Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Clotso Coof]

Tubbers turns 40 on July 5th

That'll be funny. She also has to start promoting her book in late July or very early August, since the book is still scheduled to be released on August 26th. I wouldn't want to be her co-author.

Good luck getting Tess to do on-topic interviews and book signings, Kelly Coon. If she shows up to an interview, she'll be covered in frosting drippings and wearing clothes three sizes too small. Then she'll sperg out about not getting invited to the Met Gala and how Ozempic is the devil.

 

[NoReturn]

Tessy on the Trump-Musk fight:

Also, I'm seeing a lot of this "The girls are fighting" on TikTok. Aren't we supposed to not be using "girl" or misgendering as an insult?

She has a video of a little kid on her stories too but I'm not saving that. It's just weird that she posted it.

 

[HalfPricedAmHoleBuffet]

I actually love that she had the balls to say, “If I could, I would buy a Tesla.”

You know that will never happen. You don’t even have half of the down payment for one. Nice moment of unintended humility though.

 

[Umaibae]

Also, I'm seeing a lot of this "The girls are fighting" on TikTok. Aren't we supposed to not be using "girl" or misgendering as an insult?

I have no idea where this meme comes from, but it immediately struck me as both stupid AND misogynistic. When AOC was filmed saying it, it came off as very boomer try-hard behavior, not unlike Tess.

Someone brought it up, but it’s a good question: Why, after several years of absence, has Tess magically returned to Olly’s orbit? I assumed Olly either had some sense to see shit was getting parasocial and weird l (which would have to be EXTREMELY parasocial and weird for a genderspecial), or that Tess’ cash cow had dried up — or both. It’s been like, what, two years minimum? Maybe three?

 

[Barbarella]

Holy manatee, Tess looks like she’s gained 20 pounds in the face in her “girls” smirking video. She’s very stereotypically fat-faced now. She has to filter like crazy to get the remnants of any attractiveness to show up and she can only manage in stills.

She looks like every 600 cow grazing at the Golden Corral.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Holy manatee, Tess looks like she’s gained 20 pounds in the face in her “girls” smirking video. She’s very stereotypically fat-faced now. She has to filter like crazy to get the remnants of any attractiveness to show up and she can only manage in stills.

She looks like every 600 cow grazing at the Golden Corral.

View attachment 7465047

Tess and Mama June look like even closer relatives.

 

[𝓗𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝓦𝓸𝓽𝓶𝓪𝓮𝓽]

Someone brought it up, but it’s a good question: Why, after several years of absence, has Tess magically returned to Olly’s orbit? I assumed Olly either had some sense to see shit was getting parasocial and weird l (which would have to be EXTREMELY parasocial and weird for a genderspecial), or that Tess’ cash cow had dried up — or both. It’s been like, what, two years minimum? Maybe three?

Last I remember Ollie got married to another female model then dropped off the face of Tess’ socials. I remember Tess making a post, but not being included in the wedding? Don’t remember if that ‘ka-weer family’ magazine piece was before or after her wedding

Anyway, I assume Ollie was busy being married to her sweetheart for the last while even if that is overly optimistic

 

[toadoftoadhall]

Holy manatee, Tess looks like she’s gained 20 pounds in the face in her “girls” smirking video. She’s very stereotypically fat-faced now. She has to filter like crazy to get the remnants of any attractiveness to show up and she can only manage in stills.

She looks like every 600 cow grazing at the Golden Corral.

View attachment 7465047

Shes looking the most "Momma June" she's ever looked.

*ninja'd by @yousoundlikeanasshole

 

[multiverse]

Last I remember Ollie got married to another female model then dropped off the face of Tess’ socials. I remember Tess making a post, but not being included in the wedding

Tess officiated the wedding, of course she was there. But Olly stopped hanging out with Tess after the wedding.

 

[Coo Coo Bird]

Lgbtqxy+++ youth suicides at an ALL TIME HIGH, at the time when it's more widely accepted (+ backed up by big corps) than any other time in history? Not sure about that but ok.
I hate this suicide baiting so much. If you mention the S-word no one will question what BS comes out of your mouth.

