🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit

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Will the "MMA" fight between Gabe Hoffman and Ethan Ralph 🐷 happen?

  • YES!

    Votes: 26 7.5%
  • lol no

    Votes: 322 92.5%

  • Total voters
    348
No. Fifty thousand dollars isn't shit when you have zero self control and really like alcohol and pills.
Don't forget abrupt the abrupt trips to Porchugul and Vegas, $100 steaks to own the alogs, and his gambling era. That 50k in savings was an artifact from years after his peak since his decline started a year or so prior.

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Nigga, you MARRIED the woman. Yeah, it was postponed like 10 times and it happened in Vegas with an Elvis impersonator, but Jesus Christ. He's allergic to accountability.
 
No. Fifty thousand dollars isn't shit when you have zero self control and really like alcohol and pills.
Facts. If Ralph somehow came into 50 grand today, drug dealers, liquor stores and hookers would each recive a piece tomorrow. There's no planning or forethought when you're a pig with a lizard brain.
 
Yes it was the women’s fault for being disloyal bitches Ralph was just a sweet little angel!

This is why he has two threads. Ralph treated both of his baby mama’s like garbage, he takes no fucking accountability maybe if you weren’t such a lazy, moody, vengeful, asshole you’d still have your horse with you. Just because your mama did everything for you until you were 30 despite you treating her like trash, and she put up with it doesn’t mean someone who’s supposed to be your partner is required to wipe your ass for you. Ralph wants a mother not a wife he’s Norman Bates “A Boys best friend is his mother” He has a completely fucked up idea of how relationships work where he can be human garbage to someone, but if they disengage or leave they’re disloyal. It seems almost all Lolcows lack the ability for introspection they have a very difficult time acknowledging their part in anything, it’s all so tiring.
 
No. Fifty thousand dollars isn't shit when you have zero self control and really like alcohol and pills.
The crazy part is Ralph would legit be a millionaire right now if he wasn't an alcoholic and drug addict with the push he had at the time he had, especially if he stayed the host instead of narcissistically pushing himself to the front. When he got out of jail and was watching the Baked Alaska stream where Mister Metokur tore him apart in front of that chick Sammi he was a changed man, married, ready to start life and he blew up.
 
The crazy part is Ralph would legit be a millionaire right now if he wasn't an alcoholic and drug addict with the push he had at the time he had, especially if he stayed the host instead of narcissistically pushing himself to the front. When he got out of jail and was watching the Baked Alaska stream where Mister Metokur tore him apart in front of that chick Sammi he was a changed man, married, ready to start life and he blew up.
He still has that winning formula in his back pocket. Stupid simple. Planned show, three nights a week, with specific topics, rotating panel with cohosts, and open lines. He'll have to eat shit for six months, but it's money.

He's just lazy and fucking retarded, he's physically incapable of succeeding and pulling up the nose of the airplane he's crashing into the sea.
 
He's always like this with hookers. During the Miami trip all those years ago he called the same hooker like four nights in a row and bragged to Warski that they had a connection because she kissed him on the mouth and "hookers don't normally do that"

Dude, that's their job, they get paid to pretend they're into you.
That last escort he hired, Deni something? She wasn’t an escort, she was “Muh girlfriend, who Ah LOVE.” Was planning out their life together and everything. Said she’d like to live in Europe, bc she’s never been there. Poor desperate lil piggy.

Edit: ‘Ralph would legit be a millionaire right now‘? Lol I think you’re way overestimating his abilities.
 
This is why he has two threads.
Two threads??? He's got a dedicated subforum dedicated to him. It's hilarious how his OG thread was somewhat favorable to him, at times, before The Simpiracy and ensuing Corn Harvest.
He has a completely fucked up idea of how relationships work where he can be human garbage to someone, but if they disengage or leave they’re disloyal.
It applies to all flavors of relationship too. Romantic, friendship, casual, etc. The second someone does something that Ralph perceives as disparaging to him, they immediately become snakes or blood enemies. There's no middle ground with him. You make a passing remark about him being retarded in a light-hearted manner and the result is a barrage of hollerin' of all varieties. Xitter hollerin'. DM hollerin'. Stream hollerin'.

Where most people would either ignore it or respond at a 2/10, Ralph unleashes all the piggly rage he can muster. It's a real wonder how Ralph ain't got no friends. No girlfriend/wife. No e-daddy. Just him and whoever can offer up their bananas.
It seems almost all Lolcows lack the ability for introspection they have a very difficult time acknowledging their part in anything, it’s all so tiring.
That's the crazy thing. I think he does acknowledge it at some level, but isn't emotionally mature enough to cope with it in a mature manner. Whereas his coping skills are utterly destructive. Instead of reflecting on something, making a change and/or moving past it, he isolates himself within his sanctuary and downs all the pills/booze he can get his grubby paws on.

