Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Slavic Patronym]

Dating advice from Jack Scalfani

"It's different for men. Women want to laugh, don't want to be lied to, want to know that you are who you are. That's it. Men? It's totally, TOTALLY different. We're not going to go there."

TIL men don't like laughing, don't care if people lie to them, and don't want to learn anything about the person they're dating. MEN SO SIMPLE! MEN JUST WANT SMASH!

Jack is the worst kind of man, because he reduces all men to brainless ogres with zero depth of character, who care first, and only, about nothing but fucking. It would be offensive if it wasn't just a dumb deluded narcissist saying what he thinks pop culture wants him to say. (I can't even say he's describing himself by accident, because I've watched hundreds of Jack vids through the years and he is almost certainly asexual and gay.)

"If you're a nice person and you do nice things and you go to nice places, you might find someone to hit it off with. That's all I can tell you in terms of how to get a girlfriend."

Insightful!

"Talk about how you struggled to do laundry. Trust me: If she's interested in you, she'll laugh easily."

Weaponized Humorized incompetence? HIGH-LARIOUS! Women notoriously cream themselves at the thought of being in a relationship with someone who lacks basic life skills!

"If women laugh, that means they feel comfortable."

You can tell this was spoken by someone who never in his life has once clocked the fact someone was laughing at him, not with him. Who doesn't understand how anxious social situations (which he creates constantly) can lead to nervous or polite laughter that signals the opposite of comfort.

"The woman you want honestly doesn't need you to spend money on her."

I wonder if Tammy thought the man she wanted would always need her to spend money on him.

"Women like it when you do stuff that is kind of sappy."

I guess that's how he's kept his marriage going strong for so long. Jack really dials the sentimentality up to 11 when he films the cheese-covered uvula of his grunting wife as she tongues fast food and her right eye flutters.

A man in chat said his first date with "his lady" was painting a room in his house. Jack thought that was cool. A woman in chat cheekily said, hey, well she has some carpentry work to do, should she set up a first date with someone?

Jack, humorlessly: No.

Someone in chat: "I feel like high school was the time for guys to come out of their shell."

Jack stammers nervously for 15 seconds before landing on: "I don't know. High school was weird. I didn't like high school."

He finds the footing for his deflection / lie by making it about how high school sucked because he couldn't control what he studied -- subjects like history, geography and woodworking are "stupid!" -- but in the context of the discussion and the question, it's clear: Jack had zero pull and zero girlfriends as a young man, and was probably openly reviled.

 

[Marc]

Jack reduces all other men to himself because he arguably went from an unwillingness to empathize (for the sake of telling himself he is no worse than others) to a hamburger-induced inability to. And yeah, every young person had better take their dating advice from a morbidly obese raisin man who brags about choosing to be straight and regularly films himself pushing his gunt into furniture and performing anilingus on melted cheese in parking lots.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

I want to know why Jack is afraid to acknowledge the questions he had been asked about The Pope….

If he feels so strongly one way or another about the topic, he shouldn’t be afraid to address it.

I also like how Jack told his stories about high school and pretty women as pretty much how a severely autistic child would act. “Hi wow! Are you having nice day?”. (And before letting them answer) “Are really pretty, big boobs, nice hair, smell clean like grandma, ogay gotta go time for lunj.” Which is funny because he has stated before that he wants to see special ed kids institutionalized again, instead of mixed into normal schools.

Why do garnibores always try to eat something that looks or tastes like real carbs and shugar?
View attachment 7309884

Ahem…. Jack. Let’s not forget your Meatsbread…

 

[Super Hans v2]

and he is almost certainly asexual

Of course he is. No man with a half dozen strokes under their belt and the physique of a pumpkin can, the mechanics of it just isn't possible.

And if I'm wrong, don't explain why.

 

[Adamska]

Not surprised no one even bothered to shit on fatboy collecting grease in food insecurity and disguising it as content. I took one look at what the subject was and noped too.

Of course not. He only gets angy when it's his version of things that are changed.

A female Silver Surfer? Never... even though she existed as such an alternate universe.
A black Nick Fury? That's okay even though it's also from an alternate universe but he's cool because he's played by Sam Jackson and not an icky girl.

