Nikolas Marshall Talbott / ItsNatsuTalbott / Hallouine644 / LLLLL / Xxjoshxxxx / Kiwifarmjosh (and many more) + PlumTree Discord Server - Pedophile Personal Army Commander. 30 Year Old Trolling Victim of a Middle Schooler. Genshin Impact's #1 Fan. Schizophrenic Stalker. Sock Spammer. Chargeback Fraud Enthusiast. Tranny Chaser. Null Impersonator. PA Request Turned Halal. Holy Urinal!

[souschef]

Becoming a lolcow is one of my rational fears, and i pray someone has me committed to an institution for treatment should that happen to me.

After all my years wasted online laughing at retards, i can guarantee you that you only become a lolcow if you really want to. This is achieved by

- not learning from your mistakes
- insisting on said mistakes
- addiction to clout/attention

It's the holy trinity of lolcowdom. Being eccentric/mentally sick/crazy/whateverthefuck doesn't make anyone a lolcow. If that was the case, we'd have millions of threads on every goddamn schizophrenic person in the world. And well, laughing at someone just because they're sick in the head is not very nice, now is it?

 

[Tin Foil Hatter]

After all my years wasted online laughing at retards, i can guarantee you that you only become a lolcow if you really want to. This is achieved by

- not learning from your mistakes
- insisting on said mistakes
- addiction to clout/attention

It's the holy trinity of lolcowdom. Being eccentric/mentally sick/crazy/whateverthefuck doesn't make anyone a lolcow. If that was the case, we'd have millions of threads on every goddamn schizophrenic person in the world. And well, laughing at someone just because they're sick in the head is not very nice, now is it?

It still scares me, and i will threated kids that misbehave with "if you don't stop they will make a thread about you on kiwi farms and you will be made fun of FOREVER"

 

[souschef]

It still scares me, and i will threated kids that misbehave with "if you don't stop they will make a thread about you on kiwi farms and you will be made fun of FOREVER"

You gotta have a large curriculum of online bullshitery to get a thread on KF. Worry not.

 

[Vygode]

How some of you guys don't have jobs in journalism absolutely astounds me. I get more captivated reading about people like this than I do about "10 ways to turn yourself trans" by BuzzFeed

 

[souschef]

How some of you guys don't have jobs in journalism absolutely astounds me. I get more captivated reading about people like this than I do about "10 ways to turn yourself trans" by BuzzFeed

People Are Drinking Fanta With Their Jizz - And That's a Good Thing!

 

[Falcon Sebben]

How some of you guys don't have jobs in journalism absolutely astounds me. I get more captivated reading about people like this than I do about "10 ways to turn yourself trans" by BuzzFeed

We'll tell you which Lolcow you are by taking this simple quiz!

 

[I was a Teenage “JA”-man]

I read the whole thing just to finish, and see that right after he comes on and asks for people to join his personal army.

 

[Banana Hammock]

I was going to ask what it is about Spokane that attracts so many weirdos, but apparently it has a very large mental health clinic.

 

[30+GameOvers]

I was going to ask what it is about Spokane that attracts so many weirdos, but apparently it has a very large mental health clinic.

Well, good to know where Nicholas Marshall Talbott, a mentally ill pedophile, will eventually end up.

 

[Jack Noir]

This rewrite is so beautiful, enough to make a grown man cry, and I'm not talking about myself.
By the way, every time Nik talks in a sock account, I just imagine this:

 

[SilkyJohnston]

This man sounds like one of the most diabolical spergs this side of the Mississippi!

 

[Irregardless]

After all my years wasted online laughing at retards, i can guarantee you that you only become a lolcow if you really want to. This is achieved by

- not learning from your mistakes
- insisting on said mistakes
- addiction to clout/attention

It's the holy trinity of lolcowdom. Being eccentric/mentally sick/crazy/whateverthefuck doesn't make anyone a lolcow. If that was the case, we'd have millions of threads on every goddamn schizophrenic person in the world. And well, laughing at someone just because they're sick in the head is not very nice, now is it?

Don't forget, you also need to be moderately interesting with the potential for longevity.

 

[souschef]

Don't forget, you also need to be moderately interesting with the potential for longevity.

Oh yeah, absolutely. Can't be a cow if you can't milk it

This rewrite is so beautiful, enough to make a grown man cry, and I'm not talking about myself.
By the way, every time Nik talks in a sock account, I just imagine this:View attachment 7580457

I miss this Chris Chan era so much

 

[Sandnigger]

I was going to ask what it is about Spokane that attracts so many weirdos, but apparently it has a very large mental health clinic.

They finished replacing all the lead water pipes in 2018. It will take some time to cull the genepool of deadwood because of it.

 

[Heed Not]

It still scares me, and i will threated kids that misbehave with "if you don't stop they will make a thread about you on kiwi farms and you will be made fun of FOREVER"

Back in the day the nightmare scenario for online embarrassment was an ED page.

 

[Banana Hammock]

They finished replacing all the lead water pipes in 2018. It will take some time to cull the genepool of deadwood because of it.

Lead in the drinking water for homemade crazies and a mental hospital for imports? I'm surprised Spokane's not worse off.

 

[skykiii]

But Nik's love of Klee goes beyond just finding her "cute". It should be noted that Nik has both a piss fetish and a urinal fetish. As demonstrated later in this OP, Nik has an obsession with urinals and loves repeating the phrase "Holy Urinal!", writing fanfiction involving urinals and posting pictures of people on the toilet. Combining his fetish and his love of Klee, on his Null sock account, Nik would repost an emote of Klee sitting on a toilet that he found on Reddit.

What the fuck is up with disturbed individuals and obsessing over urine and feces?

Seriously it feels like 90% of the internet does it and like... its just gross. And yet its a consistent factor across basically everyone who ever turned out to be a complete nutcase.

 

[Room Temp Shrimp]

What a fucking read that was. How embaressing. I remember being there for the initial thread but I didn't stick around to see just how fucking retarded one man could get. Making a kf account with zero opsec as a 30yo man with a known online history because you got mogged by a child was bad but it just keeps going.

 

[Po's Cootah]

A sane normal person, would see that they have become a lolcow, go "oh no" then throw their computer into the ocean and hide in the woods. Becoming a lolcow is one of my rational fears, and i pray someone has me committed to an institution for treatment should that happen to me.

Same here. I'd become a hermit.

How to trigger Nikolas:
The Genshin Impact fandom is toxic, MiHoYo can get very greedy at times and it would be cool if not all of the characters in the game were generic anime waifus/husbandos/lolis/shotas/femboys (One Piece is a good example - at least with the male characters, anyways).

 

[Jack Noir]

It still scares me, and i will threated kids that misbehave with "if you don't stop they will make a thread about you on kiwi farms and you will be made fun of FOREVER"

Hey, it's never the end of the world either, Jersh himself was/is a lolcow but he still keeps moving forward despite being an insufferable prick in his early years, unless you did something really unforgivable, you can always change your behavior and become a better person.

I miss this Chris Chan era so much

Oh, brother, all of us do.