- Joined
- Jan 6, 2017
I've been inspired by the Canadian Federal Election thread and I thought it might be cool to have one for the Australian Federal election, which is happening May 3rd. With the whole country going to shit in real time with the cost of living crisis, mass immigration, and more retarded draconian censorship laws getting passed day by day, I'm sure plenty of people are going to be paying closer attention to this election than they ever had before. So, who are the candidates?
The two main shitcunts:
Labor Party: Anthony Albanese
Website
-Current Prime Minister
-The party that brought you bangers like The Voice referendum, the Misinformation/Disinformation bill, and the amendment to the Online Safety Act which introduces a minimum age requirement to use social media (AKA show us your ID before you can shitpost on Twitter)
-Signed a deal with India to import 500,000 saars yearly for cheap labour and now there's homeless people lining the streets because we're running out of space (not like anyone can afford to buy or rent the big ugly houses they're slowly building anyway)
-First PM to march in a gay pride parade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Liberal/Coalition/LNP: Peter Dutton
Website
Don't get it twisted, international readers. This is basically our Republican Party, despite the name. Well it's an allegiance between two parties but whatever.
-The party that brought you bangers like the eSafety Commissioner (a government-appointed turbo janny), the original Online Safety Act, roping us into the AUKUS agreement, and the COVID lockdowns.
-Also wants to keep importing a gorillion saars but slower.
-They astroturfed the label "Australia's Donald Trump" for him but now he's trying to distance himself from it lol
-Hecking fighting against the woke mind virus and is totes freeze peach but promises to crack down on "anti-semitic protests"
Both of these parties are pretty much the same at this point, but Labor is generally considered to be the lesser of the two evils. Most people are absolutely fed up with these two parties, but despite our voting system being pretty good, the average citizen is retarded and does not understand how it works. But our system makes it so smaller parties have a real fighting chance, especially if you put the major ones dead last (or even not at all for the senate ballot) on your preferences. So what are some of the minor parties?
Adam Bandt: The Greens
Website
-It's The Greens. What else is there to say? Climate emergency, protect queer kids and free Palestine!!!
-Inexplicably, they're the 3rd most popular party in Australia, but maybe that's about to change...
Pauline Hanson's One Nation: Pauline Hanson (duh)
Website
-The OG Australia's Donald Trump™ that everyone loves to hate. Labelled as a far right extremist by the media and constantly swamped in controversy (and legal troubles) for her consistent anti-immigration/anti-multiculturalism stances.
-Mass deportations for illegals, promises to cut immigration to max 130k Visas per year, and wants to pull out of the UN Refugee Convention as well as the WHO and Paris agreements
-Also wants freedom of speech in the constitution
-Also pro legalising weed. I just found that funny.
-In a surprise turn of events, the Coalition is endorsing One Nation on their "How to vote cards" and suggesting they put them at number 2 on the ballot, with One Nation returning the favour, ending a 30 year feud. This, combined with everyone being fed up and One Nation being the most popular party with an anti-immigration stance, has resulted in a surge of popularity. It's projected that they might overtake The Greens.
Australia's Voice: Fatima Payman
Website
-The skibidi brainrot Senator
-Also notorious for sperging out at Pauline Hanson after she questioned whether Fatima should even be allowed to have a seat in the Senate due to her dual citizenship status
-Formed the party after resigning from Labor because they didn't FREEEEEE PALESTINEEEEE
-They do have some interesting policies with housing/banking/politician perks and want to pull out of AUKUS so there's that
Trumpet of Patriots: Suellen Wrightson/Clive Palmer
Website
-Mining billionaire mogul Clive Palmer (fat) joined as chairman after he couldn't re-register his United Australia party in time and is doing his usual scheme of spending a shit ton of money on ads which are typically not very effective in swaying the public
-What if we were... The Next Donald Trump™? Want their own DOGE. DRAIN THE SWAMP!!!! OUT WITH THE WOKE!!!