The complaint is that you could've used Jocasta instead. The female Silver Surfer is from a very minor branch universe, and not a smart move if you're banking on this movie. Which given that this is the IP that defined Marvel, it's reasonable to critique.

Honestly that's not even my complaint with the film though; I actually have more of an issue with how crap the line delivery was for all of the actors in their cutscenes and how Pedro Pascal will not sell himself as Reed Richards IMO. My only gripe with this pick is her line delivery and the cgi were both fucking shit.

Anyways, not shocking that Jack brainlessly in the same breath flaps his hands for Lilo and Stitch while screeching at Marvel. It's amazing to see how much of a RatCo consoomer he is when he's willing to even ignore his Cool Kids Club to try and shill those CGI slop remakes.

 

[AnOminous]

Yeah, being funny is a very good way to attract women. However, you need to actually be funny, which Jack is not

You have to be funny ha-ha, not funny retarded.

 

[The Stranger]

Jack is going live in 15 minutes


STOBBIT!

A collection of my favorite clips from the STOBBIT stream (I still don't know what he wants us to STOB):

Spoiler: Random funnies

Random mushbrain moment.

Corn bad, but fatass misses popcorn butter (which is very different than steak butter)

Jack is asked if he will try frying french fries in his beef tallow and this was his response.

I can only assume the end of this clip is referring to when Tammy loses her patience with her own special needs child.

We learn that Jack's aversion to honest work started early on.

Spoiler: Boomer dating advice

This is the meat and potatoes of the dating advice segment. His advice is as bland as his "you can taste the ingredients!" food reviews.

But don't forget to not spend money on her.

Do crazy things with her, like asking for her input on important decisions.

He is so allergic to honest work that he can't even conceive how doing carpentry with a woman could be fun (especially if it was the woman's idea).

 

[Doctor of Autism]

I still don't know what he wants us to STOB

Based on the thumbnail and his Twitter sperging, he's angry about the female silver surfer

Once he got corrected

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Jagoff is at the point in life where he just can't learn anything new on account of his brain damage on top of his baseline retardation. Jack thinks men and women all fit neatly in two distinct groups among which everyone shares the same thoughts and behavioral patterns. Nevermind all the evidence around him that points to the contrary like the fact that his wife is the effectively the man of his household and can easily pass for a turbo lesbian and does all the things around the house that Jack thinks are inherently male. Meanwhile Jagoff is the kitchen doing the things the "guy way" such as violently shaking salad in Tupperware rather than stirring for 1 minute.

 

[She Brings The Rain]

Typically vegetarians and vegans don't. Those "meat like" products tend to be for people edging into the whole diet or they're a way for them to fit in at a cookout or something.

Think about it. You're a vegetarian but you're going to a backyard cookout with some friends. You bring a pack of meatless burgers with you that you can enjoy with them and maybe get somebody else to give them a try. It's still food and can be decent.

Also, sometimes, you just want a fucking burger/hotdog. I don't miss eating meat and would never go back to it, but I'm sure Jack can understand the desire to occasionally stuff a phallus shaped object nestled between two soft, pillowy buns down your gob.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Not surprised no one even bothered to shit on fatboy collecting grease in food insecurity and disguising it as content. I took one look at what the subject was and noped too.

The complaint is that you could've used Jocasta instead. The female Silver Surfer is from a very minor branch universe, and not a smart move if you're banking on this movie. Which given that this is the IP that defined Marvel, it's reasonable to critique.

Honestly that's not even my complaint with the film though; I actually have more of an issue with how crap the line delivery was for all of the actors in their cutscenes and how Pedro Pascal will not sell himself as Reed Richards IMO. My only gripe with this pick is her line delivery and the cgi were both fucking shit.

Anyways, not shocking that Jack brainlessly in the same breath flaps his hands for Lilo and Stitch while screeching at Marvel. It's amazing to see how much of a RatCo consoomer he is when he's willing to even ignore his Cool Kids Club to try and shill those CGI slop remakes.

Jocasta would have been a whole new thing and better suited to an Avengers movie considering she was the bride of Ultron for a while. But it's the FF so they need to go for the Surfer. Can't cross the streams and all that until you have an FF movie that works and they can be introduced to the same franchise.

