have many a time heard a long, philosophical pause from one of the boy children indicating deep thought followed by,
‘ mummy..?’
Yes darling?
‘Who do you think would win, a shark, or a tiger?’
Well that would depend on if it was a land fight or a water fight.
‘The tiger has gills and they fight in water…’ ?

They are fun hypotheticals to think through.
I also read it as a hundred individual men thought they’d win 1:1 with a gorilla, which is a no, they’d rip you apart, but a dozen blokes determined could take one down I’m sure.
there’s a really amusing cartoon I once saw where it’s panel one, husband is in a store and being asked which shirt he prefers and he’s got a big thought bubble of him screaming incoherently running at a mammoth with a load of other guys clutching spears.
I think we’ve all had those moments

 

[Judge Holden]

As the RN in the tweet put it, 100 niggas could do it if they were dedicated to the shit. 100 men could probably take on a fucking T-rex, does the author have no idea what 100 men looks like?

Ya know a T-Rex would be an interesting matchup and is very educative for this discussion when you break it down.

If we go with the upper limit of 15 tons based on recent speculative studies and give the 100 niggas an average weight of 90-100kg then the 100 niggas would be a fair bit lighter than the singular animal. However this is not going to be enough in and of itself to save the T-Rex because while it is busy chewing down on the first few unlucky niggas the rest of the 100 niggas would begin the swarm process, latching on to its legs or its tiny gay arms or climbing on to its tail or even its back until the weight differential causes it to lose balance and fall to the ground, likely crushing a few of the niggas.

At this point the combined niggas pile atop the animal and start punching, scratching or biting every exposed inch of flesh they can find. For the most part the physical attacks won't do diddly beyond hurt the animal, however the sheer weight combined with the fact the T-Rex will now be understandably panicking means that it is steadily going to suffocate which will be made all the worse by its attempts to lift itself free or flail the niggas swarming atop it off meaning its rapidly overheating and losing stamina even as it struggles to breathe from all the niggas twerking on its chest

Here is where shit gets really fuckin bleak for the T-Rex though. If you have ever seen timelapse decomposition videos of various dead animals, you will notice how the various bugs and critters go for the softest flesh and any openings they can access as they break the animal down. This logic would be the same in this stage of the fight, as niggas start punching and tearing in to the exposed eyes and ear holes while keeping well clear of the mouth given how they would be smart enough to know it a bad idea. The rest of the animal would be largely impervious to attempts at ripping or biting through the thick scaly hide....except for the cloaca. Given the size of the animal its entirely possible that after entry work is done by way of several niggas shoving their fists and then their legs into this orifice that one of the more scrawny niggas might be able to bodily fit himself inside and start burrowing up, and while the precise internal genitalia makeup of the T-Rex is a mystery I am fairly sure that being sounded by a determined nigga's fist is going to fucking hurt.

Naturally this is going to increase the panic and physical stress of the T-Rex by orders of magnitude and by this point either it will suffocate due to the weight and the heat after having spent all its strength trying to dislodge its attackers/rapists or it will have some kind of stress induced heart attack and die in agony, having only taken out a maximum of like 20 niggas.

 

[Otterly]

stress induced heart attack and die

1. Run it off a small cliff
2. Profit

 

[Judge Holden]

1. Run it off a small cliff
2. Profit

We are inherently factoring out fear from both animal and human given how the original question assumes that 100 men would want to beat the shit out of a random gorilla even to their own detriment, and that a random gorilla would not get the fuck out of dodge when they saw 100 men marching toward it.

I guess if the T-rex was baited into chasing one guy who then ducked under said cliff and allowed it to trip the first part of my hypothetical would be less lethal to the niggas, and assuming none of them went near the mouth during the subsequent pile on and suffocation/violation it could well be possible they walk away with zero losses

 

[Harambe]

my money is on the gorilla

 

[Rykel22]

People running this hypothetical seem to think the gorilla has infinite stamina. If the 100 keep harrying it, forcing the ape to try and run after/away them, it will tired. Then dogpile and we're done.