No man, she's worried about queer youth 'unaliving' themselves. She's such a brave advocate!

 

[PatrickButtmanJr.]

Holy manatee, Tess looks like she’s gained 20 pounds in the face in her “girls” smirking video. She’s very stereotypically fat-faced now. She has to filter like crazy to get the remnants of any attractiveness to show up and she can only manage in stills.

She looks like every 600 cow grazing at the Golden Corral.

View attachment 7465047

This is it. Tess is 40, and the fat has finally ran out of room on her body to occupy and is now moving onto her face.

Expect lots of filters, makeup, and "creative angles" in the future, along with a few crashout posts under the guise of I'M NOT BOTHERED ABOUT BEING TOO OLD AND FAT TO GET WORK! BLACK MEN STILL LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

[FarmVille]

Lol usually faces get thinner as you age

 

[NoReturn]

Where's Tessy?

It's... Legoland!

It was Bowie's birthday:


It's a red flag that she's focusing on his star sign being a gemini, knowing what horoscope people think of them, but there's also one extra-weird line in there, too:

That's just her way of saying he's friendly, right?

---

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Post-break for PolitiTess:

 

[Barbarella]

Tessie’s never been to full cities down by the border that are basically Mexico. They are gang infested, nobody in the entire city speaks English and they’d roast her at the spit for her meat if they saw her. Sure, a cute abuelito might be selling tamales in a park near her to make money but Abuela takes it home to norco and hopes her violent tattooed gangbanging sons don't steal it.

She’s delusional. Go ICE.

 

[PatrickButtmanJr.]

Tess, you and your loved ones are all WHITE TRASH. You will never have to worry bout ICE.

In fact, i'll bet some of her family either works in ICE or has called them on other people at least once. Just another reason why Tessie will never move back to her town of Bumfuck, because then she can't post shit like this for Good Girl Points. You know that if an ICE bust happened in front of Tess, she'd say NOTHING and then waddle away, all while posting online about how she "bravely stared down ICE officers and whisked the immigrant away to safety" or some made up garbage like that.

 

[FarmVille]

Tessie’s never been to full cities down by the border that are basically Mexico. They are gang infested, nobody in the entire city speaks English and they’d roast her at the spit for her meat if they saw her. Sure, a cute abuelito might be selling tamales in a park near her to make money but Abuela takes it home to norco and hopes her violent tattooed gangbanging sons don't steal it.

She’s delusional. Go ICE.

Oh whatever B I’ll take a “gang infested” border town over a meth infested rust belt town —at least I’d be able to get pupusas.

Political sperg but always,always remember trump is the world’s ultimate fat lazy grifting fuck.

 

[Cherry Milk]

Oh, piss off, Tess.

 

[multiverse]

Where's Tessy?

She sounds viciously hungover, and is having a typical fatty meltdown when she can't get the exact cornsugar flavor she wants right NOW NOW NOW.

Hey lil' Miss Imma Ally: a lot of small businesses can't keep up with the bills from Coca-Cola Corp or have paid late too many times to maintain a contract with them. They're then forced to deal with PepsiCo, the only other competition in the major sodey conglomerate business. They're not denying you a Coke just to rustle your jimmies; it's not always about you.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Oh. This woman is very fat.

 

[Barbarella]

In contracts restaurants sign with beverage companies, they have to choose Pepsi or Coke. Their are non-competes or whatever it’s called that mean a restaurant can’t have both.

Grocery stores can have both, of course.

In my state.

Yeah, it’ll be rated powerlevel (but it’s not) but I admit I used to manage restaurants and I know for a fact it was one or the other. Maybe it’s changed and I don’t know the changes as neither are my beverage of choice, but at least a few years ago a restaurant/bar/fastfood/7/11 had to pick.

Had nothing to do with bill paying. Whichever one you picked would give you the equipment, fridge, signs and guns or dispensers, and a good price on their syrups for a specified amount of time. If you switched, out go your equipment.

I don’t know how a coke can be more “crispy” than Pepsi, but you go fat girl.