Beyond that I honestly don't care because it's just another Marvel movie I'm not seeing. I just want to dunk on Fatty because it's funny.

Also, sometimes, you just want a fucking burger/hotdog.

My problem with fake meats is they don't taste all that good. At least to me. I've had plant based burgers in the past and they tasted like a cheap burger does. Occasionally you run across one that is decent but it's also twice the price so I'd just rather go without if it came down to that.

But hey. You eat what you want I honestly don't look down on somebody for going veggie / vegan so long as they're not sanctimonious about it. When you get the activists then that's a different story.

 

[Adamska]

Jocasta would have been a whole new thing and better suited to an Avengers movie considering she was the bride of Ultron for a while. But it's the FF so they need to go for the Surfer. Can't cross the streams and all that until you have an FF movie that works and they can be introduced to the same franchise.

Beyond that I honestly don't care because it's just another Marvel movie I'm not seeing. I just want to dunk on Fatty because it's funny.

TBH I don't think they should've picked Galactus either. That's blowing the load harder than stealing Doom for the Avengers. I'd have shot for the Mad Thinker or the Puppetmaster over them first.

And fair enough. It's hilarious to see him with one labored breath reee about female silver surfer and still cope and try and excuse his retarded defense of the CGI slop remakes they call "live action" with another. It's a dark reflection and shows his logic when he tries to cheat on his diet by doing that.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

TBH I don't think they should've picked Galactus either. That's blowing the load harder than stealing Doom for the Avengers. I'd have shot for the Mad Thinker or the Puppetmaster over them first.

And fair enough. It's hilarious to see him with one labored breath reee about female silver surfer and still cope and try and excuse his retarded defense of the CGI slop remakes they call "live action" with another. It's a dark reflection and shows his logic when he tries to cheat on his diet by doing that.

To be fair, the Fantastic Four do regularly fight cosmic threats daily and make them trivial

But as for Jack, I bet he'll end up liking the movie the same way he ended up praising every other Marvel Movie he's seen and Snow White. Jack is still under the delusional belief that Disney made some comeback renaissance starting with The Marvels of all films

 

[Marc]

Jack has spent years attempting and failing to trick people into praising him for lambasting Disney "w0okeness" on Twitter.

Meanwhile, this bacon grease equivalent to the Kool-Aid Man scoots in to AMC every week; so as not to miss a single, Disney-branded excuse to throw back two buckets of popcorn after having filmed himself seated at a nearby restaurant with multiple entrées he pretends are for someone else - All so he can record himself giving the mental slop an A+ once he's gotten back home and forgotten what little he managed to gleam from the giant screen and booming speakers.

Though you don't have to see Jack on his scooter to recognize that he doesn't stand for anything, it's insane that the medium he uses to denounce a particular studio's movies as propaganda is the same one he uses to brag that he loved what he got; with "no agendas to speak of." The guy really fancies himself an industry czar of some sort. Does this clown with the physique of a full garbage bag believe there's a ton of propagandistic Disney media out there that he's aykchully boycotting, instead of unconditionally supporting with Tammy's money?

 

[Super Hans v2]

For all the sperging about how awful Disney is, has he ever mentioned hicklib shit like Yellowstone once? I would think he'd soy out over it constantly, it plays right into his faux southerner/Christian persona perfectly.

 

[AnOminous]

For all the sperging about how awful Disney is, has he ever mentioned hicklib shit like Yellowstone once? I would think he'd soy out over it constantly, it plays right into his faux southerner/Christian persona perfectly.

This dude is too retarded to learn not to have constant strokes.

 

[myhairisonfire]

Meatsbread

This video was only a year ago, but its night and day how much worse Jack has gotten since then. He actually had a modicum of energy and excitement, now he is barely able to juice a lime into a gallon of water.

edit: His speech used to be like a whole register higher. Now its basically death gurgles.

 

[Bassomatic]

This fake carnivore diet faggot has the GALL to shit talk other diets? No not all veggies/vegans try to copy meat. Some people just don't enjoy it. Now I've said many times with pride Momma Basso hasn't had meat in 50+ years. It's a long story and I won't bore you all but she stopped eating it. She really didn't dig it. Some things she was fine with but aside her personal values it wasn't much her jam (also she's very real world and said if I'm on a desert island I'm going to bash a rabbit over the head and chow down). She also cooks meat and doesn't even taste it!