 

[W'rkncacnter]

If we go with the upper limit of 15 tons based on recent speculative studies and give the 100 niggas an average weight of 90-100kg then the 100 niggas would be a fair bit lighter than the singular animal. However this is not going to be enough in and of itself to save the T-Rex because while it is busy chewing down on the first few unlucky niggas the rest of the 100 niggas would begin the swarm process, latching on to its legs or its tiny gay arms or climbing on to its tail or even its back until the weight differential causes it to lose balance and fall to the ground, likely crushing a few of the niggas.

At this point the combined niggas pile atop the animal and start punching, scratching or biting every exposed inch of flesh they can find. For the most part the physical attacks won't do diddly beyond hurt the animal, however the sheer weight combined with the fact the T-Rex will now be understandably panicking means that it is steadily going to suffocate which will be made all the worse by its attempts to lift itself free or flail the niggas swarming atop it off meaning its rapidly overheating and losing stamina even as it struggles to breathe from all the niggas twerking on its chest

My thoughts exactly, there's no way a T-rex could eat enough niggas to sufficiently decrease their effectiveness in the time it would take for them to disable the T-rex. The weight of even 50 niggas climbing on it would probably cause it to fall over, potentially breaking bones and causing internal organ damage. As you've said the animal would probably suffocate or overheat rather than being killed due to direct damage.

An even more interesting question would be what animal could 100 not kill. Sea creatures like the blue whale are obvious answers but even then, 100 niggas is a 100 niggas.

 

[More AWS-8Q Than You]

The real question is how many of those 100 men are eating gorilla chow biscuits and/or taking horse electrolytes. You really have to take supplementation into account.

 

[Overly Serious]

Keep in mind that gorillas don't weight train, so we've never seen one at full strength.

 

[CharlesBarkley]

I’m pretty sure like, ten limp wrists Indian dudes with a rock could kill a silverback.

Anyways, a real hypothetical. Can a Mary sue writer make one tolerable article for all audiences over a 100 years of writing?

 

[Chunky Salsa]

I love these questions because I love how animated guys get about them. You aren’t living unless you’re asking your man to explain how he’d successfully fight some random animal on a long drive, because the answers are uniformly going to be animated and hilarious.

Me and a friend were talking about the largest animal you could kill in one 'Move' and he concluded that it was a goat as he could grab it by the horns, rotate his body and hammertoss it into a brick wall so hard it dies.

 

[Disdainer of the Plebs]

Do the humans get to use weapons of any kind? If so humans win. If not, the gorilla and the end of that fight will look like a mortal kombat fatality.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

100 men solo the gorilla easily. It isn't a god, it has eyes, testicles, and stamina like any creature does. There will be dozens of casualties, but once a man successfully gouges its eyes out it's game over, pick it apart and wear it down.

It gets even easier if we get 100 of the best fighters, but we could probably do this with 100 basic men tbh.

 

[CharlesBarkley]

I think the only animals a 100 humans barehanded could have trouble to kill is an elephant. No neck to choke it and you legit could only hope that enough people don’t get trampled on to eventually tear off its nutsack and dong.

 

[oldTireWater]

The gorilla's retort to the author.

Spoiler

 

[Clem Fandango]

This is definitely a man thing. I have many a time heard a long, philosophical pause from one of the boy children indicating deep thought followed by,
‘ mummy..?’
Yes darling?
‘Who do you think would win, a shark, or a tiger?’
Well that would depend on if it was a land fight or a water fight.
‘The tiger has gills and they fight in water…’ ?

Holy shit, you're right. I hadn't really thought about it, but my boy is constantly asking me "who would win?". Allosaurus versus spinosauraus, tyrannosaurus versus carnotaurus, indominus rex versus velociraptor. It gets a bit exhausting after a while!

 

[Oilspill Battery]

Honestly I am viewing the hypothetical with a zero weapons policy because the moment basic fuckin unga bunga spears enter the arena then its entirely possible if not probable that one singular nigga will 1v1 the gorilla.

The instant you introduce a sharp stick, not even a full blown spear, just a sharp stick the size of a knife, all it takes is 2 men to 1v1 the gorilla, one to distract it and one to stab it in the neck.

If you introduce actual spears into the equation its not even a contest.