Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[PatrickButtmanJr.]

When's the last time she used sunscreen?

Apropos of nothing, but pigs are the only creatures aside from humans that can get sunburn. Just some random fact in no way related to Tess, AT ALL.

 

[Grimoire Canthari]

When's the last time she used sunscreen?

She'd need the whole bottle for one application.

 

[autoerotic bus accident]

Apropos of nothing, but pigs are the only creatures aside from humans that can get sunburn. Just some random fact in no way related to Tess, AT ALL.

All kinds of animals can get sunburned, even marine mammals like dolphins. It's more common for land animals with white fur (dogs, goats) but elephants, rhinos, birds etc (anything with any kind of exposed skin) are also susceptible. Only animals with scales are really unlikely to get sunburned.

I'm starting to wonder if 2025 is going to be the year that forces Tess's hand with regard to her "career." At some point her brokeness is going to catch up with her. You can't exist as a Z list celebrity with her caloric expenditures indefinitely. Barring another cakejohn appearing she is going to have to face down the barrel of a real job, or be forced back into the bosom of her family at some point soon.

 

[JambledUpWords]

 

[NoReturn]

"LA is not full of riots"

The thumbnail reminds me of that cringe "I'm glaaaaaaaaaaaad you aaaaaaaaasked" pooner from a few years ago.

 

[PatrickButtmanJr.]

This is the saddest thing from Tess yet (not involving her kids) - she wants to have a "snatched waist" (as my fellow homos say) as badly that she's ramped up her trick of positioning her hands to give herself a waist. Now she's gotten so fat that she needs her hands, wrists, and forearms to give Tess something that resembles a waist.

All it's doing is making her look like someone struggling to carry a black cauldron full of soup before they drop it.

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

I'd like to change my poll option to "Domestic Pig".

 

[Black Death]

Those are some sad fuckin' tits. With the extra weight landing in her face she is looking extra Downs-y. At this stage of her development, even a drunken Marine would have second thoughts.

Tess, thou art thine own recursive Event Horizon.

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

A roll on her inner thigh. A roll above her knee (seriously wtf). A roll next to her knee. Yeah, keep gloating over your "perfect skin", gorl.

Also, goddamn she has no arch on her foot. It's completely caved in!

 

[Dr. Butt]

She's been shooped smaller (and smoothed/airbrushed like crazy) in every single one of those recent photos, in both posts. Yes, she's doing some strategic poses but compare them to her selfies or recent Disney posts. She looks absurdly huge in these new ones but that's still smaller than she really is.

 

[Cranky Old Broad]

Those rolls on her thighs above her knees are horrifying! WTH? If (heh) she continues as she is, soon she’ll have KNEE GUNTS.

 

[Cherry Milk]

Her legs remind me of that footage of "pink slime" being made. Fucking disgusting

 

[Dr. Butt]

 

[ScooterL]

That first picture really reminds me of the poop emoji.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Tess, seemingly unaware that her statement also applies to her by her logic:

 

[FarmVille]

tess can’t be on stolen ground if everyone’s trying to roll her back to the sea

 

[Umaibae]

Tess, we have seen your unedited skin. That is not your unedited skin.

 

[DominoPetachi]

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This absolute unit! Holyshit! It never ceases to amaze me that the backs of her knees look exactly like the front. She’s like a giant lalafel. Meet GargantuAnne! The final boss of a Savage only Raid tier. You have to help all the little lalafels get her a coke and not a Pepsi before she hulk smashes and yeets everyone off the arena. Your only defense is a pink champagne cake cannon that launches lil debbie’s into her gaping maw to keep her from throwing the ultimate tantrum.

 

[IBrokeBob]

Already done Tess. I taught my son about stupid, delusional whores long ago.

 

[autoerotic bus accident]

I think it's remarkable that someone heavily photoshopped those pictures, yet still couldn't figure out how to conceal her horrifying knee folds.