-AI Slop logo
-Want out of the Paris agreement, WHO, UN and WEF and cut down immigration by 80%
-They're against Digital IDs, Central Bank Digital Currency and want to make cash compulsory in all businesses which is based if true
Gerard Rennick People First: Gerard Rennick (DUH)
Website
-Resigned from the Liberal Party to form his own party in 2024 to run for this election, Gerard is an accountant by trade so a lot of their policies focus on economic/tax reforms which are interesting but I'm too dumb/lazy to comment on.
-Wants to limit immigration to under 100k work visas and deny gibs to foreign born citizens for a 10 year period
-Wants to repeal the saars deal so maybe we're not bringing in 100000000000000000000000 Indians into the country
-Want to put freedom of speech in the constitution via referendum
This section is pretty dry because I honestly don't know anything about this guy, but he seems interesting. Most importantly, People First will be forming an electoral allegiance with the HEART party and Libertarian party in NSW, just the HEART party in Victoria, and Katter's Australia Party in Queensland, to appear as a group on the Senate ballot paper.
-The HEART party is a little schizo, with their main thing being advocating for alternative medicine, but they also seem to be pretty pro-freedom and pro-privacy.
-The Libertarian Party wants to abolish the e-Safety Commissioner and repeal section 18c of the Racial Discrimination Act (which basically makes thought crime illegal), are also pro capping mass immigration, are pretty explicit as being against troon shit, and you know all the lolbert shit.
-Don't know anything about Katter's Australian Party, but they're more of a country/farmers party. They're pro gun and want to introduce Castle Law.
Family First: Lyle Shelton
Website
-Almost didn't include them because writing this up is taking me too fucking long but they deserve and honourable mention for being the most TND/TFD party that I could find
-Want to shut down gender clinics and ban puberty blockers, remove LGBTQIAP+++ stuff from schools, ban troons in sports, etc.
-They also want tax reforms to encourage couples to have more children, such as tax breaks for mothers of 3 or more children
-They are pro age-verification measures to use the internet though, unfortunately.
Legalise Cannabis Party: Michael Balderstone
Website
-weed lol
This is by not a complete list of every candidate and it's obviously not a thorough break down of all of their policies, just the ones I found interesting and that I thought Kiwis might be interested in as well. I am also retarded and don't know shit about politics so ultimately you should Do Your Own Research™ and not take my word for anything. And remember, no matter who wins, we all lose!
The two main shitcunts:
Labor Party: Anthony Albanese
Website
-Current Prime Minister
-The party that brought you bangers like The Voice referendum, the Misinformation/Disinformation bill, and the amendment to the Online Safety Act which introduces a minimum age requirement to use social media (AKA show us your ID before you can shitpost on Twitter)
-Signed a deal with India to import 500,000 saars yearly for cheap labour and now there's homeless people lining the streets because we're running out of space (not like anyone can afford to buy or rent the big ugly houses they're slowly building anyway)
-First PM to march in a gay pride parade!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Liberal/Coalition/LNP: Peter Dutton
Website
Don't get it twisted, international readers. This is basically our Republican Party, despite the name. Well it's an allegiance between two parties but whatever.
-The party that brought you bangers like the eSafety Commissioner (a government-appointed turbo janny), the original Online Safety Act, roping us into the AUKUS agreement, and the COVID lockdowns.
-Also wants to keep importing a gorillion saars but slower.
-They astroturfed the label "Australia's Donald Trump" for him but now he's trying to distance himself from it lol
-Hecking fighting against the woke mind virus and is totes freeze peach but promises to crack down on "anti-semitic protests"
Both of these parties are pretty much the same at this point, but Labor is generally considered to be the lesser of the two evils. Most people are absolutely fed up with these two parties, but despite our voting system being pretty good, the average citizen is retarded and does not understand how it works. But our system makes it so smaller parties have a real fighting chance, especially if you put the major ones dead last (or even not at all for the senate ballot) on your preferences. So what are some of the minor parties?
Adam Bandt: The Greens
Website
-It's The Greens. What else is there to say? Climate emergency, protect queer kids and free Palestine!!!
-Inexplicably, they're the 3rd most popular party in Australia, but maybe that's about to change...