The one "fake meat" thing she got me hooked on and our household changed things, is lentil sloppy joes. I'll never go back to beef. It's better tasting, cheaper and way healthier. I'm not anti meat at all I get teased because I eat Mett, scrapple, oysters all things Mrs Basso thinks is gross. But lentil sloppy joes are the SHIZZ.

But my mom doesn't "clone" meat. There's a few things she does just sans meat. Sometimes she'll have a no meat Ruben. Because it's a killer combo. She doesn't get impossible nuggies etc. They legit don't appeal to her. Actually she says the "perfect" sandwich is a well made BLT. She just won't eat it.

Sorry, I know Jack is a dumb fuck. But this shows how much his food addiction shapes his whole personality including his political and religious larps. Also mommy basso made me a super Roast beef sandwich just the way I like (crusty Kasier roll, too much horseraddish semi melted prov and piles of jus covered beef) She made herself a provolone cheese hoagie.

Sorry to power level but, maybe it's the 4 mint julips with mint from my garden coming out I took this a bit personal his stupid fucking lies. Related to that isn't it funny Jack got his new retard house to go off grid or some shit, and they don't even grow fucking herbs because they are such lazy pigs? Jack a full cripple, Tammy doing everything for everyone and being FAT and holding a job. Jr, watching young boys shower, Bri getting fatter and banged by Jim Traynor too also lots of drooling from brain cancer or some shit.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

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This fake carnivore diet faggot has the GALL to shit talk other diets? No not all veggies/vegans try to copy meat. Some people just don't enjoy it. Now I've said many times with pride Momma Basso hasn't had meat in 50+ years. It's a long story and I won't bore you all but she stopped eating it. She really didn't dig it. Some things she was fine with but aside her personal values it wasn't much her jam (also she's very real world and said if I'm on a desert island I'm going to bash a rabbit over the head and chow down). She also cooks meat and doesn't even taste it!

The one "fake meat" thing she got me hooked on and our household changed things, is lentil sloppy joes. I'll never go back to beef. It's better tasting, cheaper and way healthier. I'm not anti meat at all I get teased because I eat Mett, scrapple, oysters all things Mrs Basso thinks is gross. But lentil sloppy joes are the SHIZZ.

But my mom doesn't "clone" meat. There's a few things she does just sans meat. Sometimes she'll have a no meat Ruben. Because it's a killer combo. She doesn't get impossible nuggies etc. They legit don't appeal to her. Actually she says the "perfect" sandwich is a well made BLT. She just won't eat it.

Sorry, I know Jack is a dumb fuck. But this shows how much his food addiction shapes his whole personality including his political and religious larps. Also mommy basso made me a super Roast beef sandwich just the way I like (crusty Kasier roll, too much horseraddish semi melted prov and piles of jus covered beef) She made herself a provolone cheese hoagie.

Sorry to power level but, maybe it's the 4 mint julips with mint from my garden coming out I took this a bit personal his stupid fucking lies. Related to that isn't it funny Jack got his new retard house to go off grid or some shit, and they don't even grow fucking herbs because they are such lazy pigs? Jack a full cripple, Tammy doing everything for everyone and being FAT and holding a job. Jr, watching young boys shower, Bri getting fatter and banged by Jim Traynor too also lots of drooling from brain cancer or some shit.

Veggie borgles are surprisingly enjoyable as an omnivore that edges to rare beef, all they need is some black pepper and maybe a dash of a high vinegar content hot sauce.

I respect vegetarians and vegans. Taking food seriously takes an extremely high level of dedication And interest in your health.

Jack is a gastrofraud.. he has the taste of a toddler.

 

[Bassomatic]

Veggie burgers aint all bad. Also as a vain fuck and someone big into lifting. Costco has these south west style black bean burgers. Killer macros super cheap. I'd eat 2 of them with some home made pico after lifting. I will say as a meat eater, those morning star "grillers" blech boring bland. One time I tried an impossible it's a fucking salt bomb like ramen, You'd need it to swim in ketchup or something.