That way he never has to confront his vast, numerous failures. Hiding in the shack and pounding the booze/pills help him get the no-no thoughts out of his mind during the short-term, until time passes and the no-no thoughts fade without ever truly reflecting on them. Once enough time passes and whatever retarded thing moves from recent memory to distant memory, he ventures back into the world, does something retarded, blames the alogs, and then repeats the cycle all over again.
The crazy part is Ralph would legit be a millionaire right now if he wasn't an alcoholic and drug addict with the push he had at the time he had, especially if he stayed the host instead of narcissistically pushing himself to the front. When he got out of jail and was watching the Baked Alaska stream where Mister Metokur tore him apart in front of that chick Sammi he was a changed man, married, ready to start life and he blew up.
The KEELSTREAM is a fundamentally different show than it was 6 or 7 years ago, such that it's ridiculous he still calls it that. Ya know, because it was about IBS. I know why he does (He has to coast off whatever brand is left), but IBS is long dead. The panel is dead. Instead of Ralph soaking in his fantasy of e-bullying retards while da sektur tuned in, it's now just him watching CNN silently for 8 hours with the occasional, literal who, guest. Hell, Ralph getting plastered out of his mind and turning purple is more in line with how the KEELSTREAM was instead of whatever the fuck it is now.
He still has that winning formula in his back pocket. Stupid simple. Planned show, three nights a week, with specific topics, rotating panel with cohosts, and open lines. He'll have to eat shit for six months, but it's money.

He's just lazy and fucking retarded, he's physically incapable of succeeding and pulling up the nose of the airplane he's crashing into the sea.
Even if Ralph did a 180 and somehow managed to no longer face the precipice of death, I think he's burned far too many bridges. Yeah, I'm sure the likes Rand or the GaymerGator would waddle back, but neither are particularly great at drawing interest. They're skills are moreso along the lines of "keeping the ship afloat". Whiles there's definitely a useful role for that, Ralph would need a new spark to convince people the content is worth tuning in for.
 
The crazy part is Ralph would legit be a millionaire right now if he wasn't an alcoholic and drug addict with the push he had at the time he had, especially if he stayed the host instead of narcissistically pushing himself to the front. When he got out of jail and was watching the Baked Alaska stream where Mister Metokur tore him apart in front of that chick Sammi he was a changed man, married, ready to start life and he blew up.
I disagree. Even had he not been a ticking time bomb of degeneracy and bad genes, he's just not very smart or insightful, or engaging. The Keeeeelstream, when it succeeded, did so in spite of him and his dolphin laugh and idiotic hillbilly accent. It was carried by Zidan and the guests Zidan and Gator could wrangle. Ralph is a primo dipshit. He got lucky with the Boulder Stream and was able to take advantage of Jarbo's weakness of character (with multiple assists from his guests)g. Thast type of noteriety is about all Ralph could hope for, and that certainly wasn't going to lead to long-term success. Despite what he tihinks of himself, Ralph is an awful amatuerish writer, sucks a telling stories, can't analyze politics, and has zero sense of humor. He's only interesting in the way that multi-car accidents on the highway are interesting. Ralph was born a loser and he was never gonna shake that.
 
You missed out on recent lore. He made up with Jesse, but during the rehab saga had a multihour phonecall with him. Which jesse recorded. Then later streamed.
The decision to have a therapy session with Jesse really goes to show how desperate Ralph was/is for human interaction on any level. To think someone associated with da sektur, which Ralph is king, wouldn't record the conversation is laughable. Ralph knew the call would likely get released, but the risk was worth temporarily having a shoulder to cry one.

There was a point in time where Ralph was incapable of letting anything go unless he saw an opportunity to leverage one blood enemy to attack another blood enemy. Now he's xeeting about fingerblasting dude's buttholes or something after publicly embarrassing him, IDK.
Ralph is on his knees begging for a crumb of Harry's attention
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Analwolf weighs in
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Completely normal to do this stuff to someone who literally ran away with her child from him something like 2 years ago. Ralph must be doing great.

Oh yeah, Ralph is stumbling over his words so much. Drink Piggy drink. Take the pills. Num num num. It seems like he's blaming his life turning to shit because his mother's death? LOL
 
You missed out on recent lore. He made up with Jesse, but during the rehab saga had a multihour phonecall with him. Which jesse recorded. Then later streamed.
Anyone who deals with Ralph is getting backstabbed at some point or another so I guess I can call this a pre-emptive strike.
 
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