Pauline Hanson's One Nation: Pauline Hanson (duh)
Website
-The OG Australia's Donald Trump™ that everyone loves to hate. Labelled as a far right extremist by the media and constantly swamped in controversy (and legal troubles) for her consistent anti-immigration/anti-multiculturalism stances.
-Mass deportations for illegals, promises to cut immigration to max 130k Visas per year, and wants to pull out of the UN Refugee Convention as well as the WHO and Paris agreements
-Also wants freedom of speech in the constitution
-Also pro legalising weed. I just found that funny.
-In a surprise turn of events, the Coalition is endorsing One Nation on their "How to vote cards" and suggesting they put them at number 2 on the ballot, with One Nation returning the favour, ending a 30 year feud. This, combined with everyone being fed up and One Nation being the most popular party with an anti-immigration stance, has resulted in a surge of popularity. It's projected that they might overtake The Greens.
Australia's Voice: Fatima Payman
Website
-The skibidi brainrot Senator
-Also notorious for sperging out at Pauline Hanson after she questioned whether Fatima should even be allowed to have a seat in the Senate due to her dual citizenship status
-Formed the party after resigning from Labor because they didn't FREEEEEE PALESTINEEEEE
-They do have some interesting policies with housing/banking/politician perks and want to pull out of AUKUS so there's that
Trumpet of Patriots: Suellen Wrightson/Clive Palmer
Website
-Mining billionaire mogul Clive Palmer (fat) joined as chairman after he couldn't re-register his United Australia party in time and is doing his usual scheme of spending a shit ton of money on ads which are typically not very effective in swaying the public
-What if we were... The Next Donald Trump™? Want their own DOGE. DRAIN THE SWAMP!!!! OUT WITH THE WOKE!!!
-AI Slop logo
-Want out of the Paris agreement, WHO, UN and WEF and cut down immigration by 80%
-They're against Digital IDs, Central Bank Digital Currency and want to make cash compulsory in all businesses which is based if true
Gerard Rennick People First: Gerard Rennick (DUH)
Website
-Resigned from the Liberal Party to form his own party in 2024 to run for this election, Gerard is an accountant by trade so a lot of their policies focus on economic/tax reforms which are interesting but I'm too dumb/lazy to comment on.
-Wants to limit immigration to under 100k work visas and deny gibs to foreign born citizens for a 10 year period
-Wants to repeal the saars deal so maybe we're not bringing in 100000000000000000000000 Indians into the country
-Want to put freedom of speech in the constitution via referendum
This section is pretty dry because I honestly don't know anything about this guy, but he seems interesting. Most importantly, People First will be forming an electoral allegiance with the HEART party and Libertarian party in NSW, just the HEART party in Victoria, and Katter's Australia Party in Queensland, to appear as a group on the Senate ballot paper.
-The HEART party is a little schizo, with their main thing being advocating for alternative medicine, but they also seem to be pretty pro-freedom and pro-privacy.
-The Libertarian Party wants to abolish the e-Safety Commissioner and repeal section 18c of the Racial Discrimination Act (which basically makes thought crime illegal), are also pro capping mass immigration, are pretty explicit as being against troon shit, and you know all the lolbert shit.
-Don't know anything about Katter's Australian Party, but they're more of a country/farmers party. They're pro gun and want to introduce Castle Law.
Family First: Lyle Shelton
Website
-Almost didn't include them because writing this up is taking me too fucking long but they deserve and honourable mention for being the most TND/TFD party that I could find
-Want to shut down gender clinics and ban puberty blockers, remove LGBTQIAP+++ stuff from schools, ban troons in sports, etc.
-They also want tax reforms to encourage couples to have more children, such as tax breaks for mothers of 3 or more children
-They are pro age-verification measures to use the internet though, unfortunately.
Legalise Cannabis Party: Michael Balderstone
Website
-weed lol
This is by not a complete list of every candidate and it's obviously not a thorough break down of all of their policies, just the ones I found interesting and that I thought Kiwis might be interested in as well. I am also retarded and don't know shit about politics so ultimately you should Do Your Own Research™ and not take my word for anything. And remember, no matter who wins, we all lose!
